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As a procrastin8r, we tell the truth, simply because it’s the easier thing to do. Being honest and having integrity not only makes you a more trusted and charismatic person, it’s also the lazy way to go about things.
I mean think about it, would you rather write a novel and memorize it as well as hold back your true feelings ...or just tell the truth? The only time a procrastin8r lies is on the bed or couch or hammock. They don’t lie to anyone -- friends, family, significant others, or even themselves. We just abide by what’s true and don’t try to make up stories. Now unfortunately, not everyone is a procrastin8r and following the Lazy Mindset. People lie.They’re not always honest. People throw bullshit all the time. It’s a shame because it makes relationships hard. Once a person tells a lie, the trust is broken, and can never really be fully 100% re-established. Look, integrity is the only thing ya got, so it’s easier just to keep it in the first place rather than jump through hoops to try and earn it back. Part of creating a lazy lifestyle is making every aspect of your life -- easy. It’s hard work to keep a relationship up with people that are gonna lie straight to your face. You’re gonna have to question their every motive, doubt their promises, and ultimately juggle fucking axes just to feel “okay” about things. The easy way is to cut these sorts of people out of your life -- cut out the liars, nix the bullshitters -- so that you can live one that’s true and void of any false hopes and illusions. The truth sets you free. It sucks because you may actually like/love and care deeply about this person, and it may feel difficult to let go. But ya gotta think to yourself: Do I really like them as a person or just the false image they are trying to project? The fact is you may not love or care about them as a person; you love the lie about them that you believed in. You actually began to appreciate the smell of their bullshit. Heck, you don’t even really know them. You just know their lie, and even if you begin to trust them, begin to believe them, and see the “real” version of the person, there’s still that sort of doubt in the back of your head saying “But is s/he really real this time, like really?” That’s just not a healthy sort of relationship to have with anyone, whether it’s a family member, friend, or significant other. Trust is the basis of all relationships. With that said, you should actually know how to lie. Wait. What? Hol up! I’m not saying you should lie, in case it wasn’t clear enough that you very well shouldn’t. What I’m saying is, you should know how to lie so that you can easily spot a liar. If you know how to tell a good lie yourself, then you can easily tell when others are in fact lying to you. You’ll be able to catch the subtle nuances of a lie and be like “Ah okay, this person is a waste of time.” then walk away, instead of pouring months or years of time and effort into something false. You know what they say: you can’t bullshit a bullshitter. The quicker you can spot a liar, the less you’ll have invested in the relationship with a shitty person. As a procrastin8r, we’re all about minimizing effort and maximizing results, including our relationships. It’s not lazy or smart to invest heavy emotionally into someone you can’t trust, someone that’s lying to you, and it’s certianly a lot of effort to deal with a bullshitter. Today, we’re gonna dive into how to spot a liar, how to turn on your bullshit detector (which coincidentally are the things to avoid if you want to tell a pretty good lie, yourself, for that matter) so you can cut the liars out of your life and continue living your stress-free, lazy, and honest life. Now to be clear, before we get started, these are just signs to look for and will vary person to person, based on their own natural quirks and body language. But they are definitely something to look out for. Without further ado, let’s dive, right into it! You Can’t Hide Those Lying Eyes One of the most reliable and easy ways to spot a liar is... to look at their eyes. via GIPHY Shifty eyes If their eyes are darting back and forth rapidly, avoiding eye contact. There’s a good chance this person is trying to hide something. Of course, they may also just be shy and nervous as a person, so it may just indicate a lack of confidence or even just general confusion. However, if the person is generally quite confident, or at least calm enough to not be...so jittey, and what you said is rather clear and not confusing at all, then more likely than not, they’re lying to you about whatever they just said or aren’t revealing the full truth. Looking to the right (their right) There have been studies that show that depending on the type of information people think of, they look in a certain direction. If they’re looking to the right, this means they are tapping into “Creation Mode”, meaning whatever they’re saying they are making the fuck up. On the other hand, if they are looking to the left, they are trying to “Remember” something and recalls specific details. This *does* vary from person to person. Left handers tend to be the opposite -- with looking to the left meaning they’re making shit up and looking to the right meaning they’re remembering the truth. You can find out what a person’s typical behavior is by asking basic questions like “Do you remember your first day in high school?” or “What’s the first concert you went to?” That’ll reveal which side they look when they “remember”. You can ask them to imagine something silly like a pink elephant or peanutbutter pizza or whatever just to see which direction they look while they’re in Creation Mode. That’ll help you discern the difference between which direction they look when they’re remembering the truth and which side they look when they’re bullshitting. Of course, a good bullshitter can manipulate this sort of thing and look in either direction s/he wants, so be careful. via GIPHY In the blink of an eye...they can tell a lie! This is one of those sort of things you’ll have to observe a person for so you get a good sense of their natural blinking pattern. Some people naturally blink faster, slower, than others, etc. Just pay attention for a bit and you’ll pick it up. Generally though excessively rapid blinking can indicate nervousness and if you are otherwise having an emotionally calm conversation, then that’s a big red flag. Context is important. I mean if you were just talking about a horrible story of how you were in a car accident recently or a family member was diagnosed with cancer or something, then rapid blinking may actually be appropriate to indicate feelings of shock. However, if you’re asking them what they did this weekend and their eye lids are fluttering like a hummingbird, then you might wanna call them on their bullshit. On the contrary, blinking *too slowly* can indicate their about to pull something out of their ass rather than hit you with the truth and mean it. They’re subconsciously stalling time to “come up” with an answer (as in tell a lie) or maybe even hiding which direction their looking. Of course, they *could* just be thinking really hard, trying to actually recall a specific detail too so don’t get so caught up if it happens once or twice during the conversation. However, frequent occurrences of the “slow blink” may indicate there’s something fishy going on. Eye contact. Now you would think that maintaining eye contact indicates the person is telling the truth, and well, actually, generally speaking, you’d be absolutely correct and hit the nail on the head. And on the same token, avoiding eye contact, probably indicates some bullshit right there. But there’s also a level of *too much* eye contact. Ya know, when someone’s just sort of...staring at you, through your soul like a reaping death angel or some shit. It’s just creepy. It’s eerie. Either the person’s lying or planning your murder. Either way, don’t trust a starer. A normal amount of eye contact is what you’re looking for in an honest person (or good bullshitter). Not too much, not too little. Juuust right. The Goldilocks zone of eye contact is what you want from a person telling the truth. But again, keep in mind, a person may just have personality quirks, like insecurity where they just tend to avoid eye contact in general. Now let’s stop staring at their eyes like a big ole creep and take a look at the rest of a person’s face to indicate whether or not they’re bullshitting you… Let’s Put a Smile on That Face! Now an effective way to indicate at least if a person is playing charades with their emotions is to be able to spot a fake smile. A person who is showing a genuine smile will raise their cheeks to the point in which the skin around the eyes bunch and wrinkle A fake smile, on the other hand, is all in the mouth, with no cheeks raised. What are they really trying to hide behind that fake little smile of theirs? Well whatever it is, it ain’t gettin’ past your bullshit detector. Lying lips If someone raises their lips in a pursed position, it’s probably a good indication their wearing big wet juicy red LIEstick. I’m guilty of this. I mean I’m not a liar. But I am a bit of a prankster. It’s the natural role of a big brother. My sisters learned when I was trying to pull something fast on them and called me out on my “Lying lips” The lips don’t necessarily have to be “pursed” per se, but in some sort of shift in position. Maybe they lick them more often, maybe they bite their lower lip. Of course those types of body language could also mean they’re just really turned on by whatever the fuck you just said. Face touching If someone keeps obsessively touching their face, they either are addicted to popping their own zits or are just being ...cheeky! BA DUM TSS No but seriously, face-touching is a strong sign that the person is lying. I don’t mean like a brush or comb here or there, but if they are all over their face, they may be trying to hold up their mask, if you catch my drift. Fidgeting And speaking of obsessive actions -- this can expand to literally any little movement -- scratching the skin, rubbing hands together, biting nails, you get the idea. Fidgeting around and moving. It may just be a nervous tick. But why are they nervous, detective? It could also just be a bad habit (especially things like nail biting), but that’s why you ask small questions before getting to the big ones so you can get an idea of their bad habits versus their fidgeting. via GIPHY Excessive sweating Unless the temperature is hot or things are heating up intemently, sweating is a sure fire sign that the person is nervous and trying not to get caught in their little bullshit dance. Cool it off and call ‘em out on it. Red face Like a blinking red weak spot in a boss battle, flushing of the face is a sign of either extreme embarrassment and maybe just maybe that embarrassment comes from telling a lie they’re afraid you might catch. It’s easy to spot this one, compared to other more subtle ones on the list. Either you gave them a sweet compliment or you asked a question they feel nervous in answering truthfully. Stillness Not moving at all is a survival instinct. There’s fight, flight, and FREEZE. This person is caught red handed and they freeze up trying not to make a mistake, being over-cautious of their movements. It across as...weird. Most people move around during a conversation -- with their hands, with their feet, with their SOMETHING. There’s a notorious real crime interrogation reel of Stephen McDaniel, where he infamously stayed completely still with his body language for the entire 2 hours of the interrogation. Not a single moved for the full two hours. He was later found guilty of murder. You can watch a sped up version above and just see how suspicious as fuck he looks staying so still. Like obviously the dude is lying. via GIPHY Voice changes If they suddenly get higher pitched or lower pitched or change their cadence, this may mean their words are not so truthful. They may try sounding a bit *too* polite or maybe a bit *too* laid back. Something just seems...off. The inflection or tone of their voice just doesn’t match the conversation and there seems to be a lot of “try hard” in their voice, like their “trying” to make a certain impression, rather than just be honest. via GIPHY Run on sentences Liars tend to go on and on and on, explaining things with unnecessary detail, and failing to reach an end point in their sentence. It comes across as rambling, trying to find the right words. One who speaks honestly doesn’t fumble over their sentences and can keep their explanations brief. Claiming Honesty “I swear! I’m being honest” Yeah, those are the words of a liar. No one telling the truth has to justify the truth because it *is* the truth. Watch out for their claims of honesty, especially if done redundantly, without you even asking to clarify or offering any criticism. Saying something is true does not make it true. Bullshit is bullshit, no matter how many times you call it a flower. Short Answers If they’re being rather snippy with their answers and in a way come across as irritated or annoyed, they may be hiding more information than what they abruptly tell you on the surface. They tell you “DID NOT do it” Instead of telling you they didn’t do it. They said they “did not” That’s important. One of the prime examples of this type of wording actually being a lie are Bill Clinton’s infamous words: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” Quickly changing topics Obviously it’s natural for topics to change over the course of the conversation, but if they seem to be throwing a curveball,when you try to bring up a certain question, then that ball is probably loaded with bullshit. If they seem way too jolty about changing topics, look out. They may answer your question very *briefly* then try to jump ship ASAP. This is a red flag for a bullshitter in panic mode. Filling in the sound...of silence Pauses are natural in the flow of conversation. If the other person never seems to allow a pause to happen and is quick to fill it in with justifications or explanations that you didn’t even ask for. Smell that? It’s bullshit. Not able to tell the story backwards If you doubt the ridiculousness or craziness, ask them to tell it to you backwards. Liars tend to memorize a series of events in a certain order and will get thrown off if they have to deviate from that. If they stumble or hesitate when you try to back track with them, there’s a likely chance the story is a fairy tale. WRAPPING UP: Now hopefully you’ve learned how to spot a bullshitter so you can flush them down out of your life and continue to live one of honesty and laziness. Next week, we’ll go over How to be a Good Bullshitter, because again, the better you are at lying, the better you are at detecting lies, and that’s gonna help you build a circle of people you can trust in the long run. Having a trustworthy network of people to support you is like having a good cozy hammock you know won’t fall or drop you.Subscribe to the newsletter so you don't miss it!
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Lying is too much of a damn hassle, especially i f you’re a lazy ProcrastiN8r like me. I mean it’s just a lot of memorization and jumping through hoops all to play a game of pretend.
It’s always easier to tell the truth. Sometimes you lie in order to protect yourself and your own feelings (as we talked about last week). Sometimes you lie to protect others. But either way, it’s not the Lazy Way to fabricate stories and remember every detail about them (aka lying). You should only lie on the bed or couch. Now if you’re the type of guy or gal that just can’t stand hurting other people’s feelings. Chillax and cut the worry. First of all, the lies often hurt more than the truth. If your goal is not to hurt anybody then the truth is better to tell. Once the lie is discovered, and it will more likely than not, unless you’re a good liar, the deception will cause much more pain than the initial painful truth would have. I mean cheating is a good example of exactly this.. Instead of being up front with someone and saying “I’’m not happy in this relationship anymore”, they find someone else and LIE about being completely checked out of the relationship It doesn’t have to be as intense as hiding a whole other relationship from a person you are still in a relationship with though. Heck, holding back your honest opinion to a friend can be detrimental to that friendship. Maybe you tell your friend their recipe tastes amazing when actually it sucks. Next thing you know, they’re cooking it at every gathering and party you ever invite them to. Whoops! “Great, here comes Carol again with her shitty casserole. Why didn’t anyone tell her it tastes like shit when we all know it!? Then she overhears someone complaining about it and it breaks her heart. She thought all this time she was making something good and instead everyone hates it. Man, don’t make people’s life a lie. Don’t let people live in a cloud of imagination. Don’t build them a little box and keep them in it. I mean what the fuck, Mr. construction worker. Be lazy. Just tell the truth. Which leads us to the next point... Be the person in the room that says what everyone else is thinking. Two things: This commands respect and it makes you charming as hell. Not to mention it’s also a lazy way to grab the attention of the room towards you and doesn’t require putting on a whole show, song, and dance, Just a nice simple one sentence thought is all you need. Like if you’re waiting in line at the store and the line’s really long, you can be like “Well, glad I chose the fucking express lane”. Everyone else in the store is probably thinking the long line they're standing in is miserable and you’ll usually get a laugh. If you say what everyone else is thinking, you’ll usually get some sort of positive response, either applause or (supportive) laughter. Although sometimes you may even just look like the asshole, but hey', it's the truth you're telling and someone has to say it (like how Howard Stern tears apart a 7 year old on AGT. He wasn't really that talented, but no one wanted hurth the poor kid's feelings.) Turn off your filter. It shows you don’t give a fuck, which is respectable, in my opinion, and you are good at“Reading the room” Look at the expression people are giving. Learn to spot a fake smile. Do they have their cheeks raised when they smile or just their mouths when someone tells a joke? Let go of the anxiety of feeling embarrassed or ashamed. Say it, man. Relax. No biggie. Just remember -- delivery is important. It's not what you say but how you say it. Be firm and confident, not shakey and awkward. If you’re too nervous, you’re not being lazy enough. Be honest, bluntly so. Look, no need to blow sunshine up people’s asses. Hit ‘em with the truth. Tell ‘em how you really feel. Be honest. Don’t bite your tongue on your opinion or hold back your opinion under the fear of “not fitting in” or “being rude”. That sort of fear is taught. I mean take a look at kids. They just say what they think. They’re not trying to be rude or assholes. They’re just being HONEST. They have no concept of the higher so called “rules” of social situations. Let go of your socially developed fear and break the social rules. People who get rid of their filter are respected. I don’t mean not necessarily liked or moral. Just take a look at our president Trump (though I wouldn’t describe him as being “honest”, he does turn off his filter and that was enough for him to earn one of the most powerful positions in the world) So yeah this whole turning off the filter thing is really powerful stuff. Simon Cowell is one of the most renowned and respected American Idol judges. While he’s known as the “mean guy”, he simply doesn’t sugar coat is opinion to make *others* feel good. He gives honest criticism and will share genuine appreciation for talent. Likewise, Kevin O’Leary, aka Mr. Wonderful form Shark Tank is known for his honest (yet entirely harsh) critique of business plans. Howard Stern on his radio show and even as an American Got Talent Judge is great at being bluntly honest as well as saying the thing everyone else is thinking in the room. The key is to just not care about the supposed social restrictions or expectations and just say “fuck it” and let your thoughts roll out into words, without going through a filter. Ask Honest Questions You Want to Know the Answer To People hold back some of their questions their genuinely curious about either in fear of coming across as disrespectful or they simply don’t have the balls to ask. You might see an amputee, for example, and a lot of people will think to themselves “I wonder how he ended up like that.” Yet somehow worry that asking that would be a big insult. “Oh my god, you can’t ask him that* The poor thing. Just act like you don’t even notice so he feels normal” Ironically in trying not to ostracize a person like that by looking away and pretending not to notice, you in fact ostracize him even more. It’s simple: “How’d you lose your arm?” as if you’re asking someone about their t-shirt they’re wearing. No big deal. Getting back to Howard Stern, he basically built his entire career off asking people about their sex life. It’s the questions people want to know the answers to but are too afraid to ask that create the most captivating stories. Ask it in a tone of genuine curiosity, like the child who just wants to find out answers. Be casual about it and not like proposing for marriage or some shit. It’s not a big question. It’s not a big deal. It’s just something you’re curious about. Ask it. There’s no such thing as a “white lie” Just as a general rule of thumb anyway. People say you can lie about certain things when it’s the “right” thing to do. But who’s to judge that? Honestly, unless the truth would...
...avoid going that road. Those in the above list are pretty universally agreed upon morals, but outside of that... Once you start “excusing” lies with reasons, once you start justifying your lying behavior, you could get in the habit of well, becoming a pathological liar. The more justifications you make for lies, the more you’re going to lie. And let’s not forget: lying is a lot of work! The goal of the lazy lifestyle is to avoid as much of that as possible, not create more of it. The fuck? C’mon! Best to avoid labeling something as a white lie in most cases. Now I do have a personal example of a good white lie. I was ten years old when 9/11 hit. The teachers had to share the bad news with grade school kids I remember they told us “there was a plane crash”. While the truth was...“The country’s under attack, we might all die.” That’s probably not the best thing to tell a group of school children. Now that is a good example, as a personal anecdote, for a white lie. Telling a “white lie” a tricky path to walk down though in general. Honestly, I'd come up with a better conclusion here, but I'm tired of writing this blog and want to go take a nap. Take it easy, - N8 Next week, we’ll talk about, how contrary to this series about the truth so far, you should LIE all the time. Wait, what? Yup learn how to lie effectively. Not so much that you can use that skill yourself, but so you can spot a liar. And I don’t know about you but I’m all for dealing with less bullshitters in my life. Subscribe to the newsletter so you don’t miss it! Last week, we talked about the importance of being honest - how a lazy person always tells the truth, because well, it’s a heck of a lot easier just to express how you feel rather than memorize a book of false facts or force yourself to wear an expression on your face that doesn’t match what you’re actually feeling
It’s a lot of work to lie and put simply, it is NOT the lazy way. ProcrastiN8rs are not liars. We’re honest folk. But perhaps you’re hesitant to tell the truth because doing so has consistently lead to pain. You may be thinking something along the lines: “I’m honest about how I feel but people tell me I’m too negative” ..or maybe they just straight up reject you. Either way you end hurt So you hide how you feel. You put on a fake smile. When people ask how you’re doing, you tell them “I’m fine” But you’re not fine. You’re not anywhere close to fine. You’re full of feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. You’re depressed. And you’re trying to talk, you’re trying to reach out, and you’re trying to “be honest”, but no one’s listening. No one understands. People may just tell you that you’re such a drain to be around. And this may cause you to lie. This may call cause you to not always be completely truthful in expressing your feelings. You hold back your emotions and bite your tongue when asked simple questions like “How are you doing?” Well I’ll tell you what... Lying and pretending is NOT the answer. It actually makes things worse. It makes you feel worse. By wearing a mask to hide your emotions, you further resent yourself and feel even more of an outcast. You may think “I can’t be honest with my emotions without being ridiculed or judged.” So you create this false persona of being “happy go lucky” because that’s what people “like,” isn’t it? And that may make your further dive into the thought process of “I suppose I must be the only one feeling this way.” Okay, look, I want you to read the following sentence carefully, re-read it. As a matter of fact, burn it in your brain: You are not alone. We’ve all been there, fellow procrastin8r. We’ve all felt shitty. Welcome to life. There are too many artists with paintings,musicians with songs, and writers with stories that express emotions to believe that you are alone on this journey and that no one else feels (or has ever felt) the way you do right now. Now you can either bitch and moan about it or say “meh” and move on. You either attach yourself to the emotion you’re feeling from moment to moment or watch it go by like an odd-looking cloud in the sky. See, it’s not about acting on your emotions and expressing them loudly, or even, on the other side of the spectrum, ignoring them completely until you reach the point they build up and explode. Nothing about fiery rage, for example, is lazy. That requires yelling, shouting, and maybe even throwing things. Sheesh! Too much effort just to say you’re mad, if you ask me. Any-HOOT... It’s about being able to express your emotions effectively. It’s about enabling emotional maturity through, you guessed it, laziness. Now, you may feel like you’re “supposed to” feel happy , that you’re “supposed to” be positive, that you’re “supposed to” feel a certain way. But you don’t feel that way and that makes it hard to express how you *really* feel. Look, you’re not “supposed to” do anything. And that’s why you’re feeling trapped and lonely -- because you put yourself in a place you disassociate with. Don’t let anyone make you think you’re “supposed to” think or feel a certain way. Be your own dude (or dudette) The goal is to not hide or lie about emotions or bottle them up but instead explain your feelings calmly and rationally. This will not only help build respect in the eyes of others but also give you better self control and self confidence. But before we get into the specifics of what to say and how to say it when expressing your emotions, you first have to be in the right state of mind. The Lazy-Never-Lie-Unless-Its-In-Bed Mindset. First of all, relax. I know it’s hard. You try to relax but just can’t Anxiety has the upperhand over you. But that’s the thing. That’s where you’ve got it all wrong. Relaxing, by its very nature, is the act of NOT TRYING ANYTHING. You don’t “try” to be relaxed. You just...relax. Don’t try to come up with solutions to your problems. Don’t try to make yourself feel better. And most importantly, don’t try to convince yourself that you’re “should be” doing better. Honestly.. You’re not really having an honest look at yourself. You’re not relaxed enough. You’re anxious and on edge. In order to have a real*honest look at yourself, you have to be in a calm state of mind, not one of anxiety. This allows you to view things from an outside perspective, without getting too attached to how things turn out. Embrace your laziness and do nothing. Stop caring. Stop trying. And don’t feel bad about it. Anxiety is a hard working mindset and it comes from the attachment of outcome. If you’re undergoing lots of anxiety, it means you care too much. Lean on back and stop giving so much of a fuck! Think to yourself “Whatever happens, happens”. No matter how bad it gets, it doesn’t faze you. You’re cool and don’t get all “worked up”. I mean c’mnon, that’s extra work, man! Stay on your lazy ass and don’t get worked up over small shit. And by the way, it’s ALL small shit. It’s not about “always being happy”, or “being in a good mood” -- it’s about actually NOT Giving a FUCK! NOT a single one. Nope. You’re not out to attain happiness. You’re out to attain not giving a fuck. (Although quite consequently you will achieve happiness by simply not giving a fuck) Anxiety comes from this belief that you “have to be” a certain way, you “have to achieve” a certain goal or set of goals. It comes from a feeling of inadequacy for arbitrary standards, which you yourself probably didn’t even set. Once you realize, you don’t have to do anything at all. Once you realize you are 100% free to create your own standards and not live up to the standards created by someone or something else *outside* of your own self. That is when you achieve complete personal FREEDOM! And laziness is your path to get there. By embracing your laziness, by purposefully not trying or giving a fuck, and making it your actual goal to just sit on the couch all day and do nothing, then guess what? You set yourself up for success! Congratulations! You said what you were going to do and did it...even if that was nothing. YAY!! But I-- Nope don’t even think about it I should probably-- Do nothing except what you want. Exactly. Look, this is about getting yourself in the mental frame of “I do what I want and take responsibility for it” instead of “I try to be responsible by meeting obligations that make other people think Do what you think is responsible, not what you think others might. I think playing video games and napping all day is wonderfully responsible! Laziness is true mental freedom and let’s you be your TRUE self. Look at things from skyview and don’t be so stuck within your inner. Take a look at the outer, the outer-self. There’s a bigger picture than just what you’re feeling. And, fellow procrastin8r, may I repeat--that you are not alone. Don’t identify with your failures and shortcomings. Things suck. Okay. Yeah, they do. Shit happens. But don’t let your fuck ups become so wrapped up in your personal identity that you lose sight of the balance of things, that you lose sight of the accomplishments and “wins”. Your mistakes don’t define you. Ever. Don’t let them. The bad things that happen to you (outside of your control) don’t define you either. Lean on back and say “it’s whatever, man” You don’t have to happy about the shit that happens. You just have to remain calm about it. Don’t let any sort of chaos, craziness, or debauchery in life “Shake you” out of bed. If shitty things in life are like mornings. Don’t be a morning person. Sleep ‘til noon instead. Time to tell the truth.. Now once you’ve got all that mental frame stuff under your belt, it’s time to actually learn to express your emotions TRUTHFULLY. Because once you’ve nixed the bullshit obligation mindset and embraced one of laziness, you are being true to yourself and can therefore be true in your wants, needs, and desires. And most importantly, you’re relaxed af! Some might say “unfazed”. But either way, you can be an honest mofo and not feel like a total failure or all alone. Here are the practical steps toward being honest, emotionally: Don’t be needy The main reason why people tell you to STFU when you’re “open and honest’” about your feelings is likely because you *rely* on them for emotional support. Sleep in your own bed, damnit. Make your own mattress comfy. That is to say, in a less figurative way, find comfort and confidence within yourself, instead of seeking it from others. If you don’t shower for a few days, you’ll reek of BO and if you don’t cleanse your mind through meditation for a while, you’ll reek of desperation and neediness. Look, I’ll admit I sometimes go a day or two without a shower but I at least wear deodorant and spray cologne - the lazy man’s shower. Procrastinate. Have Patience Have the patience to approach your emotions in a mature way...later man. Control your emotions and don’t let them control you. You decide how you’re going to react and when you’re going to react. Like always, as a procrastin8r, you choose to do things when you want, where you want, and how you want. Now by saying “control your emotions”, that doesn’t mean you are emotion-LESS. No. As we talked about, you don’ want to hold back feelings and bottle them up until they explode. Recognize how your emotions but don’t react to them. You don’t have to jump up and scream right away because you are feeling angry. You don’t have to sob into your sleeve because you are *feeling* sad. Procrastinate. Examine your feelings and don’t let them rush you to get up and have a reaction right away. Understand your own emotions and allow them to influence your decisions but don’t give them the steering wheel and let your emotions drive you down the wrong path. Take it one step at a time. Obviously if you’re in the habit of lying or hiding your true feelings, it’s going to be difficult to jump from Lying Larry to Honest Abe straight away, as difficult as jumping right out of bed instead of hitting snooze when your alarm goes off. So start small and don’t worry about transforming over night. Eventually you’ll be so lazy, laid-back, and calm that you can even express how exactly you’re feeling in tough situations ike in heated arguments But it all starts with a simple, nearly effortless step. In general, don’t strive for the impossible and make big ass goals. Make tiny, easy, achievable goals. If someone asks how you’re feeling, be honest. Just don’t go on and on in a “woe is me” tale. I mean first of all, c’mon, that’s a lot of extra work. Speaking, ranting. Extra words, extra time, extra effort. Not something a true lazy ProcrastiN8r will do. Make it seem like you’re just “going with the flow” and getting hit by the splashes in the Lazy River of Life. You want to give off the vibe of “I don’t worry and am just taking it easy” You can even say: “I’m having some bad shit happening right now. I’m feeling stressed and pretty down lately, but it’s not anything I can’t handle.” That way, you’re not lying about how you feel and at the same time you’re also not overburdening the other person with your problems Don’t be a Social Vampire! The only thing you should have in common with a vampire is maybe sleeping during the day, but vampires suck. Literally and figuratively. Now they may not be out on the hunt in bloodthirst, but social vampires prey off energy, emotional energy and will literally suck you ‘til your dry of it. Don’t be that guy (or gal). Don’t suck your friends and family dry of emotional resources This ties back into being needy. Every single social vampire out there is a needy person. So if you aren’t needy, you won’t be one of these monsters. While you do want to tell the truth about your emotions, you don’t want to make other people responsible for your emotions. You like to save energy yourself (and lay on the couch all day) so pay it forward and let others save energy too. Don’t seek approval You may not feel the same way (about a given situation) as everyone else. And that’s fine. You’re cool with that. You express how you feel and welcome disagreement. You’re not there to people please or win the approval of others. You’re just there to be honest and simply do not give a fuck if people “expect” a certain reaction out of you. You have your own reaction and aren’t there to mimic others. You’re a person, not a mirror. Don’t let people push your buttons There are real douche bags out there that get a kick out of irking other people and getting them to lose control of their emotions, reacting with yelling or crying. Don’t give these people the satisfaction. Walk away. You don’t have time to deal with that nonsense. You have movies to watch, video games to play. You don’t want IRL to be a game to play and don’t put up with high school level drama like that. Once you show that you can get “riled up” by certain things, they’ll keep pushing and pushing until you break. It’s like the boss’s flashing red weak spot, and that’s what they aim for. Your weak spot. Don’t let them break you. Tell them it’s not something you tolerate. Calmly yet firmly. And walk the fuck away. Wrapping up… Lay back, relax, and be honest. There’s no reason to get worked up about things or hide who you are or what you’re feeling for that matter. You’re free, emotionally. There’s no obligation to feel a certain way. Take it easy, N8 P.S. Next week, we’ll dive into telling the truth, no matter how much it hurts. We focused today on how you don’t want to lie to protect yourself, and in the next blog, we’ll expand that into how you don’t want to lie to protect others -- because that’s the lazy way! Subscribe so you never miss a new blog! Say what you wanna say. Let the words fall out. Honestly, I wanna see you be...LAZY!
Lying is NOT the ProcrastiN8r way. Okay except when it comes to naps and sleeping in until late afternoon, or spending all day on the couch watching TV. But the social act of deception, lying, takes too much damn work. It’s mentally and emotionally exhausting. And really isn’t worth all the effort and hassle. Embrace your laziness and just be honest, with yourself, with friends, with girlfriends/boyfriends, parents, coaches, doctors. Everyone. Look, if you want to “take the easy way out”, if you wanna truly embrace your laziness, then ya gotta tell the truth at all times. Telling the truth is easier than concocting fairy tales with strong verisimilitude. You just keep it real, dude. Literally and say what is, well, actually real. No memorizing fables. No studying false facts. Just abiding by the truth and telling it like it is. That’s the way of the Lazy Mastermind. A relaxed lazy mind finds true peace and happiness. And you can’t find anything true with a slew of lies. So why do we LIE in the first place? Because we’re too lazy to get up. Oh! I mean.. Maybe it’s because we don’t want to hurt someone. A significant other asks us how their outfit looks. A friend asks us what we think of their art and in order to alleviate any negative feelings, we lie and tell them “Oh, it looks awesome. Great job.” evne if we think it sucks. I mean okay, this person is really close to you and you don’t want to cause any pain, so you find it best to swirl up a fake response ...instead of... ya know speaking your goddamn mind for a change and saying: “I don’t like it. It looks terrible” There. See? Not that hard. Of course, you’d probably want to give them a bit of constructive criticism and not just spit on their face, but they can suck it up and deal with it either way -- at least you’re being *honest*. And hey, being mean is a good place to start in training yourself to be honest. Maybe you want to further your own self interests. You want to date a person or (god forbid) get a day job while you establish your lazy on-the-couch entrepreneurial business, so you make shit up and tell them “what they want to hear.” You’re thinking it’ll give you a “better shot” at getting what you want, or at the very least, convinced yourself that you want. Here, you’re gonna end up with a person you really don’t get along with, or have anything in common with for that matter or simply wind up working a job you’re really not fit for. You basically set yourself up for failure and that’s no bueno. You’re trying to force yourself into an environment where you don’t belong. And it’ll become very obvious very quickly. I mean, look, they’re gonna call you out on your bullshit sooner or later and you’re gonna wind up losing your relationship or your job. Lay back down, in your own environment, in your true self, and let people *come to you*. You may not win who you want (or think you want, really) but you’ll attract the *right* people who more closely match who you are and what your ideals and principles are. You’ll earn a more fulfilling relationship and fulfilling career and you’ll feel like you...actually earned it, instead of “fake it ‘til you make it” sort of thing Plus, it’s much easier and lazier to attract people than to go chasing after them. Be the king and sit on your throne, not the court jester trying to put on a show to impress others. Don’t be a people pleaser. That’s too much of a hassle. You can be selfish, by the way. Just be honest about it. Maybe you want to protect your own feelings from getting hurt or your own self image. This one’s legit. I mean, we’ve all been there You’ve relied on someone too much, told them too much of the truth (TMI), expressed your feelings too much only to be shot down, rejected, or abandoned. It hurts. So you do whatever you can to hold back those feelings, to be more cautious, to close up instead of opening up. You over-compensate for your failure. This is the complete opposite side of the spectrum. You want to land somewhere in the middle. Balance is key. You want to be able to honestly express your feelings without *over* expressing them. A lot of the time it’s not the fact that you expressed your feelings in the first place. It’s that you expressed them *in the wrong way* You want to be able to express how you feel, without “getting worked up” -- crying, yelling, bashing your head on the wall. Stop that nonsense. It’s way too much energy for a real PRO-crastiN8r. Be calm and deliberate Say something along the lines of: “Hey, that makes me feel shitty when you [blank]. Don’t do that.” It’s all about setting boundaries and boundaries are basically “Don’t Fuck With Me” rules you abide by and expect other to follow as well. If you fake your feelings, you’re gonna have a heavy hard time trying to hide your true ones away. They’ll eventually escape, and usually not in a composed way either. Best to just be up front about how you feel about something in a calm state of mind. And also who gives a shit about your “self image”? You’re awesome and don’t let anyone else make you think otherwise or let them harp on a single mistake you made. Mistakes don’t define you, unless you let them. Mistakes are meh-- take them as whatever and move on. Also, maybe you want to make yourself seem cool and make up stuff to “fit in” You have to ask yourself” Who’s definition of cool?” Certainly not yours. Define your own coolness and abide. But to sum it all up and put a one stop shop band aid for all those issues and temptations to lie… Whatever the case may be... Stop giving a fuck! Stop giving a fuck so much about being perfect. Stop giving a fuck so much about making other people happy. Stop giving a fuck so much about making mistakes. Stop giving a fuck about fitting in. Just stop giving a fuck, man. Giving a Fuck at its core is really just putting in effort and investing (emotional, financial, mental, and time) resources. And that is something the lazy man (or woman) does NOT want to partake in. Just Stop. Giving. A. Fuck. Stop putting in extra effort. Now that we understand WHY we lie and got that outta the way, let’s take a deeper look into why telling the truth is, for lack of a *ahem* better word, “better” than lying and how it falls in line with the Lazy Mindset… Deception hurts more than the terrible truth. You’re worried about hurting other people. Okay. Don’t lie. It’s fucking hurtgul man -- more so than whatever truth you were trying to hide. Some people say “The worst truth is better than the best lie”, meaning that no matter how hurtful the truth might be, it’s no where near as potent as the pain of deceit and losing trust in a person. It’s better to rip off a bandage than to peel it slowly. Give it a good ole one, two, yank, and just hit ‘em with the truth. Now believe me, this is about the only situation I will say you should do something “right away”. But it’s not always about doing things low and slow as a ProcrastiN8r. It’s about doing things most efficiently with the least amount of effort. It’s definitely more efficient to be up front about what your wants, needs, desires, and expectations are. You'll save A LOT of headache (and heartache) in the long run . Some examples below... If you don’t want to be in a committed relationship, don’t lie and say you do. "I'm really not looking for anything serious right now. But give me a call if you want to have fun" Likewise, if you want a relationship and not a friendship and you're told "Let's just be friends. DO. NOT. AGREE. Say "I'm really not looking for anything platonic. I want something more. It's cool if you don't but that's really not what I'm looking for let me know if you change your mind." Then never contact again. The dreaded "friend zone" only occurs IF YOU'RE NOT BEING HONEST with what you want. You put all this effort into a person that doesn't reciprocate in the way you want. If you have no intention of paying someone back, don’t make a promise to do that. Just say: “Hey I probably won’t be able to pay you back. Call me a cheap skate, but it’s just not in the budget right now. I mean you can still pay for me if you want” Instead of “promising to pay back”. Saying “if you want” gives them the option to back out and doesn’t make it seem like you’re DEMANDING [ALL CAPS] that they pay. Also when you walk away you are basically throwing the ball in their court. You give them the option to come along or let you walk. And by the way, you must actually be willing to walk. Don't make empty threats of punishment, just like you shouldn't make empty promises. Have integrity. You may lose the person as a friend/lover. But that's okay. You'll attract people that respect you and hold similiar values. In general, don’t make a promise you can’t keep or make up credentials you don’t have. You can perhaps remain a bit vague and mysterious on personal questions when you are just at the building stages of rapport, but for the most part be direct. ( I mean it’s probably not the best idea to talk about how your pants were pulled down in gym class in elementary school to everyone you meet. You get the gist.) When you lie to a person and the truth is found out (and trust me, it will be found out), you flip that person’s world upside down. You destroy the reality that they believe to be true. Look, ProcrastiN8rs don’t like to waste time so be respectful and don’t waste the time of others. You may be a selfish lazy jerk. But you’re not a complete douche hole Yeah, they may not like you. You may never see eye to eye. But they will very well respect you. You’ll learn that Respect is far superior to Affection in every single way. Be lazy. Embrace it. And others will Respect you, even if they don't like it. It actually takes a whole lot of HARD WORK to lie effectively (and not get caught) You have to remember shit that you made up, bite your tongue when you’re about to say something contrary, tense up your muscles as you express feelings you don’t even feel. It’s physically, mentally, and emotionally *exhausting*. It literally puts your mind in a state of OVERDRIVE. No, really, there have been studies on this. You become overwhelmed and stressed within actual minutes of telling a lie. Fuck that. I like feeling at ease, man. If you’re the type of person that is not at ease and has high anxiety, you have to ask yourself, “Am I being honest with other people? Am I being honest with myself?” Dig deep. Face the truth. And you may say “But I have to smile at my job. My boss wants me to always be happy in fornt of customers.” Well first of all you don’t *need* a job at all, but if you insist on having one and can’t genuinely smile (and have to wear a fake one), then you seriously need to find another one...or just quit and stay on the couch all day. Either way you’ll be happier than working, say a boring dead end retail job. Don’t memorize lies you told. Instead memorize boss patterns so you can be an expert PvMer. Oh and not to mention, once you’re caught in a lie, you then have to either fess up or create more lies to cover the original lies and then even more lies to cover those until you’ve created an entire a world of illusion. It becomes Lie-ception. You have lies and then lies withing lies within lies within lies. If you do decide to confess or just get caught up in your own web of lies, then it’s like trying to pull teeth as you desperately attempt to *convince* people that you’re telling the truth *this time*. Well what about next time? Or the time after that? And so on and so forth. That’s what will be on their minds. Even if you do somehow manage to memorize all the lies you told (I don’t know, maybe you write this shit down in a journal complete with charts n’ shit and keep it on your bed side), you’d be living a fake reality, the fucking Matrix dude! Plus, you could probably become a doctor with that amount of study involved in memorizing lies. A doctor by the way (at least a generic practitioner) is one of the laziest jobs. You choose your own hours. You can come in late (and who’s gonna stop you? You’re the doctor!) Then you give your “diagnosis” which is really just a fancy word for “opinion” And, The nurses do most of the work, really. On top of that, you charge up the wazoo for your services. Being a doctor is not a lot of work. It’s just a lot of knowledge. Anyway, I’m saying you would need as much knowledge and memorization of information (or false information) as it would take for a Doctor to be certified if you were to be a “successful” liar. Just tell the truth from the beginning and tell the truth always. Save yourself the fucking headache and a half. It doesn’t matter how much Money you earn if you’re Integrity is POOR. No matter how much bank you’re making, you’re poor af if you’re a greedy liar. Growing up, my father would always say to me: “The one thing you ever have in this world is integrity. Once you lose that, you have nothing, so you better keep it.” Look, if you’re not the type of person you want to be, either change or accept who you are. Don’t pretend to be someone or something you’re not. It’ll blow up in your face. Quite quickly, I might add/ Use this recent debacle with Blizzard as an example -- them saying they “respect the personal opinions of other people” but they just want to make “the focus on the game” during “official events” Bullshit. They’re trying to play this two-faced nut job who appeases communist China and Freedom of Speech America at the same time. They actually forced Blizzard team members to take down Tweets on their PERSONAL pages that criticized their decision. So much for allowing personal opinions. For those of you out of the loop, Blizzard banned the Hearthstone tournament player after he made some comments in support of the Hong Kong protests. Many people point to their strong business ties with China and the possibility (*psst* truth they’re trying to conceal) that they didn’t want to damage their partnership with them. So now they keep pedaling back and forth between “we love free speech” and “we can’t allow that sort of discussion”. Pick a side, and pick the one that aligns with your own set of morality and principles. Take a stance. Make a decision. This is exactly what I mean when I say that Respect is more important than Affection. They are trying to earn Affection from both sides. And you can’t do that. You can never earn affection from polar opposites. People want to see that you hold principles and aren’t just blowing sunshine up their ass. And speaking of integrity, don’t follow this “fake it ‘til you make it bullshit” You’re not gonna make it that way. Progress is done slow n steady, one step at a time, not pretending you won before you even took your first step. Without trust, there is NO relationship Trust takes a very long time to build, but just one single breach of it to destroy it completely - FOREVER! Now that may sound quite dramatic, but hey, it’s the truth. Once you lie to a person, the trust is broken and the relationship will NEVER be the same again. Ever. It instead becomes a game of Russian Roulette for them. Are they gonna get the truth or another bullshit lie shot at their face? That person you lied to will always be thinking in the back of their head “what if s/he’s lying this time?” They may think the chances of you lying may go down, but never disappear completely. There is always a chance you could lie. They’ll never learn to fully trust you again. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not 20 or 40 years from now. Even if you spend an eternity trying to rebuild what was broken, it’ll never be as strong as it was when they initially trusted you. The trust will be fragmented at best and lost completely at worst. Plus, it takes a lot of energy to “win” someone’s trust back. Of course, you never really "win" at that point. Telling a lie is the ultimate Old Maid and you lose the game no matter what else is in your hand. Even when you supposedly do quote on quote "win" their trust back, they’ll always remain slightly skeptical of your words and will wonder how much deception are within them. They will literally criticize you and question you for the rest of your life. THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. Even if you evolve and become a fully honest person, they'll never completely forgive you for that one lie. Once someone labels you as a liar, that’s a permanent title next to your name. At best, they may think you’re “a bit less of a liar now”. But you’re still a LIAR. At worst, they just think you're a liar and can't trust you and want nothing to do with you. Best to tell the truth from the get-go and never stray from that path. People will learn to love your lazy self I’ve already said that you want Respect over Affection but just to re-iterate: some people will love you, some people will hate you. Get over it. It’s not their opinion of you that matters . It’s your own awareness of self that does. It’s your own comfort, on your own mattress. You want people to be aware that you have a sense of self and can just be lazy and not give a fuck what others think. That’s bold. If you lie, you don’t even know who you really are. You can’t expect people to respect a person that doubts him or herself (or pretends to be someone else) They may like them...for a little while. Until they realize the person they liked doesn’t even actually exist and instead is a fabrication of a cleverly concocted illusion, until they realize the cake is a lie. Love yourself,your true self, flaws and all, no matter how lazy you are. Own your mistakes, rather than trying to cover them up. “Yeah I did that and so fucking what? It wasn’t the best decision. It happened though. You don’t have to like it or me and I certainly would understand why. I mean, I fucked up. But I’m learning and moving past that so either accept it or gtfo” is the attitude you need to have. A bit mean, yeah, but remember, meanness is the pathway to honesty. Be a lazy asshole! You just gotta learn to STOP FUCKING CENSORING YOURSELF! And in doing so, at first, you may have to come across as mean. Eventually you'll learn how to be more tactful (and kind) in your approach. But the Nice Guy/Gal People Pleaser you have been has to go! You can’t become more confident in “fake you”. You can only become confident in yourself - -your real self, the self you may have to soon yet discover. Man, you ain’t got time to listen to what other people tell you you *should* be doing. Don’t try to live up to others expectations. Don’t try to meet other people’s goals. Meet your own goals, meet your own expectations, even if that’s earning a Platinum Trophy in Outer Lands or whatever. You can throw out your emotional bullshit in the garbage where it belongs. You can’t do that if you won’t even take an (honest) look at it. It’s okay. Face your emotions and don’t bottle them up. Find a productive way to express it, through art or music. Or just simply...do nothing. No literally, do nothing. Sit down, relax, maybe grab a blunt and chill. Err uhh, meditate as they call it. Let your mind rest and face the truth. Think about the mistakes you made. Face them. And watch them from afar, like you’re sitting in the back of a movie theatre. Look at yourself as a character in that film. Grow to love that character. And certainly don’t try to re-write your life’s story just to fit a mold of something you are convinced you should be. Watch the story as it unfolds. Watch the truth of it. The future is unwritten, but it can only be written in the way you want it to once you understand both the past and present of your own life and can accept the truth of the matter, no matter how bad it hurts. The truth lets you tap into your creativity. Musicians write songs expressing their true feelings. Likewise, artists. dig into their true emotional state of mind through paintings. Writers create characters in novels that become real. It is the people that manage to BE HONEST with their emotions that are labeled as creative geniuses. This success is reached not so much by ingenuity but by examining your own feelings and state of mind from an honest perspective, rather than lying to yourself or trying to hide those feelings. How many songs can you relate to? How many stories do you feel like you’re one of the characters? It is through creative expression and the honesty of the work that we realize we can come together and connect through something beyond...the normal means of communication. So instead of practicing hard on guitar for hours, just accept how you feel, even the darkest parts of it. True enlightenment is not all positivity and love, but sometimes despair and loathing. Balance is key. Okay, practice may help become a music legend but remember low n slow. Persistence of Endurance. It’s better to practice every day for 20 minutes than once a week for 5 hours but that’s another topic for another day. You can’t make good decisions based on lies. In lying, you make decisions based on what either you convinced yourself or you convinced others is the truth, instead of, well, the *actual truth*. You may decide to marry or have kids because that’s what you should do, but it’s not the truth of what you actually want at all. You just feel -- expected to, sort of obligated to fulfill a “life timeline” that doesn’t match your desires at all. This is what leads to severe unhappiness, maybe even clinical depression. You may find yourself in a situation where you just -- don’t want to be. It’s not something you truthfully crave or makes you feel satisfied. Often this “oh shit!” moment or epiphany is referred to as “the mid-life crisis” where a bunch of middle aged folks wake up and think “What the fuck? How did I get here?” And they realize they’re life has been one big lie they’ve sold themselves to. Again, you’ve tied yourself a pretty tight knot in this thick web of lies and every decision you make is based on one thread of lie or another. It’s vital to not only tell the truth to others, but also to yourself. Release yourself and slash that web of lies! Ya know, or use it as threads for your new hammock. Honesty is true freedom and happiness Think about it: how can you attain *true* freedom without anything but the truth? If you’re not honest with yourself, you can’t create the life you actually want. You can’t find what it is that actually makes you happy and instead just distract yourself or live life through a series of obligations rather than desires. People that can turn off the filter. People that can express what's on their mind and how they are feeling. People that break the chains of obligation and make their own path. That's a level of freedom that very few attain. But it all starts with laying on the C.O.U.C.H. and not giving a fuck so you can be honest as a person and as a procrastinator. And you may be thinking.. I’m always honest. But I’m STILL lonely and feel unfulfilled! Well maybe you’re just complaining too much. I’d hate to say it, but I’m just being honest. It’s okay though, you’ll learn how to relax and be able to express those feelings honestly in a more productive (and attractive) way. You won’t be changing who you are or what you do, just how you “put it on display” so to speak. You’re not gonna fake it til you make it or even try at all. You’re just gonna learn to be you, truly you. And love every little bit of how lazy you are. We’ll continue this on my next blog. Subscribe to the newsletter so you don’t miss it! For now, take the time to relax, meditate, and only lie on the couch or bed when you do lie. Take it easy, N8 |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
March 2022
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