“Oh woe is me. I’m nothing but a lazy bum.I’m never going to go anywhere. I’m worthless, a waste of space. I suck and will never amount to anything”
Stop that. Remove the guilt.
You’re lazy. Engulf yourself in the laziness. Embrace it. Love it. Become it.
If you were paying attention and reading my blog, you’ll remember that earlier I talked about how you should do things in the hardest, most difficult, most elaborate way possible, in order to realize how easy you have it.
You take the time to wash your dishes bit hand or create a recipe from complete scratch, for example to appreciate the modern dish washer and microwave able meals, for example.
Well this week, I’m going to say, do absolutely nothing, whether easy or hard, just don’t do it.
Seems a bit completely hypocritical now. One week I’m telling you one thing, the next week I’m telling you the other.
You have to keep in mind the big picture here. You are training yourself to become a Lazy Mastermind. You are trying to be lazy and get away with it, not just be lazy.
Just like the Karate Kid waxed a car to learn the art of karate, you too must perform some odd tasks to learn the art of procrastination.
Perhaps you did things the hard way and just felt like you were wasting time and not getting things done fast enough. It made you feel frustrated by doing the things the hard way, not appreciative of doing things the normal way.
Perhaps you couldn’t even motivate yourself to do the things on your to do list the normal way, yet alone the hard way and just sat there doing nothing anyway.
Well that’s why we need to just do nothing, and you need to do nothing without remorse.
Go ahead and skip class or work today, but don’t feel bad about your decision to do so.
Go ahead and skip your chores today, but don’t feel like you’re a dirty slob.
Go ahead and skip your date tonight, but don’t feel like you’re a bad lover.
If you’re really lazy, then why do you put so much energy in worrying about the consequences of your behavior? If you’re really lazy, then why does it bother you when you don’t do something?
A real lazy person doesn’t give a single f*ck how his behavior effects others or what personal consequences said behavior entails. He’s too lazy to care. He’s Aloof, like a honey badger. Honey badger don’t care. Honey badger lazy as f*ck. (the A. in L.A.Z.Y.)
When was the last time you were truly lazy, completely in Leisure, without any thought or care about what you had to do?
Because even when you’re playing video games or watching Netflix or eating pizza instead of working on that project you’re supposed to be working on, YOU’RE STILL, in the back of the head, THINKING ABOUT THAT PROJECT, and how you SHOULD be working on it.
It still haunts you like Boo in the Ghost House. You have to escape that hardworking mindset and enter the Lazy Mindset. You have to stop being a go-getter and be a procrastinator.
You have to be fully immersed in Leisure (the L in Lazy)
If you’re actually lazy, a real procrastinator, there’s nothing you should be doing other than exactly what you’re doing right now. You should be doing nothing and you’re too lazy to care about other options.
See, in most cases, when you’re quote on quote “procrastinating”, you’re not being lazy, not really, you’re not REALLY procrastinating, you’re just distracting yourself. You’re not enjoying Leisure and relaxation, the perks of true procrastination and laziness, you’re instead simply interrupting your hard work.
You see procrastination and laziness as a sort of interference with your hardworking lifestyle, rather than seeing hard work and productivity as an interference to your lazy lifestyle.
You see the difference? It’s all about priority. You feel it is more important to go to work or class or get your chores done than it is to lounge around doing whatever exactly it is you want.
Often times, even when you go on quote on quote “vacation”, you’re not actually vacationing, you’re working -- just in a beach or mountaint setting, instead of a cubicle one.
You answer e-mails on your phone or take some calls from your boss, subordinates, or clients.
You may be doing research and writing some reports on your laptop. You do homework and reading. You’re not on vacation at all. You’re just temporarily setting up office in a different location.
Hotels have Business Rooms. Hotels should be places of leisure, not business. People plan vacation time to go on a “business trip”
That’s a bit of an oxy moron there. Business trip.
Stop that madness now.
Be lazy. Be a procrastinator.
Take a real trip. A lazy trip. A trip of Leisure. Pack your bags and go somewhere, like the shores of Lazy Island, and forget about your obligations completely.
Don’t do work. Don’t do what you have to do. Don’t even think about it.
And most importantly, don’t feel guilty about it. Don’t look back.
Don’t give a single fuck.
You are a procrastinator and you don't care what anyone else thinks or wants; you're too lazy to care.
When you procrastinate, you need to stop thinking about what you “should” be doing. Instead, focus on just living in the moment and enjoying the leisure of what you’re doing, whether that’s watching the Doctor travel everywhere in time and space or aiming for the head and shooting zombies or whatever. Just completely engulf yourself in the lazy leisure of the thing you’re doing, without thinking about the outside world or the chain of obligations you have to meet.
You don’t have to be anything. You’re a lazy procrastinator, remember? And that means you do what you want when you want and don’t care about the later burdens, causes, or consequences. Caring about those things takes too much damn effort.
You don’t want to put effort into anything you don’t have to, and guess what? You don’t HAVE TO do anything.
That’s the attitude you need to have. That’s the Lazy Mindset.
Now to be clear, doing nothing over a long period of time can be self destructive, but the premise and mindset behind it is not.
The goal here is for you to get in the habit of doing what you want with no remorse. Laziness is the tool you use to build that habit. When you start doing things on your own terms without feeling guilty, you’ll be able to accomplish a lot more and will feel less limited by forces of obligation. Obligations, you’ll find, are simply mental blocks that a true procrastinator completely ignores.
So kick your feet back, relax, tell your boss to piss off ‘cause you have a whole bunch of nothing to catch up on.
Until next time, take it easy, take it reeeaal easy!