It’s a lot of work to lie and put simply, it is NOT the lazy way.
ProcrastiN8rs are not liars. We’re honest folk.
You may be thinking something along the lines:
“I’m honest about how I feel but people tell me I’m too negative”
..or maybe they just straight up reject you. Either way you end hurt
So you hide how you feel. You put on a fake smile.
When people ask how you’re doing, you tell them “I’m fine”
But you’re not fine. You’re not anywhere close to fine.
You’re full of feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. You’re depressed.
And you’re trying to talk, you’re trying to reach out, and you’re trying to “be honest”, but no one’s listening. No one understands.
People may just tell you that you’re such a drain to be around.
And this may cause you to lie. This may call cause you to not always be completely truthful in expressing your feelings.
You hold back your emotions and bite your tongue when asked simple questions like “How are you doing?”
Well I’ll tell you what...
Lying and pretending is NOT the answer.
It actually makes things worse. It makes you feel worse. By wearing a mask to hide your emotions, you further resent yourself and feel even more of an outcast.
You may think “I can’t be honest with my emotions without being ridiculed or judged.”
So you create this false persona of being “happy go lucky” because that’s what people “like,” isn’t it?
And that may make your further dive into the thought process of “I suppose I must be the only one feeling this way.”
Okay, look, I want you to read the following sentence carefully, re-read it. As a matter of fact, burn it in your brain:
You are not alone.
We’ve all been there, fellow procrastin8r.
We’ve all felt shitty. Welcome to life.
There are too many artists with paintings,musicians with songs, and writers with stories that express emotions to believe that you are alone on this journey and that no one else feels (or has ever felt) the way you do right now.
Now you can either bitch and moan about it or say “meh” and move on.
You either attach yourself to the emotion you’re feeling from moment to moment or watch it go by like an odd-looking cloud in the sky.
See, it’s not about acting on your emotions and expressing them loudly, or even, on the other side of the spectrum, ignoring them completely until you reach the point they build up and explode.
Nothing about fiery rage, for example, is lazy. That requires yelling, shouting, and maybe even throwing things. Sheesh! Too much effort just to say you’re mad, if you ask me. Any-HOOT...
It’s about being able to express your emotions effectively. It’s about enabling emotional maturity through, you guessed it, laziness.
Now, you may feel like you’re “supposed to” feel happy , that you’re “supposed to” be positive, that you’re “supposed to” feel a certain way.
But you don’t feel that way and that makes it hard to express how you *really* feel.
Look, you’re not “supposed to” do anything.
And that’s why you’re feeling trapped and lonely -- because you put yourself in a place you disassociate with.
Don’t let anyone make you think you’re “supposed to” think or feel a certain way.
Be your own dude (or dudette)
The goal is to not hide or lie about emotions or bottle them up but instead explain your feelings calmly and rationally. This will not only help build respect in the eyes of others but also give you better self control and self confidence.
But before we get into the specifics of what to say and how to say it when expressing your emotions, you first have to be in the right state of mind.
The Lazy-Never-Lie-Unless-Its-In-Bed Mindset.
First of all, relax.
I know it’s hard. You try to relax but just can’t Anxiety has the upperhand over you.
But that’s the thing. That’s where you’ve got it all wrong.
Relaxing, by its very nature, is the act of NOT TRYING ANYTHING.
You don’t “try” to be relaxed. You just...relax.
Don’t try to come up with solutions to your problems. Don’t try to make yourself feel better.
And most importantly, don’t try to convince yourself that you’re “should be” doing better.
You’re not really having an honest look at yourself. You’re not relaxed enough. You’re anxious and on edge.
In order to have a real*honest look at yourself, you have to be in a calm state of mind, not one of anxiety. This allows you to view things from an outside perspective, without getting too attached to how things turn out.
Embrace your laziness and do nothing. Stop caring. Stop trying.
And don’t feel bad about it.
Anxiety is a hard working mindset and it comes from the attachment of outcome. If you’re undergoing lots of anxiety, it means you care too much.
Lean on back and stop giving so much of a fuck!
Think to yourself “Whatever happens, happens”. No matter how bad it gets, it doesn’t faze you. You’re cool and don’t get all “worked up”. I mean c’mnon, that’s extra work, man! Stay on your lazy ass and don’t get worked up over small shit.
And by the way, it’s ALL small shit.
It’s not about “always being happy”, or “being in a good mood” -- it’s about actually NOT Giving a FUCK!
NOT a single one. Nope.
You’re not out to attain happiness. You’re out to attain not giving a fuck. (Although quite consequently you will achieve happiness by simply not giving a fuck)
Anxiety comes from this belief that you “have to be” a certain way, you “have to achieve” a certain goal or set of goals. It comes from a feeling of inadequacy for arbitrary standards, which you yourself probably didn’t even set.
Once you realize, you don’t have to do anything at all.
Once you realize you are 100% free to create your own standards and not live up to the standards created by someone or something else *outside* of your own self.
That is when you achieve complete personal FREEDOM!
And laziness is your path to get there.
By embracing your laziness, by purposefully not trying or giving a fuck, and making it your actual goal to just sit on the couch all day and do nothing, then guess what?
You set yourself up for success! Congratulations!
You said what you were going to do and did it...even if that was nothing. YAY!!
Nope don’t even think about it
I should probably--
Do nothing except what you want. Exactly.
Look, this is about getting yourself in the mental frame of “I do what I want and take responsibility for it” instead of “I try to be responsible by meeting obligations that make other people think
Do what you think is responsible, not what you think others might.
I think playing video games and napping all day is wonderfully responsible!
Look at things from skyview and don’t be so stuck within your inner. Take a look at the outer, the outer-self. There’s a bigger picture than just what you’re feeling.
And, fellow procrastin8r, may I repeat--that you are not alone.
Don’t identify with your failures and shortcomings. Things suck.
Okay. Yeah, they do. Shit happens.
But don’t let your fuck ups become so wrapped up in your personal identity that you lose sight of the balance of things, that you lose sight of the accomplishments and “wins”.
Your mistakes don’t define you. Ever. Don’t let them. The bad things that happen to you (outside of your control) don’t define you either.
Lean on back and say “it’s whatever, man”
You don’t have to happy about the shit that happens. You just have to remain calm about it.
Don’t let any sort of chaos, craziness, or debauchery in life “Shake you” out of bed.
If shitty things in life are like mornings. Don’t be a morning person. Sleep ‘til noon instead.
Time to tell the truth..
Now once you’ve got all that mental frame stuff under your belt, it’s time to actually learn to express your emotions TRUTHFULLY.
Because once you’ve nixed the bullshit obligation mindset and embraced one of laziness, you are being true to yourself and can therefore be true in your wants, needs, and desires.
And most importantly, you’re relaxed af!
Some might say “unfazed”.
But either way, you can be an honest mofo and not feel like a total failure or all alone.
Here are the practical steps toward being honest, emotionally:
The main reason why people tell you to STFU when you’re “open and honest’” about your feelings is likely because you *rely* on them for emotional support.
Sleep in your own bed, damnit. Make your own mattress comfy.
That is to say, in a less figurative way, find comfort and confidence within yourself, instead of seeking it from others.
If you don’t shower for a few days, you’ll reek of BO and if you don’t cleanse your mind through meditation for a while, you’ll reek of desperation and neediness.
Look, I’ll admit I sometimes go a day or two without a shower but I at least wear deodorant and spray cologne - the lazy man’s shower.
Have the patience to approach your emotions in a mature way...later man.
Control your emotions and don’t let them control you. You decide how you’re going to react and when you’re going to react.
Like always, as a procrastin8r, you choose to do things when you want, where you want, and how you want.
Now by saying “control your emotions”, that doesn’t mean you are emotion-LESS.
No. As we talked about, you don’ want to hold back feelings and bottle them up until they explode.
Recognize how your emotions but don’t react to them.
You don’t have to jump up and scream right away because you are feeling angry.
You don’t have to sob into your sleeve because you are *feeling* sad.
Procrastinate. Examine your feelings and don’t let them rush you to get up and have a reaction right away.
Understand your own emotions and allow them to influence your decisions but don’t give them the steering wheel and let your emotions drive you down the wrong path.
Obviously if you’re in the habit of lying or hiding your true feelings, it’s going to be difficult to jump from Lying Larry to Honest Abe straight away, as difficult as jumping right out of bed instead of hitting snooze when your alarm goes off.
So start small and don’t worry about transforming over night.
Eventually you’ll be so lazy, laid-back, and calm that you can even express how exactly you’re feeling in tough situations ike in heated arguments
But it all starts with a simple, nearly effortless step.
In general, don’t strive for the impossible and make big ass goals. Make tiny, easy, achievable goals.
If someone asks how you’re feeling, be honest.
Just don’t go on and on in a “woe is me” tale.
I mean first of all, c’mon, that’s a lot of extra work. Speaking, ranting. Extra words, extra time, extra effort. Not something a true lazy ProcrastiN8r will do.
Make it seem like you’re just “going with the flow” and getting hit by the splashes in the Lazy River of Life.
You want to give off the vibe of “I don’t worry and am just taking it easy”
You can even say: “I’m having some bad shit happening right now. I’m feeling stressed and pretty down lately, but it’s not anything I can’t handle.”
That way, you’re not lying about how you feel and at the same time you’re also not overburdening the other person with your problems
The only thing you should have in common with a vampire is maybe sleeping during the day, but vampires suck. Literally and figuratively.
Now they may not be out on the hunt in bloodthirst, but social vampires prey off energy, emotional energy and will literally suck you ‘til your dry of it.
Don’t be that guy (or gal). Don’t suck your friends and family dry of emotional resources
This ties back into being needy. Every single social vampire out there is a needy person. So if you aren’t needy, you won’t be one of these monsters.
While you do want to tell the truth about your emotions, you don’t want to make other people responsible for your emotions.
You like to save energy yourself (and lay on the couch all day) so pay it forward and let others save energy too.
You may not feel the same way (about a given situation) as everyone else. And that’s fine. You’re cool with that.
You express how you feel and welcome disagreement. You’re not there to people please or win the approval of others. You’re just there to be honest and simply do not give a fuck if people “expect” a certain reaction out of you.
You have your own reaction and aren’t there to mimic others. You’re a person, not a mirror.
There are real douche bags out there that get a kick out of irking other people and getting them to lose control of their emotions, reacting with yelling or crying. Don’t give these people the satisfaction.
Walk away. You don’t have time to deal with that nonsense. You have movies to watch, video games to play.
You don’t want IRL to be a game to play and don’t put up with high school level drama like that.
Once you show that you can get “riled up” by certain things, they’ll keep pushing and pushing until you break.
It’s like the boss’s flashing red weak spot, and that’s what they aim for. Your weak spot.
Don’t let them break you. Tell them it’s not something you tolerate. Calmly yet firmly.
And walk the fuck away.
Lay back, relax, and be honest. There’s no reason to get worked up about things or hide who you are or what you’re feeling for that matter.
You’re free, emotionally. There’s no obligation to feel a certain way.
Take it easy,
Next week, we’ll dive into telling the truth, no matter how much it hurts. We focused today on how you don’t want to lie to protect yourself, and in the next blog, we’ll expand that into how you don’t want to lie to protect others -- because that’s the lazy way!
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