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Well we made it. It’s finally the end of the year!
2020 has been arguably the worst year of the decade, considering of course that we’re literally living in the apocalypse. Restaurants are closed, concerts are cancelled, layoffs are happening in small businesses left and right. Hospitals are full. People are sick and dying. The vaccine seems to be too little too late. (Of course, staying indoors and avoiding social contact is no problemo to a procrastin8r. Life as a lazy man is quarantine.) That said, there are people bragging all over social media right about now about how much they accomplished in the past year, despite the set of circumstances at hand. You’ve got people that have gotten married, payed off debt, lost weight, learned a new instrument, and all sorts of big ass achievements. Woo hoo! Good for them. Whatever. Ya know what? I think it’s an achievement enough to say you survived the 2020 coronapocalypse, without going above and beyond to perform something absolutely HUGE. I mean, really, that’s great n’ all for the people that have actually managed to do something life changing during this pandemic, but with the economic disaster, emotional turmoil, and literal DEATH this virus has caused, to say “I made it”is good enough. Not just good. Good enough, damnit. And that’s all you have to be. Be proud of yourself for being good enough. Seriously. It’s right around now, at the end of the year, right before the fireworks light the sky and the ball drops (which might not even happen since, ya know, social distancing and all), that people begin to make their big ole New Year’s Resolution, setting out to accomplish something superbly magnificent in the oncoming year. They set out to lose a certain amount of weight or start a surefire business or even find the love of their life. Whatever it is people make for their New Year’s Resolution, it’s quite an ambitious endeavor, one in which is rarely, if ever, met. They aim to accomplish some grand feat that often leads to nothing but pure disappointment as they not only fall short of their goal, they don’t even come close. Susan made a NYR (that’s short for New Year’s Resolution by the way and I’m going to use that abbreviation form here on out because I’m too lazy to type it all out every time I want to say it); she made one to lose 20 pounds, but ended up giving into cake and fast food and gaining thirty. Bob wanted to learn to play guitar but instead winded up smoking pot all day. Frank, he set a NYR to start his own business, but winded up schlepping as a janitor at McDonald’s. Lucy made a big promise to herself that she’d find “the one” but a year later and she’s still lonely and single. These are just random names and scenarios I’m using as examples. You probably know someone that made a similar NYR and ended up failing it. Maybe you’ve done that yourself. Every single year people make a pact to themselves that “This is it. This is the year I’m gonna accomplish that big thing I told myself I’d do.” The year goes by and guess what? Nothing. Nada. They didn’t do shit. And then they get in a cycle of repeating how “this is the year” ...every single year. What I’m getting at here, and the overall idea behind this blog entry, is that New Year’s Resolutions are Bullshit! (I mean it’s already in the title but I’d figure I’d reiterate that fact because it’s important) Look, there’s no point in setting out to accomplish a goal that you simply don’t have the capabilities to do yet alone the motivation to actually pull on through and do it. Now I know, people like to tell you “You can do anything you put your mind to.” But it ain’t that simple, folks. You can’t do something you’re not ready for. Like say your NYR would be to be more fit and lose weight. That ain’t gonna happen if you’re gorging on fastfood from Grubhub while lying on the couch all day. You just don’t have the tools necessary to be fit n’ healthy. Nothing wrong with that. I’m a lazy fuck too so I ain’t about to knock ya for it. But realistically, you ain’t gonna be a fit person, especially in a year. What are you getting at, Nate? Are you saying I should just be a miserable fat fuck and keep stuffing my ugly face with cake and french fries? Well no, not quite. I mean look, at its core what is a resolution? It’s change. By making a resolution, you are saying “I am going to change.” But here’s the thing, bud. Ya can’t change a goddamn thing about yourself until you ACCEPT who you are and where you’re at. That’s the first step. You gotta accept you’re fat, accept you’re poor, accept you’re an idiot, accept you’re lazy before you even think about changing any of that shit. The fact of the matter is, you can’t change shit until you accept your own shit. Making a big ass promise to “just change” in 365 days ain’t gonna suddenly, magically, transform you into the person you want to be, nor is it going to bring that goal into fruition. Well of course! People will tell you. You’ve gotta work hard and stick to it, they’ll say. But that, again, is all bullshit. No goal, yet alone a NYR, requires any hard work. What it does require though is focus and persistence. It basically takes a bit of [re-programming in your brain] That’s the change we’re talking about. Real change. Let’s say that your goal is to lose a certain amount of weight by next year. What you need to do, instead of tell yourself that you’re trying to exercise and eat healthy, is that, you need to tell yourself: I am fit and healthy. Now I know you might be thinking: I’m not! I’m not! I’m fat as shit! The whole reason I’d make NYR is so that I can change that! Well look, you’re not changing in the right way. Okay that sounds weird, certainly being fit and healthy is the “right” way. What I mean is, you’re attempting to change the outer without changing the inner. While on the outside, you may get skinner, on the inside, you still think you’re just a fat fuck. No matter how much weight you lose, you’re still gonna see yourself as “the fat kid who lost weight” instead of “the fit dude who used to be fat.” You see the difference? It’s all perspective. The reason a NYR rarely gets accomplished is because people STILL identify as the very thing that they are trying to change (the poor person who is trying to make money as opposed to the successful entrepreneur who used to be dirt broke, as another example). People see themselves as undeserving of what they wish to accomplish because they labeled themselves to be a certain (negative) way. “I am fat, therefore I can’t be fit.” “I am poor, therefore I can’t be rich.” “I am lonely, therefore I can’t find someone.” These are the types of negative thoughts, negative beliefs, negative labels people give themselves. They trap themselves in a role based on their own interpretation of reality and manage to sabotage their own efforts to bring about any sort of change. They are working against themselves towards their big resolution, rather than working with themselves. All setting a NYR does is remind you of what you are not. You’ll try to run and barely make it down the block, panting our of breath, thinking to yourself “I’m too out of shape for this shit.” The next work out, you feel just as exhausted. Or maybe you’ll go out on one date and the person will ghost you after and you’ll say to yourself “I’m just undateable.”The next date, you get turned down again. In a sense, you create a self-fulfilling prophecy. You tell yourself that you are a certain way and things become a certain way. A NYR, in order to make it a success, has nothing to do with what you physically do but with how you think. Your thoughts create your own reality and in order to make a resolution, in order to make a CHANGE, you have to get down to the bottom of what needs to change: your thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes. Change within and it will flow out. Naturally. If you see yourself as a fit person, then you’ll naturally eat healthy and exercise. If you see yourself as financially suave, then you’ll naturally make good economic decisions and avoid poor spending habits. If you see yourself as charismatic and quite a catch, then you’ll naturally attract people. You see, it all comes down to the core beliefs you have about who you are. And the reason why you have to accept who you are and where you’re at right now (even if it’s not what you want it to be) is because you can’t accept the idea that you are different from that identity until you actually accept your current identity. In other words, you have to accept the present before you can accept change. Otherwise, you’ll, naturally, reject the change you’re trying to make. I say New Year’s Resolutions are bullshit because they don’t work. And the reason they don’t work is because you’re attempting to perform things that don’t fit the role you assigned yourself. You ain’t losing weight because you see yourself as someone who’s fat. You ain’t getting dates because you see yourself as someone who isn’t much of a catch, When you change who you believe you are, it is only then that you can change what you do. People expect to change themselves by first doing a thing, taking some sort of action, when in reality the actions come naturally as a result of changing who you are on the inside. A goal is only work if you are doing things that don’t match the role you think you play. Look, if you’re fat, lazy, bald, poor. I don’t care. Neither should you. Accept that shit. Accept who you are today and know that you can change tomorrow. Don’t set yourself up for a big elaborate display to accomplish. Don’t make any New Year’s Resolution. Just lean back, relax. You got this. Look at the ways you identify yourself. Be okay with the way things are. Only then can you begin to create new thoughts, new definitions of who you are. Maybe you think you’re lazy. Think of all the behaviors you perform because of that belief within yourself. Do you lie around all day playing video games on the couch? Do you refuse to clean your room? Think about it: Are you lazy because you do lazy things or do you do lazy things because you (believe) are lazy? I’d reckon the latter. You can change and become who you want to be. Slow n’ steady. One. Step. At a time. It may take longer than a single year. 2022 isn’t a due date. Due dates suck! But you’ll get there….eventually. All it takes is a bit of thought. And that’s a lot easier than “working hard and sticking to it.” Happy New Year and may we survive another year of slacking around the house *ahem* ...err.. quarantine... together! - N8
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The holidays are here and it’s the time of giving. Ah, giving, the act of showing someone close to you that you care. It’s taking the time to let a person know “hey, you matter to me and I appreciate you in my life.” A gift can be quite simple. It’s really the thought that counts that makes a gift special, not the price tag on it. But in this corporate world, we forget what a gift truly is. Through all the advertisements on TV and social media, we’re fed this idea that in order to truly give someone something special, it must be wrapped in pretty snowman paper and tied in a Christmas bow. You must blow your paycheck on fancy new gadgets or elaborate jewelry or some other *thing* in order to give a gift, otherwise you’re just being a hard ass Scrooge who doesn’t really care about anyone. But that’s all bullshit. A *real gift* doesn’t have a dollar sign in front of it. Something as simple as being there for the person and spending quality time with them can be so much more meaningful than a diamond ring or teddy bear. See, these corporations see the holidays as nothing more than an opportunity, an opportunity to sell you shit that you don’t really want or need. Don’t get me wrong, something like the latest gaming console is nice to have and all, but it’s really not something that brings true happiness. It’s nothing but a distraction, a distraction to get you to pay money for the idea that you’re being generous. But generosity is not determined by the amount you shell out of your wallet. It’s determined, rather, by the amount you genuinely care and are willing to give, without any sort of expectation in return. I mean face it, in a few months or years, whatever gift you receive during the holidays is likely gonna wind up on the curb side of the street in a trash bin or listed on ebay. Purchased gifts are nothing more than temporary happiness. They don’t provide the lasting fondness of a special memory. See, the things you do keep as a gift usually have some sort of sentimental value to them. It’s not so much the material expense of the gift itself that makes it so special and worth keeping, but of the emotional value it provides. In other words, we value the feelings associated with a gift more than the actual cost in dollars of the gift. Maybe there’s a cheap jacket your grandma gave you years before she passed. It’s really not that great of a jacket, cheaply made, and at this point tearing to shreds after just a few winters. But it’s something you keep. It’s something that still, ‘til this day, you appreciate as a gift. See it wasn’t the amount she spent to give you the jacket nor how high quality the materials were. It’s the loving, warm embrace she had in giving it to you. The jacket is a physical memoir of how much she cared about you, even though on the surface it doesn’t seem to be worth all that much. Maybe you have a similar gift you received and still keep to this day that, for all intents and purposes, to the outside eye, seems rather “worthless”. But to you, it’s invaluable. It means something so special, beyond that of the material world.  That’s what you want to achieve in your gift giving: sentimental value and lasting memory. When you focus on achieving that, you’re no longer pressured to work your ass off to buy big elaborate gifts. I mean the sheer amount of hours it takes to buy something expensive is insane and more often than not, underappreciated. Like I said, those hours you pour into earning enough money to pay for that expensive gift will soon be swept under the rug and forgotten about. No one cares about how much you paid for the gift, and if they do, then they’re really not the type of person worth keeping in your life anyway. That’s materialistic af and you can’t expect a deep meaningful connection with someone like that. It says a lot about a person if they're more concerned about the amount of dollars you invested in a gift over the amount of thoughtful care you invested into it. It says they’re a shallow ass person. I mean sure, if you can live with the fact that you’re literally “buying friendship” from that person, then go right ahead and get the big expensive ass gifts, but if you want something deep and meaningful between you and the other person, then don’t be focusing on the dollar sign. Focus, instead, on creating an emotional bond between you two. Ignore all these ads that tell you otherwise. It’s better to give something cheap yet impactful than something expensive yet taken for granted. Frankly, any amount of time you’re willing to sacrifice is valuable. The mere fact that you’re willing to give up your time to make someone else smile says a lot (and vice versa) I mean heck, especially as a lazy person, it’s really something that you’re willing to get off the couch, yet alone go out of your way to purchase something, really anything, and give it to someone. Being lazy can actually have the advantage of making your gifts a lot more valuable. I mean if people know you’re barely willing to get off your ass, it shows a lot that you’ve not only got off your ass but also went out of your damn way to buy them a gift. Don’t be tempted to think that you need to empty your wallet in order to be a good gift giver. No! That’s a lot more work than necessary. I mean just think about the amount of hours of work it takes to say, earn a hundred dollars, for a gold piece of jewelry. Fuck that! And the person (at least if they aren’t materialistic) won’t even appreciate it all that much. They might say thank you and all but that’s just being polite. They don’t really care about your gift, despite how much time and energy you poured into getting it to them. In other words, you’re maximizing effort and minimizing results. You’re pouring your soul into getting them something that’s gonna end up in a trash bag sooner rather than later. Don’t do that. When you give, give “just enough” to let them know you care. Most people can’t be bought and the ones that are, aren’t worth “buying”. You gotta minimize that effort and maximize results. You gotta give the lazy way. Your goal when gift giving, contrary to what corporations want out of you, is not to shell out your wallet, it’s to build rapport between you and the gift receiver. Give something meaningful rather than expensive. You want to create a memory, a bond, between the two of you. You want to give the impression of “hey, I really thought of you,” not “hey, I’m trying to buy my way into your heart.” Spending time doing something they love to do that really isn’t your cup of tea is one of the cheapest, yet most impactful types of gifts you can give. For example, maybe they love watching musicals but that’s not really your taste. If you were to spend time together watching a musical or two on the comforts of the couch, that’d be a lot more valuable than purchasing front row tickets to a Broadway show (and sending them on their merry way to go see it alone), yet a hell of a lot more inexpensive. You want to create the message of “let’s share this moment together” instead of “here, have this.” That’s how you build rapport. That’s how you give gifts worth keeping. They’ll hold onto a memory longer than they ever will a flashy new *thing*. Your time is your most valuable asset. Heck, even the amount of dollars you earn is determined by the amount of time you invest into earning them. I encourage you to give your time as a gift. Again, the very fact you’re willing to get up off the couch to be with them says a lot, a damn lot! And anyone that says “oh you only spent x amount of dollars on this?” is not a very good friend or partner. Clearly, they value money over intimacy and that’s just someone you, quite frankly, don’t want to waste time being around.  Know your worth. Know your value. Realize that your very presence is, in fact, a gift worth giving. Being present with somebody, for somebody, is one of the best “presents” you can actually give. Living in the moment and sharing that moment with another person may be “cheap” but it’s a lasting treasure that they’ll keep in their memories for years to come. The more your value your own self-worth, the easier it becomes to give gifts. You’ll realize that no price tag is as valuable as what you have to offer inside. No longer will you be searching the shelves for gift ideas, and instead you’ll hand them the best thing you already have: you. You’ll see how you can add value to their life, without spending much money. A gift is nothing more than a physical representation of the connection you share with another person. It’s a display of affection. When you give a gift, you want to express to the other that you love the connection the two of you share. You have to believe that you are the gift that keeps on giving. Now I don’t mean that you merely just exist and expect others to accept that as a gift. I mean you must know and understand what it is you can add to make others’ lives better. You must actually *give yourself.* Be present, actually present with others. Take the time to listen and show you listen. Understand yourself and you’ll be able to more easily understand others and give them what they want and need. The most important thing you must keep in mind when you give a gift is to lack expectation. Giving is not some sort of exchange of “If I give you this, then you’ll give me that.” It’s not a trade in any sort of way, nor wishing for something in return. Giving is simply that. Giving. It’s the selfless act of providing what you have to offer to others, without any sort of ulterior motive. You don’t make the other person feel obligated to return the favor. You just give what you can and let it go, without any expectation. In the same way, you don’t want to feel obligated to fill your cart with gifts that corporations tell you to purchase, you don’t want others to feel obligated to “give back”. Do the lazy thing and give “just enough”. Let other people be lazy and not have to rush out to the store to get you a gift either. Embrace laziness and just appreciate one another for who you are and what you have to offer. Sure, some may call you a cheap bastard. But you’ll be rich in genuine relationships with people that give and receive thoughtful things instead of what they’re told to buy in an advertisement. And that my friend is the ultimate gift. Merry Christmas and Take it Easy, N8 Well, we’re living in the apocalypse and the holidays are just around the corner. Talk about a star in the darkness. ‘Tis the season... for a pandemic. Better not kiss anyone under the mistletoe, yet alone take off your mask. Oh bring us some vaccine pudding. We’ll all be singing “I’ll be Home for Christmas” because there’s really no other choice but to be home anyway, ya know since we’re all in quarantine. But in all seriousness, quite honestly, this is a lazy man’s dream. I mean it’s the first time we get to celebrate the holidays without really having to do much. I mean not that we’d really want to do much anyway, but now nothing is really expected of us. We can be our lazy selves and spread holiday cheer without looking like we’re so “bah-humbug” about it. “C’mon and get up. Open some presents.”In normal circumstances saying “No” to this invitation would be rather Grinchy (even though your soul isn’t full of garlic and you’re just too lazy to deal with it. ...But now you can just say you’re doing your part to “flatten the curve” by staying on the couch without appearing like a bad banana with a greasy black peel. I mean cause I don’t know about you but ever since I was a kid, Christmas was the time to spend all day playing video games. Just sittin’ on the couch, playing video games, all day. As an adult, not much has changed. And now, especially during this global outbreak, you bet your fruit cake I’m gonna be sittin’ on the couch all day playing video games! As a procrastin8r, 2020 is probably going to be the best Christmas ever! All the typical obligations you have are thrown back up the chimney thanks to this coronavirus. Let’s dive into it!  You don’t have to decorate No need to feel guilty for not putting up that big ass blow up snowman in your front yard or fancying up a tree with ornaments and lights in your living room, yet alone tidying up your place in the first place to impress your guests. No one’s coming over. Ya ain’t gotta clean up that disheveled mess of your living space you reside in. Ya ain’t gotta light it all up with red and green either. So what if there are piles of clothes all over your bed room and dishes over-piling the sink in the kitchen? No one’s gonna see it. No one’s gonna complain. Whatever. Ya ain’t gotta climb up in the attic and perform the annual tradition of dusting off the old snowglobes and nativity scene to put up on your shelves for a few short weeks. All the decor and lights can stay in the box this year and no one’s gonna be disappointed. And since they’re staying up there in that old attic, ya ain’t gotta go through the ritual of repacking the dozens of ornaments, trying to fit each one in the right box, then carrying back all the way up there and putting away for another twelve months. Think of all the time and energy you're saving, man. Decorating is a lot of work, work in which is completely unnecessary this year (though one could argue that it’s unnecessary every year, even when we aren’t in quarantine but I digress) Point is, you can relax and check one thing off your to-do list without ever having to actually do it. People aren’t even gonna drive by and see your unlit porch. No one’s really travelling. We’re all indoors. I mean the price of gas is so damn cheap right now. People aren’t driving about. Plus, between all the lights on the Christmas tree and gingerbread valley and the robotic blow up characters of everyone from the North Pole not being plugged in, yet alone set up, yet alone even taken out of the box, you’ll save money on your electric bill. I don’t know about you, but I’m all about saving money I don’t have to spend. You can basically be a cheap lazy bastard without looking like a Scrooge. You don’t have to wrap gifts It’s the season of giving. Rushing out to the store the day after Thanksgiving to buy the latest gaming console or blender at a slight discount has become an American tradition. Black Friday is typically a war zone. People literally die You have grandma beating up a younger gentleman so she can get her discount on furry bunny slippers and an angry fat man pushing people out of his way to buy his new colossal sized fridge. It’s nuts! But with social distancing rules in place, there’s a bit of a ceasefire this year. Crowds are banned and so stores are actually controlling the amount of people that can enter the store. Genius idea. Quite frankly something they should have put in place before this whole apocalypse thing. I don’t understand the point of letting people run wild into a department store in some sort of battle royale to try and grab a deal “while supplies last.” These social distance guidelines should continue to be in place even after all this blows over. Something about having someone step on my foot to get Rubbermaid containers at a slightly reduced price doesn’t sit right in my stomach. Social distancing is a slower pace. We actually have to take our time to do things like shop. And I like that. I don’t like feeling rushed to get things done, man. I like takin’ it nice n’ easy. That’s the lazy way. Now to clarify, I don’t like to go out to the store shopping anyway, yet alone on Black Friday. I don’t like risking my life just to go shopping or risking exerting any more energy than I have to for that matter. I prefer clicking a few buttons on my phone and having the present delivered straight to my door in a few days than getting off my ass to actually go out to a store. Cyber shopping is a beautiful thing. But even if you do click your way through holiday shopping like I do, you’re still expected to wrap it up in reindeer wrapping and tie it with a pretty Christmas bow. Fuck that. (To be fair though, I’m the type of guy to just hand you an Amazon Prime box and call it a day though) This year, there’s no need to fumble about measuring the girth of boxes, cutting the perfect size wrapping paper and taping it all together, nor rummaging through old storage to find a gift bag to shove it in because you’re too lazy to actually wrap it . All you need to do is send the gift directly to the person’s doorstep. None of this Christmas wrapping bullshit. My family and I used a site called Elfster (NOT sponsored btw) as a Christmas exchange for 2020. It basically randomizes a “Secret Santa” for everyone who’s participating. You get someone to gift for. Someone gets you. Everyone can create their own “wish list” so you don’t even have to ask or try and find out what to give. Just pick something from the person you’re giving to’s wishlist. You’ll see their address in Elfster then just login to Amazon or whatever, add that gift to your cart, and boom! Santa’s sleigh is on his way! Just make sure you change the shipping address to the person you're sending it to so you don’t wind up with Elmo bubblebath or some weird gift someone else wanted at your own doorstep. Again, um, not sponsored tho. You save a lot of hassle of wrapping the gift, storing it, and even transporting it to/from your car when you go to whatever holiday party you’ll be attending. The holiday party you’re going to is virtual and so you don’t have to physically do anything to prepare for it. You’ll watch your gift recipient open their gift on a Zoom call and they will not at all be turned off by the fact that you didn’t wrap it. You didn’t have to wrap it. It came in an Amazon box and that’s good enough damnit! I hate wrapping presents, when i try it looks like a pile of trash taped together, and I’m so glad I’m not expected to go through that this year. You don’t have to cook No baking cookies. Santa’s off this year. No putting together a fruit cake that no one will eat. (I think we should collectively decide NOT to make fruit cake tbh. No one likes it anyway). You don’t have to prep n’ cook for about a dozen guests nor help the host chop some onions to get the stuffing ready. It’s pre-heated Christmas meals baby! Hot pocket as the main course? You betcha! Bryer’s ice cream for dessert? Of course! Making a holiday meal is a lot of labor and since giant get togethers are all together banned from happening, there’s no need to pour hours into creating that festive meal. No pre-heating the oven. No defrosting the turkey. Just hit a few buttons on the microwave, baby. No setting the table with the special snowman utensils and glassware. Paper plates is where it’s at now! And because of that...NO DISHES! You don’t have to scrub the Christmas tree teapot your mom gave you or wipe clean the counter after your uncle spills beans all over. There’s absolutely NO CLEANUP this year. You don’t even have to dress up all nice and fancy to sit at the dining room table. You can lay back, on the couch, in your cozy Rudolph onesie, enjoying your lovely TV dinner and just throw it at when you’re finished eating. (I’m about to get the environmentalists hollaring at me, but I mean, you could eat the paper or plastic too if ya want...I mean....) Cooking your meal takes just a few seconds to heat it up in the microwave and even shorter than that to “clean up” and put it in the trash can. I mean you could probably order Chinese take-out if you’re in the mood and skip the step of even having to heat anything up. That might be the only type of restaurant open for delivery, but who knows? The restaurant industry has been quite slammed by this pandemic. Maybe a few local places will be open to try and compensate for the loss in profits. Show your support for restaurants and make an order, then feast like it’s...the holidays. Put your apron away and your PJs on! It’s time to be a holiday procrastin8r not a holiday chef. You don’t have to be social Whether it’s a family get together, a small group of friends, or a big holiday house party that you usually attend, those obligations are null and void now thanks to this quarantine. Being social can be quite energy depleting, especially if you’re a lazy introvert who’d rather sit around and watch Christmas movies instead of dance to jingle jangles all night. Fortunately, the most social thing you have to do this year come December 25th is maybe hop on a Zoom call for a few minutes. Heck, you could be playing a game on your PC during that, and no one would know the wiser. After all, in a Zooom call you can be present without actually being present. You’re in the same call, sure, but you’re all in different places, doing different things. You don’t necessarily have to actively participate and attempt to be the “life of the party.” You’re essentially just chillin’ in your house. Your webcam just happens to be on and there’s a few people you know on video on your screen. But that’s about it. You can even mute yourself and turn off your camera -- disappear essentially. You can’t exactly pull that sort of magic trick at an actual (non-virtual) party. You don’t have to dance or even freaking walk around like you would at a social gathering or party. You don’t have to awkwardly squish as your cousin takes up more than half the couch with his fat ass. You can lay back in your undies and take up as much space as you want. No one will know. They’ll just see your face, not what’s going on underneath. Anytime you find yourself bored or antisocial during the Zoom call with your friends/family this holiday, you can just blame it on the shitty wifi or microphone crapping out or some other technical difficulty. Social obligations are “frozen” and you can warm up on the couch instead of rockin’ around the Christmas tree. You don’t have to even leave the house Ah, the best part about all this! Whether you normally travel out to visit your parents in podunk no where or rush to the city to watch a tree lighting ceremony, this year, you can just chill at home. No bundling up in large coats, hats, gloves, and scarves to stay warm in the elements. Pajamas will keep you toasty enough indoors. You don’t have to dash through the snow to get anywhere, yet alone grandma’s house. You don’t have to climb down the chimney. You can just lean back, flick on some Christmas movies, pour yourself a nice mug of hot chocolate and totally relax on your big comfy and ass-worn couch. Merry Christmas and enjoy this quarantine during the holidays. After all, it’s not every year that everyone is celebrating by being a procrastin8r. -N8 It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
..or so they say. But you know what? Life can be wonderful, without it having to be a specific month on the calendar. While there aren’t always jingle jangles blasting in the streets or bright colored lights sparkling on porches, [there are small things to appreciate during the “ordinary” time of the year]. People get all in “jolly good spirits” for a few short weeks out of the year then it’s right back to being a miserable fuck, who complains about anything and everything. I mean ya hate to see it. It’s like we all kind of roleplay this fantasy world, where everything is “Joy to the world” for a little while and we put aside all the pain and misery that otherwise exists in reality. Then right as soon “play time” is over, we snap back into the shitty world we actually live in….or at least we *believe* it’s shitty. We all play “pretend”, imagining there’s world peace and harmony for a little while, then put our imagination to the side after all’s said and done and go right back to finding a reason to be unhappy. Heck, even during wars, they’d stop shooting each other's limbs off for a bit in order to celebrate some holiday good cheer with cake and everything. Then of course after the day was over, it’s right back to putting a bullet between your enemy’s skull. Kind of fucked up. Christmas is like a drug society uses to get high, feel good, and forget about problems for a while. Then as soon as that “high” wears off, it’s back to living a sort of miserable existence. Now I don’t say that to sound vain. I don’t say that to sound pessimistic. I’m just pointing out the fact of how quickly people transform from “HO HO HO”-ing to “NO NO NO”-ing. It’s like we only maintain cool positive vibes for a little while. The song “Frosty the Snowman” I’d argue is a perfect metaphor for society during the Christmas season. We begin to “dance around” in jolly good spirits then melt away all those good feelings as quickly as they came. It’s sort of “magical”. Of course, on the flip side, you have people that say things like “spread the Christmas joy all-year round”. But that’s just not feasible. Realistically, unfeasible. The only man who is jolly all year round is a mythical creature. (Of course, to be fair, the man only works one day a year. Mythical or not, I think anyone that gets to be lazy for 99% of the year has every right to be jolly all the time... but I digress.) A real human being goes through a range of emotions year-round. There are laughs and cries. Good times and bad times. Jollyness and...terribleness. To insinuate that one must merrily sing even in times of strife is ridiculous. Oh your aunt just died? “Ho! Ho! Ho! What a merry little thing to happen to her.” Car just broke down? “Ho! Ho! Ho! A sleigh ride tonight!” Gone broke? “Ho! Ho! Ho! There will be gifts under the tree.” Like c’mon! That’s just highly illogical. The reality is, life can suck sometimes, damnit! Life is not a Winter Wonderland all the time. Sometimes Grandma gets hit by a Reindeer, ya know? With that said though, there’s no reason to be a complete Grinch year-round either. Things may suck when it “‘tisn’t” the season, but that doesn’t mean you should go around acting nasty just because you *feel* nasty. Like the holiday season itself, feelings are temporary. And while you can’t necessarily change what happens to you or even how you feel about it, you can change how you *react* to it. You must accept what happens and your feelings while they are present, even if you don’t like them. The goal is not so much to aim to feel Joy all the time but to aim for...satisfaction. Satisfaction is acceptance of the way things are. It’s accepting that your sweater is ugly and still wearing it with pride. It’s accepting that the star atop the tree is a little crooked. It’s accepting that maybe you got coal wrapped in a box. See, you don’t have to be jolly holly about your life, nor should you be a complete Scrooge either, you just have to be relaxed about it, lazy about it -- not trying to feel a certain way about it, but allowing yourself to feel the way you do and being absolutely completely okay with it. You just have to relax, whether you’re in your xmas pajamas or a three piece suit. Be comfortable no matter the circumstances. It’s all about [going with the flow], or sleighing down the hill, for that matter, and enjoying the ride, despite whatever sort of icy winds or snowpiles you come across. That is to say, no matter what troubles or burden you face during your ride in life, just sit on back and enjoy it anyway. As you lay back in your lazy, you know what? You’ll find it all to be quite “wonderful”. Not in the sense that it’s an overwhelmingly positive thing to experience ( I mean it could be but it could also equally not be as well), but that it is, in fact, full of wonder. There’s always a sense of uncertainty, wonder, in life and uncertainty is the spark of curiosity. Curiosity is of course the laid back attitude of “Let’s see where this goes”. It’s enjoying “dashing through the snow” whether it’s too cold and snowy...or maybe even warm enough under the blanket with hot cocoa. It’s having fun in “all the fields we go”, no matter how good or bad the one horse open sleigh actually is. It’s being curious about what you’ll pass by next and making spirits bright, no matter what it is. It’s being open to possibility, living in the moment. It’ seeing how “lovely are the branches” no matter how beautiful or ugly the decorations on the tree are. It’s enjoying life for the sake of living it and not only enjoying it while you’re feeling a certain way (like you do during the holiday season). It’s not about being joyful; it’s about enjoying what you have. In. The. Moment. See, like a tree, our life is full of these decorations -- the people, things, and events we come across -- but at the core, no matter what these decorations are, the good, the bad, and the ugly the tree, life itself is full of growth and loveliness. When you see that, when you see the beauty in between the decor, you don’t have to wait for a very specific time of year to “hark the harold”, you can just appreciate it, always. Lean back on your cozy chair and watch the chestnuts roast on an open fire. That is to say, look at the little otherwise ordinary things in life and see how much they are spectacular. The holiday season is only special because we make it special. Drinking eggnog, for example, is really a pretty ordinary thing if you think about it. It’s just a beverage, no more special than a glass of water to be honest. But what makes it such an amazing moment to sip eggnog from your fancy little light up snowman mug? Well, you decided it’s special. You’ve told yourself “This is a special moment”. I mean hey it’s the holiday, after al, right? It’s not every day you’re sitting curled up in your gingerbread onesie with that light up mug, listening to carols and watching the claymation classic Christmas movies. But really, if you did that sort of thing every day, you might go ahead and start to take it for granted. You might start to complain about it. You might get annoyed by the jingle jangles. You might even get sick of the flavor of eggnog. You might begin to feel slightly uncomfortable in your onesie and prefer a pair of jeans instead. The mere fact that it’s not something you do every day makes it special, makes it enjoyable. In the moment, you’re satisfied only because you made it out to be a special moment. You put aside time to do something “out of the ordinary” in order to bring a little Christmas cheer. You’ve put yourself in the mental frame that that specific moment is a “special occasion.” But what if we do that more often? What if we think to ourselves “this moment, right here, is special” on a consistent basis and not just it late December? See, “Christmas Cheer’ is only a feeling, a feeling we get when we decide that what we’re doing in the current moment is in fact a special moment. Christmas Cheer is satisfaction. It’s appreciating and enjoying the moment, despite how mundane it may actually be. Cause let’s face it, anything you do during the holiday *would be* mundane if it weren’t for the fact that you only do it *during* the holiday. Again, drinking eggnog. Like, not a big deal. Totally uneventful.. You only *make it* eventful because you decide to make it so. I mean heck, it could be "white" for the next three months. Baby, it's cold outside 'til March. What I’m getting at here is that if you want to “keep the Christmas spirit alive” year-round, you must make your life eventful in the otherwise boring, mundane, or even miserable times of year. You have to see the “good tidings” at every moment. Be in the moment. Say to yourself “Oh what fun it is to ride” to whatever life throws at you. Lean back and appreciate it for what it is. You may not get what you want on your Christmas list, but that doesn’t mean you pout about it. You just have a good time anyway. Likewise, you may not get what you want on your life list, but there’s no reason to complain about it and make it worse. Just enjoy what you do get. Either way, it’s a gift. Embrace your laziness and make life a permanent holiday where every single moment, in the present, is "the most wonderful time." Take it easy, N8 Whether it’s a jerk of a boss, a president who refuses to leave office, or even something as simple as the weather outside, people are always complaining about something. There’s no stop to the bitching and whining in society. Worse, is you have entitled pricks who insist that because they have a complaint, they deserve some sort of compensation. Shut up! Everyone has their own complaints to deal with. Shit.
Wait, am I complaining here? Of course, there is a difference between legitimate grievance and just plain ole complaining. But even then, there’s a way to go about addressing the issue without any sort of outrage. Anyway, even though there are some situations that provide legit reasons to complain, for example, a cancer patient has a lot of room to complain about, for the most part, people complain about bullshit that ain’t a big deal. Seriously. Every little ounce of imperfection causes them to get unreasonably upset, and “unreasonable” in this case is really any amount of getting upset because it’s not a reason to be upset in the first place. It’s almost like they wake up every day and think to themselves “How can I be a victim today?” Then they find something, trivial, that’s not exactly perfect and could maybe be a little bit better and whine about it. Make it out to be a big ass deal, when it’s really not. It’ll be something simple like the line at the coffee shop taking a bit too long...or, god forbid, having to wear a mask at said coffee shop during a freaking GLOBAL PANDEMIC. Man, the entitlement is real. Ya know, there’s a reason people call it “first world problems”. They’re not really problems. Not really. People just like to complain. And the fact that there is a such thing as a “first world problem” is enough proof of that. No matter how good life gets, there’s always something people will find to complain about. Like “I can’t believe this! They didn’t put pepperoni on my pizza like I ordered.” Dude, you ordered the pizza, sittin’ on a nice cozy couch, from your freaking smart phone! You ordered 3 other toppings...And you’re going to complain how there’s one topping missing? The nerve! First world problems, like the example just given, prove that no matter how awesome things are, people will nit pick and literally comb through it all just to find a reason to be unhappy. It’s like we have the pursuit of un-happiness. But you know what? Quit your complaining, man. It’s all good. Last week, we talked about how being thankful is the lazy way. After all, it’s a lot easier to sit back and appreciate what you have, in the present rather than stress out about that in which you lack. Besides, we tend to look back at the past with rose-colored glasses, forgetting all the worries and grievances we ever had at the time and remembering all the little things that brought a smile. Since the good things are what leaves a trace in our memory anyway, it’s better to be thankful for the things that are right here, right now than to wait for nostalgia to kick in. It’ll make you feel a lot more relaxed and easy-going about life if you can appreciate what you have in the now. You have to appreciate the little shit too. It’s the little everyday things that you otherwise take for granted that really spark nostalgia years later: Your first bed room you ever had before moving out of your parents’, the smell of perfume or cologne of your first girlfriend/boyfriend that they were every day; you get the gist. Basically, no thing is too small to appreciate. Ya gotta show a bit of gratitude for the people and things you have in your life, while you have them. On the flip side of showing gratitude is, of course, complaining. It makes the act of appreciating quite impossible. I mean, you can’t be very appreciative if you’re always complaining about something. It makes you feel defeated and stressed. When you complain, you go insane. But seriously, cheesy rhymes aside, complaining is the bane of feeling unfulfilled. It takes a toll on your mental and emotional health and isn’t the lazy way at all. Today, we’re gonna look at how to stop complaining so you have room to lean on back and actually appreciate shit. Don’t be judgemental It’s so easy to jump to a conclusion based on little information. “My boss hates me so much.” “ That waitress is such a mean bitch.” Oftentimes, we’re quick to make an assumption and well, make a complaint about it. Of course, when you assume, it only makes an ass out of u and me. Maybe your boss is going through a major divorce. Maybe that waitress just lost her dog and is having a bad day. You don’t know a person’s story and there’s no reason to be so quick to judge and think that the way they are acting is fundamental to who they are or what they’re about. Have a bit of empathy and try to understand where they are coming from before slapping a label on them and name calling “BITCH!”. Sure, the way they are behaving may not be exactly kind, and there’s no excuse for being grouchy or belligerent but complaining about it does neither one of you any good either. All it does is stir more conflict and that’s no bueno. Give people the benefit of the doubt before complaining about their behavior. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll find out there’s a legit reason they’re not in the brightest of moods today. Now, again, whatever sort of shit they’re going through does NOT at all justify acting shitty, but just because they’re acting shitty doesn’t give you the right to act shitty in return. Take the higher ground and don’t stoop to their level. Sleep on the couch, not on the floor, even if they try to drag you down. When I say don’t complain, I don’t mean just let it slide nor do I mean suck it up and let them act shitty towards you. No. What I mean is don’t fuss and whine about it. I mean handle it...like an adult. Address the issue without throwing a goddamn temper tantrum. Control yourself man n take it easy. You do want to get to the bottom of the issue without making a scene or turning it into drama. The name calling, ceases. The insult, thrown out. What you’re left with is getting to the core of what’s really going on. Approach the person about their bullshit, But do it in a laid back “let’s see what all this fuss is about” sort of tone, as opposed to an aggressive “I’m gonna prove this asshole wrong once and for all!” You could start with a simple question. “Hey, why are you behaving this way?” And if they ask “what do you mean?” You can tell them “Well I noticed you’re yelling quite a lot.” It’s almost like you're bringing to their attention their bullshit in the same way you might point out a mustard stain on their shirt. You don’t get all like “EW GROSS! CLEAN YO GODDAMN SHIRT, BITCH! DAMN!” You’re just like “Hey, you got something on your--” In the same way, tell them how their behavior is bothering you. That’s not complaining. That’s being direct. “I know you probably don’t mean anything by it. Maybe you’re just having a bad day. Are you aware that you’re coming across as brash?” You don’t need to berate them about it or make some passive aggressive comment towards them. Just be straightforward. Put your judgement aside and let ‘em share what’s on their mind or even if they don’t tell you directly and just write it off as something “personal” ,at least give them the chance to plead temporary insanity. Accept responsibility When you complain, you tend to make a scapegoat out of something or someone else. You place the burden of responsibility on external factors. You might complain you have no friends because “people suck” or you might complain you’re not getting paid enough money at your job because “my boss is an asshole”. It’s this attitude of “The world is out to get me,” and anything bad that happens is somebody else’sfault. You’re never at fault. That can’t be! Impossible! Anything wrong in your life is due to how someone has wronged you, not anything you’ve done wrong, no. And you know what? No matter how shitty your life is, or how shitty you believe it is for that matter, it’s even shittier to convince yourself that you don’t have something to do with your current situation. Look, stop putting the blame on people and things. Take responsibility. If you’re not making lasting friendships (or relationships for that matter), are you being a doormat and letting people walk all over you or are you actually getting an equal exchange of benefits? If you’re not getting paid enough at your job, have you even tried asking for a raise or just expect “them” to raise your paycheck out of the blue? You can sit and complain about how things “aren’t fair” all you want, but sometimes you create your own unfairness. It’s not always something outside your control that brings about your own misfortune. As Bill Gates put it “: “If you are born Poor it’s not your mistake, but if you die poor it's your mistake.” In other words, you may be put (or born) in a situation that you can’t control, but in the end, it’s the decisions you make that determine what kind of situation you’re in. You may not directly control the set of circumstances at hand, but you do have control over your reaction to it. If you don’t have enough to pay the bills, maybe you spent a bit too much on coffee and cigarettes. You can’t just blame the sky for not raining down money. If people don’t want to hang out with you, you can’t think everybody is an asshole. Maybe, just maybe, the reason you’re not getting what you want in life is because you’re a bit of a complainer. No one wants to be around someone who’s constantly bitching n’ moaning about anything and everything. You have to ask yourself: what exactly am I doing here to cause this and what can I do to make it better? Yes, there are of course things outside of your control that make your life a living hell. This little 2020 virus being one of them. But even then, still not worth complaining about. Take responsibility for what you can do about your situation. You’ll find that there’s a lot less to complain about and it’s more of an opportunity for you to change your current situation. Do something about it. It’s one thing to admit what you did wrong and/or what you could do better, it’s another to actually pull on through and make it happen. Now I know, I’m about to hear the cries “doing something about it isn’t lazy, Nate.” I get that. I mean, it doesn’t sound exactly like a thing to do. But you have to understand what lazy is and what lazy does. Laziness is not so much about not doing shit. It’s about doing shit with the least amount of effort. I’ve probably made that point dozens of times within my content, but it can’t be stressed enough. Complaining about something literally accomplishes nothing, but it takes a lot of time and energy to do. That’s not lazy at all. That’s hard work for nothing, man. I ain’t about that shit. I want to put in as little effort as possible and yield the biggest results. I want to practice sprezzatura. So, when it comes to handling a situation, in order to minimize effort and maximize results, you have to...deal with it! Complaining has no results and an extreme amount of effort. Tackling the problem head on, may take some effort, but hey, at least there are results. It always cracks me up when people say: “I need to pee.” Then GOOOO! Stop talking about it. Just GO! You’re potty trained. Take care of yourself. This can pretty much be used as a metaphor for anything you complain about. Like, take care of the damned thing, instead of making a fuss about it or telling anybody. Don't be like "this is fine" when it's NOT fine and there's something you can do about it. Vent it out That said, it’s okay to blow off some steam once in a while. Sometimes we get so frustrated, annoyed, or upset over something, it’s hard to just bottle it all up and keep it closed. Ya gotta release the valve once in a while. But do so in a healthy, productive way. You don’t want to go into a fiery rage every single time something even minorly irritates you, like the guy who screams and honks his horn at a stop light that’s slightly delayed by a few seconds. Chill, dude. But it is okay to “get the mad out” as Mister Rogers said. Take that negative emotional energy and release it in a positive way. Play some violent video games to heavy music. Scream lyrics to your favorite song. Heck, write your own song. Punch a pillow. Or even just vent to someone you trust. When you do so, tell them you need to vent. Tell them you don’t need any advice. They don’t even need to say anything. You just want to get a few things off your chest is all. Sometimes having a listening ear is all we need. But be willing to offer the same in return. You don’t want to be a social vampire and always “drain” your friends of emotional energy by constantly venting and never providing a space for them to do the same. Get it all out in one long rant, rather than constantly going on and on about whatever your complaining about day in and day out. Move forward slow n’ steady Some things you can’t fix. It’s sometimes best to just cut your losses and do what you can to move on. There’s no sense complaining about how you wish things were different. They’re not different. Things are the way they are, as cliche as that sounds. You have to accept that. Complaining is sometimes denying reality. It’s denying the current situation and trying to change the unchangeable. Maybe you’ve just gone through a major break up and want to complain about how s/he treated you and how there’s “nothing you can do about it” now that it’s over. Not true. You can do something about it. I mean, you may not be able to fix the relationship itself, which is probably what you’d want to do, especially if the break up is still fresh. But you can do something about being stuck in a relationship that no longer exists. You can fix how you feel. You can take steps to move on and relieve yourself of emotional attachment to someone that simply doesn’t want anything to do with you. Maybe you just lost a big investment in a stock you had high hopes for that just crashed. You can begin to re-invest your portfolio in other stocks, taking steps to move on. There is always something you can do to move forward slow n’ steady and there’s no reason to complain about how things are. Adapt and go with the flow You can’t change everything. Some shit is just set in stone. And that sucks! I mean we want to change it. If we could, we would. But we can’t. We have to accept what’s within our control and...what’s outside of it. We can’t control what happens, but we can control our reaction to it. We may get mad when a friend ditches us, but it is within our control on whether or not to furiously yell at them. We may not control when our car breaks down, but we can control whether or not we sit on the side of the road and break down. Again, complaining about something we want to change (but can’t), doesn’t change it. You can hoot and holler about this pandemic all you want. But that doesn’t create a cure or vaccine. It doesn’t make this microscopic bastard disappear. Complaining is not a magic spell that makes your problems go away. There’s a phrase that’s been going around rather recently, describing the wearing of masks in public, the social distancing, and all the measures put in place to stop the spread of the virus as “the new normal”. It’s a way to say that whatever kind of shit hits the fan, you have to accept it as “normal”, like this is the way things are now. Adapt and overcome. Go with the flow instead of complaining about how the flow isn’t going where you want it to. Be Assertive One reason you may start to complain is that you’re being overly polite. You’re trying to save face with someone’s feelings or maybe even avoid coming across as an asshole. Stop trying to people please. Please yourself, damnit! Look, it’s not a dick move to be assertive and stating how you expect to be treated. I mean I suppose there’s a fine line between assholeness and assertiveness, but letting things slide by that shouldn’t slide by is no bueno. Make clear boundaries and stick to them. If you don’t like the way your friend smacks his lips when he chews, tell him. Don’t talk about it behind his back and complain. If you don’t like being interrupted when speaking, tell the person not to interrupt you. Don’t gossip about it. Be assertive. Take the initiative. Say what’s on your mind that’s bothering you and get it out the way. No sense making it more of a struggle than it needs to be. You save yourself a lot of time, energy, and not mention frustration, when you directly say what it is you expect of other people. Put it this way: you ever really only feel the need to complain if you consistently tolerate shit you don’t actually want to tolerate. If you make it clear upfront what you don’t tolerate, then you have nothing to really complain about because people know not to fuck with you in the way you tell them not to fuck with you. Remove toxic people That said, if you’re dealing with someone that insists on fucking with you in a way you don’t want to be fucked with, if they refuse to respect your boundaries, then cut them out of your life. Completely. I know it can be hard to end relationships or friendships but the point of any sort of close bond is to build each other not, not tear each other down. If you find yourself constantly complaining about a specific person and you tried to assert yourself towards them yet they can’t or won’t respect any sort of boundary you set, it’s time to say goodnight. Seriously, all the time you spend complaining about how toxic they are, you could spend building a stronger, more fulfilling relationship or friendship with someone else. No sense wasting what little energy you have as a lazy man into some toxic bullshit. Wrapping up… When you stop complaining, you start appreciating. By avoiding the tendency to complain, you are, in turn, opening the door to see all the things there are to be thankful for. You turn the mindset of “The world is out to get me” into “I’m out to get the world.” Complaining is a waste of time; it’s tiresome. It maximizes effort and minimizes results. Ease your mind by looking at things to appreciate instead of things to complain about. You’ll not only feel better about yourself, you’ll realize how much hard work complaining really is. And just remember, someone probably has worse complaints than you do anyway. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
March 2022
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