Why does love seem not to last?
Man, More than half of marriages end with a divorce.
And that's not counting the ones who are separated but haven't signed the paperwork...or the ones who are fundamentally just unhappy for that matter.
True love is such a rare thing, statistically speaking.
It's odd. I mean...we all want love.
Why does it seem like something so unattainable then?
Perhaps we can look at our expectations in society.
Fall in love, find fulfillment. That's the story in a nutshell. But quite the reverse of what actually works.
You can't find fulfillment in anyone but yourself. Seeking validation or otherwise a feeling of fulfillment is not something any person can give to you.
You have to first find fulfillment THEN find a person to share it with.
What's more? We expect things to be absolutely PERFECT. To live the fantasy. To be the protagonist of a Disney film.
Look, it ain't the movies. Your prince in shining armor or princess in a castle doesn't exist.
We're in the real world and in the real world, there are...actual human beings.
And you know what? As human beings, we're flawed. We're fucked. Absolutely fucked.
You're fucked. I'm fucked. We're all fucked in some way or another.
What I'm getting at here, is that in order for love to LAST, you have to accept "the fuck" of your partner.
You have to...be willing to forgive. Forgiveness is probably the main attribute that keeps couples together. That 4% of marriages that last and are happy. Yeah, that's what they do. Forgiveness. They offer each other that. All the time.
You're gonna have to forgive a lot and be forgiven a lot. You have to be willing to accept mistakes, to accept flaws, to accept that the person you're with is...actually human. And they are going to have to reciprocate.
You see, contrary to popular belief, it's not "hard work" that keeps a relationship in tact. After all, if you have to force a fart, it's probably shit.
No, it's being able to relax. Being able to embrace your laziness, and accept a person for who they are. To listen. To understand.
Listening is the laziest negotiation tactic. Ya ain't gotta speak or make a point. And it's also the most effective.
By taking time to listen and understand another human being, and being willing to forgive them for their little fuck ups, you create a bond, quite powerful, a connection so sincere that it actually puts those mentioned Disney movies to shame.
Real love is NOT like the movies, sure. It's actually better.
The problem is, we try to live the story of the movie rather than reality itself.
We try to live the fantasy of "there's never gonna be anything wrong and we'll live happily ever after."
It's this expectation of perfection in romance that pushes people apart.
Our partner, or maybe it's us, will compile a list of every single bad behavior or wrongful mistake. Instead of forgiving and letting that shit go.
It's like saying "here is why our love is not a Disney movie and therefore this isn't working."
But we have to come back to Earth and realize that just because your love said or did a certain thing that hurt you doesn't mean it needs to be over.
Have patience. Patience for love to grow.
I urge you to find love in yourself. Be willing to forgive yourself for your own mistakes, your own wrongdoings.
And in doing so, you can eventually be able to offer that same level of forgiveness to others.
Couples break up because they are seeking love IN THE RELATIONSHIP, rather than seeking it within themselves.
If you seek and find love within your own heart, for your own self, then offer to share that love (that already exists) with another, if we all do that, it'd be a lot more rare for there to be a divorce than to stay together.
As it turns out, most of us don't love ourselves. And that's the fundamental problem right there.