They’re not always ...perfect to say the least.
As a matter of fact, they can be pretty shitty.
Ya know what, forget all this talk about “toxic”. Like toxic relationships this, toxic friendships that, toxic work environments blah blah blah. Makes good SEO, sure, but let's not use euphemism here.
No, they’re shitty. They suck.
You may find yourself stuck with shitty friend, a shitty partner, a shitty boss, a shitty family member.
Sometimes you have to accept the fact that “things just aren’t working out” and…
LET IT GO.
It’s whatever, man. Like leaves off a sloth back, just quit it, forget it, and move on. Some things, some people, are just not worth the time and effort. Take it easy - you don’t need them.
You live in your own lazy abode and don’t need anyone else’s approval (or even presence) in your life.
As a ProcrastiN8r, time and effort is something you give away very, very sparingly and you certainly don’t want to give it to people that’ll just drain you of it and leave you nothing in return.
If your efforts aren’t reciprocated or appreciated *on a consistent basis*...
You have to let go.
I mean for the sake of your sanity and ability to lay on the couch and not worry.
It sucks, especially if you’ve grown emotionally attached or feel in some way obligated to continue with it. You may feel this magical sensation called “love”, and as good as a feeling as that might be, it can often cloud our judgement.
Often times, the person you quote on quote “ love”, either romantically or in a total platonic way, doesn’t actually exist. You love the ideal, a fantasy you created, of the person, and not the person themselves. Take a good hard look at what they do, rather than what they say. Actions speak louder than words.
Just like the propaganda in society, love convinces you to “work hard” in order to fix what’s broken (well I mean there even is actual propaganda saying that too but that’s another story), your heart pulls at you to “work things out”.
Your heart is such a dumb ass. Use your brain, kid.
Never work hard. In your career or perhaps in your relationships, anything. Don’t fall for that bullshit. Give yourself freedom (to be lazy)
Look, you can’t unburn a pizza in the oven, no matter how hard you try, no matter how much work or effort you put in. Once it’s burnt, it’s burnt.
And that’s how some relationships are. They’re just so fundamentally ruined that there’s no amount of effort or work that can (or very well should) be done in attempt to remedy the situation. It’s done. Gone. Over. (Burnt) Toast.
Of course, it’s better not to grow too emotionally attached to begin with to the point where you’re needy, but that’s another topic. It’s easier to let go when you’re not dependent on a person in any way, such as emotional comfort.
Be a self reliant lazy son of a bitch. Put in “just enough” effort into every aspect of your life, including relationships.
Ending a relationship stings, man. It always does. The pain never gets easier; you just learn that flushing the toilet has more benefits than leaving the shit in the bowl, even if you’re proud of how big a turd it is.
You gotta rip that bandage off; it’ll hurt a fuck ton at first, but it’ll heal over time.
Let it go
Let it go.
Let it go.
I’m not getting off the couch any more.
Sometimes it’s best to just cut your losses and move on.
This theory applies to financial investments, entrepreneurial endeavors, and personal relationships
So how do you know if you’re in one of these shitty relationships?
What sort of signs are there to look for in a toxic relationship or toxic friendship?
1. The first sign that it’s time to flush the toilet, so to speak, is that you fight about literally everything -- little, inconsequential things that have absolutely no impact on...anything really.
Every relationship I had (whether it was romantic or just a friend) where we started arguing about insignificant bullshit came to an end soon after. They nitpick you and criticize your character about every single decision you make, down to the ice cream flavor you picked or the shirt that you decided to wear.
It’s always “I can’t believe you would... or “why would you…” “that’s unbelievable” or something that attempts to undermine your character simply for...existing.
That’s friggin tiresome, man. And unless I’m lying in bed, I don’t want to feel tired. I like my naps for sure. I don’t like feeling exhausted from breathing.
It’s not even that I can’t take criticism. What I can’t take is pestering. That’s a big NO in my book. Like if a person insists that you are always in the wrong, just no. I’m the type of guy that can admit my mistakes too; I believe “Mistakes are Meh” but I totally own it.
However, I absolutely can’t stand a person that can't criticize themselves and on;ly criticize others.
Best to nip it in the bud then let it slowly rot and say “Bye Felicia”
Oh and if if they always seem to come to you for help, that’s a cherry on top of the shit sundae we’re making here
Now of course, if you’re practicing the L.A.Z.Y. Mindset, you’ll know that the “A” in lazy is Aloof. It’s an important attribute to have -- the ability to not give a fuck.
But there’s a fine line between being aloof and being ignorant. One is more carefree, the other is straight up belligerent. You wanna be aloof because you don’t care what other people think or do, not because you’re trying to manipulate the situation and gain some sort of attention.
Sure, they may be busy, or just distracted. Life gets in the way. But if it’s almost as if they can’t even look you in the eye, or even acknowledge your presence, yet alone accomplishments, then clearly, they're just playing games or using you for attention or some other benefit.
Look, if they want to talk in silence, then they can talk to the door slamming in their face.
(Don’t actually slam the door though. That’s just insecure and totally not ProcrastiN8r like at all. It’s metaphorical.)
It’s never a good sign if they can’t take any sort of blame.
Even if they lie to you, or cheat on you by breaking any sort of promise (commitment or otherwise), it was because you did something that made them feel like they had no other choice.
They never apologize or admit to their mistakes. When caught in a lie, they deny it. You provide evidence but still, they say it’s not true.
Oh but they never lied. They tell you that with a straight face, and their crazy little mind, they mean it.
See, because their truth is based on emotion, rather than ya know, actual facts.
It’s almost as if life to them is a series of consequences that they have absolutely no control over. Imagine living in a world where feelings dictate your decisions, instead of sound logic and reason.
That type of person is child-like and isn’t mature enough to be in any sort of adult relationship.
You aren’t their parent. They need to grow up and learn to take accountability.
There’s more signs to look for, we can cover in detail in a later article, but overall, if they’re treating you like shit and if you feel drained every single time you’re around them
Feeling drained is certainly the biggest sign that it’s time to close doors. These are “social vampires”, they have a thirst for your emotional energy and drain you of it.
Quality relationships should add to your laziness, not be a lot of hard work. They relax you.
They shouldn't drain you of energy . If you feel absolutely depleted after spending time with them, that's a job, not a relationship. You don't want to work a job at all, yet alone one in your free time.
Now it’s important to note, there is a difference between a shitty relationship and having shit happen in the relationship.
Shit happens. It does happen.
No big deal. Not every bad thing that happens is a deal breaker.
No relationship is perfect. Ever. Remember that.
Sometimes there will be fallout. There will be heavy disagreements. You are two people with individual experiences and a unique perspective and mindset on life.
Unless the other person is literally your clone, you won’t agree on everything.
But even if you disagree on fundamental moral principles and worldview, it doesn't mean you can’t get along.
Take Daryl Davis, for example, the blues musician, a black man who befriended KKK members, (and later had them retire their robes) not by YELLING his points to their face but instead by sitting, leaning back, and listening.
This goes to show the power of listening and understanding over attacking and debating for social justice and can also work on a personal level.
Ideally, you should avoid escalating disagreements to drama. Your life should be a drama free zone.
You shouldn’t end a relationship because you feel shitty. Do it because, objectively speaking the relationship itself is in fact, shitty. There are gonna be some dips here and there, and at times, yes, you'll feel shitty, but if the overall trend is positive, at least you’re moving in the right direction.
On the other hand, from a logical perspective, if the trend is negative overall, then it’s time to cut it.
Just like investing in the stock or crypto market, if there are more downward spikes than upward inclines, it’s time to dump your shares or coins.
The relationship is on a positive trend if both people are gaining a mutually beneficial connection.
It's on a negative trend if the benefits favor one person over the other.
It takes two to tango.
There’s only so much effort you can put in, and if it’s not reciprocated, then it ain’t worth it.
They say the key to a relationship is “communication”. Well, part of communication is listening and understanding.
You can talk and communicate ‘til your lips fall off, but that doesn’t matter if they aren’t even listening or even trying to see where you’re coming from. Again, Daryl Davis, who is just a musician understood this principle and got results. He wasn't some psychologist or sociologist, just a dude who plays music.
Goes to show, you don't need to be an expert in psychology to make relationships work -- just be able to lean back and listen, like a true procrastin8r.
Now all that said, the best way to deal with a toxic relationship or friendship is to...
Avoid Toxic Relationships in the First Place
There’s that old saying that goes “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure”. You should apply the same theory to your romantic relationships and friendships. Make it clear *from the beginning* what your boundaries are.
You shouldn’t be a door mat. If things bother you, don’t just let it slide. Make it clear that your life is a drama free zone
Yes, you want to be laid back, but you lay *on* the couch. You are not the couch itself. Don’t let people just put their feet up on you.
Have clear, cut boundaries and be firm, not aggressive or mean, but firm, when people cross them.
Let them know you’re a lazy bastard so they know what’s coming.
The more people you meet, and grow close to, the easier it'll be to recognize patterns and certain behaviors that are toxic and should be avoided.
What if it's too late?
What if you reached the point of no return and there's absolutely no fixing your relationship and you realize it's well, pretty shitty?
Here's the thing. Don’t look at relationships or friendships as something you absolutely NEED, but as a “bonus”. They’re nice to have but not something you need to function.
They add to your life. They don't create it.
In doing so, you’ll attract high quality people who don’t give you bullshit. The people that bring about bullshit are only gonna bring bullshit to those who let them.
Don't stoop down to their level. They just want to pick on weak people. But you're strong. I mean heck, no one can shake and wake you out of bed, yet alone out of your calm state of mind.
You’re too lazy to tolerate any kind of bullshit and people will respect you for that.
You’ll eventually attract people that do respect and want to build you up, not break you down. But that's not the goal, just a sort of a byproduct of living with the Lazy Mindset.
Recognize when something is shit and don’t be afraid to walk away, so you can go back to playing video games or taking a nap.
Until next time, Take it easy,