Create your own Lazy Life Rules.
Setting boundaries, Lazy Life Rules, is a matter of requesting respect from other people, in a calm yet deliberate way. It’s an easy yet effective way at letting people know where you stand and have them play by your rules.
You’re a procrastin8r and refuse to get out of BED easily.
BED is of course an acronym for Boundaries, Emotions, and Decisions, which we covered in a bit of detail in last week’s blog article.
Let’s take a deeper dive into how to determine these Boundaries of your own as well as enable them and put them into practice.
The first step to setting boundaries is well, to actually know what the fuck they are in the first place. I mean you can’t follow boundaries without knowing what they are. That’s like playing a board game without knowing the rules.
Ya gotta make your own rules in life and live by them.
A boundary is something personal that you have to take the time and determine for yourself by examining who you are and what you really want. You make your own lazy Life Rules.
Let’s take a look at some questions you can ask yourself to generate these boundaries.
What sort of behavior will you not tolerate?
You have to know what pushes your buttons and what irks you.
Examine your pet peeves and put in place some boundaries.
Do you not like when someone smacks their lips as their eating? Or maybe you can’t stand someone constantly saying “umm, uhh” too much.
Make it clear that you find it annoying, but use tact, as we’ll cover later in this article.
Be aware of what would piss you off if someone did it and don’t let people do it around you.
You’re lazy and probably don’t tolerate people wanting unreciprocated (or unfairly compensated) effort from you. You don’t put very much effort into anything really and you certainly do not put in effort that doesn’t earn any rewards. That’s just a waste, so don’t tolerate the behavior of someone trying to get you to put in more effort than you are willing to give.
Likewise, you likely want to be able to say NO and refuse to do things, and not be forced into doing them
Decide what you absolutely will not tolerate.
Decide what pisses you off. Decide what annoys the shit out of you.
What sort of things do you value?
You have to know what you actually *want* and the sort of things you like.
Chances are as a procrastinar, you value your lazy little leisure time. You want to sit on back and relax as much as possible. You don’t want to work grueling hours for a measly paycheck. That’s a boundary - it opposes your values.
Ultimately, ask yourself this: How do people earn your respect?
These are merely suggestions for the type of values you might have, but use your own discretion in determining them. Decide for yourself what to abide by and how you will abide by it. Remember, the Dude abides but every Dude is different.
and “giving in” to every single request. That’s too much work, man. Seriously. Knock that shit off.
If there’s any one boundary you *should* have, it’s this.
You’re here to lay in your own hammock, not fan palm leaves for someone else laying in their hammock. Be Aloof, the A in LAZY.
Set boundaries with how much time and effort people can expect from you.
People will spit on you, if you let them. Remember that and don’t let them. Ever. Have some self respect, dude.
Once you determine what your boundaries are you have to rank how important each one is.
For example a boundary like not letting people look at their phone while in a conversation is probably a bit less important than not letting people yell and scream at you.
Likewise, not letting someone interrupt you is probably a little less important than someone literally flinging shit at your face.
You get the idea.
You can rank importance on a 1 to 5 scale or whatever. Keep it simple. Just know that some boundaries are more important than others.
The importance level is important to keep in mind when you enable consequences, as we’ll cover later.
You don’t want to come across as demanding like you’re insisting “my way or the highway.” But you do want to assertive and make it clear what your boundaries are.
There’s a fine line between being persuasive and being forceful. A true procrastin8r is laid back about getting his way and doesn’t push others too hard. He just speaks smoothly and deliberately with confidence and doesn’t yell or raise his voice.
The volume of your words does not determine the power of them. Don't shout or yell but do speak firmly.
You don’t like being forced to work or do anything, so live by your own principle and don’t force others into stuff they don’t really want to do. Don’t run around like a mad man firing off commands. Chill out.
Also, people generally “rebel” against people that come across as too domineering and will not go along with them (even if they wanted to in the first place). If you trap an animal in a corner, it will bite!
Charisma is a better social skill than pure dominance. Your goal is to influence others as a lazy procrastin8r, not command them like a pull-yer-boot-straps-up drill sergeant.
HOW DO YOU SET A BOUNDARY WITHOUT BEING TOO DEMANDING?
1. First Bring Awareness
The person may not know that they are even doing a certain behavior (and one that conflicts with one of your boundaries). Point it out.
I was once on the bus and this dude was blaring music through his headphones. It was early in the morning and loud noises is the last thing I want to hear at that hour. That’s a boundary - I don’t let people be loud around me in the morning. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought “well, maybe he just doesn’t realize that his music is that loud.” So I asked him “Hey, do you know that your music is loud enough for other people on this bus to hear?”
Asking the “do you know” question is a good way to bring the behavior (that you don’t tolerate) to the other person’s attention. That way they have the chance to at least “know” what they are doing.
Again, don’t tell a person to stop unless you know for sure they are aware of it first.
When you ask the question, say it politely and try not to sound condescending at all.
2. Second Tell Them to Stop
If they continue the same behavior after you just told them “look dude, you’re doing this, in case you didn’t know” then it’s time to take it to the next level and ramp up the assertiveness.
At this point, you have to straight up tell them to STOP, and you can add the little word “please” if you want to add a little politeness.
But I wouldn’t focus on being too polite. Too much politeness causes hesitation which communicates insecurity.
Just say “hey you’re still [insert annoying action that breaks your boundaries here], please stop.”
You don’t have to yell or say it harshly but do be firm, again.
Now this is it. You brought it to their attention. You told them to stop.
Yet here they are…
Continuing to annoy the shit out of you.
It’s time to put your foot down, or throw a pillow at them, or whatever.
You have to make it clear that there will be consequences if they don't stop.
In the bus scenario, I threatened to alert the bus driver.
Yeah, I was *that* guy. But dammit it was morning time and I was trying to sleep on the bus, not dance.
Fuck morning people.
I wouldn’t suggest threatening to yank his earbuds out or anything physically aggressive.
- That creates a bigger scene than there needs to be (and is quite a hassle to deal with now)
- Sometimes it takes the stronger person to just walk away.
The most insecure people I’ve met would usually start fights easily.
The Lazy man ain’t got time for that shit.
You have to lay down the consequences for someone that refuses to follow your calm yet firm request. Make it clear what will happen if they don’t listen.
The consequence should match the level of importance in your boundary (remember determining this importance before?)
You don’t want to punish too harshly for something minor nor do you want to punish too lightly for something serious.
When creating a consequence you either...
- Take something away
- Give them something they don’t want to deal with
- Escalate it to a higher authority.
The first two types of consequences are easy to implement, but assume you have the authority, power, or respect to do so.
A parent can punish their child for misbehaving by “taking” away their toy (or I suppose iPad nowadays).
A teacher will punish their students for showing up late to class by “giving” them extra homework to do.
The third type of consequence is a last resort and puts the consequence dealing to those with power above you, or if you have none
A neighbor will call the cops on a loud late night party and let the cops handle the situation.
You may be worried about being called a Tattle Tale when using this escalation to authority tactic. Well, a Tattle tale is someone that reports the breaking of an authority’s boundary, even if the person who “tattletales” agrees with said boundary or not.
Tattletales suck because they don’t have boundaries of their own. Their boundaries are determined by a list of rules handed to them, and they lack any self awareness or confidence. Their entire existence is pre-programmed data and they are nothing but a regurgitation amchine.
It’s okay to “tell” authority of rule breaking, if it’s something that breaks your own boundary.
Be your own moral compass and don’t blindly follow a moral GPS. Know how to set and navigate your own boundaries rather than having them handed to you to regurgitate.
Also, as a general rule of thumb, don’t use violence or physical force as a consequence, as mentioned. Really, you’re lazy anyway so this shouldn’t be too big of a deal.
But just in case you felt like you wanted to RAGE QUIT.
Parents do *not* do this to your kids. Jeesus, I don’t even have kids, but I swear the amount of dumb ass parents.
There are good parents that wanna raise good kids, but then there are parents who never realized that having children is a *choice* and raise these god awful
Have kids if you want, but don’t feel like you *have* to. I digress.
Walking away isn’t a good consequence for someone you just met or a stranger though. It’ll just come across as arrogant and maybe even a bit awkward.
“Like okay...have fun with that. Good day sir”
You should communicate why you’re walking away before just leaving. I learned this the hard way. Otherwise, you’ll come across as emotionally immature, like you’re just a toddler pouting. You better not pout. I’m telling you why!
ProcrastiN8rs are laid back and in control of their emotions and are able to communicate what they are effectively.
It doesn't have to be a long-winded answer. As a matter of fact, the shorter the better. It’s not only less effort but more efficient. By giving too long of a reason, people are naturally prone to disbelief.
Empty consequences have no power. Just like empty bottles of beer have no flavor.
You can’t say “or else this will happen” and never have “this” happen if they continue to do the annoying unacceptable thing that breaks your boundary.
Make sure the consequence is something you have the physical, emotional, or financial resources to actually carry out.
If you say you’re willing to break up if the person continues to yell at you, then break up if they continue to yell at you.
If you say you’re going to quit if your boss makes you work another weekend and he makes you work another weekend, then QUIT.
You get the idea. You can’t create an unfounded consequence, just like you can’t build a s’more without a graham cracker. You need something to hold your boundary together, otherwise it’s a mess.
And people will lose respect for you if your a mess. People will lose respect for you and your boundaries if you never enable your consequences.
You just gotta take it easy and show them you’re serious. Show them that you’re not fucking around with your Lazy Life Rules. You said them and you mean them and will be punished accordingly for not following them.
Once you create a boundary and you make it clear to others what it is and enable smart consequences, you need to actually...follow it yourself!
There may be something you want other people to abide by, but if you can’t abide by it yourself, then you’re just being a hypocrite. Totally undude.
Live up to your own standards, dude.
When I had a day job, I once had a boss that would insist on logging out of the computer if you left your desk, for any reason, even a quick bathroom break or to grab a cup of coffee.
He’d yell and make a big fuss any time anyone left their computer logged in when they weren’t at the desk.
Meanwhile, he would consistently leave his own computer logged in.
He wasn’t respected very much. Sure, he had the position of authority (an illusion of power) but no one really respected him.
Genuine respect creates more power than any sort of badge or title.
That’s how peasants overthrew kings. They respected a leader in the village over the ruler of the kingdom.
In order to earn respect and keep respect -- I mean, you can earn it simply by setting boundaries -- but in order to keep it, you have to abide by the rules of those boundaries yourself.
How can you expect other people not to be lazy when you’re lazy yourself?
Or how can you expect people not to chew with their mouth open when you can’t eat Cheetos without getting dust all over your face?
You get the point. Don’t make rules just to make rules. Make rules you yourself can abide by.
Which goes back to why you shouldn't be a Tattletale and just blindly follow someone else's rules/boundaries, when you can't always follow them yourself.
When doing all these things regarding boundaries we covered so far -- establishing the boundary, making it clear to others what they are, enabling consequences (if necessary), and following them yourself, you have to use a little thing called Tact a long the way.
Tact is basically telling someone to stick their head in the toilet and having them looking forward to it.
We talked about how charisma is stronger than pure dominance. Well tact is the paint brush to the art of charm.
You essentially tell people:
“Yo what the fuck are you doing?”
“Stop fucking around like that”
“If you don’t fucking doing that, then you’re fucked!”
“ Okay, you’re fucked!
But with a bit more savvy wordsmithery. You want to be firm, without sounding too callus or rude.
Nagging is the act of continuously urging someone to do something your way or constantly criticizing them about a mistake they committed or a personal flaw they have.
Nagging is tiresome work, a big no-no for a procrastin8r. And not only that, but nagging isn’t even effective way of getting what you want or setting boundaries.
It communicates insecurity a lot more than the boundary you’re trying to get across to other people and really just gets them to tune you out, or if they do listen, absolutely resent you.
Even if you don’t get your way, people will respect the fact that you have a way, that you abide by something.
Most people are too weak to set boundaries for themselves. I mean just go ahead and try and ask anybody what their boundaries are and they’ll likely hesitate to even come up with one.
But if you don’t have boundaries you’ll get pushed around by strong people who have boundaries.
Man, you just wanna lay in BED all day and don’t wanna get pushed around. That’s exhausting. So set up your cozy little blanket fort and tell people not to treat you “out of bounds”
Take it easy,