Say what you wanna say. Let the words fall out. Honestly, I wanna see you be...LAZY!
Lying is NOT the ProcrastiN8r way.
Okay except when it comes to naps and sleeping in until late afternoon, or spending all day on the couch watching TV.
But the social act of deception, lying, takes too much damn work. It’s mentally and emotionally exhausting. And really isn’t worth all the effort and hassle.
Embrace your laziness and just be honest, with yourself, with friends, with girlfriends/boyfriends, parents, coaches, doctors. Everyone.
Look, if you want to “take the easy way out”, if you wanna truly embrace your laziness, then ya gotta tell the truth at all times.
Telling the truth is easier than concocting fairy tales with strong verisimilitude. You just keep it real, dude. Literally and say what is, well, actually real.
No memorizing fables. No studying false facts.
Just abiding by the truth and telling it like it is. That’s the way of the Lazy Mastermind.
A relaxed lazy mind finds true peace and happiness. And you can’t find anything true with a slew of lies.
Because we’re too lazy to get up. Oh! I mean..
Maybe it’s because we don’t want to hurt someone.
A significant other asks us how their outfit looks.
A friend asks us what we think of their art and in order to alleviate any negative feelings, we lie and tell them “Oh, it looks awesome. Great job.” evne if we think it sucks.
I mean okay, this person is really close to you and you don’t want to cause any pain, so you find it best to swirl up a fake response
...instead of... ya know speaking your goddamn mind for a change and saying:
“I don’t like it. It looks terrible”
There. See? Not that hard.
Of course, you’d probably want to give them a bit of constructive criticism and not just spit on their face, but they can suck it up and deal with it either way -- at least you’re being *honest*.
And hey, being mean is a good place to start in training yourself to be honest.
You’re thinking it’ll give you a “better shot” at getting what you want, or at the very least, convinced yourself that you want.
Here, you’re gonna end up with a person you really don’t get along with, or have anything in common with for that matter or simply wind up working a job you’re really not fit for.
You basically set yourself up for failure and that’s no bueno. You’re trying to force yourself into an environment where you don’t belong. And it’ll become very obvious very quickly.
I mean, look, they’re gonna call you out on your bullshit sooner or later and you’re gonna wind up losing your relationship or your job.
Lay back down, in your own environment, in your true self, and let people *come to you*. You may not win who you want (or think you want, really) but you’ll attract the *right* people who more closely match who you are and what your ideals and principles are.
You’ll earn a more fulfilling relationship and fulfilling career and you’ll feel like you...actually earned it, instead of “fake it ‘til you make it” sort of thing
Plus, it’s much easier and lazier to attract people than to go chasing after them. Be the king and sit on your throne, not the court jester trying to put on a show to impress others.
Don’t be a people pleaser. That’s too much of a hassle.
You can be selfish, by the way. Just be honest about it.
This one’s legit. I mean, we’ve all been there
You’ve relied on someone too much, told them too much of the truth (TMI), expressed your feelings too much only to be shot down, rejected, or abandoned.
It hurts. So you do whatever you can to hold back those feelings, to be more cautious, to close up instead of opening up. You over-compensate for your failure.
This is the complete opposite side of the spectrum. You want to land somewhere in the middle. Balance is key.
You want to be able to honestly express your feelings without *over* expressing them.
A lot of the time it’s not the fact that you expressed your feelings in the first place. It’s that you expressed them *in the wrong way*
You want to be able to express how you feel, without “getting worked up” -- crying, yelling, bashing your head on the wall.
Stop that nonsense. It’s way too much energy for a real PRO-crastiN8r. Be calm and deliberate
Say something along the lines of:
“Hey, that makes me feel shitty when you [blank]. Don’t do that.”
It’s all about setting boundaries and boundaries are basically “Don’t Fuck With Me” rules you abide by and expect other to follow as well.
If you fake your feelings, you’re gonna have a heavy hard time trying to hide your true ones away. They’ll eventually escape, and usually not in a composed way either.
Best to just be up front about how you feel about something in a calm state of mind.
And also who gives a shit about your “self image”? You’re awesome and don’t let anyone else make you think otherwise or let them harp on a single mistake you made.
Mistakes don’t define you, unless you let them. Mistakes are meh-- take them as whatever and move on.
Also, maybe you want to make yourself seem cool and make up stuff to “fit in”
You have to ask yourself” Who’s definition of cool?” Certainly not yours. Define your own coolness and abide.
But to sum it all up and put a one stop shop band aid for all those issues and temptations to lie…
Whatever the case may be...
Stop giving a fuck!
Stop giving a fuck so much about being perfect.
Stop giving a fuck so much about making other people happy.
Stop giving a fuck so much about making mistakes.
Stop giving a fuck about fitting in.
Just stop giving a fuck, man.
Giving a Fuck at its core is really just putting in effort and investing (emotional, financial, mental, and time) resources. And that is something the lazy man (or woman) does NOT want to partake in.
Just Stop. Giving. A. Fuck. Stop putting in extra effort.
Now that we understand WHY we lie and got that outta the way, let’s take a deeper look into why telling the truth is, for lack of a *ahem* better word, “better” than lying and how it falls in line with the Lazy Mindset…
Deception hurts more than the terrible truth.
You’re worried about hurting other people. Okay.
Don’t lie. It’s fucking hurtgul man -- more so than whatever truth you were trying to hide.
Some people say “The worst truth is better than the best lie”, meaning that no matter how hurtful the truth might be, it’s no where near as potent as the pain of deceit and losing trust in a person.
It’s better to rip off a bandage than to peel it slowly.
Give it a good ole one, two, yank, and just hit ‘em with the truth.
Now believe me, this is about the only situation I will say you should do something “right away”. But it’s not always about doing things low and slow as a ProcrastiN8r. It’s about doing things most efficiently with the least amount of effort.
It’s definitely more efficient to be up front about what your wants, needs, desires, and expectations are.
You'll save A LOT of headache (and heartache) in the long run .
Some examples below...
If you don’t want to be in a committed relationship, don’t lie and say you do.
"I'm really not looking for anything serious right now. But give me a call if you want to have fun"
Likewise, if you want a relationship and not a friendship and you're told "Let's just be friends.
DO. NOT. AGREE.
Say "I'm really not looking for anything platonic. I want something more. It's cool if you don't but that's really not what I'm looking for let me know if you change your mind."
Then never contact again.
The dreaded "friend zone" only occurs IF YOU'RE NOT BEING HONEST with what you want. You put all this effort into a person that doesn't reciprocate in the way you want.
If you have no intention of paying someone back, don’t make a promise to do that.
“Hey I probably won’t be able to pay you back. Call me a cheap skate, but it’s just not in the budget right now. I mean you can still pay for me if you want”
Instead of “promising to pay back”.
Saying “if you want” gives them the option to back out and doesn’t make it seem like you’re DEMANDING [ALL CAPS] that they pay.
Also when you walk away you are basically throwing the ball in their court. You give them the option to come along or let you walk.
And by the way, you must actually be willing to walk. Don't make empty threats of punishment, just like you shouldn't make empty promises.
You may lose the person as a friend/lover.
But that's okay. You'll attract people that respect you and hold similiar values.
In general, don’t make a promise you can’t keep or make up credentials you don’t have.
You can perhaps remain a bit vague and mysterious on personal questions when you are just at the building stages of rapport, but for the most part be direct.
( I mean it’s probably not the best idea to talk about how your pants were pulled down in gym class in elementary school to everyone you meet. You get the gist.)
When you lie to a person and the truth is found out (and trust me, it will be found out), you flip that person’s world upside down. You destroy the reality that they believe to be true.
Look, ProcrastiN8rs don’t like to waste time so be respectful and don’t waste the time of others. You may be a selfish lazy jerk. But you’re not a complete douche hole
Yeah, they may not like you. You may never see eye to eye. But they will very well respect you.
You’ll learn that Respect is far superior to Affection in every single way.
Be lazy. Embrace it. And others will Respect you, even if they don't like it.
You have to remember shit that you made up, bite your tongue when you’re about to say something contrary, tense up your muscles as you express feelings you don’t even feel.
It’s physically, mentally, and emotionally *exhausting*.
It literally puts your mind in a state of OVERDRIVE.
No, really, there have been studies on this. You become overwhelmed and stressed within actual minutes of telling a lie.
Fuck that. I like feeling at ease, man.
If you’re the type of person that is not at ease and has high anxiety, you have to ask yourself, “Am I being honest with other people? Am I being honest with myself?”
Dig deep. Face the truth.
And you may say “But I have to smile at my job. My boss wants me to always be happy in fornt of customers.”
Well first of all you don’t *need* a job at all, but if you insist on having one and can’t genuinely smile (and have to wear a fake one), then you seriously need to find another one...or just quit and stay on the couch all day.
Either way you’ll be happier than working, say a boring dead end retail job.
Don’t memorize lies you told. Instead memorize boss patterns so you can be an expert PvMer.
Oh and not to mention, once you’re caught in a lie, you then have to either fess up or create more lies to cover the original lies and then even more lies to cover those until you’ve created an entire a world of illusion.
It becomes Lie-ception. You have lies and then lies withing lies within lies within lies.
If you do decide to confess or just get caught up in your own web of lies, then it’s like trying to pull teeth as you desperately attempt to *convince* people that you’re telling the truth *this time*.
Well what about next time?
Or the time after that?
And so on and so forth. That’s what will be on their minds.
Even if you do somehow manage to memorize all the lies you told
(I don’t know, maybe you write this shit down in a journal complete with charts n’ shit and keep it on your bed side), you’d be living a fake reality, the fucking Matrix dude!
Plus, you could probably become a doctor with that amount of study involved in memorizing lies.
A doctor by the way (at least a generic practitioner) is one of the laziest jobs. You choose your own hours. You can come in late (and who’s gonna stop you? You’re the doctor!) Then you give your “diagnosis” which is really just a fancy word for “opinion”
The nurses do most of the work, really.
On top of that, you charge up the wazoo for your services.
Being a doctor is not a lot of work. It’s just a lot of knowledge.
Anyway, I’m saying you would need as much knowledge and memorization of information (or false information) as it would take for a Doctor to be certified if you were to be a “successful” liar.
Just tell the truth from the beginning and tell the truth always. Save yourself the fucking headache and a half.
No matter how much bank you’re making, you’re poor af if you’re a greedy liar.
Growing up, my father would always say to me:
“The one thing you ever have in this world is integrity. Once you lose that, you have nothing, so you better keep it.”
Look, if you’re not the type of person you want to be, either change or accept who you are.
Don’t pretend to be someone or something you’re not.
It’ll blow up in your face. Quite quickly, I might add/
Use this recent debacle with Blizzard as an example -- them saying they “respect the personal opinions of other people” but they just want to make “the focus on the game” during “official events”
Bullshit. They’re trying to play this two-faced nut job who appeases communist China and Freedom of Speech America at the same time. They actually forced Blizzard team members to take down Tweets on their PERSONAL pages that criticized their decision.
So much for allowing personal opinions.
For those of you out of the loop, Blizzard banned the Hearthstone tournament player after he made some comments in support of the Hong Kong protests. Many people point to their strong business ties with China and the possibility (*psst* truth they’re trying to conceal) that they didn’t want to damage their partnership with them.
So now they keep pedaling back and forth between “we love free speech” and “we can’t allow that sort of discussion”.
Pick a side, and pick the one that aligns with your own set of morality and principles.
Take a stance.
Make a decision.
This is exactly what I mean when I say that Respect is more important than Affection.
They are trying to earn Affection from both sides. And you can’t do that.
You can never earn affection from polar opposites.
People want to see that you hold principles and aren’t just blowing sunshine up their ass.
And speaking of integrity, don’t follow this “fake it ‘til you make it bullshit” You’re not gonna make it that way. Progress is done slow n steady, one step at a time, not pretending you won before you even took your first step.
Trust takes a very long time to build, but just one single breach of it to destroy it completely - FOREVER!
Now that may sound quite dramatic, but hey, it’s the truth.
Once you lie to a person, the trust is broken and the relationship will NEVER be the same again. Ever.
It instead becomes a game of Russian Roulette for them.
Are they gonna get the truth or another bullshit lie shot at their face?
That person you lied to will always be thinking in the back of their head “what if s/he’s lying this time?”
They may think the chances of you lying may go down, but never disappear completely.
There is always a chance you could lie.
They’ll never learn to fully trust you again. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not 20 or 40 years from now. Even if you spend an eternity trying to rebuild what was broken, it’ll never be as strong as it was when they initially trusted you. The trust will be fragmented at best and lost completely at worst.
Plus, it takes a lot of energy to “win” someone’s trust back. Of course, you never really "win" at that point. Telling a lie is the ultimate Old Maid and you lose the game no matter what else is in your hand.
Even when you supposedly do quote on quote "win" their trust back, they’ll always remain slightly skeptical of your words and will wonder how much deception are within them. They will literally criticize you and question you for the rest of your life. THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
Even if you evolve and become a fully honest person, they'll never completely forgive you for that one lie.
Once someone labels you as a liar, that’s a permanent title next to your name. At best, they may think you’re “a bit less of a liar now”. But you’re still a LIAR. At worst, they just think you're a liar and can't trust you and want nothing to do with you.
Best to tell the truth from the get-go and never stray from that path.
People will learn to love your lazy self
I’ve already said that you want Respect over Affection but just to re-iterate: some people will love you, some people will hate you.
Get over it. It’s not their opinion of you that matters . It’s your own awareness of self that does. It’s your own comfort, on your own mattress.
You want people to be aware that you have a sense of self and can just be lazy and not give a fuck what others think. That’s bold.
If you lie, you don’t even know who you really are. You can’t expect people to respect a person that doubts him or herself (or pretends to be someone else)
They may like them...for a little while.
Until they realize the person they liked doesn’t even actually exist and instead is a fabrication of a cleverly concocted illusion, until they realize the cake is a lie.
Love yourself,your true self, flaws and all, no matter how lazy you are.
Own your mistakes, rather than trying to cover them up.
“Yeah I did that and so fucking what? It wasn’t the best decision. It happened though. You don’t have to like it or me and I certainly would understand why. I mean, I fucked up. But I’m learning and moving past that so either accept it or gtfo” is the attitude you need to have.
A bit mean, yeah, but remember, meanness is the pathway to honesty.
Be a lazy asshole!
You just gotta learn to STOP FUCKING CENSORING YOURSELF!
And in doing so, at first, you may have to come across as mean. Eventually you'll learn how to be more tactful (and kind) in your approach.
But the Nice Guy/Gal People Pleaser you have been has to go!
You can’t become more confident in “fake you”. You can only become confident in yourself - -your real self, the self you may have to soon yet discover. Man, you ain’t got time to listen to what other people tell you you *should* be doing.
Don’t try to live up to others expectations. Don’t try to meet other people’s goals. Meet your own goals, meet your own expectations, even if that’s earning a Platinum Trophy in Outer Lands or whatever.
You can throw out your emotional bullshit in the garbage where it belongs. You can’t do that if you won’t even take an (honest) look at it.
Face your emotions and don’t bottle them up. Find a productive way to express it, through art or music. Or just simply...do nothing. No literally, do nothing. Sit down, relax, maybe grab a blunt and chill.
Err uhh, meditate as they call it.
Let your mind rest and face the truth. Think about the mistakes you made. Face them. And watch them from afar, like you’re sitting in the back of a movie theatre.
Look at yourself as a character in that film. Grow to love that character.
And certainly don’t try to re-write your life’s story just to fit a mold of something you are convinced you should be. Watch the story as it unfolds. Watch the truth of it.
The future is unwritten, but it can only be written in the way you want it to once you understand both the past and present of your own life and can accept the truth of the matter, no matter how bad it hurts.
The truth lets you tap into your creativity.
Musicians write songs expressing their true feelings. Likewise, artists. dig into their true emotional state of mind through paintings. Writers create characters in novels that become real.
It is the people that manage to BE HONEST with their emotions that are labeled as creative geniuses.
This success is reached not so much by ingenuity but by examining your own feelings and state of mind from an honest perspective, rather than lying to yourself or trying to hide those feelings.
How many songs can you relate to?
How many stories do you feel like you’re one of the characters?
It is through creative expression and the honesty of the work that we realize we can come together and connect through something beyond...the normal means of communication.
So instead of practicing hard on guitar for hours, just accept how you feel, even the darkest parts of it.
True enlightenment is not all positivity and love, but sometimes despair and loathing.
Balance is key.
Okay, practice may help become a music legend but remember low n slow. Persistence of Endurance.
It’s better to practice every day for 20 minutes than once a week for 5 hours but that’s another topic for another day.
In lying, you make decisions based on what either you convinced yourself or you convinced others is the truth, instead of, well, the *actual truth*.
You may decide to marry or have kids because that’s what you should do, but it’s not the truth of what you actually want at all. You just feel -- expected to, sort of obligated to fulfill a “life timeline” that doesn’t match your desires at all.
This is what leads to severe unhappiness, maybe even clinical depression.
You may find yourself in a situation where you just -- don’t want to be. It’s not something you truthfully crave or makes you feel satisfied. Often this “oh shit!” moment or epiphany is referred to as “the mid-life crisis” where a bunch of middle aged folks wake up and think
“What the fuck? How did I get here?”
And they realize they’re life has been one big lie they’ve sold themselves to.
Again, you’ve tied yourself a pretty tight knot in this thick web of lies and every decision you make is based on one thread of lie or another.
It’s vital to not only tell the truth to others, but also to yourself.
Release yourself and slash that web of lies! Ya know, or use it as threads for your new hammock.
Honesty is true freedom and happiness
Think about it: how can you attain *true* freedom without anything but the truth?
If you’re not honest with yourself, you can’t create the life you actually want.
You can’t find what it is that actually makes you happy and instead just distract yourself or live life through a series of obligations rather than desires.
People that can turn off the filter. People that can express what's on their mind and how they are feeling. People that break the chains of obligation and make their own path.
That's a level of freedom that very few attain.
But it all starts with laying on the C.O.U.C.H. and not giving a fuck so you can be honest as a person and as a procrastinator.
And you may be thinking..
I’m always honest. But I’m STILL lonely and feel unfulfilled!
Well maybe you’re just complaining too much. I’d hate to say it, but I’m just being honest.
It’s okay though, you’ll learn how to relax and be able to express those feelings honestly in a more productive (and attractive) way. You won’t be changing who you are or what you do, just how you “put it on display” so to speak.
You’re not gonna fake it til you make it or even try at all. You’re just gonna learn to be you, truly you. And love every little bit of how lazy you are.
We’ll continue this on my next blog. Subscribe to the newsletter so you don’t miss it!
For now, take the time to relax, meditate, and only lie on the couch or bed when you do lie.
Take it easy,