A lot of people are afraid to use the word “No”. Maybe they fear the disapproval or rejection of people. Maybe they don’t want others to think of them as a “bad person” if they turn them down. Maybe they don’t want coal for Christmas or turn burn in the after life. Who knows?
But PRO-crastinators use the word “No” all the time. It’s a powerful little two letter word that gets us out of doing things we don’t really want to do and it’s very easy to use.
I mean it’s only one syllable to roll off the tongue and it can get you out of a long series of commitments you honestly have no interest in, yet alone time and energy for.
Look, if you say “yes” that means you are agreeing to either more work, more effort, more time, or more money on your part, or a combination of all of the above in the future.
There’s no reason a good sensible lazy person would want to sign up for *more* things to do. You want to have a small to do list, not a gargantuan one. Heck, I mean you probably even want that list to be empty.
It just doesn’t make sense to volunteer yourself for work and effort when your goal is to achieve laziness. You don’t achieve laziness by being a “Yes Man” or “Yes Woman”.
I mean if someone asks you to watch their kids or review their blog or help them move furniture or whatever and you say “Yes”
Well great, now you made a commitment.
You’re locked in. You pretty have to follow through at that point.
I mean you could abandon it later but then you just created disappointment.
It’s better to reject in the first place than to make a promise and later disappoint.
Think about it, dude, what hurts more: Getting rejected on the first date or going through a break up after years of dating?
Definitely the latter.
If you have no intention of doing something, just say you don’t want to do it and when you do….
Or as I like to say...Don’t fluff the pillows too much. Just lie down.
In other words, just say “No”. Not “maybe”. Not “next time”. Not “we’ll see”.
Get to the point. Just say NO.
Otherwise, you’ll raise the expectation that you will commit to the request at some point in the future.
Unless you really mean it, unless you really *want* to do that request in the future, then you can tell them something along the lines of “I can’t right now, but maybe later”.
But if you *know* your mind is not going to change later and you *know* your not going to have the time or will to do it later., then flat out say “NO” to begin with.
You’ll save yourself the hassle of having to explain or make an excuse later down the road. Plus if you keep giving these half-baked nos and not a true NO, it’s going to catch up to you and you’re going to have to spill the beans and make it clear that NO was the answer from the very beginning.
You should just say it from the beginning then and not go through this whole elaborate social song and dance. Jeez, that’s a lot of getting up and moving around Embrace your laziness instead and just say no from the get-go.
I don’t care if they are your family, friend, wife, husband, son, cousin, daughter, aunt, uncle, neighbor, roommate, or even boss... whoever. You owe them nothing and certainly not a "yes" to everything and anything they want.
Just because you’re related by blood or you’ve known each other for years or your in love or live next door to each other or work under them, does not mean you are required to do anything they ask.
If they do something for you, you could say “yes ”to something they ask of you once in a while-- just to return the favor.
That’s Reciprocation though and an entire different topic entirely.
Nonetheless, you’re not entirely obligated to reciprocate either and if you do, you give either equal or less effort than they did.
You should never say “Yes” more often than the person requesting something from you. That’s the general Lazy Mindset rule in handling reciprocation, but we’ll have to dive into deeper detail on that in the future.
Even if the person has authority over you, like your boss or teacher, you do not have to comply.
Show them that you’re not afraid of the consequences of saying NO. Show them you just don’t care -- you are too lazy to bother with whatever request they want and feel unfazed by whatever sort of punishment they threaten you with. You’re just minding your own business.
Contrary to popular belief, you’re not going to get fired for saying NO.
They’ll actually respect you more and give you less bitch work. And if, in the extremely rare case they do decide to fire you on the spot for saying NO, then congratulations! You no longer work for a jerk of a boss! You can now find a decent human being to work for.
Or better yet, be your own boss.
There’s this whole idea that in order to live “a good life”, you have to be some type of martyr, always sacrificing your financial and emotional resources and especially TIME for the “good of others”.
Sounds all well and good.
But this will absolutely wear you thin. You’ll be tired and not like the “I’m gonna relax and take a nap” sort of tired but the exhausted, burnt out, “I can’t take it anymore” sort of tired where you feel physically and emotionally depleted.
Plus, by people pleasing, you are working towards the goals of other people and not your own. That’s not an efficient use of your time.
PROcrastin8rs do NOT people please. It’s against their nature to serve others at all, yet alone to the point of fatigue
Have you ever tried to help someone or make them happy? Like truly gone all out to help that person with your time and resources; you gave them all you could?
If you have, you’ll know that no matter how hard you try, that person is never happy or never seems to quite get themselve sout of the rut.
They wind up right back where they were before you helped or tired to make things better -- in the same emotional and financial state they were in to begin with.
You don’t bring happiness to the world by trying to make others happy. You bring happiness to the world by being happy yourself and setting an example.
How can life be any good if you’re not being any good to yourself?
There’s only so much time, energy, and money you have and if you give it all away, well then you can’t really around and be lazy, can you?
You can’t enjoy your own things. You’re worried about problems that aren’t yours and that may not even directly affect you. This is a toxic practice that’ll stain your brain.
Relieve yourself by focusing on yourself and you wants, your needs. Do things on *your terms*.
You can’t take care of other people if you don’t take care of yourself. Love yourself.
A healer does no good for the party when she’s out of mana.
Rejuvenate your mind and say NO when you have too much on your plate.
Be RUDE when you say NO
If you’re in the habit of being agreeable….
If being a “Yes Man” or “Yes Woman” is basically part of your identity at this point...
If people always expect you to do things, but never really seem to return the favor, yet you still have a hard time turning them down...
If you have a hard time rejecting someone’s idea, request, or suggestion. No matter how much of a serious impact it can have on your time and resources…
You need to start being rude.
You need to be a bit of a lazy asshole. Sounds a bit contradictory, I know, but stick with me.
You’re basically being a overly nice and hardworking people-pleasing slave. You have to free yourself. Break those chains.
The act of breaking is a bit forceful of course but it’s effective.
You currently have a YES mind and need to shift into a NO mind.
Eventually you want to land somewhere in between.
It’s a continuum and the target is definitely in the middle.
You don’t know what hot is without feeling cold and vice versa. You don’t know what sweet is without tasting salty. You don’t know love without hate.
You must understand the extremes before finding a balance. You’ve been on the one side of the scale your whole life, saying YES to everything in a kind, sweet way. You have to be on that other side of the scale in order to find symmetry.
You have to say NO in a rude, arrogant way.
Like if your aunt asks “Hey can you watch my dog this weekend?”
Be like “No, I ain’t gonna spend my weekend cleaning up shit and pouring slop in a bowl. I have better things to do.”
Or if your boss asks “Hey can you add this report to your to-do list.”
Say “No, I can’t. Given my work load already topped off, I don’t expect that I’ll be able to finish it on time.”
You can even just say NO to people without any sort of explanation. You don’t need to explain. Just say NO. Period. End of sentence. End of discussion. “I said NO and that’s it. That’s final. No further conversation”
You could also just ignore them, like they’re so unimportant, they haven’t even earned your attention, yet alone time and commitment to whatever task they want.
This is just a starting point from where you want to actually be. Eventually you want to be able to do it with more tact as we’ll get in later.
You may hurt other people’s feelings when you say NO, but they’ll respect you more
They may whine, bitch, moan, cry, beg, or yell.
But it doesn’t bother you or change your mind. You’re above that. You won’t stoop down to their level.
Stand by your decision.
You’re calm, cool, and relaxed. You’re living life on your own terms. Their feelings are not relevant to your reality. Just because they are upset, doesn’t mean you are or have to be.
You don’t feed into drama and don’t want people in your life that can’t take NO as an answer.
Say no, move on and do your own thing, despite whatever their reaction is.
Once you feel comfortable saying NO in a rude manner, you can eventually begin adjusting yourself on that YES/NO continuum. You don’t want to be perpetually rude, but it is a necessary stage of development in growing up from your immature people-pleasing self into a lazy procrastinator one.
Your goal is to eventually be charismatic about your NOs.
This is done in three steps:
- Offer an affirmation (yes) with your rejection (no),
- Say the rejection (no)
- Give them hope
For example, going back to the dog sitter scenario you could say “Hey I understand how important your dog is to you and how you want to put someone you trust in charge of taking care of her, but I’m saying no. I don’t like the responsibilities of taking care of animals as cute as I think she is. Plus, I already have plans. Let me know how your doggy’s weekend turns out though.”
In this example, you’ve established that you understand the problem their going through.
You then made it abundantly clear that NO is the answer. Make sure you use a phrase that doesn’t leave any wiggle room or ambiguity.
“I’m saying no”
“I respectfully decline”
“I am rejecting your request/offer.”
“I do not want to”
“I’m not interested”
“I cannot commit to that.”
Finally, you offered a positive sign off and sort of “best wishes” to them. This will keep you from leaving a sour taste in their mouth when they hear your reply.
You still remain assertive.
Assertive is key. You don’t want to the other be second guessing yourself on whether or not you’re sure about your answer.
Say it and mean it.
While you don’t have to be mean to be assertive, it’s easier to achieve “assertiveness” by being mean, at least temporarily.
You’ll eventually strike a balance and be able to drop the jerk persona completely.
'The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.' - Warren Buffet
Take it easy,