It’s like they kick out of putting other people down. They’re entire sense of self worth is based on how much they can damage the self worth of others. They bring others down to boost themselves up. They’re parasitic people - the “karens” in life. The absolute d-bags.
They project their own feelings of self hatred onto others and wind up trying to rile people up over nonsensical things.
Some people are more driven by their own Ego than by any desire to create meaningful relationships with *anyone*, yet alone you. They’d rather build up their own pride than build up any sort of rapport with another human being.
And sure, they may find themselves in a relationship or even marriage, but it’s more because of the benefits (monetary, social status, attention, etc) that come from being in a relationship, rather than any sort of care for the other person. (and god forbid if you actually find yourself in a relationship with one of these toxic buttwhipes)
Yes, the assholes in life are completely inevitable. It’s not a matter of if you’re going to come across assholes or not, it’s a matter of how you handle it when you do.
Face it ,not everybody is gonna be nice to you. And even those that are, they’ll sometimes say some not so nice things to you. The question is how do you handle that? How do you handle people being quite frankly a total d-bag to you?
Well, when it comes to someone giving you a hard time, insulting you, or otherwise crossing your boundaries, you’re given two obvious options: either suck it up and don’t say anything, leaving yourself exposed to a further onslaught of insults and mean words or give them a piece of mind and hurt them back.
You’re kind of put between a rock and a hard place. If you don’t stand up for yourself, well then people are going to walk all over you. You’re an easy target and people will kick you while you’re down, knowing you ain’t gonna retaliate at all. On the other hand, if you do decide to stick up for yourself, you risk saying something equally as vain as what “karen” originally said and that just instigates drama. Drama is extra emotional effort, and in being lazy you must avoid *any* extra effort, and that’s why it’s important to make your life a drama-free zone.
So what’s a person to do when they come face to face with someone trying to get under their skin? On one hand you get pushed around, on the other you stir drama. Seems like a catch twenty two.
Well, fellow procrastin8r, that’s where balance comes into play. After all, a procrastin8r never does too much nor too little. He does just enough. Nothing more, nothing less. On principle.
Thus, there is a balance between letting people walk all over you and you walking all over other people, so I want to introduce a third option when it comes to handling shitty people in your life and that is to remain cool, calm, and laid back.
We’ve covered earlier how to remain cool, calm, and laid back at all times in the blog before, and today I want to expand upon that topic and apply it specifically to dealing with other people. And without further ado, let’s dive...right into it!
You have to first and foremost set the tone that you are not one to be fucked with. Now getting fucked with can come in different flavors-- there are different ways in which people can fuck with you, so let’s break down what they are.
People can fuck with you in 3 main ways: by taking advantage of you, wrongfully criticizing you, and feeding you bullshit. Let’s analyze each one and look at how to avoid getting fucked in each specific way.
1. When a person takes advantage of you, it means they let you do them favors or help them, without ever reciprocating anything in return.
This is basically “people pleasing”, where you wind up sacrificing your own happiness in order to bring about happiness for others. Thing is, you can’t make anyone else happy, but yourself. And even if you could make them happy, it still won’t make your own self happy.
They may also take advantage of your kindness or willingness to forgive. They’ll do something that bothers you on more than one occasion, like your roommate who consistently plays loud music in the mornings when you’re trying to sleep or your significant other who never does his/her fair share of chores. They never seem to learn.
I mean, why would they? You’re quick to forgive, if you even decide to say anything at all. Maybe you’re too afraid to upset them that you don’t say anything. Well, then they're taking advantage of your own insecurity.
You need to have boundaries. You need to be able to say “that’s not okay” when it’s not okay in your book. Otherwise, you’ll wind up building up this anger, which fires up in some lame passive aggressive comment. You may think you’re being “nice” by letting the person do what they want to make them happy, but it’s quite mean to pretend you’re okay with it (when you’re really not) and later blurt out some passive aggressive comment.
Easily avoidable if you know your limits and know what you absolutely will not tolerate. If you don’t like loud noise in the morning, say something. If you don’t like your boyfriend/girlfriend being even lazier than you are, say something.
People only will take advantage of you if you let them.
2. The next way people fuck with you is by wrongfully criticize you. Wrongfully is the key word here.
Criticism is something you should openly embrace. Being able to let someone notice and point out the flaws within yourself that you may otherwise be completely oblivious to is an important factor in self development and personal growth.
But there’s a fine line between constructive criticism and destructive criticism.You have to look at what their intentions are. Are they legitimately trying to help you or just make you feel bad about yourself?
Criticism is harsh no matter what. We don’t exactly like to hear about all the terrible things about ourselves, but good criticism can help you level up, while bad criticism can hold you back from ever evolving.
You have to look at whether they’re giving you a dose of tough love or just trying to rile you up with an insult. If it’s the latter, you can’t let it get to you. You can’t let it bother you.
You have to realize they’re just trying to make themselves feel good by making you feel bad. Don’t give them what they want and show them they can’t get to you, no matter how hard they try. You remain unfazed and don’t give a fuck. That’s just like...their opinion man.
Spotting constructive criticism versus a pure insult really comes down to the tone and the way in which its presented. Constructive criticism has the tone of “what you’re doing is wrong, and you could do better”, whereas a pure insult has the tone of “you’re wrong and everything you do is wrong.”
The only thing wrong is the way they are criticizing you here. Don’t harp on it. Take it with a grain of salt and move on.
Laugh it off or tell them they’re acting really insecure right now. Use that word and use it well, Playing the “insecure” card is a powerful trump card. You essentially call them out on acting vain because of their own self doubt.
The only reasonable response a person can say to you when you call them out for being insecure is “sorry”. Anything else just proves the case and point. If they feel the need to defend themselves about acting insecure when they’re flat out insulting you, then hell yeah, they’re being insecure. A mature confident person is able to admit when they have moments of insecurity.
3. The third and final way people fuck with you is by feeding you bullshit.
There are very few things I hate, but one of them is when someone lies to me. Like dude, just tell the truth. Seriously, lying is just stupid. And telling the truth is the ONE thing you should NOT procrastinate on.
A lie is an attempt to manipulate your reality, to make you believe a false fantasy they created. Many people lie to protect themselves and avoid fessing up to a mistake. But as I say all the time, mistakes are meh. They’re not a big deal. They happen.
What is a big deal though is trying to cover up said mistake.
Look, every meaningful relationship is built on trust and breaking that trust breaks the relationship, whether that’s romantic, platonic, or otherwise. You can’t have a deep connection with somebody if they’re connecting with you using fake cables.
You must insist on the absolute truth with everybody, no matter how close they are. I don’t care if they're your neighbor, friend, or cashier at the convenience store down the street. Bullshit is one thing you shouldn’t let people get away with around you.
I covered how to spot a bullshitter before and I recommend going back to read that article so you get a good idea on the telltale signs that someone is lying to you. It’s actually pretty easy to spot and once you start picking it up, it becomes second hand nature.
Set your bullshit detector to the highest sensitivity possible by familiarizing yourself with the tactics liars use to smuggle their way past the truth.
The minute you notice someone bullshitting you, call them out on it. Say:
“Don’t lie to me. I know you’re lying.”
Now of course, a liar’s response to that is going to be “I’m NOT lying.” They’re going to deny it. A liar will do as a liar does. Don’t let them get away with that shit, just sau...
“Look, I know you’re lying. Just don’t do that again. I value honesty a lot and like to surround myself with people who are always truthful.”
Bullshit stinks. It’s such an obvious smell too. Don’t let them try to spray it with perfume and tell you it’s a flower.
The important thing to keep in mind when people attempt to fuck with you is that they’re doing it to get some sort of reaction. They wanna rile you up. They wanna see what makes you tick. They want to test your boundaries. They want to know how much taking advantage of you, wrongfully criticizing you, and bullshitting you they can get away with.
And boundaries, that’s why they’re important. You have to make it clear cut dry what you won’t take from people. No ifs, and, or buts about it. Be up front about what you expect from others.
If you don’t have boundaries or you do have them but they’re rather flimsy at best and easily demolished at best, then people are going to go about disrespecting you to say the least. They’ll absolutely walk all over you.
You can’t let that sort of thing happen. You must remain strong and stoic.
Now of course, setting boundaries doesn’t mean you get angry or nasty when people try to push past those boundaries. That would be the opposite of what you want to achieve, in fact. Your goal is to stay calm.
Calmness is much more powerful than rage. A person in rage is wild. They’re out of control. A person who is calm is thoughtful, logical; they are in control of their words and actions.
You don’t want to REACT to what they do in rage. Instead, you want to acknowledge it. To acknowledge it means you bring it to their attention, in a calm yet firm sort of way.
You don’t ignore it. You don’t let it slide by. But you also don’t make a huge fuss over it either.
Calmly telling a person that you won’t tolerate a certain behavior says “Don’t fuck with me” much louder than any sort of screaming or shouting could do. Besides, yelling is extra physical effort. Embrace your laziness and raise the confidence in your words, without raising your tone.
Relax, dude. It’s all good.
Don’t stoop down to their level and retaliate with insults or otherwise fiery behavior. Lean back, relax. It’s not a big deal. Think of setting boundaries like ordering food. You’re just telling the person what you want. It doesn’t need to turn into this whole big dramatic event.
And using that analogy, sometimes the waiter brings you the wrong food or cooks your steak well done instead of medium rare. Now if you’re the type of person to berate the server and scream at them, then you might wanna rethink just how lazy you are, because a real lazy person doesn’t feel like making a huge fuss out of things. Sure, a lazy person might say “Hey, you brought me the wrong food.”, but that’s all. The piece is settled. It doesn’t need to really go any further than that. The same can be said with any sort of conflict or situation you find yourself in. Point out what’s wrong, but don’t throw your food. That is to say, state clearly and firmly what you actually want, but don’t go berserk mode and yell, scream, shout, or god forbid physically wreck something or someone.
You can point out someone’s wrongs without doing something wrong yourself. You can point out a person’s assholish behavior without actually calling them an asshole or being an asshole yourself for that matter.
Remember, you can’t control another person’s behavior, words, or actions, but you can control your own.
Take it easy,