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Well it’s already Christmas day and the time to get your shopping done has run out, but if you’re a real procrastinator, you’ve waited ‘til the last minute and have little if any of your Christmas shopping list actually done.
That’s okay. There’s always a last minute solution, if you’re lazy enough. So forget the holiday cheer! Time for some holiday laziness. BAH HUM Zzzzzz… If you procrastinated and need a last minute gift idea, we’re gonna dive into some surefire ways to stay in your PJs all day and keep your wallet in your underwear drawer and still give to that special someone. But first let’s take a look at the whole concept of giving.. Are you Obligated to Give Gifts During the Holidays? A gift is sort of an obligation. When someone gives you a gift, they expect some kind of reciprocation in return. Very rarely, if at all,does someone give a gift with the intention of actually, ya know, “giving”. The truth is, they want something out of it. ,even if they just want to “feel good” for making the other person happy. People only care about the WIIFM, What’s In It For Me, and aren’t so charitable in nature. Heck, even those that supposedly “give” to charity during the holidays, while they may act like they really care about the cause on the surface, if you look deeper, they really just want to boost their reputation as a moral person, gain social proof, or even just feel warm fuzzy feelings. They’ll go as far as posting their quote on quote “charitable act” on social media to earn “likes”. It’s all about what *they* can personally gain from the situation. A true gift is expecting nothing in return, not warm feelings or likes or approval. Absolutely nothing. However, if you literally give nothing to a person that gives you a gift, you’ll come across as a selfish Scrooge. You gotta kinda balance this out and give...just enough to show you care, without being so stingy that it seems like you don’t care at all. Keep in mind, a lot of these expensive gifts shoved in our faces in e-mails, movies, advertisements are really just propaganda to buy. There’s this whole idea that buying a thing is the way to show love. Let’s just say, corporate billionaires appreciate you buying a gift more than the person you actually give it to ever will. Furthermore, love is not something you can find on a shelf or charge on your credit card. Thus, we want to find ways that allows us to give, to love, without buying (literally) into the corporate propaganda to spend as much as we can, and of course, we want to be able to do that without having to get out of bed. So without further a do, let’s dive right into it! How to get Away with NOT Buying Gifts for the Holidays 1. Give the gift of “not giving a gift” Now we understand that a gift is an obligation of sorts. It costs money, time, and effort to get a gift for someone and it would do the relationship a disservice to avoid reciprocating at all. So, rather than make it a difficult obligation to fulfill, take the easy way out. Give the gift of not giving and receive it in return. Say “Hey, I want to get you a gift, but I know it can take you a lot of time to find the right thing and would even cost a bit of money if you get me one, so how about instead of us going out of our way to get something for each other, we give each other freedom from the stress of any sort of “to do” task? Make the subject the other person, and try not to focus on your own wants and needs when telling them this. You don’t want to say “Don’t get me a gift because I don’t feel like getting one for you,” but instead, make it clear that they have a lot to gain by not giving a gift to you. Again, fulfill the WIIFM. Focus on how not giving a gift benefits *them* and not you. You want to try and convey the message: “You’re no longer obligated to get me a gift and can save a lot of time, money, and energy in finding something” 2. Blame it on the shitty economy (not personal finances) and say it’s an opportunity for “everyone to save money” A good way to approach selling the idea that you’re not giving gifts this year is to make it a team goal, how you’re in it together, and again, not bring attention to what you can get out of it. You want to create a “win/win” type situation that others look forward to participating in. You don’t want to say “Look, I don’t have enough money to buy gifts” because that shows you don’t care about others’ wants and needs, and instead are only focused on your own concerns. You make it seem like they’re giving to you, giving you the understanding of *your own* money status and allowing you not to give a gift. You want to flip the script and make it appear like they have something to gain out of your non gift giving practices. The economy sucks, and by pointing that out, you make it something that others can actually relate to and be a part of. You kindly encourage them to enter your frame, rather than attempting to force pull them into it. Make it appealing to others that not giving gifts is beneficial for them. 3. The greatest gift you can give, especially as a procrastin8r, is your time. We have naps to take, video games to play, and overall, as procrastin8rs, we want to do what we want, when we want. Time is your most important and valuable assets. You can use your time to earn money (from the couch), level up IRL skills, or relax and enjoy yourself in lazy leisure…or you can give that time as a gift to someone else doing what they want to show you care. But what if I told you, you can kill two birds with one stone or put two pillows on one bed, as I like to say? You can do what you want with your time AND give your time to someone else, by making them a part of what you do. All you have to do is find something you and the other person *both* like and spend time doing it together. Again, make *them* the focus of the activity. That way you show to them that they matter to you and simultaneously, you don’t have to go out of your way to do something you despise. You create a win/win. Say something along the lines of: “Hey I know you really like ___ and I’d love to take you” or give them tickets to an event you know they’d love to go to (and you would too). Quality time is one of the languages of love and this works most effective with people that “speak” that language and need it to feel love. The best way to identify someone’s love language is to examine the way they personally express it. A person wants to receive love the way they give it. If they are the type of person who invites you out to things, or offers to come over, then Quality Time is definitely the love language they speak, so give it to them. 4. Re-gift This is one of the classic lazy gift giving moves. You take an old gift you haven’t used (or even opened for that matter) and wrap that baby back up to give it to *omeone else It’s great because you don’t have head out shopping or spend a damn dime. It’s free and easy. Now you have to be tactful about this though. DON’T re-gift back to the person who originally gave you the gift. I mean that’s just setting thing sup to get ugly. And make sure no one is present that was there during the original gift opening. (eg. one side of the family versus the other or one group of friends versus a different one). You don’t want any “witnesses” who can call you out on your Re-Gift. Although if you are caught, just be calm and relaxed about it, and don't lie, just own it, like it happens and it’s no big deal. The downside of this move, even if you are strategic about it, is look, it’s not a gift you liked very much, so there’s a good chance that it won’t be a gift that someone else likes (unless you know for a fact that they will appreciate it) 5. Write A "Thank You For Being Awesome" Note Notice the little things about a person and write them down. Then hand the list to them as a gift. Do they have a certain hobby they’re good at? Do they have cute little physical quirks, like the way they move or the way the laugh? Do they offer you kind gestures? Think about what you like and appreciate about them as a person. Handwritten is best here because it adds that extra “oomph!” but not necessary. Do that if you are a bit of an artist, but otherwise you could print it out and include memes that would make them laugh. It’s a good habit to have to be able to appreciate what you have.S tudies have shown that those who take the time to show their appreciation are the happiest of people. So you’ll feel more positive and they’ll feel more appreciated. And again, this works best for people that tend to offer a lot of compliments because people want to receive love in the way they give it. It’s all about giving the right kind of gift to the right kind of person. 6. Give Gift Cards Okay, yes technically you have to “buy” these, but they make the list because of how easy of a gift they are. You can buy them online and print them out before you can say “I need to purchase a last minute gift”. I’m all about making money in a few clicks, or wrapping gifts in a few clicks for that matter and gift cards offer the perfect opportunity to do just that!. You don’t even have to wait for shipping. You can print that baby out within seconds. No gas spent or navigating through the hustle n’ bustle of crowded stores. Just laying on the couch and making a few clicks on your phone. BAM! Heck no printer? No problem. You can just email it or Facebook messenger, WhatsApp,SnapChat or whatever new messaging app that came out recently within the past week that people are using. But hey, ya know what? I’m a cheap bastard and don’t really want to spend a whole lotta money And fortunately, I get a TON of FREE gift cards from running a phone farm. You basically dust off a few old phones and run these apps that play videos, earn points, and redeem the points for gift cards. It’s totally passive and one of my favorite ways to earn while I sleep. You can even take a few surveys on mTurk to earn Amazon gift card balance. No need to rush to a 9 to 5 and earn a pay check. There are a ton of apps that let you earn gift cards for doing...nothing, basically, and that makes them a great “last minute cheap gift” because it doesn’t take much effort to obtain and doesn’t cost a damn dime. 7. Don’t take more than you give and don’t give more than you take. Giving, whether it’s during the holidays or during your daily lazy life, is quite a balancing act. Give too much and people will take advantage of you. Give too little and people will get tired of your selfishness. If you put someone on a pedestal, then they’ll always see you as below them and will walk away in disgust. And if you act like you’re on a pedestal yourself, then they’ll often see you as unattainable and walk away in frustration. You must strike the right balance and give...just enough. 8. When you do give, actually give. Don’t give to make yourself feel good or get anything back. If you want to build a quality relationship or friendship, you must be willing to give without any expectation, at least once in a while. You have to be willing to actually give and not trade one sort of benefit for another. Remember to relax and focus on how your gift, no matter how last minute, is something awesome for the other person and take your mind off why it’s good for you. Selflessness is the key to gift giving and it doesn’t matter how long you procrastinate getting a gift if it ultimately comes from a place of love. Merry gosh dern Christmas! Go spend the day in your PJs, on the couch, sipping egg nog. -N8 P.S. I want to give you more content as a gift, including an awesome e-book called the Lazy Mindset, it's a gift that keeps on giving, so subscribe to my newsletter to get it. You can unsubscribe anytime. As a matter of fact, you can take your free e-book gift then immediately unsubscribe if that's what you want to do. But I'm confident you'll want more.
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Jingle Bells
Jingle Bells Stop the noise ‘cause I’d rather sleep all day! 'Tis the season of giving...your whole pay check to corporate America. Gift Giving has become totally commercialized and CEOs are jumping in jolly joy and Christmas cheer all the way to the bank. The main reason why gift giving is so culturally encouraged, especially during the holiday season, is because corporations want profit. They use the holidays as an excuse to market their products. They’re not actually concerned about sharing any sort of joy or giving. And all year long, we’re constantly bombarded with messages to “give a gift to the one you love”, whether its a diamond jewelry advertisement or movie where flowers“wins the girl” or a TV show where a gift brings the family together. This whole idea of “celebrate the season of giving” is all brainwashing bullshit to buy, buy, BUY! It has nothing to do with any sort of generosity and everything to do with pushing a surge of consumerism for a few months. And it is therefore why, my fellow procrastin8rs... I don’t give gifts...at least not in the traditional sense. Look, I’m lazy af and finding the right gift for someone takes a lot of planning, researching, and of course actually shopping. It takes loads of time and effort and is just overall too much work, man. And for what? To make them smile for a few minutes and then use it maybe once or twice before either they throw it out or re-gift it for next year. Not worth it. I’ve got video games to play, shows to watch, naps to take. Not to mention all the wrapping. God I hate wrapping. Ba humbug! Heck, if I do give a gift, which is a very rare occasion, I’m handing it to them straight in an Amazon Prime box or maybe an old holiday bag so I can just shove it in with some newspaper or some shit. Look, The whole point of “giving” is to be selfless and not think about yourself, but a lot of people actually give gifts for themselves. They care about the WIIFM, What's In It For Me? Now while they may actually buy something for another person and not literally buy themselves something off their own wish list, the fundamental reason they bought the gift in the first place is not so benevolent in nature. What they really want is something out of it They want feelings of approval or love or affection. They want to feel good and maybe get a kiss or hug or something else physically. The gift quote on quote “giver” is focused primarily on themselves and how it makes them feel and what benefits it will have for them. I mean sure, the giver may care about the other person, the receiver, but what they really want is to receive something themselves, whether it be physical affection, words of affirmation, or even just joyful feelings. Often times when people give, the gift is a decoy for their own selfish desire to get what they want. The cake is a lie. I mean, think about that that warm sensation you get in your chest when you make someone close to you smile as they unwrap your gift and hearing the words “thank you”. Is that not part of the reason you give it? To feel good. Let’s be honest with ourselves, we all want to feel good. We want to feel appreciated and valuable. Often times when it comes to gift giving, it’s not really a gift at all. It’s all about you and what you want. So by avoiding giving gifts for all the reasons I mentioned I personally don't do it, I’m really being no more or less selfish than the people that supposedly “love” giving gifts. No. Just no. What they love, more often than not, are the feelings that gift giving provides for them. You see, Giving, at its core, is actually a Sacrifice A true gift is “giving up”, sacrificing your time, money, energy, and/or wellbeing without hoping for any sort of reciprocation or compensation. Many people don’t understand this, because like I said, they are focused on their own wants, needs, and desires. People often trade instead of give. In their favor wrapped-up present in a box, they are attempting to open up an opportunity for themselves. They want to trade value for value in return. Usually, they don’t directly think “Well, I’m gonna trade this teddy bear for a kiss from my girlfriend” or “I’m gonna trade this toy for hug from my kid”. Instead, they’ll think something along the lines of... “I can’t wait to see the look on his/her face” “S/he’s gonna kiss me so hard when s/he opens this” “I can’t want to hear her sweet little voice tell me “thank you” See what all of these things have in common? It’s all about what they can *get* out of the situation, not what they can give. In giving a *true* gift, you must focus on how the *other person* feels and what the gift provides *for them*. “This is going to make her happy.” “He will appreciate this so much because he loves ____” It’s an act of sacrifice, an act of selflessness. You must think to yourself ““I don’t care how this makes me feel because this has absolutely nothing to do with me or what I can get out of this.” if you truly want to actually...give. To put it blunt, you must realize this: Giving to others is NOT a good feeling. Giving, in its truest form, means you may get nothing in return. You don’t expect anything, even warm feels. Giving to others is an empty feeling. It doesn’t fill you up. By the very definition, you are “pouring your heart out” and handing over what you have. And you must do this without leaving your hands open, waiting for someone to return the favor. If you feel otherwise, then again, you are focused on what the gift is doing *for you* and how it’s making you feel. When you give, purely to just give, you will feel like shit. Okay? Let’s not beat around the bush. Giving is a shitty feeling. You get absolutely pop diddly squat for doing it. You must know this if you want to actually give. And...whatever. You don’t need a goddamn thing. You’re relaxed and confident in your own bed and aren’t actively seeking their appreciation or approval. ...at least that’s the attitude you want to aim for, as a ProcrastiN8r. Don’t put your self worth in a gift. By giving elaborate gifts, and hoping to win their heart, you are telling the person “this real big thing is more important and valuable than anything I as a person have to offer to you. I’m not real confident in myself and need an external *thing* to make up for my lack of internal value I have for myself. I’m hoping this thing will attract you or make you see me as worthy of your approval” You are placing your entire self worth in the gift you wrap and it comes across as desperate and needy, especially if this is a person who you don’t know very well and are trying to impress. Chocolates, flowers, stuffed animals -- all of that junk it just consumerism you’ve been brainwashed to believe builds attraction, respect, and love. Buying gifts like this right away, without first sparking attraction is what leads a lot of guys to getting "stuck in the friend zone." Bro, she sees you don't value yourself, and instead value a gift, so why should she value you? Unless the person is heavily materialistic. And if they are that materialistic, you have to ask yourself: Do I really want to invest into a relationship (or friendship for that matter) with someone who cares more about superficial things than human connection? Now I’m not saying you can’t buy anything ever for anyone. What I am saying is that you shouldn’t pretend like it’s the movies and live under the false notion that buyable gifts bring together love. The gift you buy should represent, not replace, the value you bring to the table as a person. Be Selfish and Give to Yourself You can’t give if you have nothing. If you’re empty on the inside, then you are coming from a place of need, rather than desire. Not cool, man. The whole reason you’re giving at that point is to fill yourself with love, not share the love you already have with another. When you give, you want to fill *others* with love, not the other way around.This actually makes gift giving easy because then you’re not “trying” to get something out of it. You want to be able to give the gift, with no expectations -- to just let what happens happen and go with the flow. But in order to give to others, in the real sense of the word, you have to give to yourself first. Now that may sound selfish, and for all intents and purposes maybe it is. But stop giving a fuck about what other people think. There’s this idea in society that any sort of self care, appreciation or love is “Selfish” and that’s just not true. Being so called “selfish” is actually necessary to attaining happiness and fulfillment in life, contrary to popular belief. You have to appreciate your own strengths, care about your own weaknesses, and love yourself fully in order to be able to offer that love, appreciation, and care to others. Rather than running out to the store, stay inside on the couch and take the time to reflect on the things that you truly and deeply love about yourself. Think about what you want, and I don’t mean your Christmas wish list. Think about what you deeply desire in life... and give yourself that (or at least part of it by taking steps to get it) Procrastinate the holiday shopping and spend time on your hobby instead, growing your own experience and knowledge and value as a person. Take it easy and learn to accept your flaws and mistakes. Mistakes are Meh. You don’t have to like them, but accept them and relax about them rather than getting “worked up” and anxious. If you can give these gifts to yourself, then you’ll fill your heart and be able to spread love to others. ...And that’s much more powerful as well as cheaper and easier than filling up your shopping cart Remember, You are the Gift that Keeps on Giving Get the idea out of your head that you need to buy something in order for it to count as a gift. Have confidence in your own awesomeness. Your presence is a gift and you’re too lazy to go shopping for shit. Become that selfish lazy jerk who doesn’t give a fuck about anyone but himself, at least for now. Be cocky and even tell people “I am your Christmas gift. I’m here.,” with a cheerful smile. See, being a lazy jerk is a necessary step in self development, especially when you’re coming from a place of giving too much or buying gifts in hopes of winning approval. It’s all a balancing act and eventually the jerk persona can fade away. You don’t want to be a complete jerk, ideally. You can’t really strike the right balance if you don’t understand and experience the other side of the spectrum though, so start from there. You shouldn’t be so self absorbed in your own mind that you only take from others and don’t offer anything other than “showing up. Instead, you want to take the attitude of “my presence is awesome and a gift in and of itself, but I am willing to give more” You want to reach a place of confidence, self fulfillment, and inner peace that you no longer buy gifts (or generally do things to “people please”) in order to feel a sense of self worth. But at the same time you want to reach a level of humbleness, care, and respect for others that you don’t only take things in your friendships and relationships. The Benefit of Giving Once you are happy and fulfilled as a person, once you find the proper balance within yourself, you’ll realize that... You have love to give and you don’t need to take it (or any other positive feeling) from an outside source because you can already find it, plenty of it, within yourself and the things you do...or procrastinate and don’t do for that matter. You can create the gifts of joy, love, and appreciation within your own mind and within your own heart. You are the creator. You can imagine the feelings you want and that’s much easier than running to the store or even browsing Amazon. Love is abundant. You must develop this abundance mentality - that you can have the things you want at any time and it's no big deal if you don't get it right away from one particular person. That's the cool laid back Lazy Mindset you want to achieve. Otherwise, you come from a scarcity mindset and doing so means you feel you need a specific outcome. It makes you stressed and anxious Don’t become attached to the outcome of seeing a smile or getting a hug or a blow job or a gift in return or whatever. You give the experience of unwrapping the gift and expect to receive nothing out of it. You want the mindset of: I’m giving this gift because it will bring them joy and we'll ““See where it goes & go with the flow.” If you appreciate yourself, you don’t need someone else to appreciate you (and the gifts you buy). You give from a place of genuinely sharing this abundance of love, rather than a place of desperately needy self-preservation and trying to “get” something out of your own gift. Relax, give yourself love and share the abundance with others. No need to hustle and bustle at the store or browse online catalogues. Take it easy, N8. P.S. Next week, we’ll cover how to get away with NOT buying gifts for the holidays. Subscribe to the newsletter so you don’t miss it!  Relationships are a tricky balance. You can't give too much and you can't give too little. You can't take too much and you can't take too little. There was a time when it came to my relationships, whether it be romantic or platonic, I was always the “nice guy”. I poured my heart out. I waited on them hand and foot.It was my goal to make them happy. But let me tell you, through tough experience, I learned you shouldn’t put others happiness before your own. I was willing to jump through hoops if they asked. I bought gifts, I gave many compliments, I did favors without hesitation. All to be a good friend or boyfriend. I never stopped to think of myself or what I was doing to make myself happy. I (stupidly) thought that sacrifice is the way to win people over. SPOILER ALERT: It’s not! And while selflessly giving may make you “likeable”, it does NOT make you respected or desirable (as a partner or even friend) at all. I was, by the very definition, a People Pleaser. And People Pleasers never get what they want. They help others get what they want, but never get what they want themselves. They put others’ needs before their own and wind up feeling miserable. That’s what I was doing. This was before I developed the Lazy Mindset. It was NOT the ProcrastiN8r way at all. There was never enough I could give and I gave everything away, including my own self dignity. I was left feeling unsatisfied and drained, the pain of working hard. The lesson I learned was this: Don’t give more than you take  Putting in an excessive amount of effort into a relationship or friendship with someone who doesn’t reciprocate equally will drain you mentally and emotionally (and maybe even financially) You’ll be left just feeling “done”, like you can’t give anymore and somehow they always want more from you. If you willy nilly agree to something they want, and they rarely, if ever agree to give you something you want (and when they do agree it’s always an uphill battle to get them to say “yes”), then there’s a relationship imbalance and you’re gonna wind up feeling completely exhausted. You shouldn’t feel like you are pulling teeth when you request a sort of commitment or favor and they shouldn’t think so much about WIIFM (What’s In It For Me?), not every single time you ask for even the simplest of favors at least. These are bad signs. They should be willing to give and not get, on occasion. Giving your all without them reciprocating will inevitably make them lose respect for you. They realize they wield all the power. They realize their approval is what you live and fight for. Once a person realizes they have complete control over you and can get you to bend to the knee any time they want, it’s over! They lose respect for you and will take advantage of you and your generosity and kindness if you left them. I lost friends and I lost lovers because of my overly generous behavior. And one day I just had it. I was sick of being pushed around, sick of giving more than I took, and tired, just tired of not getting what I want. So..I said “fuck it”. Being generous and giving was getting me no where in relationships but feeling depleted. Being the “nice guy” lead to no where but being taken advantage of. So naturally in order to improve myself and do things differently... I became the asshole, the guy who doesn’t commit. The guy who doesn’t do shit for people unless there’s something in it for him. The guy who cares about one person in the world: himself.  Yeah, that was me. A truly certified asshole. It was my way or the highway. Didn’t like it? Good bye. I don’t need you. Oh you got me a gift? Psh, of course you did. I deserve it. Do me a favor? Good. But you should do more. C’mon now. That’s not enough. Give me a compliment? Tell me you love me? “I know. I’m awesome that way or I love me too” I was beyond challenging to please or dare I say impossible. If I did do anyone anything, then there had to be some benefit in it for me. I was no charity. I was by all definitions of the word completely and utterly selfish. These attitudes made it easy to seduce and attract women for one night stands or fwbs and even lead to a few “falling in love” with me. It also made making friends easy, as I seemed like “the cool guy” who didn’t give a fuck about anyone. I didn’t give a shit. I wasn’t boyfriend material. I wasn’t a best friend. I wasn't gonna give her commitment. I like my freedom. I wasn’t gonna spend time with her friends. I got my own friends I wasn’t gonna give gifts. I’m not Santa Claus. Likewise, I wasn't gonna just help out a friend unless there was something in it for me. But then I had a few relationships (and friendships for that matter) where I actually did care about the person and actually did want something a bit more long-term. I saw a future and they were actually were a very prominent part of my life. However, I continued to act completely uncaring, because from my experience before, showing care and giving lead to the end of the relationship. I continued to be the uncommitted selfish asshole. I put up walls and kept them up. And eventually, I had some of the most important people in my life leave and want nothing to do with me because they were just tired of putting in such an effort to win my care or approval. Due to my own rigid resistance, I made it a fight to “earn” any sort of favor and that just left certain people feeling exhausted. And no matter how much I promised to be different or offer a bit of leniency, it was “too little too late”. (And to be frank, I gave them no reason to believe I would act differently than selfish) So of course, like any great epiphany in life, it took me the hard way to learn this: Don’t take more than you give.  You have to be willing to say “yes” to commitments and favors without resistance or hesitation on at least an equal level the other person gives you, especially if you want any sort of long-term relationship with them Otherwise, if you consistently tell them “No”, you’ll likely lose them. I wanna save you the pain of going through that, so learn from my dumb ass mistakes. You should be willing and able to say No once in a while, but not to everything. I was caught up in my own head and focused on what I could take. I was *always* concerned about the WIFM (What’s In It For Me?) ... and that caused some of my closest relationships (both romantic and friendships) to end. See, you have to be willing to bend a little bit for those that actually matter in your life for those that give to you and show they care. Certainly don’t keep bending ‘til you break but be a tad flexible.You want to be able to set boundaries that say “don’t fuck with me” but not be so hard pressed to pursuit said boundaries that Giving and taking is all an act of balance.  You have to give...just enough. And you have to take...just enough. Doing “just enough” is the way of a true ProcrastiN8r. No, more, no less. Nothing in life is excessive on Lazy Island. You can’t be a walking charity, giving away your time, money, and emotional resources so freely. And in the same vein, you can’t be a stone cold rigid rock, refusing to budge even for those that give so much to you. You can’t treat everyone the same, at least not as a relationship grows and develops and the person has demonstrated their own commitment and willingness to bend. When people are important to you, you have to show them they *matter*, just don’t go as far as worshiping them.  There’s definitely a fine line between appreciation and worship. Give them “just enough” to feel like they matter in your eyes, but not so much they feel like a god or goddess to you. Have some self respect and don’t pretend they’re some divine superbeing. They’re human, like you. Remember, if you treat someone like a celebrity, they will treat you like a fan. You are below them and they will treat you as such. You want to have the attitude that you are on an equal level in terms of status and importance. Even if you’re not, you can at least give the impression you are with a bit of confidence. You want to send the message: “Hey you’re important and attractive to me and I hope you know that” without going overboard and saying“OMG you are the reason I live and I *need* you” Now you’re not literally going to say that out loud, but you’re going to express it through your behaviors and actions. Lean back, relax and embrace your laziness. Don’t get up from the couch for people that don’t get up for you. You should never "need" a person. They should add to your value, not substitute it. With that said... There’s a fine line between being a lazy asshole and being complete douche bag too  Don’t be a complete douche bag. Give them “just enough” that they feel like you care, but not so little that they feel like you think of yourself as a god, above anyone else, including them. You want to be a challenge, but you don’t want to be impossible. You can’t let people walk all over you, but if you’re too unmoving, you’ll push people away. Be firm with your boundaries. Just don’t be so resistant to others that you end up resisting any sort of close relationship. You may not like to get off the couch, but you can slide over a bit and make room for someone. You want to send the message: “Hey I’m pretty awesome and I don’t give my time or attention away easily”, without going overboard and saying “I’m better than everyone and don’t give anything to anyone” You need the attitude that you are bad ass on your own, but that doesn’t mean you’re better than anybody. You must have slow n’ steady progress  A lot of couples make the mistake of rushing into things -- moving in together, getting engaged, having kids, the whole nine yards, and two years later they’re sitting there wondering “Okay, now what?” Next thing ya know they’re filing divorce papers ‘cause they just didn’t have any sort of progress happening within the relationship. You want to take it nice and slow A relationship, especially a romantic one, must have some sort of sense of progression. There must be leveling up at a natural pace, and even after you hit all the "commitment points", you should work on some sort of project or learn something together in order to continue to grow together and feel progress. You can refuse to offer large commitments at first. Here’s the key though, if this person is actually important to you and if you do in fact see a future with them, then you must agree at some point* You must take steps toward commitment eventually. Maybe not in the beginning, maybe not right away, but if you’ve been seeing them for at least a couple months or even years, and see them in your future, then you can give a little. Otherwise be willing to lose them if you continue to disagree Wait. Procrastinate. Let them suggest it. But when they do, don’t put up walls for too long. Remember that the more commitment you give, the less freedom you have. But don’t let that fear hold you back from embracing a relationship you actually want to be a part of.  Don’t give too much too soon and don’t give too little too late.
As a procrastinator, it’s always better to wait and put off showing care or commitment. But you do have to do it “eventually” if you want this person to continue being a part of your life. It’s your choice of course but know the risks. On the flip side, if you give too much of your time and attention in the beginning, it's gonna come across as desperate and you'll scare them away. Procrastinate with purpose, but don't hold out too long, unless you legitimately have no intention of building anything serious with them. Wrapping up: There’s this idea in society that what makes you a good person is your ability and willingness to to Sacrifice (the “S” in the D.E.S.K. trap). No, what makes you a good person is to feel happy and fulfilled on your own and to respect others without going as far as worship them (or make them feel insignificant, on the opposite side of the spectrum). Give just enough and take just enough. Don’t wear yourself thin in giving to others and don’t wear others thin when they give to you. Give thanks and take nothing for granted. And remember offering commitment and favors to a person should come from a place of desire -- to build a strong relationship or friendship, not of need to have them or a fear of losing them. Take it easy, N8 P.S. I write a new blog every week about how to handle life, relationships, and finances the lazy way to help you do things the easy way. Subscribe to the newsletter so you don't miss it! So you want to tell a lie and not get caught because you’re too lazy to deal with the consequences of hiding the truth. You’d rather just have people believe your word, even if it’s not true.
I mean if you’re gonna lie, you might as well do it efficiently. No point in lying if you’re just gonna be caught red handed and have it blow up in your face. LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE! Clean up on aisle three! That’s a big mess to deal with. Burnt tattered breeches. Yuck! Best to avoid making a mess with your lies to begin with so there’s no mess to clean up later. You must be a good bullshitter if you’re really gonna be a bullshitter at all. I mean earning someone’s trust back after you tell a lie and get caught is like trying to put together a broken plate -- even if you do manage to do it, there’s still gonna be cracks on the surface and the trust can never be fully established again. Let’s take a look at how to lie and get away with it to save yourself the hassle of trying to earn someone’s trust back. Okay here we go...ready? Step one: Don’t lie Yep, that’s it. It’s really that simple. Lying is a lot of work, especially when you’re lazy and trying to minimize the amount of effort you put into things. It’s way better (and not to mention way easier) to be honest from get-go. Maintaining trust and respect is a far lazier and more efficient path than trying to rebuild it. It’s easier to just make a fresh bowl of soup then try to pick out the bullshit droppings in a dirty one. But okay, okay.. Perhaps in learning how to lie efficiently though, you’ll realize just how much harder it is to do more than simply tell the truth as an honest procrastin8r. Bullshitting is a ton of hard work. Sometimes by doing things the hard way, you’ll appreciate the easy way of doing things (and be more likely to actually do it the easy way). In this case, once you see just how much juggling, planning, and jumping through hoops is involved in telling a *successful* lie, you’ll want to embrace your laziness and just stick to telling the truth instead. Keep in mind that no matter how quote on quote “good” of a lie you tell, there is never 100% guarantee you won’t get caught telling it. I mean, “good” probably isn’t really a word that should ever be used to describe a lie. No lie is ever good -- let’s be clear. “Convincing” is perhaps a more suitable word. No matter how convincing your lie is, you still risk breaking the trust of the person you’re telling the lie to, and you really have to ask yourself if it’s worth potentially *losing* that person’s trust for the rest of your life just so they can temporarily believe your lie. If it’s someone you value and respect and maybe even love and care for, then you definitely want to steer clear of any sort of lies. Of course, even if it’s someone you don’t respect all that much, telling a lie to *anyone* significantly damages your integrity...and integrity is the one thing ya got! These tips outlined below on how to lie efficiently only really increase your chances of getting away with a lie and it’s impossible to tell a foolproof lie. I mean, the words coming out of your mouth are either the truth or they’re not. You’re either bullshitting or you're not. Without further ado, let’s dive right into it. 1.Have some level of truth to it, create verisimilitude When attempting to tell a successful lie, it helps to include some element of truth to it. This will make it at least a little bit believable, as opposed to just pulling what you say completely out of your ass. These are known as “half truths”, where you leave out half (or very well a major portion) of the entire truth. What you’re saying may in fact be *somewhat* true. You’re just leaving out certain details or even changing details entirely to fit your narrative. Say for example you skip work and tell your boss that you’re “sick” It’s true, you are “sick” -- you’re sick of work! You kind of leave out that whole part though and just tell him you’re sick. Or maybe your friend asks you to hang out and you tell them you have a paper to write. While it’s true, you do in fact have a paper to write, you actually spend your night playing video games instead of even opening Microsoft word for a single goddamn second. The preferable method of handling this situation would be to just straight up tell your friend you don’t feel like going out tonight and would rather chill and play video games, instead of building the narrative that you’re a busy productive person. You can begin to see how embracing your laziness and being an honest person goes hand in hand. Of course, since we are trying to lie and get away with it, you give them the partial truth. It also helps if said truth is verifiable, like maybe they are in the same class or at least know you’re trying to earn an education. In other words, don’t fabricate a complete fairytale. Give your story a bit of verisimilitude. Make it believable. Make them think something along the lines of like “oh I guess that could be. That sounds like something s/he’d do.” Don’t leave full room for doubt where they’re like “Yeah, right.” Keep in mind how well you know the person and how well they know you. They may be aware of your typical habits and behaviors and will be less likely to believe you performed an action “out of character”. Make sure your lie/story matches your “normal” way of doing things. You can’t tell them you have to work on a paper if they KNOW that you normally don’t turn your homework in, for example. Assure the lie you tell is something they would actually believe is something possible you’d do. Never serve a complete lie and always mix in a bit of truth with it. 2. Add an embarrassing detail People are more likely to believe your bluff if you “admit” to something embarrassing. Rather than tell a story straight story, free of guilt, you add a “juicy gossip bit” that gets people to believe “oh there’s no way he would admit to *that* if this weren’t true” Guilt (or embarrassment) is an element that adds credibility to your story. Give the impression that you’re saying “I’d hate to admit this but…” and shock them a bit that you would even mention something like *that.* It again has to be believable and not totally off the wall either. Saying you accidentally tripped and spilled your coffee in the cafe is one thing, but saying you spilled in on a cop and got arrested in another. Don’t make your tale too tall. Using the skipping hanging out with friends to play video games but you tell them you’re working on a paper lie example, you could say something along the lines of..” “I’m totally failing this class and need to turn in the paper if I want a chance at a passing grade.” Failure -- that’s the key. You’re admitting to some form of failure in your lie so that you give the impression that you’re not making stuff up to look perfect.You’re a vulnerable and imperfect human being. You give the impression that you admit to your faults and that comes across as honest, even if the faults you’re admitting to aren’t even true. One of the most effective lies/excuses, using the guilt tactic, is…ready for this? I shit my pants! It’s a perfect, nearly flawless and unquestionable excuse. I mean really, who’s gonna want the details? It can be used if you’re running late or to get out of something in the first place. Of course, it’s not one that you can use too frequently, unless you want the rep as the pants shitter. And that’ll probably require you to spend more time in the bathroom “pretending” to have an explosive shit session than you’ll ever want to, in order to make your lie look real/believable. People will just think “Oh jeez. That’s so embarrassing” and let it go with no further questions. An effective lie is not about making you look perfect and cool, but to actually make you look imperfect and uncool -- in a way that *distracts* people from what you’re really uncool and imperfect about. Maybe you forgot about a friends birthday party, but you don’t want them thinking you’re an uncaring, forgetful friend. So you tell them you either shit your pants or “wanted to come but was too hung over”. That way you just seem like a dumb drunk friend, instead of a selfish one. You see, you’re still embarrassing yourself, just not about what you *should be* embarrassed for. Of course, it’s much easier just to own your shit instead of making shit up (literally). 3. Don’t include other people Whenever you tell, make sure it’s just you that was there and maybe a group of *strangers*. Don’t include people you actually know personally (especially if they are a mutual friend to the person you are lying to) Look, if you include people(namely mutual friends) in your story, now you’re including witnesses. Uh oh bozzo! It’s very easy for the person to simply ask the other people you mentioned in your story about what happened and BOOM! There ya go, genius. Caught. These “witnesses” are going to tell a story that doesn’t quite match yours and you’re S.O.L. I mean unless you go around asking people to lie for you to keep your story straight. This isn’t the best idea because either they’re gonna either 1. Call you out on your bullshit and insist that you be honest 2. Agree but wonder who else you try to get to lie for you and whether they should ever trust you Either way, you’re gonna break the trust with this person and it’s simply not worth it. And I mean c’mon -- The amount of set up here is ridiculous. Now you’re getting *other people* to lie for you to verify your lie. That’s a whole lot of coordination. Plus, they might not even remember the story (lie) details correctly and you leave yourself open to contradictions. Any contradiction between what you tell and what your friend tells will lead to your lie coming to surface. If you must include a person in your fabricated story to make it more believable or whatever, then make sure it’s someone the person you’re lying to doesn’t actually know. 4. Make it simple Ah, simplicity, the way of a true procrastin8r. (Of course a true procrastin8r doesn’t lie at all in the first place but I digress) The more detailed, elaborate, and in-depth your lie is, the more open loops you create. The more open loops you create, the more you increase your chances of getting caught in your lie. So keep it simple. Of course, you should probably write down or memorize extra details “just in case” your questioned or doubted, but in your initial telling of the lie, you want to keep it short, sweet, simple, and to the point. Don’t beat around the bush and try to “back up” your claim with unnecessary (fabricated) facts. It’ll come across like you’re just trying to justify your words (which you are) and put a red flag on your head as a LIAR. Just tell the lie and don’t make this big deal about it, like ya gotta provide a long list of evidence to confirm the “truth” of it. Honest people don’t provide long-winded explanations...and neither do effective liars. Getting back to the hang out lie... “Well I’d love to come, but I have this paper to write, and it’s due tomorrow. I put it off because my dog’s been sick. I had to take her to the vet and the vet bill was expensive, so I had to take up extra time at work and..” Stop. Just stop. Too many excuses and it just sounds like you’re trying to slime your way out of things. It doesn’t take an expert psychologist to be like “Okay, this guy’s just trying to weasel his way out of this.” The only exception to this rule is if you’re the type of guy or gal to include intricate details in your story. In that case, you can go about including a bit of Basically tell a story how you normally would. Deviating from your typical storytelling approach will raise suspicion and likely lead to you getting caught in the lie. 5. Lie with purpose If you’re going to lie, you should at least have drive and purpose to do so. Your lie should help you attain a specific goal and you shouldn’t just haphazardly pull it out of your ass for shits and giggles. In other words, don’t bullshit just to bullshit. There should be some sort of *benefit* you wish to achieve in telling your lie. Take aim when you fling bullshit. Have an actual target in mind. Where do you want your lie to lead you? Lying isn’t something you do for fun. It’s something you do for strategic purpose. I mean, assuming you’re going to lie anyway, which, just to mention again, you *shouldn’t* actually do. Otherwise, you take all of the risk of lying (breach of trust, damage to integrity, possibility of ending a relationship) without any sort of reward...sort of like those casino apps where you can win virtual currency by depositing real money with your credit card. It makes zero sense, unless you’re a (gambling/lying) addict and need your fix. Fixing compulsive lying is beyond the scope of this specific article, but basically you should *be aware* of when you lie. You should feel at least a wee bit of guilt whenever you tell a lie. If you lack that sense of guilt or don’t even notice you are telling a lie at all, Houson, we have a problem. If you want to lie efficiently then you have to know and be aware of when you are lying. Otherwise, you’ll probably get caught in some stupid ass lie that you weren’t even meaning to tell. You could face real consequences of telling a lie, so make sure said lie can bring (potential) real value when you tell it. Lie with intention and purpose, otherwise you’ll start telling “secondhand” lies and do it without thinking. That’s no bueno. You want to use shitting your pants as an excuse and not actually shit your pants, if you catch my drift. 6. Tell the story backwards Many bullshitters make the amateur mistake of memorizing their story in a certain sequential order of events. But not you. You’re a PRO Bullshitter. You know your (fabricated) story in and out. You can tell it forwards, backwards, upside down, on the ceiling, on the floor, wherever. As a matter of fact, as we covered last week in How to Spot a Bullshitter, one good way to do so is to have them recite the story backwards. If they’re lying, they’ll usually fumble over their words or hesitate. Now since you want to lie efficiently, you’re gonna avoid the fumble or hesitation by memorizing not just the story, but the *details* within it. Know every detail of your lie -- that way you can “stick to the story” from any starting point and not just beginning to end. 7. Answer a question with another question Activate your trap card and pull the good ole switcheroo. They ask you a question then you, like any bloodsucking lying politician follow it up with another question. You put them on the defensive. You become the inquisitor and gain all the power! Oh sweet baby Jesus the tables have turned! Now they have the pain of guilt or embarrassment to deal with. You can say something along the lines of “Oh come on, you wouldn’t think that I’d actually ___, would you?” They’ll think to themselves: Well I don’t want him to think I think he’s dumb, so of course not! Granted, they may just call you on your bluff and realize you’re just trying to throw a confetti grenade (distraction), but more likely, they’ll feel threatened by your own accusations and feel bad about accusing you of anything in the first place. This tactic should be used very, very sparingly, however, as too much “throwing back” a question can raise some eyebrows. It’ll just seem like you’re trying too hard to avoid giving a direct answer if you retaliate a question with another question too often and you’ll be a caught bullshitter in no time. To be fair, if the person is already at the point where they’re asking accusatory questions or questions full of doubt, your success rate at bullshitting is already slipping, which leads us to the next point... 8. Believe the Lie (or at least have Confidence in it) If you actually believe your own lie, it’ll come across in the way you present it and make it seem more true. (But enjoying the taste of your own bullshit is kinda gross) Just make sure you are aware of the fact that it *is* still a lie so you again don’t develop bullshitting as a secondhand habit. The key is you must remain cool, calm, and collected during the delivery of your lie. Don’t look nervous. Don’t fidget around. Don’t change the pace of your talking or blinking. Give a genuine smile by raising your cheeks. Relax and tell it in a “matter of fact” voice. It’s not something you’re trying to convince someone is true, because “it is” true, or at least it’s true in your head. You have to have so much confidence in your lie that you can tell it *as if it were* the truth. Tell your lie with conviction. President Trump is a master at this. He pulls out such bullshit but ya know what and you know why people still believe him to this day? Because he tells it with conviction. Put authority in your words and people will respect you for it. Well, actually a bullshitter never really earns any sort of respect, just a false sense of comfort. By authority I mean you must say the words firmly but still calmly. You don’t want to come across as forceful or demanding. Be laid back and lie. Of course this is all an act because you know in your heart that what you’re saying is not true. Wrapping up: Hopefully now that you’ve learned how to bullshit properly, you’ve come to notice the amount of preparation, memorization, creativity and stage performance skills that are necessary to practice. And yes, practice, because they are all skills you need to actually train and get better at. Becoming a good bullshitter doesn’t happen over night and you actually need to practice a set of skills to master. That’s a lot of work, man! That’s a lot of….bullshit! The alternative is to just tell the truth and that’s much easier than jumping through all these hoops. Of course, knowing how to be a good bullshitter can definitely help you spot those with a high level of bullshittery and allow you to cut those people out of your life. Cut the bullshit and continue living a lazy and honest life.. Take it easy, N8 |
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