Stop the noise ‘cause I’d rather sleep all day!
The main reason why gift giving is so culturally encouraged, especially during the holiday season, is because corporations want profit. They use the holidays as an excuse to market their products. They’re not actually concerned about sharing any sort of joy or giving.
And all year long, we’re constantly bombarded with messages to “give a gift to the one you love”, whether its a diamond jewelry advertisement or movie where flowers“wins the girl” or a TV show where a gift brings the family together.
This whole idea of “celebrate the season of giving” is all brainwashing bullshit to buy, buy, BUY!
It has nothing to do with any sort of generosity and everything to do with pushing a surge of consumerism for a few months.
And it is therefore why, my fellow procrastin8rs...
I don’t give gifts...at least not in the traditional sense.
Look, I’m lazy af and finding the right gift for someone takes a lot of planning, researching, and of course actually shopping. It takes loads of time and effort and is just overall too much work, man.
And for what? To make them smile for a few minutes and then use it maybe once or twice before either they throw it out or re-gift it for next year.
Not worth it. I’ve got video games to play, shows to watch, naps to take.
Not to mention all the wrapping. God I hate wrapping. Ba humbug! Heck, if I do give a gift, which is a very rare occasion, I’m handing it to them straight in an Amazon Prime box or maybe an old holiday bag so I can just shove it in with some newspaper or some shit.
Look, The whole point of “giving” is to be selfless and not think about yourself, but a lot of people actually give gifts for themselves. They care about the WIIFM, What's In It For Me?
Now while they may actually buy something for another person and not literally buy themselves something off their own wish list, the fundamental reason they bought the gift in the first place is not so benevolent in nature.
What they really want is something out of it
They want feelings of approval or love or affection. They want to feel good and maybe get a kiss or hug or something else physically.
The gift quote on quote “giver” is focused primarily on themselves and how it makes them feel and what benefits it will have for them. I mean sure, the giver may care about the other person, the receiver, but what they really want is to receive something themselves, whether it be physical affection, words of affirmation, or even just joyful feelings.
The cake is a lie.
I mean, think about that that warm sensation you get in your chest when you make someone close to you smile as they unwrap your gift and hearing the words “thank you”. Is that not part of the reason you give it? To feel good.
Let’s be honest with ourselves, we all want to feel good.
We want to feel appreciated and valuable.
Often times when it comes to gift giving, it’s not really a gift at all. It’s all about you and what you want.
So by avoiding giving gifts for all the reasons I mentioned I personally don't do it, I’m really being no more or less selfish than the people that supposedly “love” giving gifts.
No. Just no. What they love, more often than not, are the feelings that gift giving provides for them.
You see, Giving, at its core, is actually a Sacrifice
A true gift is “giving up”, sacrificing your time, money, energy, and/or wellbeing without hoping for any sort of reciprocation or compensation.
Many people don’t understand this, because like I said, they are focused on their own wants, needs, and desires. People often trade instead of give.
In their favor wrapped-up present in a box, they are attempting to open up an opportunity for themselves. They want to trade value for value in return.
Usually, they don’t directly think “Well, I’m gonna trade this teddy bear for a kiss from my girlfriend” or “I’m gonna trade this toy for hug from my kid”.
Instead, they’ll think something along the lines of...
“I can’t wait to see the look on his/her face”
“S/he’s gonna kiss me so hard when s/he opens this”
“I can’t want to hear her sweet little voice tell me “thank you”
See what all of these things have in common? It’s all about what they can *get* out of the situation, not what they can give.
In giving a *true* gift, you must focus on how the *other person* feels and what the gift provides *for them*.
“This is going to make her happy.”
“He will appreciate this so much because he loves ____”
It’s an act of sacrifice, an act of selflessness.
You must think to yourself ““I don’t care how this makes me feel because this has absolutely nothing to do with me or what I can get out of this.” if you truly want to actually...give.
To put it blunt, you must realize this:
Giving, in its truest form, means you may get nothing in return. You don’t expect anything, even warm feels.
Giving to others is an empty feeling. It doesn’t fill you up. By the very definition, you are “pouring your heart out” and handing over what you have. And you must do this without leaving your hands open, waiting for someone to return the favor.
If you feel otherwise, then again, you are focused on what the gift is doing *for you* and how it’s making you feel.
When you give, purely to just give, you will feel like shit. Okay? Let’s not beat around the bush.
Giving is a shitty feeling. You get absolutely pop diddly squat for doing it. You must know this if you want to actually give.
And...whatever. You don’t need a goddamn thing. You’re relaxed and confident in your own bed and aren’t actively seeking their appreciation or approval.
...at least that’s the attitude you want to aim for, as a ProcrastiN8r.
Don’t put your self worth in a gift.
By giving elaborate gifts, and hoping to win their heart, you are telling the person “this real big thing is more important and valuable than anything I as a person have to offer to you. I’m not real confident in myself and need an external *thing* to make up for my lack of internal value I have for myself. I’m hoping this thing will attract you or make you see me as worthy of your approval”
You are placing your entire self worth in the gift you wrap and it comes across as desperate and needy, especially if this is a person who you don’t know very well and are trying to impress.
Chocolates, flowers, stuffed animals -- all of that junk it just consumerism you’ve been brainwashed to believe builds attraction, respect, and love. Buying gifts like this right away, without first sparking attraction is what leads a lot of guys to getting "stuck in the friend zone."
Bro, she sees you don't value yourself, and instead value a gift, so why should she value you?
Unless the person is heavily materialistic.
And if they are that materialistic, you have to ask yourself: Do I really want to invest into a relationship (or friendship for that matter) with someone who cares more about superficial things than human connection?
Now I’m not saying you can’t buy anything ever for anyone. What I am saying is that you shouldn’t pretend like it’s the movies and live under the false notion that buyable gifts bring together love.
The gift you buy should represent, not replace, the value you bring to the table as a person.
Be Selfish and Give to Yourself
You can’t give if you have nothing.
If you’re empty on the inside, then you are coming from a place of need, rather than desire. Not cool, man.
The whole reason you’re giving at that point is to fill yourself with love, not share the love you already have with another.
When you give, you want to fill *others* with love, not the other way around.This actually makes gift giving easy because then you’re not “trying” to get something out of it. You want to be able to give the gift, with no expectations -- to just let what happens happen and go with the flow.
But in order to give to others, in the real sense of the word, you have to give to yourself first. Now that may sound selfish, and for all intents and purposes maybe it is. But stop giving a fuck about what other people think.
There’s this idea in society that any sort of self care, appreciation or love is “Selfish” and that’s just not true. Being so called “selfish” is actually necessary to attaining happiness and fulfillment in life, contrary to popular belief.
You have to appreciate your own strengths, care about your own weaknesses, and love yourself fully in order to be able to offer that love, appreciation, and care to others.
Rather than running out to the store, stay inside on the couch and take the time to reflect on the things that you truly and deeply love about yourself.
Think about what you want, and I don’t mean your Christmas wish list. Think about what you deeply desire in life... and give yourself that (or at least part of it by taking steps to get it)
Procrastinate the holiday shopping and spend time on your hobby instead, growing your own experience and knowledge and value as a person.
Take it easy and learn to accept your flaws and mistakes. Mistakes are Meh. You don’t have to like them, but accept them and relax about them rather than getting “worked up” and anxious.
If you can give these gifts to yourself, then you’ll fill your heart and be able to spread love to others.
...And that’s much more powerful as well as cheaper and easier than filling up your shopping cart
Remember, You are the Gift that Keeps on Giving
Get the idea out of your head that you need to buy something in order for it to count as a gift.
Have confidence in your own awesomeness. Your presence is a gift and you’re too lazy to go shopping for shit.
Become that selfish lazy jerk who doesn’t give a fuck about anyone but himself, at least for now. Be cocky and even tell people “I am your Christmas gift. I’m here.,” with a cheerful smile.
See, being a lazy jerk is a necessary step in self development, especially when you’re coming from a place of giving too much or buying gifts in hopes of winning approval.
It’s all a balancing act and eventually the jerk persona can fade away. You don’t want to be a complete jerk, ideally.
You can’t really strike the right balance if you don’t understand and experience the other side of the spectrum though, so start from there.
You shouldn’t be so self absorbed in your own mind that you only take from others and don’t offer anything other than “showing up.
Instead, you want to take the attitude of “my presence is awesome and a gift in and of itself, but I am willing to give more”
You want to reach a place of confidence, self fulfillment, and inner peace that you no longer buy gifts (or generally do things to “people please”) in order to feel a sense of self worth.
But at the same time you want to reach a level of humbleness, care, and respect for others that you don’t only take things in your friendships and relationships.
The Benefit of Giving
Once you are happy and fulfilled as a person, once you find the proper balance within yourself, you’ll realize that...
You have love to give and you don’t need to take it (or any other positive feeling) from an outside source because you can already find it, plenty of it, within yourself and the things you do...or procrastinate and don’t do for that matter.
You can create the gifts of joy, love, and appreciation within your own mind and within your own heart. You are the creator.
You can imagine the feelings you want and that’s much easier than running to the store or even browsing Amazon.
Love is abundant.
You must develop this abundance mentality - that you can have the things you want at any time and it's no big deal if you don't get it right away from one particular person. That's the cool laid back Lazy Mindset you want to achieve.
Otherwise, you come from a scarcity mindset and doing so means you feel you need a specific outcome. It makes you stressed and anxious
Don’t become attached to the outcome of seeing a smile or getting a hug or a blow job or a gift in return or whatever.
You give the experience of unwrapping the gift and expect to receive nothing out of it.
You want the mindset of: I’m giving this gift because it will bring them joy and we'll ““See where it goes & go with the flow.”
If you appreciate yourself, you don’t need someone else to appreciate you (and the gifts you buy).
You give from a place of genuinely sharing this abundance of love, rather than a place of desperately needy self-preservation and trying to “get” something out of your own gift.
Relax, give yourself love and share the abundance with others. No need to hustle and bustle at the store or browse online catalogues.
Take it easy,
P.S. Next week, we’ll cover how to get away with NOT buying gifts for the holidays. Subscribe to the newsletter so you don’t miss it!