There are certain behaviors or actions you can perform that pretty much create this delicious “Have It Your Way” recipe.
You can always Have It Your Way, you just gotta know how to ask. Simple as that. It ain’t too complicated and certainly doesn’t require a knowledge base of social skills or a degree in psychology.
I’m just a lazy dude. I’m no guru or smarty pants, just your average couch surfing procrastin8r, and I always get what I want, eventually.
Now we’re both lazy here, you and I, and we don’t want want to put in a lot of effort into things. Period.
Needless to say, when it comes to getting what we want, we don’t want to actually have to work hard to get it.
That’s why I ‘ve outlined a list of simple steps to get there.
If you’ve been following my blog, last week, we covered certain behaviors and actions you should DO in order to win things in your favor, or very well increase the odds of that happening.
I recommend you go read it
Or ya know, just wait til later. Whatever.
Anyway, it’s no secret that you can’t “win ‘em all”. Sometimes you get rejected, and that’s okay. It’s all good man. It’s just part of life. Accept it with a good ole “meh”.
Since we’re trying to eliminate as much effort as possible though, it makes sense to know what NOT to do when it comes to getting what you want so you don’t get rejected as easily or as often.
...ya know ‘cause that way you won’t waste any time or effort. It's good to know what to avoid so you don't waste time doing it.
A ProcrastiN8r is the master of NOT doing things, so this should be easy.
Without further ado, let’s dive into a list of things you should NOT do when trying to get what you want and win things in your favor.
1. DON’T think too much about what to say next (Don’t overthink)
Often times we have this script in our head about how the conversation is gonna go
Delete the script. Rip it up and throw it out, dude.
You gotta take it easy, go with the flow, keep it real, and live in the moment. Y
You’re not a pull string doll, blurting out the same lines over and over and over again.
You’re a lazy human being, who says just enough to hold a conversation.
But the thing about holding a compelling conversation is you have to make a connection by actually being present in the room *with* the other person.
Listen to what the other person says, focus on the words coming out of their mouth, not the words in your head.
2. DON’T get bogged down in the details
A lot of sales fall flat due to the person giving them excessive details. People just tune out too many details and don’t care.
Truth is, no one is attached to your product or service as much as you are.
But rummaging over details isn’t good in personal life either.
Even if you ask a friend for a favor, if you make it a BIG deal, including all the details as to why you need their help, it’s going to come off as a huge burden.
“Hey, I need you to pick me up tomorrow and take me to the grocery store . I don’t have a car right now”
Make it seem like it’s a minor favor, like it really isn’t a big deal.
You don’t have to tell them your car is in the shop, your fridge is empty, your dog is sick, and you have 6 broken toes.
Don’t give them a sob story and guilt them into helping you. As a matter of fact, don’t give *any* story, really.
Make them think “well that doesn’t seem like he’s asking too much of me. I could probably help.
If you’re asking someone out on a date, you don’t need to go through the whole itinerary of the evening.
“Hey I’m going to go see [insert movie title] on Thursday. You can come if you want”
You don’t have to be like “and we can buy popcorn and maybe walk afterwards and check out some shops in the mall.”
Just be direct. No fluff.
Make an elevator pitch. If you’re riding an elevator, and are trying to make a sale, you have to get straight to the point. You don’t have time to roll through all the details.
Keep your pitch short, sweet, simple and to the point. Extra words is extra work. That’s a no go for a procrastin8r.
As the conversation unfolds, you can fill in the gaps as necessary or even keep a bit of mystery and say “you’ll see.”
3. DON’T stick around too long
Sometimes you just gotta cut your losses and move on. If the person shows no signs of interest (or flat out rejects you), then don’t waste your time haggling or negotiating.
If the person isn’t responding to your attempts to escalate (say yes to simple questions if you’re trying to land a sale or maybe even touch physically if you’re going for a date), just walk away and don’t look back.
Again, it can’t be stressed enough, you can’t win every time, but relax man it’s all good.
The time you spend trying to woo the person or whatever -- those are precious moments you could spend sleeping...or maybe even getting another sale or finding another date.
Time is the most valuable asset of a procrastin8r, use it sparingly.
Don’t avoid eye contact. When you meet eye to eye, maintain that eye contact until they look away first. Hold it for a second or two longer, but don’t over-do it.
Don’t stare. You can look away *once* they look away. You’re not a rootin tootin gunslinger of the Wild West staring down your opponent in a duel. Too much staring, too much eye contact, can be creepy and weird. Oh, and remember to blink. Good god!
Don’t look down. It’s okay to look away once in a while, to demonstrate a level of disinterest and laid back-ness, but look to the side and not on the ground. Look “past” the person, as if something else caught your interest (it helps if something actually *does* catch your eye) but don’t ever look at the floor or below the other person’s eye level.
Don’t slouch. Although you want to be lazy in your posture, you want to lean back and relax, not slouch forward. This communicates insecurity and reeks of desperation, like you’re trying to hard or just have no self confidence.
Don’t cross your arms. Keep them open. If you’re standing there like “WTF do I do with my hands?” and feel awkward with them, a good position is to place your hands in your pockets, with your thumbs out. Keep the thumbs out. This shows confidence and is inviting. If you’re sitting down, you can always, place them behind your head
Lean back, not forward.
A procrastin8r is always at ease emotionally, mentally, and physically.
5. DON’T beg
Seriously, it’s annoying when dogs do it, but at least they look cute. You -- you don’t even look cute. You just look desperate and stupid.
Remember, don’t stick around too long --- and begging -- begging is one way to overstay your welcome.
If you’re at the point where you’re begging, the other person has already decided on a solid NO, they have won the negotiation, and every single time you utter the word “please” or “but” ,you dig yourself one inch deeper in that pit of NOPE.
Accept your loss and move on, bud.
Otherwise, you’ll quickly go from a “oh, no thanks, thanks anyway” to a “Jesus Christ! NO WAY!”
Try to remove the word “please” from your dictionary. That’s a good way to rid the habit of begging if you find yourself doing this.
Begging is just a waste of breath and energy.
6. DON’T run your mouth off
A good rule of thumb is that if you’re doing most of the talking, then the other person isn’t listening.
People want to talk about themselves -- their desires, their fears, their worries, their interests.
Remember you want to let them sell the product to themselves. You want them to convince *you* to ask them out.
It’s better to talk little and say a lot than it is to talk a lot and say very little.
Don’t pressure yourself to fill in the awkward pauses and don’t rush to say something as soon as the other person completes a sentence.
Remember to LISTEN. A lot of people make the mistake of just waiting for the other person to finish speaking without even paying attention to what they actually said. Don’t be that guy.
Again, the more tlaking you do, the more work you do. You’re lazy and should embrace that and not do any more work and/or talking than you have to.
7. DON’T assume you’ll fail (but accept it if you do)
A wise man once said “If you live by your negative self instruction, then your results will in fact be negative.”
In other words, if you think you’re gonna fuck up, then you’re gonna fuck up. Plain and simple as that.
Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, and your actions become your destiny. Your destiny will be rejection if you so much as think that. So watch your thoughts and put your mind at ease.
If you do fuck up, no big deal. Mistakes are Meh.
On the flip side, if you think you’re gonna own, you’re gonna own.
Top athletes say that competition is 80% mental game. Well in that case, save yourself some hard work outs and just think positive.
8. DON’T put them on a pedestal
Look, they’re not that great. You don’t need them. They’re not a god. You don’t need to worship them. You don’t need their money or approval or whatever it is you’re looking to get *from them*.
They’re not that special.
Don’t kiss the ground they walk on, both literally and figuratively. Don’t suck up and be a door mat for them just to get them to say yes.
Have some self respect. Besides appeasing the approval of a goddess (or imagined one) is way too tiresome. Be lazy.
9. DON’T give up so easily when you hear the word NO.
Actions speak louder than words. Pay attention to the other person’s body language. If they’re saying no, but leaning in (out of interest), then they might actually be interested but just need a little more convincing.
Sometimes it might just be bad timing -- maybe they’re having a bad day or just really busy, legitimately. Shit happens.
Point is: Don’t take the word "No" at face value.
You should ideally wait a few days before trying again, unless you’re in a situation where you can’t/won’t have the opportunity to contact them ever again (asking for a number at a bar, making a sale at a convention, etc)
In that case, change the subject, escalate again, then go for the pitch.
Give them space. Don’t be that weird stalker salesperson or date or at the very least don’t pressure them into saying yes or giving you what you want (time, money, etc), if again, you’re in a situation where you won’t ever see them again.
There’s a fine line between persistence and neediness, a fine line between gently guiding in the right direction and pressuring someone against their will.
After the third strike, you’re out. If the person rejects you three times, then it’s pretty clear the answer will consistently be no. Three times is enough to gauge their interest. If after three times, they still reject you, then don’t push any further. You did enough. Enough is enough.
There of course is a certain No in a certain situation that always and I mean ALWAYS means No though, and you should NEVER further pursue things. You should also be very aware of what I’m referring to.
10. DON’T make it about you or the company
People only care about the WIIFM -- the What’s In It For Me. They don’t care about your story. They don’t care about your business. They don’t care about you.
People are only out for themselves.
So sad, too bad. Get over it.
This kind of goes back to running your mouth off. People easily tune out things (and later reject) product, services, and people that don’t answer the one question anybody cares about -- the WIIFM.
11. DON’T Reek of desperation
Look, you have to go into this with the attitude that you don’t need the other person to say yes.
It must come from a place of desire, not necessity. You want them to say “Yes”; it would certainly be nice for them to do so, but you’re not completely dependent on that specific result.
Whatever happens, happens.
You don’t need this job. You don’t need this date. You don’t need this sale.
You remain unfazed by the outcome. “Cool, yeah, whatever dude.”
Even if you need to let’s say, make money to pay bills, there’s plenty of people in the world and plenty of opportunity.
Don’t remain attached to one.
Attachment to one person or outcome can be an unhealthy sickness and it also limits a lot of your own personal freedom.
12. DON’T Chase after people (that aren’t worth your time).
We already covered not to stick around too long for people that clearly aren’t interested, but after taking your leave, don’t look back. Let bygones be bygones. Walk away and don't be afraid to.
Let them come to you.
People go after what they think they can’t have. It’s basic human psychology
There’s a clever skit by Key & Peele where the sales caller himself hangs up on the potential client and the client keeps calling back, only to get hung up on over and over again by the sales caller, until he’s literally shouting his credit card number over the phone.
It’s a bit exaggerated for comedic purposes, but gets the point across: you win the sale when people chase *after you* (not when you chase after them).
13. DON’T Be tone deaf (regurgitate selling points, run through a script)
Don’t just run through talking points like you’re Andy’s toy or something.
Don’t regurgitate the same information using the same format. It’s boring and uninspired.
Don’t just repeat the same pick up lines or sales pitches.
We literally have had machines since the 90s that could do that
(YakBak. Remember that thing?)
Mix it up a bit, play around with enunciation.
Although there’s something to be said of the fact that Ben Stein made Clear Eye commercials with one of the most monotone voices ever.
Somehow his tone deaf voice became one of the most iconic voices in advertising.
That’s definitely an exception, rather than a rule. I had a science teacher in high school who spoke like that guy and every class of his was nap time for me. So boring
14. DON’T Offer long justifications. Keep it short and simple
If you’re asking for a favor, you just need a quick little "because". You don’t need a whole story,. You don’t need to write a novel. You don’t need to recite an entire proclamation speech.
Do give a reason but don’t make it long winded.
There’s sort of a theme here with a lot of these DON’Ts that you probably noticed and it’s “Keep your damn mouth shut!” I say that with every ounce of respect to you.
I simply mean winning things in your favor comes from a matter of what you don’t say more so than what you say. That’s perfect for us lazy people because it means there’s actually less effort on our part than initially thought.
Every word you do say should have purpose and LEAD the conversation to the next level, lead the client to the next step, lead the girl at the bar to give you her number.
The salesman who gives every reason in the book as to why you should buy his product doesn’t make sales
The guy who goes on and on about why he’s “such a nice guy” and will “treat a girl right” doesn’t get any dates.
The friend who compiles a whole story about why he needs something doesn’t get any help.
Why? Because it seems like they’re asking too much.
See what I did there?
This is pretty similar to number two, but it’s necessary to bring up again because it’s *that* important to remember.
Again, see it?
15. DON’T actually ask
Make suggestions, lead them to conclusions, but NEVER ask the “big question”, ya know the actual thing you’re trying to get them to agree to.
You can use phrases like “if you want to” or “if you’d like””
IF gives them the ability to choose and makes it seem like you aren’t being too pushy or forcing them to do anything that they don’t want to. It let’s them decide
Make sure you put a *positive* spin on the IF “question” (which is why we’re *thinking* positive to begin with) and provide a WIIFM so they’re likely to go along with your suggestion.
You can ask actual questions during the “rapport building” phase, but when it comes to the actual sale, the actual proposal itself, DO NOT ASK.
This comes across as needy and you don’t want to do that as we covered in number 11 on this list.
It also shows a high level of confidence and ability to lead.
16. DON’T oversell. Just be honest.
Lying is too much work. You have to remember things and if you lie enough, you tell lies to cover your other lies, and soon you’re caught in a nasty poisonous web of lies.
Skip the bullshit and just be bluntly and completely honest, but that’s a whole blog topic in and of itself entirely.
Basically don’t make exaggerated claims. You can cater the claims towards the specific person (answer the WIIFM) but don’t go around pulling stuff outta your ass just to try and tell them what they want to hear.
Sometimes you may have to just be honest and say “You know what, I don’t think my product/service is right for you.” or “I don’t think we’d be compatible” and walk away. You’ll at the very least have them respect you, even if they don’t give you exactly what you wanted to begin with.
You have one thing in life: your integrity. Once that’s destroyed, you’ll never be able to recover.
Be honest and keep your integrity. Be honest and earn respect.
17. DON’T hit them hard with facts.
Tell a story and create an emotional connection. Otherwise, you may attack their belief system and the defense shields will come up. They’ll try and debate you or point out logical fallacies and you don’t want that.
You want to build a connection. Save your hard facts for the debate team, Mr. Shapiro.
People make decisions based on their feelings. Take the easy route and appeal to those feelings. If you start schlepping out the facts, you may be trying to mine through some rock solid deeply founded beliefs and that’s rather labor intensive.
18. DON’T be too agreeable and settle for mediocre offers
It’s nice to be agreeable if you want to be likeable but when it comes to getting what you want, you can’t always be 100% agreeable (or likeable for that matter).
Don’t be a people pleaser.
You have to be a bit of a jerk and set boundaries for yourself. Don’t let others walk all over you like a doormat. You don’t have to be rude about it and you certainly don’t want to yell, scream, or insult them. Just know where your boundaries are and let them know where you stand. Set your expectations.
You can be flexible but not breakable. Don’t bend over backwards just to get a for sure YES or agreement.
19. Don’t use fear as a tactic to get your way.
That’s just weak and unimpressive. Using threats and punishments should be a last resort, if used at all.
On the flip side of being too agreeable, you can also be too DIS-agreeable. You shouldn’t be so rigid that you become a sort of dictator, demanding your way no matter what, either. It’s a balancing act.
You want to charmingly lead people to follow you, not forcibly push them in the direction you want.
A puppy responds better to rewards for positive behavior as opposed to punishment for negative behavior. It’s better to give him treats when he doesn’t pee on the rug than to lock him in the cage when he does.
That’s a basic level of psychology every species on earth, including human beings share. I mean not to see you should treat other people like dogs or even think of them as such, but you get the idea.
Positivity breeds more positivity.
20. DON’T care.
Remember, Honey Badger Don’t care.
Don’t become attached to the person’s YES and if and when they say NO, you simply just do not care. You do not give a single fuck.
It could go in your favor, or not. Either way, you’re cool. It doesn't effect you. You go in just to see what happens and don’t care what does.
21. DON’T worry
Negative feelings of anxiety or even fear when going in to ask for a favor, a date, or sale, when trying to get a YES out of someone, is absolutely natural.
But wallowing in it is not. Don’t rationalize the primal instincts.
Besides, nothing happened yet. You’re worried about a future that doesn’t even exist.
The future is a blank book. It’s yet to be written. Don’t assume the horror story.
Just relax man and don’t worry.
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Next week, we’ll cover more about Setting Boundaries and how it’s the lazy way to get people not to fuck with you and often times more than not, give you what you want.