Ya know what sucks? Having someone wake you up and try and get you out of bed.
Sleep is awesome, and is not something I want to be disturbed from; I don’t know about you.
How rude! I’m trying to sleep and now that you tried to wake me up, you have to deal with me snoring *even louder*.
I mean, think about how difficult it is for someone to convince you to get out of bed. You’re cozy, warm, maybe dreaming about cotton candy clouds and chocolate trees, then all of the sudden you’re awoken by the shrill sounds of your shrieking alarm or worse, a banshee nagging voice.
Back to reality.
...or not. You do what you want. Your reality is what you make it out to be, even if that’s sleeping in bed all day, instead of going to a job.
You hit snooze or tell the person to shut the f*ck up and go back to sleep. You are a ProcrastiN8r. You live a life of desire, not of obligation.
You do what you want, when you want, and you know what? You don’t make it easy for people to to keep you from doing what you want
Look, you read the article title, and I’d just like to reiterate what I’m trying to say here, put simply:
Don’t get out of your B.E.D.
Remain in B.E.D. always.
Now, while it’s always pleasant to quite literally, roll on over and smush your face into a pillow and wrap yourself in a blanket burrito when someone tries to awaken you from your wonderful state of sleep [LINK], you’ll notice that B.E.D. is in fact an acronym.
That’s because staying in your B.E.D. is part of the L.A.Z.Y. Mindset (another acronym from the e-book of which you can get a FREE copy of).
It’s important to understand this concept in order to get what you want and get away with it (and put very little effort into doing so).
First let’s take a look at what each part of the acronym is then, we’ll dive into further detail as to what each module is and how it applies to the Lazy Mindset framework.
B is for Boundaries
E is for Emotions
D is for Decisions
By saying not to get out of B.E.D. we are saying that you should not work your ass off cater to the whims of other people and should instead, remain in your own (bed) frame.
The basic concept of this whole module as you’ll soon see is pretty straightforward: Have some good old fashioned self respect, goddamnit and stop working hard to please other people!
Embrace your laziness. It’ll make your life way easier.
Now let’s dive into the details….
Boundaries are personal rights and principles you set for yourself. It’s the way “the Dude Abides”
People respect you as much as you respect yourself, and as much as you make clear what those personal rights are to them. Abide and make it clear what you abide by.
In other words, they will fuck with you as much as you let them. If people are fucking with you all the time it’s because you *let* them. You have to set boundaries. You have to put up anti-fuck-with-me walls.
Setting boundaries is simply a matter of writing down what those rights are and then embracing them. Seriously, go ahead and write them.
I know, you probably want to put that off -- the whole writing thing.
But we are PROs at procrastinating, not amateurs, we want to Procrastinate with PURPOSE. Is it better to put off writing down your personal rights or put off people fucking with you?
I’m gonna go with the latter.
Now what sort of rights should you have?
Some examples include:
I have a right to have my efforts rewarded or reciprocated fairly
I have a right not to say NO to anything I don’t want to do for whatever reason
I have a right to be respected and listened to
But I’m not here to tell you what your rights should be. I won’t tell you how the Dude should abide.That would defeat the whole purpose of creating *your own* personal boundaries.
Be your own Dude. Embrace your own laziness.
Take a moment to sit back, relax, and think about who you really are and what you really want.
Once you have those rights written down, hold onto them, memorize them. This will work as your mental frame, your “bed” frame, if you will, and you refuse to let people shake you out of it so easily.
Simply tell other people when they’ve invaded one of your rights.
Tell them “the Dude Abides by this and you’re not doing that.”
Be polite but firm.
BE HONEST with what you expect.
You don’t have to be rude about it but do hold your ground.
You might still get called an asshole for being so firm with your request, but it’s better to be an asshole and be respected than it is to be “nice” and be depreciated and used.
When you’re starting out with setting up your boundaries and making them clear to others, it’s actually probably best to just full on embrace The Asshole.
Play the role as the rude jerk who takes shit from nobody!
Your ultimate goal is not to become the intolerable asshole though but to use it as a pathway to become a self-respecting guy or gal that can stand up for their own personal rights.
Use laziness as a tool. If you’re lazy, you don’t go out of your way to do anything other than what you want.
Eventually you can drop the whole facade of The Asshole.
It’s not a “fake it ‘til you make it “ sort of thing, because again, you’re keeping in mind your *very real* and very important personal rights. You’re doing what it takes to make sure you can attain them.
You have to be able to embrace your laziness and simply not give a fuck about what other people want or expect of you and that may in fact make you appear assholish along the way.
But fuck it. Again, you’re not here to have other people paint a positive picture of you. You’re here to be happy. And sometimes, yes, your happiness is going to make other people unhappy.
Not everybody is going to have the same personal rights that you have. Not everyone Abides the same way you do, dude.
That leads us to our next point..
You don’t necessarily want or expect other people to follow your rules to a tee. You don’t want to monitor their behavior or get them to submit to you.
You’re not their parent or babysitter. That’s an awful lot of work for you to do. That’s a full time job you don’t want to sign up for.
But you do make it clear when someone has crossed the line and has interfered with your own personal goal or desire.
Now you already know how to set up your boundaries, but how do you actually go about embracing them?
How do you get others to respect your boundaries?
There are 3 main steps to setting your boundaries, which perhaps we’ll cover in depth at a later time, but for now here they are:
- Ask if they are aware of the behavior
- Politely yet firmly tell them to stop
- Enable consequences
You can’t have boundaries without consequences. You can’t abide without knowing when to quit
A consequence is not punishment or anything harsh or manipulative for that matter; it’s simply a protective layer to your wall of “don’t fuck with me.” It’s a necessary tool to safeguard your own wellbeing.
You’re goal is not to demand your way but inspire it or at the very least, get other people to respect it, even if they disagree.
A go-to consequence when someone refuses to abide by your ways is to walk away (and go lay back down on your damn bed or perhaps just roll over since you never left your bed to begin with). Withdraw your attention completely and show them you’re not interested with any further interaction unless they are willing to embrace your boundary.
People may tell you that your “forcing” them to do what you want.
You don’t force people to do anything. Force implies some sort of exertion of effort. You’re too lazy for that. No, instead your’re just making it clear what you don’t like and being willing to leave when you don’t get it.
There’s a difference between calmly presenting your rules and literally forcing your will opon others.
All you’re saying is “Look, these are things I’m not okay with. You’re free to do otherwise, but recognize that there will in fact be consequences”
That’s basically saying “If you don’t like it, fuck off”, but with tact.
Identify the actions and behaviors you find unacceptable and abide, then tell other people when they are not abiding.
Walk away if they insist on doing things their own way and it doesn’t fall in line with yours.
Setting boundaries gives you more control in your life and allows you to build up your own integrity.
Don’t get out of bed. Don’t get out of your Boundaries.
When we speak of Emotions in regards to the B.E.D. module, we are talking about two things: Awareness and Control. The ProcrastiN8r is always cool, calm, and in control of his/her emotions. While s/he remains aware of how s/he feels, s/he doesn’t get all dramatic and instead expresses those emotions with smoothly and deliberately, with a strong level of laziness and confidence.
You must be self aware of your own emotions and how you really feel about a situation and
not what other people think or feel.
It’s not that you don’t care at all about how other people feel, it’s just that you care more about your own wellbeing than of others. You prioritize your own ass, rather than trying to save the ass of others.
You’re no martyr, you’re just a lazy dude (or dudette).
You follow your heart and not the approval of others. You do what you think is best, not what others think you should do. You are focused on your *own* emotions, not how you make someone else feel
Sometimes what we are taught, whether it’s from our parents or school or maybe even religion, may not be in line with what we really feel is right or wrong.
Personally, I was raised Catholic - went to Catholic school for over 12 years. Somehow I just couldn’t agree with the notion that being gay is evil.
I believe there’s nothing wrong with two consenting adults loving each other and expressing that love physically.
Now you may disagree with that, and that’s fine, but you have to dig into if that’s how *you* feel or if that’s how the Church feels (and you’re seeking approval from the people who are part of it, as some sort of golden ticket to heaven)
Being aware of your feelings allows you to choose your boundaries. And remember, they are *your own* boundaries, not necessarily what others believe.
Of course there are probably universal principles like “don’t harm human life” that can be applied across the board, but in terms of lifestyle choices, that’s really up to you.
My sister is vegetarian and believes that eating meat is wrong, but she isn’t the typical “YOU BETTER NOT EAT MEAT, YOU DISGUSTING SLIME OF A PERSON!” vegetarian. No, she refuses to eat meat as a personal choice and I respect that.
Learn to follow the boundaries of what you feel is right or wrong, without becoming hostile.
BE HONEST with yourself and don’t act like you feel a certain way just to make others happy. If someone is happy about something, you don’t have to fake a smile. If someone is sad, you don’t have to spit in your eyes to make tears.
Look at how you actually feel and examine why you feel that way.
Understand yourself so that others can understand you.
You can certainly empathize and relate to how they feel, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you feel the exact same way.
I empathize with the fact that my sister values the life of a living creature, but that doesn't mean I don’t feel like meat tastes delicious.
You must be in Control. You must be able to express those feelings, without becoming dramatic.
Being in control of your emotions does NOT mean you are emotionless. No.
It means you can effectively communicate them, without resorting to violence, screaming, or really anything heated or theatrical in nature.
Stay cool and calm. Know your emotions, be aware of them, but don’t let them control you. Don’t let them take the driver’s seat and spiraling your life out of control.
When people say they are “not in control” it’s normally because they are completely acting on their emotions, without a second thought. Be lazy and don’t get “all worked up” over things. I mean, c’mon that’s “work” anyway. Relax.
You still *feel* emotions. You can’t change that. Welcome to being human. You can’t control how you feel
But you can control how you REACT to it.
Control the reactions to your emotions
Search your feelings and explore why you feel the way you do.
“I feel ___ because___”
The minute you lose your cool and act irrationally, that’s the minute people lose respect for you, and the minute people will start pushing those same buttons again to sort of test your strength and ability to remain in control. If you keep failing those tests, they’ll continue to lose respect for you. Once you show the chink in your armor, they’ll keep stabbing it.
Of course, if the relationship becomes shitty like this, you can always head out, but ideally, you want to make strong relationships from the get-go so don’t get chaotic with your emotional bullshit. Be in control.
It’s best not to show any sign of weakness and remain unfazed when shit hits the fan.
Remember, that doesn’t mean you don’t express your emotions at all. It means you express them in a *healthy* way, calmly and firmly.
First know what your feelings are then be purposeful with your emotional expression, not sporadic
Don’t get out of Bed. Don’t get out of your own Emotions (and pretend to feel someone else’s) nor let your Emotions get you out of control.
The final part of the B.E.D. module is Decisions. We must decide what we want, without any hesitation and stick to it, without any doubt.
We own what we do, even if it was a mistake or wrongful decision. We fucking own it.
It’s better to make a decision and make that decision right than to worry about making the right decision.
As Willie Gutterbottom, the striaght married man who makes a living as a CamGuy for gay dudes said “Own what you do.”
It’s too much work to lie and make excuses. Embrace your laziness. Just be like “Yeah, this is what happened” instead of jumping through hoops just to try and look good.
Sometimes you look bad, but that’s okay. Ain’t nobody perfect and ain’t nobody got time to try and prove people that they are.
Love your own imperfections. Love the fact that you’re lazy and decided to stay in bed all day and play video games.
That was your decision and you own it and stick by it. Sure, you skipped work and got fired.
But you accept the consequences of your decision(s).
Other people have boundaries and other people have consequences in place for not following those boundaries.
Everyone abides but not everyone abides the same way (and some people abide by someone else’s principles instead of their own)
However, you respect other people’s boundaries and accept the consequences. It doesn’t faze you one bit. Honey badger don’t care.
You don’t give a fuck.
When you make a decision, be assertive about it and “don’t dip your toe in the water”. Own it.
Similarly, never threaten a consequence you’re not fully prepared to carry out. Empty consequences have no power.
Make it clear what your decisions are. Don’t waste time defending it or convincing people to hop on board with you.
Just decide and abide.
Follow through with what you decide to do and you’ll be respected for it. Don’t make promises you can’t keep and don’t decide on one thing and back out later.
It may be the wrong decision, but that doesn’t matter as much as the fact that it was a decision you abided by.
Thanos was wrong in choosing to perform mass genocide to half the entire galaxy but he’s probably one of the most respected villains of all time. Why?
Because he did what he said he was going to do.
Do what you say you are going to do.
Even if you’re going to lay on the couch all day and eat cheetos while watching Netflix, then say that’s what you’re going to do. Don’t say you’re going to work. Don’t kid yourself.
BE HONEST with what you are going to do.
Don’t get out of bed. Don’t try to back out of your decisions or deny them.
You take accountability for your actions (Boundaries) and feelings (Emotions) and Decisions regarding both those things. You don’t try to blame others or say sorry.
Your life is neither an obligation nor apology.
If people don’t like the way you’re doing things, the way you are, if people don’t like the way you abide...
It's Whatever. You don’t move for them. You don’t get out of bed. You remain calm and firm. You’re here to enjoy life, not work to get others to enjoy theirs.
It's hard to get you out of bed. Bed is comfort.
Don't make it easy for people to shake you out of your comfort. Just be the ProcrastiN8rr you are stay in bed, dude.
Take it easy,
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