Money Can't Buy You Love, But Laziness Can

​Ah, Valentine’s Day, nothing like a good ole corporate sponsored holiday to push sales for chocolate, flowers, and teddy bears.


I don’t wanna dress up in a fancy suit n’ tie to eat fish eggs on a small ass plate and pretend like it’s luxury.


Luxury to me is sitting on the couch, playing video games and eating as much pizza and drinking as much soda as I want. I’m happy doing that and I’m happy doing that even if I’m alone.

I’m rich in the amount of laziness I love to embrace.

But maybe you feel like a “loser” for staying inside or even for not having a significant other. Maybe you feel worthless and incapable of finding true love.

It can be difficult to feel like anyone of value if you aren’t in a relationship. All the TV shows and movies portray these perfect couples who “found the one” and “live happily ever after. It bombards us so often that we begin to believe that this love fairy tale is real.

Then social media amplifies this unrealistic romanticism, with couples posting up photos on wonderous date nights, smiling and laughing together, sharing cute little comments back and forth.

This is all an act.

There’s actually been a study that shows  that couples who do NOT post often (or at all) on social media are happier in their relationship.

But just like any post on social media -- it is all about the image of perfection instead of the image of reality.

Look, there is no “one” and there is no “happily ever after”. There’s a 3 out of 4 chance that marriage won’t work out and that’s the reality. As Bill Burr says “If you went skydiving and were told that 3 out of 4 parachutes don’t work, would you jump?”

Now it may sound a bit pessimistic to hear that, but that should be a breath of fresh air, a sigh of relief. That should relax you and make you wanna stretch and lean back on the couch.

See, now there’s no pressure to court someone or find true love, or live up to the expectations of a romance novel, because it doesn’t necessarily lead to happiness, in fact, statistically speaking, it doesn’t.

You don’t have to “work hard” to keep the spark in a relationship burning. You can relax, take it easy, and do your own damn thing.

Ironically, by embracing your own laziness and enjoying what you do, spending time exactly how you want, you’ll be more attractive than you ever were while trying hard to allure someone into liking you through gifts and compliments.

A person who does their own thing, regardless of what other people want or think, is superbly attractive.

Of course, one thing that may bog us down is this “FOMO”, this fear of missing out. Missing out on what though? I mean what  are we really missing out on?

We already covered how social media is an image of perfection, not reality and romance stories in media are just fantasies, so you’re afraid of missing out on something that’s not even real?

Might as well enjoy what is real.

Some Cheetos, Mountain Dew, and Overwatch, that’s as real as it gets...or really whatever tickles your own fancy is the point. Enjoy what you already have and what you already do and don’t compare to others (who again are posting the “best version” of themselves rather than their actual selves)

As a procrastinator, I’m all about JOMO, the JOY of missing out. I look forward to missing out on the nagging and arguing and other relationship tropes, as well as missing out on the elaborate activities I have absolutely no genuine interest in doing.

I enjoy simplicity and I’m not trying to impress anyone -- that’s the Lazy Mindset attitude to adopt.

There was a time in my life where I did feel that way though, where I felt like I was “missing” something if I wasn’t out “doing” something like everybody else, or dating someone for that matter. I felt rejected and it sucked.

But one day I was just like... "ya know what? fuck it! I don't care if this is how I'm gonna always feel. I don't care if I'm always rejected or if I always fail, I'm just gonna do my own thing, do what I want. I'm not even gonna hope for the best. I'm just gonna fail and accept it, maybe learn from it. But seriously. What the fuck ever.”

I went out with the mindset of aiming for failure, rather than success, and when failure came I was like "welp, that went as expected." In episode 27 of the ProcrastiN8r Podcast, we dive into the “Mistakes are Meh” attitude, which can also be applied to your love life and not just your career.

Eventually, failure after failure, rejection after rejection, I hit some sort of success, some sort of achievement, some sort of level of attraction, I could feel proud of. And trust me: a pleasant surprise feels immensely better than hard disappointment.

Don't "try" to make it a success. Just go out there and fail. Go out there and get rejected.

Go do the biggest failure you can. Go get rejected in the biggest way possible, use the dumbest pickup line. Who cares? That's what's probably gonna happen anyway.

The goal is to become numb to failure and accept it as part of the learning and growing PROGRESS

Remember: SUCCESS = PROGRESS

It does NOT = RESULTS

And as far as love goes, the lazy method of finding love is to love yourself and love what you do; focus on the progress of understanding what you enjoy, not the result of having someone by your side.
​

We all feel like we can't amount to anything unless someone loves us.

That’s just propaganda to make us not self reliant, to be dependent on the approval of someone else.

The problem is when we say "nobody" loves me, often times that nobody includes ourselves.

Accept who you are and your current circumstances. Love yourself, first and foremost.

You don't have to like it or agree with it, but do hold compassion for it - the person you are right now and everything you've done so far, leading up to this point.

You can love even what you don't like and you live for your own wants & needs, rather than the approval of another.

The fact that I can relate to that feeling of rejection and pain of loneliness, should prove that you're not alone. Ever. (I mean even though I'm practically a stranger, it's quite remarkable that those feelings are NOT something you "alone" have, had, or ever will have. Sharing that can take away part of the "lonely" feeling perhaps)

Well, I mean maybe you're alone,logically speaking, but that feeling of "loneliness" doesn't have to be there. It's part of the human experience. Welcome to human life.

And even if you can't but help feel so down because of loneliness, so what? Just embrace it.

Like I said, for me personally, telling myself "I'll always feel this way no matter what" is what worked for me in getting out of a rut. You must embrace the Lazy Mindset. Be Aloof to whether or not you have a partner. You must remain indifferent to your relationship status and others as well.

Solitude. Acceptance of being alone and feeling nice and cozy there. That's what you want to aim for, rather than "finding the one".

​Meditate and go to your own "Lazy Island" -- alone in your own mind, with your own thoughts.

I accepted the fact that "I'm never gonna find ANYONE", not in a depressive sort of way but in a “alright well that’s not something I’m gonna bother with” sort of way.

Think about someone you’re NOT romantically attracted to and how easy it is to hit it off with them. That’s the sort of laid back attitude you want to achieve always. See, when there’s no pressure or objective to “try” and do things rights, you’re able to relax, remain poise, and appear more laid back, confident, charming, and ultimately attractive.

I have been in a happy loving relationship now for over 2 years (and dated several other times in the past decade). And that all happened because I wasn't looking or trying. I was just loving and accepting who I was.

And even if things don’t work out in the end, so what? I’ll still be awesome.

Like yeah, of course I’ll be a bit sad that things didn’t last and yeah, I’ll absolutely miss her. She’s a good girl.

But it won’t be the end of me and I won’t feel worthless if she’s gone, and I won’t be desperate to to fix it.

Point is: It doesn’t really matter if you’re single or in a relationship. If you’re not happy just abiding by your own life, if you’re not happy on your own cozy hammock, then you can’t expect to be happy sharing that with someone else.

The best relationships are the ones of mutual cooperation and companionship

There’s this false notion that relationships are a lot of work. They really aren’t or very well shouldn’t be. This work hard mantra is seeping into not just corporate culture but our love and relationships as well.

Love is love and it does not involve any sort of hard work.

The best relationships are easy and require very little work, quite frankly Personally, my best relationships are the ones where I felt like I was hardly even trying.

The less effort you put in the relationship, the more attractive you’ll be to your partner and the happier you both will be.

Seems counter-intuitive I know, but it works

​Your instincts will pull at you to “try harder” -- to call more, to text more, to give more compliments, to buy more gifts.

Unless those things are equally reciprocated to the same degree your provide them, these aren’t acts of affection; these are acts of “worship”. You are sacrificing your time, money, and energy (as well as self dignity -- let’s be honest), for their attention, physically or emotionally.

This is waaaay too much effort for a procrastinator. By attempting to give more than you take, you are maximizing effort and minimizing results, quite the opposite of what you want to achieve, in all aspects of life, including love.

That which you worship is always above you and you are below them.The god or goddess doesn’t respect the dedicated devotee as much as said devotee respects the god/goddess. You want an equal partner to love, not a deity to bow down to.

Stop trying to compliment and do good deeds for someone that doesn’t reciprocate fairly.

It’s not going to lead anywhere, other than their lack of respect and attraction towards you. This is how you wind up in the so called "friend zone". You're working too hard to gain their approval and that's unattractive.

And if they do stick around after your over the top "romantic" shenanigans, it’s because they enjoy having power over someone or just like the attention, not because they actually care about you or appreciate the things you do. They’re just on some power trip to feed their ego and/or desire for attention.

​The rule of the procrastinator is to never put in more effort than is required.


The best way to gauge whether or not you’re doing too much for a person is to ask yourself this question: Would I do this if I weren’t sexually/romantically attracted to this person? Would I do this for my average buddy?” or “If I do this, will they be likely to return the favor in some way in the near future?”

If the answer is no, then you’re doing too much. Ease up your relationship work load and cut it out! Oh and promises of a far out future favor doesn’t count as reciprocation either. An act of genuine reciprocation comes sooner rather than later and is just given, rather than promised.

A strong relationship is one where each person does “just enough” for the other.

It’s a process of give and take. You have two lazy procrastinators who enjoy comfort in each other and aren’t aiming for power over the other or resources from the other.

It’s reciprocation without negotiation. It just happens.

Likewise, their interests and goals are in line with each other and by doing what they like to do, they are killing two birds with one stone because it’s something their partner wants to do as well; there’s no extra effort involved to please another person -- it just “fits” into their life.

You can play video games together or cosplay at comicons - whatever hobby brings you together and both of you enjoy.

This leads to co-operation rather than competition and is the essence of what makes a strong relationship, an easy lazy love relationship.

​The best way to find this sort of relationship is to not try and find it in the first place.

Just do your own slothful thing and embrace your own comforts. You’ll attract the right person...eventually. And even if you don’t find anyone, you’ll feel way more fulfilled doing your own thing that you love than trying to gain approval of another by doing things you (secretly) despise.

The key then comes in not fearing rejection or any kind of failure, just brushing it off like leaves off a sloth’s back.

Go about living your life in a way that satisfies you. For example, if you’re more of a “homebody”, a couch potato, you’re probably not going to want to go out to the bar to find someone. The person you find there is going to love parties and outgoing social events and likely resent playing video games or watching movies. This dynamic would make the relationship “hard” work. One of you would have to sacrifice in favor of the other. May be some fun for a bit, but not good for the long term.Go to the library, book store, or local board game cafe instead - some place chill and low but good  vibes to find your darling procrastinator.

Laziness leads to Love. You just have to stop trying so hard to get it.

With Love,

N8


Image Source:

Money Heart by Santafe.com

Taco Bout Love Sloth from Zazzle

Other images  created by FreePik.com