With super strength, you could lift a boulder to save victims from an earthquake or carry all your grocery bags all in one go
...but you could also you can kill your best friend by giving them a high five if you don’t control your power.
With super speed, you could get to an emergency scene faster than any police, ambulance, or firefighter or wait until the last minute to get to places like work or school but still make it on time.
...but you could also run past your destination over and over again if you don’t control it.
With time travel, you could stop historic villains or catastrophic events from happening or pause time while you sleep.
...but you could also wind up stuck in an endless time loop or stepping on a butterfly (and causing unforseen consequences)
You get the gist.
Similarly, with super laziness, you could work less than half a dozen hours a week and earn a six figure salary
...but you could also become a human blob from lack of physical and mental activity.
The benefit or success as a Lazy Mutant you receive does not come from avoiding using your superpower all together, but rather learning to control it in moderation and balance.
So how do you control laziness and avoid becoming the big green SlotHulk?
I’m always lazy.
If you’re in a constant state of laziness, then it cannot overcome you. You are in control of it, not it in control of you.
It doesn’t catch you by a surprise. It doesn’t sneak up on you or randomly thrash at you in waves. You are ever present in laziness and therefore remain in control of it.
Be in control of your SlotHulk.
SlotHulk wants to CRASH!
We know this. But WHY does it want to CRASH?
We have to look at this and understand its nature. The SlotHulk wants to CRASH and relax. It wants to relax and not worry about obligated duties. It’ll spit obligation right on the floor and just lie down.
BLAH! SCREW IT!
This is a good attitude to have, but you want to CRASH the bad guys (the negative things in your life) and not everything in your path (of success). You want to use laziness but you don’t want laziness to use you.
So don’t feed your SlotHulk obligation and duty; instead, feed it want and desire. Feed it what it WANTS. It needs what it *wants*, if you follow.
This “want” is different for everybody. Each SlothHulk has a different appetite, a different type of leaf that makes them happy and satisfied. You can find out what this is by looking at what makes you feel relaxed. Ask yourself: When you procrastinate...what do you do?
That’s what your SlotHulk is hungry for, so give it a good ole homemade serving of Do-Whatever-the-Fuck-You-Want-ghetti, topped with parmasen cheese.
Whatever that “want" is: it may not be the most productive thing to do, or the healthiest meal (at least on the surface) but that’s okay, YOU decide to do it.
Your SlotHulk doesn’t just CRASH when it feels like it; YOU choose when and where it does. You must Procrastinate with Purpose.
Bruce Banner, instead of living in a state of calmness. interrupted by anger, he chooses to live in a state of fury, interrupted by calmness
This gives him control over the Hulk.
You too must choose to neglect the state of hustle interrupted by laziness and enter one of laziness, interrupted by hustle. Your default is sloth mode, not work mode. This gives you control over the SlotHulk.
Hardworking. This is not your natural state of being; this is something indoctrinated in you. You were brainwashed into a different mode of thinking in order to try and suppress your Lazy superpowers.
You’ve been medicated with false, yet rather convincing, mental stimuli.Time to flush that toxic out (or drool it out in your sleep). Stop taking your daily dose of Tylyn-all-in and start taking a bit of Tylyn-“as much as I want to”. Suppress your powers no longer; use them to their full potential.
The evil villains in this world want to keep all the resources and power for themselves, so of course all the propaganda and education given to and promoted to the public is going to encourage you to “work hard”. If you embrace your Lazy superpower, you will read the subtext: they want you to “work hard” for *their own* agenda.
You need to wake up and realize what’s going on.
Ironic how the best way to wake up...is to go to sleep and embrace your laziness.
You are special-- you have the super power of laziness. You create *your own* agenda. You have the “Slothey Senses” to know when you are not satisfying your ambition. You also have the ability to remain at ease and laid back in any situation because you have a super “don’t care” instinct.
This power can become reckless and you can start not to care about your own hygiene, emotional wellbeing, and personal accountability if you let the SlotHulk out like a wildbeast. While you embrace laziness, you must avoid recklessness.
The Lazy Mindset gives you control over your power. The Lazy Mindset puts you back in control of your life and gives you freedom to do what you want, when you want to.
We live in a world that doesn’t like us Lazy Mutants though. They try to make us look bad, like we’re subhuman--monsters.
It does NOT make us monsters just because we are *different*.
We are evolved with a special gift and just because we are not the typical unintelligent serf or grunt, who fails to question their labor conditions and how their free time and resources are rationed by authority, does not mean we are monstrous in any fashion.
We have our own wants and desires; we do not accept other people’s wants and desires as our own.
It’s in our special genetic code to procrastinate and put off something we despise in order to do what we want.
We also have the uncanny ability to relax and remain calm in any given situation. This gives us clear focus and decision-making abilities that our frantic, over-emotional enemies typically won’t have.
Plot Twist: the people that own and run this giant corporate slave plantation and shame the Lazy Mutants that near their escape to freedom by slacking off are Lazy Mutants with inner SlotHulks themselves.
Of course, they are the villains --evil, corrupt, Lazy Villains, who have chosen to use their superpower to create a system that serves them and only them, the top 1%.
As the late great Stan Lee once said:
We can be the heroes and save ourselves as well as the blind hardworking civilians trapped in slavery. We can create a society of luxury and leisure for everyone....eventually.
Until next time,
Take it easy. Take it reeeeaaal easy.
This article was, of course, inspired by the man pictured above and comic book writing genius, Stan Lee.
Rest easy, sir. Not even a superpowered mutant is invincible to feeling sadness over such a loss this past Monday. His legacy will continue to live on in many worlds.
He was truly an AMAZING man who taught me that it’s okay to be a little DAREDEVIL who is a little STRANGE, as long as you do INCREDIBLE things.
Because of him, I learned to find the true superpower within myself and embrace my geekiness (and laziness) once I found out those quirks of mine are actually quite a Marvel in their own right. From the time I was a kid and until this day, Spiderman has, is, and will continue to be my favorite hero, I cannot thank the man behind the creative comic enough (as well as the countless other tales of his that I’ve enjoyed.) His imagination has inspired me to embrace even the weirdest ideas I may have, like the ProcrastiN8r podcast about living on Lazy Island. There’s nothing out of the ordinary, as long as there’s an interesting story behind it, is what he taught me.
Stan Lee, you will be missed and even an adamantium chest cannot recover quickly from this heartbreak.
However, his stories have the superpower of immortality and will continue to live on for centuries to come.
Who's your favorite superhero?
What other super power (besides laziness) do you wish you had?
How do you use your Super Laziness to save the day?
Have you gained control of your SlotHulk?
Leave a comment below! :D