After all, getting “worked up” is well, by the very definition “work”. Not something you want to participate in as a procrastin8r.
You must encompass an aura of “Consistent Chill”. No matter what life throws at you, no matter how heavy shit hits the fan, no matter what unexpected circumstance you find yourself in, you simply lean on back and let bygones be bygones. It’s whatever. No big deal. All is good.
You go with the flow. You don’t get flabbergasted or unhinged by anything irritating in life. You don’t let people shake you out of your B.E.D. You remain completely unfazed by drama or stressful encounters and engage conflict with a carefree attitude.
You don’t give a fuck. Or better stated, you give a fuck more about handling things with poise and grace than you do about preserving your fragile little Ego. You soothe your inner-child who wants to yell, scream, and cry, and instead take smooth, deliberate adult actions.
You don’t easily get startled or angered. Nothing really ruffles your feathers.
You’re just so…chill, to the point where “relaxed” is no longer a mood but a way of life; it’s part of who you are. Consistently. You have a cool-clear head and though you may not have a real job, you are still reliable, in the sense that people can count on you to always be calm and stoic in your reaction to things.
In order to reach this level of Consistent Chill, it pretty much goes without saying that you must fully embrace your laziness. You must adapt the Lazy Mindset. You must dig down to the very core of your being and define yourself as “lazy”.
I don’t mean lazy on the surface level of “I don’t feel like doing much ever.”
Deeper than that. Bolder than that. Lazier than that.
I mean lazy on the level of: “I’m calm af. Period.” So lazy that no one can tell you to “work” or “get up”, not even your own emotions.
We’re gonna take a deep dive into mastering your emotions, using the lazy ass Spirit Sloth as our guide, and help you become the PRO-crastin8r you’re meant to be.
The first step toward gaining Consistent Chill is to Understand yourself. Understand is the “U” in C.O.U.C.H. which is a lazy man’s module for attaining ambitious goals, and in case you missed it or need a refresher, you can check out the full article on that here. I recommend familiarizing yourself with that content first, before reading this article in order to get the most bang for your buck. This is intended for more advanced procrastin8rs.
Understanding others, as noted in that article, along with their emotional wants and needs, is a crucial factor in the step in the slow n’ steady race towards your ambitions.
But, you can’t really understand anyone, until you understand yourself.
You can’t really be chill with how others think and act unless you’re chill with how you yourself think and act.
Today we take a look at Understanding your lazy self and the practical steps you can take to make that happen.
Don’t judge your own emotions
Make your mind your own “safe space”. You know that best friend you can tell anything to and not feel ridiculed or judged?
You can tell him your secrets, your fuck ups, your most corrupt thoughts, your weirdest feelings, and he doesn’t bat an eye. He just listens or knows exactly what to say to get you to laugh or smile and overall feel better about the situation. He’s understanding. He’s being a total bro.
On the other hand, if you had a friend that started mocking you after you confessed something, calling you worthless, or saying how much you deserved what happened and should feel guilty, or telling you that your feelings aren’t even valid, that’d be a pretty shitty friend, wouldn’t it?
You wouldn’t let anyone treat you with such disrespect and dismiss how you feel like that. You wouldn’t let anyone be so harsh and critical towards you, not without at least trying to defend yourself.
So why would you be a shitty friend to yourself and act so judgemental towards yourself?
Telling yourself “I shouldn’t feel this way” or “I shouldn’t have done that” is like that douche bag of a friend telling you “You shouldn’t feel that way!” or “You shouldn’t have done that. What were you thinking?”
You gotta be the Total Bro best friend for yourself. You gotta offer yourself a “judgement free zone”. If you’re angry, unnerved, or upset, accept it. Be kind towards those feelings of yours.
Your feelings are absolutely valid. Don’t convince yourself (or allow anyone else for that matter) otherwise. You just have to look into why you feel that way and let your inner bro understand.
There’s this false notion in society that happy is “normal” and any other emotions you feel are abnormal. Weird. Outcast. In other words, you don’t “fit” in society if you’re not happy.
What a load of shit, man!
The fact is, you’re not always going to be happy. It’s a perfectly normal human thing to feel different emotions besides happiness. What it comes down to is how you react to those emotions.
Strike the chord right and sadness or anger will linger within you. Things are gonna hurt. Things are gonna get tough. There’s gonna be struggle. Things are gonna, quite frankly, piss you off….which leads us to the next point.
Be comfortable with discomfort
“Taking it easy” doesn’t mean avoiding hardships in life or choosing not to deal with them. It means maintaining poise and grace when struggle hits. It means remaining unfazed by troubles. It means not worrying about it.
A struggle-free life is impossible. Even billionaires have their own struggles -- between fake friends who only like them for their status and money, as well as poparazzi and maybe even marital problems, being “well off” has its downsides.
No matter where you are in life, there is going to be some type of struggle. You have to determine what is worth struggling for and what isn’t. You must Understand why you’re struggling and whether or not it’s actually worth it.
If you’re aiming to be a lazy procrastin8r and make money from the couch, you’re gonna struggle with haters telling you to get a “real job”. You’re gonna have to deal with an unpredictable monthly income; some months you’ll be making bank, others you’ll be just scraping by.
You’re gonna have to deal with making your own routine and being your own boss, without being told what to do. You’r egoing to have to be responsible for filing your own taxes (or find someone to do it for you).
There is no “perfect life”. Even if you got your dream car, your dream job, your dream partner, your dreams are leaving out the downside, the struggle of all of that.
I’m not saying to “just suck it up”. I’m saying the thing that you’re struggling for should make you feel relaxed at the end of the day, like it’s all for a purpose, a reason. Despite the struggle, you are satisfied.
Satisfaction is stronger than happiness. Happiness comes and goes in spurts; it’s a fleeting feeling in the wind, but satisfaction is the permanent attitude that everything will be just fine and you appreciate what you have.
You might get called a “lazy asshole”. You might not know what your next “paycheck” will look like.
But as your sippin’ your rum n’ coke while lying in your hammock, jammin’ out to good vibe tunes, you can say “Ahh, this is totally worth it!”
You’re always going to find some sort of uncomfortable aspect in your life, no matter how you choose to live it, or what you manage to achieve.
Instead of giving into the distraught and thinking “the grass is always greener”, as if living different will always be better,, relax and find comfort in what you have and what you’re doing in the present. Understand that struggle is inevitable and you choose what you are willing to struggle for.
Since struggle and discomfort is unavoidable, embrace it, don’t fight it.
There are things outside of your control. You’re not the universe. You don’t control the fate of nature or the free will of others. You can only control your reaction to things.
Improvise a little bit. Be willing to adapt and overcome the struggle. Don’t let it hinder you or take away your self esteem. Just ride the waves, man. You can’t predict exactly what’s coming. You can only keep floating on.
The more you stand up and fight the waves of reality, the harder it hits, the stronger it pushes you away from what you want. Accept what is. Stop trying to swim to the shores of could’ves and should’ves. Instead, go with the flow down, the stream of what is.
You can’t control exactly where the waves take you. The only thing you can control is maintaining balance to stay afloat. Keep yourself balanced and centered. Float with ease.
Know your triggers
Some of the biggest waves are going to come across are your emotional triggers. This is when your ability to stay balanced afloat and in Consistent Chill are put to the ultimate test.
SJW jokes aside, like it or not, we all get “triggered” by something.
We all have buttons that if pressed, cause “detonation”, an explosive emotional outburst. You may, for example, get really upset when someone doesn’t text you back. You begin berating them with angry messages or calling them with a shouting voicemail after they don’t pick up.
Not cool dude.
You have to dig into what about a certain circumstance puts you on edge.
Maybe you feel disrespected, but there’s a way to express that without firing off a cannon.
“I feel disrespected when you ignore me and don’t text me back” in a firm calm tone is much more pleasant and effective than “YOU DIDN’T TEXT ME BACK YOU STUPID BITCH!”
That’s a decent way to handle it. Decent. But ultimately, you shouldn’t make other people responsible for your own emotions.
Be responsible for your own triggers. Once you understand the underlying feeling behind your trigger, you have to ask yourself ”Why do I feel this way?”
Often times, the answer lies in some sort of traumatic experience you had when you were young, before you knew how to handle emotions like a proper adult.
Maybe the person who felt disrespected when not getting a text back, felt ignored by their parents as a child, and all the untapped pain associated with being neglected comes to surface when someone so much as looks passed them.
The person is not angry or upset about that particular text going ignored, but about their entire childhood facing negligent parents. The world is full of adults walking around with unhealed childhood wounds.
Understanding what you are triggered about and WHY you are triggered puts you on the path of recovery. It takes a long time and a lot of patience and persistence to fully overcome your triggers.
But patience and persistence are the heart of Procrastination.
I know what you’re thinking. “Fuck that, Nate. I’m too lazy for that bullshit.”
But hear me out.
Journaling helps you put into perspective the bigger picture. You can more easily become aware of how your emotions affect what you do and how you behave.
Let me ask you this -- what’s easier: walking around with shit in your ass all day or taking a moment to wipe it up?
And if you say you’d rather walk around with shit in your ass, well you’re not being lazy, you’re just being gross. That’s a disgusting habit, not a lazy one.
Likewise, it’s a disgusting habit to not clean your mind. Your mind is just like your ass and believe me, is full of shit. So much shit.
You need to get that shit out.
Text it. Type it in an e-mail in yourself. Put it in a note app. Whatever you gotta do to take thoughts and feelings out of your brain and onto paper (or screen).
You want to write what triggered you, how you handled it, and why you chose to handle it that way.
This allows you to not only clean the shit out of your head, but also read the story of what you did. You can use it as a personal lesson, as well as a way to track your progress in attaining Consistent Chill.
You can look back and reflect on how you could handle it better, how you could be lazier and more laid-back about things. You can begin to see a pattern of the triggers and emotional responses you have, which allows you to understand yourself a lot better.
Meditate. Experience emotions
Ahh, meditation. You sit there and do nothing. It’s a procrastin8r’s favorite activity.
Of course, sometimes you can do nothing...with purpose!
You can use a certain meditation technique to raise your own emotional self awareness levels.
To do this, pick an emotion. Let’s say anger. Picture a time that really made you feel angry. Imagine the sights, sounds, and smells at that time and place. And most importantly, focus on the feeling. Really narrow into that feeling. You might even feel your blood begin to boil a little bit.
That’s okay. That’s the point.
You want to notice what it feels like to be angry. Notice how your lips curl or your eyebrows go down. Feel the sensations moving in your body. Become aware of the way your muscles move when you feel a specific emotion.
Knowing what each emotion physically feels like will allow you to be aware of what’s going on in your head during moments of pressure. This will allow you stop stop, take a step back, and procrastinate before making an irrational decision based completely on emotions.
Meditating on your feelings is sort of like “practice mode” before you go into the big battle royale.
The stakes are low and you're free to experiment with your feelings as you please. The purpose is to level up your ability to recognize the physical sensations in your body and match it with a certain emotion.
The better you become at emotional awareness in meditation, the better you will become “IRL” so to speak.
As soon as you become aware of the fact that you are feeling a heightened state of negative emotion, cool the breaks and relax for a bit.
It may be difficult to recognize when you’re getting stressed out, triggered, or otherwise upset “in the heat of the moment”, which is why meditation can be so useful in helping you uncover these things.
It can be challenging and quite frankly, awkward to be like “Okay, my heart is beating faster. I must be stressed” if you’re not used to doing this at all and haven’t practiced emotional awareness in mediation.
But the more you take a step back and become aware of yourself and what you’re going through, the easier it will become to actually do it when something triggering occurs. You’ll be able to diagnose yourself with the stressed status and be able to approach the situation in a more calm manner.
You soon will be able to rest instead of stress. You’ll catch yourself getting heated up and can cool off before you explode.
Don’t let your mood rush you into decisions
This theory is obvious when it comes to negative emotions. Yelling in a fit of rage and saying things you don’t mean because you’re in a bad mood causes more consequences than the initial problem did to begin with, for example. But the same can be applied to being in a good mood.
You can make foolish decisions if you’re overly excited or happy. This leads back to the point that happiness is not the goal, but satisfaction. You might buy something you don’t need or hook up with someone you’re not that attracted to all just because you’re feeling “happy go lucky”.
Don’t allow yourself to jump to conclusions while in good spirits or a negative Nancy mood. Determine the choices you make rationally and carefully and don’t let your mood come into play.
The bigger the decision, the louder this rings true. One dumb decision you make because of your mood that day can change the entire course of your life. Remember that.
Understand the effect that your moods have on what you choose to do.
Know your core values & beliefs
Sometimes triggers can be caused because they interfere with your set of moral principles. Understand what you truly value so that you can easily recognize when these values are being infringed upon.
You can find out what you value most in life by examining how you feel about a situation.
Let’s take this quarantine as an example. You may be either feeling hopeful or angry.
There are two camps in this COVID-19 Stay at Home Order. Those who feel hope and support it willingly and those who feel anger and protest it.
Those who support it value “care for others”. Assuring other people’s well-being and safety is their core value.
Those who protest it value “freedom”. Assuring everyone has their own individuality and free-will is their utmost principle.
Feelings give a rough sketch roadmap to where our core values lie. They’re not exactly straightforward in telling us exactly what’s important to us, but they certainly set us on the right path to finding it.
Find songs, books, movies, and shows you resonate with.
Your own personal experiences can only help you understand yourself so far, as weird as that sounds. Art can help you take a step back and really see things from a different angle or maybe even make the picture of your emotions a bit more clear.
Whether it’s a film or TV show or music album you can emotionally relate to, you can begin to understand your feelings from a broader perspective or perhaps even deeper by listening or viewing what these artists create.
Their thoughts, motivations, their excitements, their fears. It all...makes sense.
I mean how many times have you said something along the lines of...
“Yes, this song gets me!”
Or.. “Oh my god I’m just like [insert character’s name]”
There are so many songs that have gotten me through specific moments in my life that “put in words what I was feeling better than I ever could.”
Sometimes the way writers, musicians, and screenplays alike, express things, allow us to put our own feelings into understandable language, rather than a mess of stress in our head.
Understanding yourself can begin with understanding art in a way that resonates with you.
One great way to become aware of yourself is to use the good old fashioned method of asking others.
Find a friend, neighbor, family member, former roommate, significant other, someone who’s going to be honest and ask them what they really think of you. Tell them you’re looking to level up in a bit self improvement and want truthful feedback, no bs.
They may just give you insight on something about yourself that you’re missing. Maybe they point out that you tend to talk about yourself a lot and it really seems cocky.
Now you may just be trying to “relate” to others by telling a relevant story of your own. That’s okay. Take the feedback with a grain of salt, but now you know what other people think.
You become aware of just how you ”come across” to other people and can begin to adapt your approach accordingly.
Using the example of coming across as a bit boastful, you could give a little anecdote of yours but then swing back to what the other person was saying by asking them more detail about their own story or somehow tie it together with yours to make it clear that you’re just trying to relate.
Knowing what the people you trust think about you can help you see things from a bird’s eye view. We often get so tied to our own thoughts that we fail to see the bigger picture.
But relating to the outer world and other people is something we’ll dive into detail next week.
Chill your drinks before serving!
Ultimately, self awareness is the foundation for unlocking Consistent Chill mode.
Understanding your emotions, what causes them, and how they make your body react is key to being able to express yourself honestly and maturely, in a laid-back manner.
In being able to express yourself in such a calm and truthful way, you’ll be able to not only feel more confident in yourself and more in control, but eventually be able to have more Understanding for others as well.
It is in developing self awareness that you begin to focus on the aspects in your life that you do actually control -- your reactions to your emotions and moods, and thus can live life a lot more stress-free.
Instead of letting struggles tear you down, you examine the physical sensations in your body, become aware of exactly how you are feeling, analyze why you are feeling that way, and validate that your own emotions have a point.
You can then smoothly approach the “struggle”, understanding why you feel the way you do about it, with poise and grace.
You will always struggle, but you do not always have to let it conquer you. As long as you remain aware of yourself and your mission, not setback can stop you, not matter how lazy you are.
You gotta chill yourself before you really go out there and start developing deep relationships with others
Take it easy,