If there’s one positive quality about being a procrastin8r, it’s patience. Take it slow. It'll work itself out fine. Cue: GNR Patience - the ability to deliberately delay a reaction or take action to begin with, or as I like to say “Procrastinating with Purpose” is something that comes natural to a procrastin8r, a lazy person who tends to put things off until the last minute anyway. When you are procrastinating with purpose, you choose to put off the right things in order to make the right decisions. And here’s the thing: Procrastinating with Purpose is really just about the only strategic way to success, the only way nearly guaranteed to work. (Okay, I can’t promise a 100% success rate with Patient Procrastination but I can definitely say it’ll greatly increase the odds) Sure, there are very rare exceptions in which someone hits success overnight or strikes it rich quick, but those are so few and far in between that it’s simply impractical to say “make the net big fad or viral hit and be a great success”. Most rich successful people have gotten there slowly over time. They delayed their achievement with patience and Procrastinated with Purpose. Sure, you could hope for the best and win the lottery, but even then, most lottery winners end up broke, in jail, or murdered. Fact. Patience is literally a “virtue”. Now I don’t know about you, but I ain’t a saint. I’m just a lazy dude who wants to play video games and lay on the couch all day. But I use my strengths to my advantage and turn my weaknesses into strengths. I wanna help you do that too. I wanna help you put the PRO in procrastinator. Let’s fully embrace our laziness. Let’s Procrastinate with Purpose and learn to be patient. We are Virtuous Couch Warriors! Let’s take a look at why being a Patient ProcrastiN8r is awesome and can help in every aspect of your life, from your career to your relationships, to just kickin’ ass in general. Better Understanding of Others When you Procrastinate with Purpose, you avoid hastily making judgements about other people. This allows you to build stronger relationships with friends, family, and significant others because they know you’re not going to just jump to conclusions Be careful though, you do want to set boundaries and have a set of rules for behaviors you absolutely will not tolerate. Even then, you’re respectful and not tyrannical or overly-critical in your methods. You still *understand* that’s who they are or what they do, you just don’t tolerate it and aren’t going to force them to change it. You can be a bit flexible, just don’t bend so far you break. You put off judgement until you fully understand the other person’s thoughts and feelings and why they did what they did or said what they said. You take the time to fully figure out the other person’s emotional state as well as state of mind before You take time to ask questions and LISTEN. Listening is the mother of empathy and also the easiest way to hold a conversation, letting the other person do most of the talking. The best part about this is that you're really not doing much, other than...waiting to see what the person means and allowing them to clarify. You sit on back and absorb the facts, patiently No Worries You don’t worry about a goddamn thing because, well, whatever bullshit you’re going through, you’re patient enough to know that you can move forward and it’ll all be over in due time. When there’s trauma in your life, stresses bringing you down, when shit hits the fan, you take the cool, calm attitude of “This too shall pass”. You don’t get caught up in the drama and certainly don’t panick. You stay in the present and don’t let negative thoughts of an unwritten future or hauntings of the past invade your mind. You don’t waste energy getting “worked up”. That’s a job and you don’t want that so you Procrastinate with Purpose and avoid any sort of “work” by not worrying. You follow the rule of 5. If it’s not going to matter in 5 years, you don’t spend more than 5 minutes thinking about it. You just lean back and accept things the way the are and realize you can’t change everything or always have things go your way. Regulate Emotions You are in full control of your emotions and able to regulate them in order to continue your cool, calm persona Now just because you are in control of your emotions, that doesn’t mean you're emotion-LESS. You still feel emotions and they are very real. You don’t stuff them down or ignore them either. As a matter of fact, you are very much aware of these emotions and can *use them* to make decisions. Controlling your emotions means that you don’t allow your emotions to make decisions for you and rather just listen to what they are saying without letting them move you right away. You are in control. You take the time to listen, not only to people talk to you, but to your own emotions. Look to the inner-self and provide yourself with the same patience you provide your friends, family, and significant other. You take the time to be self aware of your own true feelings, desires, doubts, fears, wants, and needs. You respond to a situation. You do not REACT. Response is slow and deliberate. Reaction is knee jerking swift instinct. Take your time to examine the details rather than jumping the gun. Don’t be so trigger happy with firing off your emotions. Identify feelings and triggers. Be aware of what about a certain situation pisses you off or makes you feel anxious or whatever. "When we have patience, we become less reactionary, which avoids many unwanted tensions, issues, arguments " You are slow to anger, or slow to any high intensity emotional state for that matter because you understand what your feelings are trying to tell you from a rational standpoint, which leads us to the next part of the list. Make Rational Decisions You remain unfazed by worries or emotions and stay grounded as well as focused on what you truly want, making decisions inspired by logic, reason, and thought. Maybe you want a stronger relationship, but feel mad that your partner forgot to put away the dishes. You Procrastinate with Purpose and rationally choose not to yell at them so you can have a calm discussion about it. Maybe you want a stronger career, but feel excited about going out to the bar with your buddies. You Procrastinate with Purpose and rationally choose not to go out tonight, so you can save the money and spend the time leveling up your lazy on-the-couch business. More Appreciation & Overall Satisfaction You appreciate the little things and are able to take the time, patiently, to notice them. You’re not trying to rush for a BIG thing to be thankful for. You take satisfactions as they come and aren’t looking for the “Instant Gratification”, as most of the fast-paced, Like-addicted world is. You appreciate what you have and don’t compare it to others. If you compare yourself to others that are better than you, you say to yourself “Some day” and don’t get caught up in feelings of self doubt. You are patient enough to know that even though that you might not be at the level of financial or social success. You can get there, eventually, if you wanted to You don’t have FOMO, the Fear of Missing Out. You’re not afraid of missing out on anything. You just do you. You take things one step at a time. When you finally do achieve something, a big goal you set out to do, you feel like you, well, actually earned it rather than having something you quot eon quote "deserve" handed to you. You also look at what a person, place, or thing actually is, rather than what you hope or want it to be. You see the reality and accept it rather than trying to make a fantasy come to life. You get feelings of accomplishment, rather than entitlement because of your patience and ability to hold off on rewards, rather than just expecting them to come right now. Less Approval Seeking You’re patient enough to tolerate not getting instant approval by other people. You don’t need the red bubble popping up You do things because you enjoy them, not because you think other people will “Like” it. You wait for others to follow your lead, even if it goes against the grain of what everyone else seems to be doing. You set fads and trends rather than follow them because you’d rather Procrastinate something you’re not interested in in order to do something you find cool. You don’t question if people like you because you’re patient enough to know they will eventually and if they don’t, then that’s their loss and no big deal. Focus on Long Term Goals Success doesn’t happen overnight, but it will happen eventually. Great things take time and you understand that with patience. Tomorrow and Later are two of the favorite words of a procrastin8r. This attitude is key to attaining long-term goals, knowing that it can’t and won’t be accomplished right now or any time soon. It’ll happen. It’ll get done. Things will come together, if you just wait a little more, if you just give it time. Procrastinating with Purpose and give your relationship, career, and personal goals time to grow into fruition. Life isn’t a cooking show where you can just pull a fully baked cake out of the oven within seconds. It takes time to gather the ingredients, mix them together, and wait for them to cook. The cake is NOT a lie. It just takes a bit of time to make. Better Time Management
You don’t try to cram in as much as possible into your schedule and instead take a realistic approach, giving yourself a reasonable amount of work load with plenty of breaks and rest in between. Slow n’ Steady patience wins the race and you keep moving forward, while those who rush to get as much done as possible in as little time as they can tend to burn out. You manage time efficiently because you put off things that don’t matter in order to to focus on what does. You delegate tasks that someone else can do, while keeping yourself on tasks that directly help your business grow. You don’t pour your time, money, effort, and soul out into tasks that don’t directly lead to results. You patiently take the time to set up systems that’ll save you even more time in the future rather than “get things done” today (eg. an automation system). You only “pencil in” things that *actually matter and don’t make yourself busy just for the sake of being busy. Every event on your calendar is there for a reason, not just to fill up white space “Patience as “nothing more than the willingness to live life at the speed at which it actually happens" Better Mental, Physical, and Emotional Health With less stress, emotions in control, appreciation for what you have, and a positive outlook on the future, your body, mind, and spirit will be strong. Don't take it from me, a lazy dude with no expertise, take it FROM SCIENCE! According to a 2007 study by Fuller Theological Seminary professor Sarah A. Schnitker and UC Davis psychology professor Robert Emmons, patient people tend to experience less depression and negative emotions. So those are facts and real science, not just my low effort thoughts I have while laying on the couch. Higher Confidence Overall, Procrastinating with Purpose, that is, practicing patience, puts you into a state of mind where you are consistently “at ease”. And that's the key to confidence: feeling relaxed. It's not about being aggressive or demanding or LOUD. It's about being patient and relaxed, unfazed by bothersome things or people. You aren’t bogged down by stress or worries and aren’t in a rush to fix them when they come. You feel you’re able to get what you want and accept the things that you can’t change. You are open to hearing the ideas and stories of other people and accept your won strengths and weaknesses as well. You're not worried about losing weight by tonight or being a rich success by tonight or building the perfect relationship by tonight. You're patient enough to put it off 'til later...much later. All this gives you a sense of self fulfillment Acting with patience is a way of telling life that you are in no hurry, there is no distress—only peace and confidence in your truth. Wrapping Up: Think before you act and tolerate troubles. Procrastinate with Purpose and don’t worry. If you’re patient, you’ll never be “caught off guard” and can just take things in stride. Respond don’t React. Take the time to observe the situation, rather than get caught up in the emotions of it. If you are not patient, effectively, you create more woes for yourself, and don't achieve much, either. Not everything or everyone runs on you schedule Wait for the right moment and you may find a better opportunity than the one you could take right away. Patient ProcrastiN8rs change the world. No seriously, patient people are literally more likely to vote. Keep Calm and Carry On Patience is self control, being able to stop yourself from acting on instinct and making the decision to take the longer, slower but more rewarding path Patience and persistence go hand in hand, but we’ll cover more details about the latter part of that next week. Until then, try to stay patient. "Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience. " - Ralph Waldo Emerson Take it easy, -N8
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Even though you spend your day lying around in your lazy abode all day, you must set boundaries for yourself. You must abide by what you want and what you find important.
Create your own Lazy Life Rules. Setting boundaries, Lazy Life Rules, is a matter of requesting respect from other people, in a calm yet deliberate way. It’s an easy yet effective way at letting people know where you stand and have them play by your rules. In short, having boundaries is a quintessential attribute in getting what you want and getting away with it. You’re a procrastin8r and refuse to get out of BED easily. BED is of course an acronym for Boundaries, Emotions, and Decisions, which we covered in a bit of detail in last week’s blog article. Let’s take a deeper dive into how to determine these Boundaries of your own as well as enable them and put them into practice. Know Your Boundaries The first step to setting boundaries is well, to actually know what the fuck they are in the first place. I mean you can’t follow boundaries without knowing what they are. That’s like playing a board game without knowing the rules. Ya gotta make your own rules in life and live by them. A boundary is something personal that you have to take the time and determine for yourself by examining who you are and what you really want. You make your own lazy Life Rules. Let’s take a look at some questions you can ask yourself to generate these boundaries. What sort of behavior will you not tolerate? You have to know what pushes your buttons and what irks you. Examine your pet peeves and put in place some boundaries. Do you not like when someone smacks their lips as their eating? Or maybe you can’t stand someone constantly saying “umm, uhh” too much. Make it clear that you find it annoying, but use tact, as we’ll cover later in this article. Be aware of what would piss you off if someone did it and don’t let people do it around you. You’re lazy and probably don’t tolerate people wanting unreciprocated (or unfairly compensated) effort from you. You don’t put very much effort into anything really and you certainly do not put in effort that doesn’t earn any rewards. That’s just a waste, so don’t tolerate the behavior of someone trying to get you to put in more effort than you are willing to give. Likewise, you likely want to be able to say NO and refuse to do things, and not be forced into doing them Decide what you absolutely will not tolerate. Decide what pisses you off. Decide what annoys the shit out of you. What sort of things do you value? You have to know what you actually *want* and the sort of things you like. Chances are as a procrastinar, you value your lazy little leisure time. You want to sit on back and relax as much as possible. You don’t want to work grueling hours for a measly paycheck. That’s a boundary - it opposes your values. Ultimately, ask yourself this: How do people earn your respect? These are merely suggestions for the type of values you might have, but use your own discretion in determining them. Decide for yourself what to abide by and how you will abide by it. Remember, the Dude abides but every Dude is different. Avoid People Pleasing. and “giving in” to every single request. That’s too much work, man. Seriously. Knock that shit off. If there’s any one boundary you *should* have, it’s this. You’re here to lay in your own hammock, not fan palm leaves for someone else laying in their hammock. Be Aloof, the A in LAZY. Set boundaries with how much time and effort people can expect from you. People will spit on you, if you let them. Remember that and don’t let them. Ever. Have some self respect, dude. Determine the Importance of Each Boundary Once you determine what your boundaries are you have to rank how important each one is. For example a boundary like not letting people look at their phone while in a conversation is probably a bit less important than not letting people yell and scream at you. Likewise, not letting someone interrupt you is probably a little less important than someone literally flinging shit at your face. You get the idea. You can rank importance on a 1 to 5 scale or whatever. Keep it simple. Just know that some boundaries are more important than others. The importance level is important to keep in mind when you enable consequences, as we’ll cover later. Be assertive but not forceful. You don’t want to come across as demanding like you’re insisting “my way or the highway.” But you do want to assertive and make it clear what your boundaries are. There’s a fine line between being persuasive and being forceful. A true procrastin8r is laid back about getting his way and doesn’t push others too hard. He just speaks smoothly and deliberately with confidence and doesn’t yell or raise his voice. The volume of your words does not determine the power of them. Don't shout or yell but do speak firmly. You don’t like being forced to work or do anything, so live by your own principle and don’t force others into stuff they don’t really want to do. Don’t run around like a mad man firing off commands. Chill out. Also, people generally “rebel” against people that come across as too domineering and will not go along with them (even if they wanted to in the first place). If you trap an animal in a corner, it will bite! Charisma is a better social skill than pure dominance. Your goal is to influence others as a lazy procrastin8r, not command them like a pull-yer-boot-straps-up drill sergeant. HOW DO YOU SET A BOUNDARY WITHOUT BEING TOO DEMANDING? 1. First Bring Awareness The person may not know that they are even doing a certain behavior (and one that conflicts with one of your boundaries). Point it out. I was once on the bus and this dude was blaring music through his headphones. It was early in the morning and loud noises is the last thing I want to hear at that hour. That’s a boundary - I don’t let people be loud around me in the morning. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought “well, maybe he just doesn’t realize that his music is that loud.” So I asked him “Hey, do you know that your music is loud enough for other people on this bus to hear?” Asking the “do you know” question is a good way to bring the behavior (that you don’t tolerate) to the other person’s attention. That way they have the chance to at least “know” what they are doing. Again, don’t tell a person to stop unless you know for sure they are aware of it first. When you ask the question, say it politely and try not to sound condescending at all. 2. Second Tell Them to Stop If they continue the same behavior after you just told them “look dude, you’re doing this, in case you didn’t know” then it’s time to take it to the next level and ramp up the assertiveness. At this point, you have to straight up tell them to STOP, and you can add the little word “please” if you want to add a little politeness. But I wouldn’t focus on being too polite. Too much politeness causes hesitation which communicates insecurity. Just say “hey you’re still [insert annoying action that breaks your boundaries here], please stop.” You don’t have to yell or say it harshly but do be firm, again. 3. Third Tell Them Stop or Else Now this is it. You brought it to their attention. You told them to stop. Yet here they are… Continuing to annoy the shit out of you. It’s time to put your foot down, or throw a pillow at them, or whatever. You have to make it clear that there will be consequences if they don't stop. In the bus scenario, I threatened to alert the bus driver. Yeah, I was *that* guy. But dammit it was morning time and I was trying to sleep on the bus, not dance. Fuck morning people. I wouldn’t suggest threatening to yank his earbuds out or anything physically aggressive.
The most insecure people I’ve met would usually start fights easily. The Lazy man ain’t got time for that shit. Else...Have Fair Yet Clear Cut Consequences You have to lay down the consequences for someone that refuses to follow your calm yet firm request. Make it clear what will happen if they don’t listen. The consequence should match the level of importance in your boundary (remember determining this importance before?) You don’t want to punish too harshly for something minor nor do you want to punish too lightly for something serious. When creating a consequence you either...
The first two types of consequences are easy to implement, but assume you have the authority, power, or respect to do so. A parent can punish their child for misbehaving by “taking” away their toy (or I suppose iPad nowadays). A teacher will punish their students for showing up late to class by “giving” them extra homework to do. The third type of consequence is a last resort and puts the consequence dealing to those with power above you, or if you have none A neighbor will call the cops on a loud late night party and let the cops handle the situation. You may be worried about being called a Tattle Tale when using this escalation to authority tactic. Well, a Tattle tale is someone that reports the breaking of an authority’s boundary, even if the person who “tattletales” agrees with said boundary or not. Tattletales suck because they don’t have boundaries of their own. Their boundaries are determined by a list of rules handed to them, and they lack any self awareness or confidence. Their entire existence is pre-programmed data and they are nothing but a regurgitation amchine. It’s okay to “tell” authority of rule breaking, if it’s something that breaks your own boundary. Be your own moral compass and don’t blindly follow a moral GPS. Know how to set and navigate your own boundaries rather than having them handed to you to regurgitate. Also, as a general rule of thumb, don’t use violence or physical force as a consequence, as mentioned. Really, you’re lazy anyway so this shouldn’t be too big of a deal. But just in case you felt like you wanted to RAGE QUIT. Walking away or withdrawing your attention is a strong consequence to enable if the person likes or is attracted to you (a friend, date, etc) or has any level of emotional attachment to you in general Parents do *not* do this to your kids. Jeesus, I don’t even have kids, but I swear the amount of dumb ass parents. There are good parents that wanna raise good kids, but then there are parents who never realized that having children is a *choice* and raise these god awful Have kids if you want, but don’t feel like you *have* to. I digress. Walking away isn’t a good consequence for someone you just met or a stranger though. It’ll just come across as arrogant and maybe even a bit awkward. “Like okay...have fun with that. Good day sir” You should communicate why you’re walking away before just leaving. I learned this the hard way. Otherwise, you’ll come across as emotionally immature, like you’re just a toddler pouting. You better not pout. I’m telling you why! ProcrastiN8rs are laid back and in control of their emotions and are able to communicate what they are effectively. It doesn't have to be a long-winded answer. As a matter of fact, the shorter the better. It’s not only less effort but more efficient. By giving too long of a reason, people are naturally prone to disbelief. Relax and Follow through with Consequences. Empty consequences have no power. Just like empty bottles of beer have no flavor. You can’t say “or else this will happen” and never have “this” happen if they continue to do the annoying unacceptable thing that breaks your boundary. Make sure the consequence is something you have the physical, emotional, or financial resources to actually carry out. If you say you’re willing to break up if the person continues to yell at you, then break up if they continue to yell at you. If you say you’re going to quit if your boss makes you work another weekend and he makes you work another weekend, then QUIT. You get the idea. You can’t create an unfounded consequence, just like you can’t build a s’more without a graham cracker. You need something to hold your boundary together, otherwise it’s a mess. And people will lose respect for you if your a mess. People will lose respect for you and your boundaries if you never enable your consequences. You just gotta take it easy and show them you’re serious. Show them that you’re not fucking around with your Lazy Life Rules. You said them and you mean them and will be punished accordingly for not following them. Never Break Your Own Rule Once you create a boundary and you make it clear to others what it is and enable smart consequences, you need to actually...follow it yourself! There may be something you want other people to abide by, but if you can’t abide by it yourself, then you’re just being a hypocrite. Totally undude. Live up to your own standards, dude. When I had a day job, I once had a boss that would insist on logging out of the computer if you left your desk, for any reason, even a quick bathroom break or to grab a cup of coffee. He’d yell and make a big fuss any time anyone left their computer logged in when they weren’t at the desk. Meanwhile, he would consistently leave his own computer logged in. He wasn’t respected very much. Sure, he had the position of authority (an illusion of power) but no one really respected him. Genuine respect creates more power than any sort of badge or title. That’s how peasants overthrew kings. They respected a leader in the village over the ruler of the kingdom. In order to earn respect and keep respect -- I mean, you can earn it simply by setting boundaries -- but in order to keep it, you have to abide by the rules of those boundaries yourself. How can you expect other people not to be lazy when you’re lazy yourself? Or how can you expect people not to chew with their mouth open when you can’t eat Cheetos without getting dust all over your face? You get the point. Don’t make rules just to make rules. Make rules you yourself can abide by. Which goes back to why you shouldn't be a Tattletale and just blindly follow someone else's rules/boundaries, when you can't always follow them yourself. Use Tact. When doing all these things regarding boundaries we covered so far -- establishing the boundary, making it clear to others what they are, enabling consequences (if necessary), and following them yourself, you have to use a little thing called Tact a long the way. Tact is basically telling someone to stick their head in the toilet and having them looking forward to it. We talked about how charisma is stronger than pure dominance. Well tact is the paint brush to the art of charm. You essentially tell people: “Yo what the fuck are you doing?” “Stop fucking around like that” “If you don’t fucking doing that, then you’re fucked!” “ Okay, you’re fucked! But with a bit more savvy wordsmithery. You want to be firm, without sounding too callus or rude. Don’t Nag. Nagging is the act of continuously urging someone to do something your way or constantly criticizing them about a mistake they committed or a personal flaw they have. Nagging is tiresome work, a big no-no for a procrastin8r. And not only that, but nagging isn’t even effective way of getting what you want or setting boundaries. It communicates insecurity a lot more than the boundary you’re trying to get across to other people and really just gets them to tune you out, or if they do listen, absolutely resent you. So relax, set your boundaries. Live life by your own rules and get others to respect you for it. Even if you don’t get your way, people will respect the fact that you have a way, that you abide by something. Most people are too weak to set boundaries for themselves. I mean just go ahead and try and ask anybody what their boundaries are and they’ll likely hesitate to even come up with one. But if you don’t have boundaries you’ll get pushed around by strong people who have boundaries. Man, you just wanna lay in BED all day and don’t wanna get pushed around. That’s exhausting. So set up your cozy little blanket fort and tell people not to treat you “out of bounds” Take it easy, N8 Stay in B.E.D. All Day Every Day: A Lazy Man's Guide to Getting People to Respect You on YOUR terms9/11/2019 Ya know what sucks? Having someone wake you up and try and get you out of bed. Sleep is awesome, and is not something I want to be disturbed from; I don’t know about you. How rude! I’m trying to sleep and now that you tried to wake me up, you have to deal with me snoring *even louder*. I mean, think about how difficult it is for someone to convince you to get out of bed. You’re cozy, warm, maybe dreaming about cotton candy clouds and chocolate trees, then all of the sudden you’re awoken by the shrill sounds of your shrieking alarm or worse, a banshee nagging voice. Back to reality. ...or not. You do what you want. Your reality is what you make it out to be, even if that’s sleeping in bed all day, instead of going to a job. You hit snooze or tell the person to shut the f*ck up and go back to sleep. You are a ProcrastiN8r. You live a life of desire, not of obligation. You do what you want, when you want, and you know what? You don’t make it easy for people to to keep you from doing what you want Look, you read the article title, and I’d just like to reiterate what I’m trying to say here, put simply: Don’t get out of your B.E.D. Remain in B.E.D. always. Now, while it’s always pleasant to quite literally, roll on over and smush your face into a pillow and wrap yourself in a blanket burrito when someone tries to awaken you from your wonderful state of sleep [LINK], you’ll notice that B.E.D. is in fact an acronym. That’s because staying in your B.E.D. is part of the L.A.Z.Y. Mindset (another acronym from the e-book of which you can get a FREE copy of). It’s important to understand this concept in order to get what you want and get away with it (and put very little effort into doing so). First let’s take a look at what each part of the acronym is then, we’ll dive into further detail as to what each module is and how it applies to the Lazy Mindset framework. B is for Boundaries E is for Emotions D is for Decisions By saying not to get out of B.E.D. we are saying that you should not work your ass off cater to the whims of other people and should instead, remain in your own (bed) frame. The basic concept of this whole module as you’ll soon see is pretty straightforward: Have some good old fashioned self respect, goddamnit and stop working hard to please other people! Embrace your laziness. It’ll make your life way easier. Now let’s dive into the details…. Boundaries Boundaries are personal rights and principles you set for yourself. It’s the way “the Dude Abides” People respect you as much as you respect yourself, and as much as you make clear what those personal rights are to them. Abide and make it clear what you abide by. In other words, they will fuck with you as much as you let them. If people are fucking with you all the time it’s because you *let* them. You have to set boundaries. You have to put up anti-fuck-with-me walls. Setting boundaries is simply a matter of writing down what those rights are and then embracing them. Seriously, go ahead and write them. I know, you probably want to put that off -- the whole writing thing. But we are PROs at procrastinating, not amateurs, we want to Procrastinate with PURPOSE. Is it better to put off writing down your personal rights or put off people fucking with you? I’m gonna go with the latter. Now what sort of rights should you have? Some examples include: I have a right to have my efforts rewarded or reciprocated fairly I have a right not to say NO to anything I don’t want to do for whatever reason I have a right to be respected and listened to But I’m not here to tell you what your rights should be. I won’t tell you how the Dude should abide.That would defeat the whole purpose of creating *your own* personal boundaries. Be your own Dude. Embrace your own laziness. Take a moment to sit back, relax, and think about who you really are and what you really want. Once you have those rights written down, hold onto them, memorize them. This will work as your mental frame, your “bed” frame, if you will, and you refuse to let people shake you out of it so easily. Simply tell other people when they’ve invaded one of your rights. Tell them “the Dude Abides by this and you’re not doing that.” Be polite but firm. BE HONEST with what you expect. You don’t have to be rude about it but do hold your ground. You might still get called an asshole for being so firm with your request, but it’s better to be an asshole and be respected than it is to be “nice” and be depreciated and used. When you’re starting out with setting up your boundaries and making them clear to others, it’s actually probably best to just full on embrace The Asshole. Play the role as the rude jerk who takes shit from nobody! Your ultimate goal is not to become the intolerable asshole though but to use it as a pathway to become a self-respecting guy or gal that can stand up for their own personal rights. Use laziness as a tool. If you’re lazy, you don’t go out of your way to do anything other than what you want. Eventually you can drop the whole facade of The Asshole. It’s not a “fake it ‘til you make it “ sort of thing, because again, you’re keeping in mind your *very real* and very important personal rights. You’re doing what it takes to make sure you can attain them. You have to be able to embrace your laziness and simply not give a fuck about what other people want or expect of you and that may in fact make you appear assholish along the way. But fuck it. Again, you’re not here to have other people paint a positive picture of you. You’re here to be happy. And sometimes, yes, your happiness is going to make other people unhappy. Not everybody is going to have the same personal rights that you have. Not everyone Abides the same way you do, dude. That leads us to our next point.. You don’t necessarily want or expect other people to follow your rules to a tee. You don’t want to monitor their behavior or get them to submit to you. You’re not their parent or babysitter. That’s an awful lot of work for you to do. That’s a full time job you don’t want to sign up for. But you do make it clear when someone has crossed the line and has interfered with your own personal goal or desire. Now you already know how to set up your boundaries, but how do you actually go about embracing them? How do you get others to respect your boundaries? There are 3 main steps to setting your boundaries, which perhaps we’ll cover in depth at a later time, but for now here they are:
You can’t have boundaries without consequences. You can’t abide without knowing when to quit A consequence is not punishment or anything harsh or manipulative for that matter; it’s simply a protective layer to your wall of “don’t fuck with me.” It’s a necessary tool to safeguard your own wellbeing. You’re goal is not to demand your way but inspire it or at the very least, get other people to respect it, even if they disagree. A go-to consequence when someone refuses to abide by your ways is to walk away (and go lay back down on your damn bed or perhaps just roll over since you never left your bed to begin with). Withdraw your attention completely and show them you’re not interested with any further interaction unless they are willing to embrace your boundary. People may tell you that your “forcing” them to do what you want. You don’t force people to do anything. Force implies some sort of exertion of effort. You’re too lazy for that. No, instead your’re just making it clear what you don’t like and being willing to leave when you don’t get it. There’s a difference between calmly presenting your rules and literally forcing your will opon others. All you’re saying is “Look, these are things I’m not okay with. You’re free to do otherwise, but recognize that there will in fact be consequences” That’s basically saying “If you don’t like it, fuck off”, but with tact. Identify the actions and behaviors you find unacceptable and abide, then tell other people when they are not abiding. Walk away if they insist on doing things their own way and it doesn’t fall in line with yours. Setting boundaries gives you more control in your life and allows you to build up your own integrity. Don’t get out of bed. Don’t get out of your Boundaries. Emotions When we speak of Emotions in regards to the B.E.D. module, we are talking about two things: Awareness and Control. The ProcrastiN8r is always cool, calm, and in control of his/her emotions. While s/he remains aware of how s/he feels, s/he doesn’t get all dramatic and instead expresses those emotions with smoothly and deliberately, with a strong level of laziness and confidence. Awareness You must be self aware of your own emotions and how you really feel about a situation and not what other people think or feel. It’s not that you don’t care at all about how other people feel, it’s just that you care more about your own wellbeing than of others. You prioritize your own ass, rather than trying to save the ass of others. You’re no martyr, you’re just a lazy dude (or dudette). You follow your heart and not the approval of others. You do what you think is best, not what others think you should do. You are focused on your *own* emotions, not how you make someone else feel Sometimes what we are taught, whether it’s from our parents or school or maybe even religion, may not be in line with what we really feel is right or wrong. Personally, I was raised Catholic - went to Catholic school for over 12 years. Somehow I just couldn’t agree with the notion that being gay is evil. I believe there’s nothing wrong with two consenting adults loving each other and expressing that love physically. Now you may disagree with that, and that’s fine, but you have to dig into if that’s how *you* feel or if that’s how the Church feels (and you’re seeking approval from the people who are part of it, as some sort of golden ticket to heaven) Being aware of your feelings allows you to choose your boundaries. And remember, they are *your own* boundaries, not necessarily what others believe. Of course there are probably universal principles like “don’t harm human life” that can be applied across the board, but in terms of lifestyle choices, that’s really up to you. My sister is vegetarian and believes that eating meat is wrong, but she isn’t the typical “YOU BETTER NOT EAT MEAT, YOU DISGUSTING SLIME OF A PERSON!” vegetarian. No, she refuses to eat meat as a personal choice and I respect that. Learn to follow the boundaries of what you feel is right or wrong, without becoming hostile. BE HONEST with yourself and don’t act like you feel a certain way just to make others happy. If someone is happy about something, you don’t have to fake a smile. If someone is sad, you don’t have to spit in your eyes to make tears. Look at how you actually feel and examine why you feel that way. Understand yourself so that others can understand you. You can certainly empathize and relate to how they feel, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you feel the exact same way. I empathize with the fact that my sister values the life of a living creature, but that doesn't mean I don’t feel like meat tastes delicious. Control You must be in Control. You must be able to express those feelings, without becoming dramatic. Being in control of your emotions does NOT mean you are emotionless. No. It means you can effectively communicate them, without resorting to violence, screaming, or really anything heated or theatrical in nature. Stay cool and calm. Know your emotions, be aware of them, but don’t let them control you. Don’t let them take the driver’s seat and spiraling your life out of control. When people say they are “not in control” it’s normally because they are completely acting on their emotions, without a second thought. Be lazy and don’t get “all worked up” over things. I mean, c’mon that’s “work” anyway. Relax. You still *feel* emotions. You can’t change that. Welcome to being human. You can’t control how you feel But you can control how you REACT to it. Control the reactions to your emotions Search your feelings and explore why you feel the way you do. “I feel ___ because___” The minute you lose your cool and act irrationally, that’s the minute people lose respect for you, and the minute people will start pushing those same buttons again to sort of test your strength and ability to remain in control. If you keep failing those tests, they’ll continue to lose respect for you. Once you show the chink in your armor, they’ll keep stabbing it. Of course, if the relationship becomes shitty like this, you can always head out, but ideally, you want to make strong relationships from the get-go so don’t get chaotic with your emotional bullshit. Be in control. It’s best not to show any sign of weakness and remain unfazed when shit hits the fan. Remember, that doesn’t mean you don’t express your emotions at all. It means you express them in a *healthy* way, calmly and firmly. First know what your feelings are then be purposeful with your emotional expression, not sporadic . Don’t get out of Bed. Don’t get out of your own Emotions (and pretend to feel someone else’s) nor let your Emotions get you out of control. Decisions The final part of the B.E.D. module is Decisions. We must decide what we want, without any hesitation and stick to it, without any doubt. We own what we do, even if it was a mistake or wrongful decision. We fucking own it. It’s better to make a decision and make that decision right than to worry about making the right decision. As Willie Gutterbottom, the striaght married man who makes a living as a CamGuy for gay dudes said “Own what you do.” It’s too much work to lie and make excuses. Embrace your laziness. Just be like “Yeah, this is what happened” instead of jumping through hoops just to try and look good. That was your decision and you own it and stick by it. Sure, you skipped work and got fired. But you accept the consequences of your decision(s). Other people have boundaries and other people have consequences in place for not following those boundaries. Everyone abides but not everyone abides the same way (and some people abide by someone else’s principles instead of their own) However, you respect other people’s boundaries and accept the consequences. It doesn’t faze you one bit. Honey badger don’t care. You don’t give a fuck. When you make a decision, be assertive about it and “don’t dip your toe in the water”. Own it. Similarly, never threaten a consequence you’re not fully prepared to carry out. Empty consequences have no power. Make it clear what your decisions are. Don’t waste time defending it or convincing people to hop on board with you. Just decide and abide. Follow through with what you decide to do and you’ll be respected for it. Don’t make promises you can’t keep and don’t decide on one thing and back out later. It may be the wrong decision, but that doesn’t matter as much as the fact that it was a decision you abided by. Thanos was wrong in choosing to perform mass genocide to half the entire galaxy but he’s probably one of the most respected villains of all time. Why? Because he did what he said he was going to do. Do what you say you are going to do. Even if you’re going to lay on the couch all day and eat cheetos while watching Netflix, then say that’s what you’re going to do. Don’t say you’re going to work. Don’t kid yourself. BE HONEST with what you are going to do. Don’t get out of bed. Don’t try to back out of your decisions or deny them. Final Words You take accountability for your actions (Boundaries) and feelings (Emotions) and Decisions regarding both those things. You don’t try to blame others or say sorry. Your life is neither an obligation nor apology. If people don’t like the way you’re doing things, the way you are, if people don’t like the way you abide... It's Whatever. You don’t move for them. You don’t get out of bed. You remain calm and firm. You’re here to enjoy life, not work to get others to enjoy theirs. It's hard to get you out of bed. Bed is comfort. Don't make it easy for people to shake you out of your comfort. Just be the ProcrastiN8rr you are stay in bed, dude. Take it easy, N8 Getting what you want is easy.
There are certain behaviors or actions you can perform that pretty much create this delicious “Have It Your Way” recipe. You can always Have It Your Way, you just gotta know how to ask. Simple as that. It ain’t too complicated and certainly doesn’t require a knowledge base of social skills or a degree in psychology. I’m just a lazy dude. I’m no guru or smarty pants, just your average couch surfing procrastin8r, and I always get what I want, eventually. Now we’re both lazy here, you and I, and we don’t want want to put in a lot of effort into things. Period. Needless to say, when it comes to getting what we want, we don’t want to actually have to work hard to get it. That’s why I ‘ve outlined a list of simple steps to get there. If you’ve been following my blog, last week, we covered certain behaviors and actions you should DO in order to win things in your favor, or very well increase the odds of that happening. I recommend you go read it Or ya know, just wait til later. Whatever. Anyway, it’s no secret that you can’t “win ‘em all”. Sometimes you get rejected, and that’s okay. It’s all good man. It’s just part of life. Accept it with a good ole “meh”. Since we’re trying to eliminate as much effort as possible though, it makes sense to know what NOT to do when it comes to getting what you want so you don’t get rejected as easily or as often. ...ya know ‘cause that way you won’t waste any time or effort. It's good to know what to avoid so you don't waste time doing it. A ProcrastiN8r is the master of NOT doing things, so this should be easy. Without further ado, let’s dive into a list of things you should NOT do when trying to get what you want and win things in your favor. 1. DON’T think too much about what to say next (Don’t overthink) Often times we have this script in our head about how the conversation is gonna go Delete the script. Rip it up and throw it out, dude. You gotta take it easy, go with the flow, keep it real, and live in the moment. Y You’re not a pull string doll, blurting out the same lines over and over and over again. You’re a lazy human being, who says just enough to hold a conversation. But the thing about holding a compelling conversation is you have to make a connection by actually being present in the room *with* the other person. Listen to what the other person says, focus on the words coming out of their mouth, not the words in your head. 2. DON’T get bogged down in the details A lot of sales fall flat due to the person giving them excessive details. People just tune out too many details and don’t care. Truth is, no one is attached to your product or service as much as you are. But rummaging over details isn’t good in personal life either. Even if you ask a friend for a favor, if you make it a BIG deal, including all the details as to why you need their help, it’s going to come off as a huge burden. “Hey, I need you to pick me up tomorrow and take me to the grocery store . I don’t have a car right now” Make it seem like it’s a minor favor, like it really isn’t a big deal. You don’t have to tell them your car is in the shop, your fridge is empty, your dog is sick, and you have 6 broken toes. Don’t give them a sob story and guilt them into helping you. As a matter of fact, don’t give *any* story, really. Make them think “well that doesn’t seem like he’s asking too much of me. I could probably help. If you’re asking someone out on a date, you don’t need to go through the whole itinerary of the evening. “Hey I’m going to go see [insert movie title] on Thursday. You can come if you want” You don’t have to be like “and we can buy popcorn and maybe walk afterwards and check out some shops in the mall.” Just be direct. No fluff. Make an elevator pitch. If you’re riding an elevator, and are trying to make a sale, you have to get straight to the point. You don’t have time to roll through all the details. Keep your pitch short, sweet, simple and to the point. Extra words is extra work. That’s a no go for a procrastin8r. As the conversation unfolds, you can fill in the gaps as necessary or even keep a bit of mystery and say “you’ll see.” 3. DON’T stick around too long Sometimes you just gotta cut your losses and move on. If the person shows no signs of interest (or flat out rejects you), then don’t waste your time haggling or negotiating. If the person isn’t responding to your attempts to escalate (say yes to simple questions if you’re trying to land a sale or maybe even touch physically if you’re going for a date), just walk away and don’t look back. Again, it can’t be stressed enough, you can’t win every time, but relax man it’s all good. The time you spend trying to woo the person or whatever -- those are precious moments you could spend sleeping...or maybe even getting another sale or finding another date. Time is the most valuable asset of a procrastin8r, use it sparingly. 4. DON’T use closed off or insecure body language Don’t avoid eye contact. When you meet eye to eye, maintain that eye contact until they look away first. Hold it for a second or two longer, but don’t over-do it. Don’t stare. You can look away *once* they look away. You’re not a rootin tootin gunslinger of the Wild West staring down your opponent in a duel. Too much staring, too much eye contact, can be creepy and weird. Oh, and remember to blink. Good god! Don’t look down. It’s okay to look away once in a while, to demonstrate a level of disinterest and laid back-ness, but look to the side and not on the ground. Look “past” the person, as if something else caught your interest (it helps if something actually *does* catch your eye) but don’t ever look at the floor or below the other person’s eye level. Don’t slouch. Although you want to be lazy in your posture, you want to lean back and relax, not slouch forward. This communicates insecurity and reeks of desperation, like you’re trying to hard or just have no self confidence. Don’t cross your arms. Keep them open. If you’re standing there like “WTF do I do with my hands?” and feel awkward with them, a good position is to place your hands in your pockets, with your thumbs out. Keep the thumbs out. This shows confidence and is inviting. If you’re sitting down, you can always, place them behind your head Lean back, not forward. A procrastin8r is always at ease emotionally, mentally, and physically. 5. DON’T beg Seriously, it’s annoying when dogs do it, but at least they look cute. You -- you don’t even look cute. You just look desperate and stupid. Remember, don’t stick around too long --- and begging -- begging is one way to overstay your welcome. If you’re at the point where you’re begging, the other person has already decided on a solid NO, they have won the negotiation, and every single time you utter the word “please” or “but” ,you dig yourself one inch deeper in that pit of NOPE. Accept your loss and move on, bud. Otherwise, you’ll quickly go from a “oh, no thanks, thanks anyway” to a “Jesus Christ! NO WAY!” Try to remove the word “please” from your dictionary. That’s a good way to rid the habit of begging if you find yourself doing this. Begging is just a waste of breath and energy. 6. DON’T run your mouth off A good rule of thumb is that if you’re doing most of the talking, then the other person isn’t listening. People want to talk about themselves -- their desires, their fears, their worries, their interests. Remember you want to let them sell the product to themselves. You want them to convince *you* to ask them out. It’s better to talk little and say a lot than it is to talk a lot and say very little. Don’t pressure yourself to fill in the awkward pauses and don’t rush to say something as soon as the other person completes a sentence. Remember to LISTEN. A lot of people make the mistake of just waiting for the other person to finish speaking without even paying attention to what they actually said. Don’t be that guy. Again, the more tlaking you do, the more work you do. You’re lazy and should embrace that and not do any more work and/or talking than you have to. 7. DON’T assume you’ll fail (but accept it if you do) A wise man once said “If you live by your negative self instruction, then your results will in fact be negative.” In other words, if you think you’re gonna fuck up, then you’re gonna fuck up. Plain and simple as that. Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, and your actions become your destiny. Your destiny will be rejection if you so much as think that. So watch your thoughts and put your mind at ease. If you do fuck up, no big deal. Mistakes are Meh. On the flip side, if you think you’re gonna own, you’re gonna own. Top athletes say that competition is 80% mental game. Well in that case, save yourself some hard work outs and just think positive. 8. DON’T put them on a pedestal Look, they’re not that great. You don’t need them. They’re not a god. You don’t need to worship them. You don’t need their money or approval or whatever it is you’re looking to get *from them*. They’re not that special. Don’t kiss the ground they walk on, both literally and figuratively. Don’t suck up and be a door mat for them just to get them to say yes. Have some self respect. Besides appeasing the approval of a goddess (or imagined one) is way too tiresome. Be lazy. 9. DON’T give up so easily when you hear the word NO. Actions speak louder than words. Pay attention to the other person’s body language. If they’re saying no, but leaning in (out of interest), then they might actually be interested but just need a little more convincing. Sometimes it might just be bad timing -- maybe they’re having a bad day or just really busy, legitimately. Shit happens. Point is: Don’t take the word "No" at face value. You should ideally wait a few days before trying again, unless you’re in a situation where you can’t/won’t have the opportunity to contact them ever again (asking for a number at a bar, making a sale at a convention, etc) In that case, change the subject, escalate again, then go for the pitch. Give them space. Don’t be that weird stalker salesperson or date or at the very least don’t pressure them into saying yes or giving you what you want (time, money, etc), if again, you’re in a situation where you won’t ever see them again. There’s a fine line between persistence and neediness, a fine line between gently guiding in the right direction and pressuring someone against their will. After the third strike, you’re out. If the person rejects you three times, then it’s pretty clear the answer will consistently be no. Three times is enough to gauge their interest. If after three times, they still reject you, then don’t push any further. You did enough. Enough is enough. There of course is a certain No in a certain situation that always and I mean ALWAYS means No though, and you should NEVER further pursue things. You should also be very aware of what I’m referring to. 10. DON’T make it about you or the company People only care about the WIIFM -- the What’s In It For Me. They don’t care about your story. They don’t care about your business. They don’t care about you. People are only out for themselves. So sad, too bad. Get over it. This kind of goes back to running your mouth off. People easily tune out things (and later reject) product, services, and people that don’t answer the one question anybody cares about -- the WIIFM. 11. DON’T Reek of desperation Look, you have to go into this with the attitude that you don’t need the other person to say yes. It must come from a place of desire, not necessity. You want them to say “Yes”; it would certainly be nice for them to do so, but you’re not completely dependent on that specific result. Whatever happens, happens. You don’t need this job. You don’t need this date. You don’t need this sale. You remain unfazed by the outcome. “Cool, yeah, whatever dude.” Even if you need to let’s say, make money to pay bills, there’s plenty of people in the world and plenty of opportunity. Don’t remain attached to one. Attachment to one person or outcome can be an unhealthy sickness and it also limits a lot of your own personal freedom. 12. DON’T Chase after people (that aren’t worth your time). We already covered not to stick around too long for people that clearly aren’t interested, but after taking your leave, don’t look back. Let bygones be bygones. Walk away and don't be afraid to. Let them come to you. People go after what they think they can’t have. It’s basic human psychology There’s a clever skit by Key & Peele where the sales caller himself hangs up on the potential client and the client keeps calling back, only to get hung up on over and over again by the sales caller, until he’s literally shouting his credit card number over the phone. It’s a bit exaggerated for comedic purposes, but gets the point across: you win the sale when people chase *after you* (not when you chase after them). 13. DON’T Be tone deaf (regurgitate selling points, run through a script) Don’t just run through talking points like you’re Andy’s toy or something. Don’t regurgitate the same information using the same format. It’s boring and uninspired. Don’t just repeat the same pick up lines or sales pitches. We literally have had machines since the 90s that could do that (YakBak. Remember that thing?) Mix it up a bit, play around with enunciation. ENunciAtIoN Although there’s something to be said of the fact that Ben Stein made Clear Eye commercials with one of the most monotone voices ever. Somehow his tone deaf voice became one of the most iconic voices in advertising. That’s definitely an exception, rather than a rule. I had a science teacher in high school who spoke like that guy and every class of his was nap time for me. So boring 14. DON’T Offer long justifications. Keep it short and simple If you’re asking for a favor, you just need a quick little "because". You don’t need a whole story,. You don’t need to write a novel. You don’t need to recite an entire proclamation speech. Do give a reason but don’t make it long winded. There’s sort of a theme here with a lot of these DON’Ts that you probably noticed and it’s “Keep your damn mouth shut!” I say that with every ounce of respect to you. I simply mean winning things in your favor comes from a matter of what you don’t say more so than what you say. That’s perfect for us lazy people because it means there’s actually less effort on our part than initially thought. Every word you do say should have purpose and LEAD the conversation to the next level, lead the client to the next step, lead the girl at the bar to give you her number. The salesman who gives every reason in the book as to why you should buy his product doesn’t make sales The guy who goes on and on about why he’s “such a nice guy” and will “treat a girl right” doesn’t get any dates. The friend who compiles a whole story about why he needs something doesn’t get any help. Why? Because it seems like they’re asking too much. See what I did there? This is pretty similar to number two, but it’s necessary to bring up again because it’s *that* important to remember. Again, see it? 15. DON’T actually ask Make suggestions, lead them to conclusions, but NEVER ask the “big question”, ya know the actual thing you’re trying to get them to agree to. You can use phrases like “if you want to” or “if you’d like”” IF gives them the ability to choose and makes it seem like you aren’t being too pushy or forcing them to do anything that they don’t want to. It let’s them decide Make sure you put a *positive* spin on the IF “question” (which is why we’re *thinking* positive to begin with) and provide a WIIFM so they’re likely to go along with your suggestion. You can ask actual questions during the “rapport building” phase, but when it comes to the actual sale, the actual proposal itself, DO NOT ASK. This comes across as needy and you don’t want to do that as we covered in number 11 on this list. It also shows a high level of confidence and ability to lead. 16. DON’T oversell. Just be honest. Lying is too much work. You have to remember things and if you lie enough, you tell lies to cover your other lies, and soon you’re caught in a nasty poisonous web of lies. Skip the bullshit and just be bluntly and completely honest, but that’s a whole blog topic in and of itself entirely. Basically don’t make exaggerated claims. You can cater the claims towards the specific person (answer the WIIFM) but don’t go around pulling stuff outta your ass just to try and tell them what they want to hear. Sometimes you may have to just be honest and say “You know what, I don’t think my product/service is right for you.” or “I don’t think we’d be compatible” and walk away. You’ll at the very least have them respect you, even if they don’t give you exactly what you wanted to begin with. You have one thing in life: your integrity. Once that’s destroyed, you’ll never be able to recover. Be honest and keep your integrity. Be honest and earn respect. 17. DON’T hit them hard with facts. Tell a story and create an emotional connection. Otherwise, you may attack their belief system and the defense shields will come up. They’ll try and debate you or point out logical fallacies and you don’t want that. You want to build a connection. Save your hard facts for the debate team, Mr. Shapiro. People make decisions based on their feelings. Take the easy route and appeal to those feelings. If you start schlepping out the facts, you may be trying to mine through some rock solid deeply founded beliefs and that’s rather labor intensive. 18. DON’T be too agreeable and settle for mediocre offers It’s nice to be agreeable if you want to be likeable but when it comes to getting what you want, you can’t always be 100% agreeable (or likeable for that matter). Don’t be a people pleaser. You have to be a bit of a jerk and set boundaries for yourself. Don’t let others walk all over you like a doormat. You don’t have to be rude about it and you certainly don’t want to yell, scream, or insult them. Just know where your boundaries are and let them know where you stand. Set your expectations. You can be flexible but not breakable. Don’t bend over backwards just to get a for sure YES or agreement. 19. Don’t use fear as a tactic to get your way. That’s just weak and unimpressive. Using threats and punishments should be a last resort, if used at all. On the flip side of being too agreeable, you can also be too DIS-agreeable. You shouldn’t be so rigid that you become a sort of dictator, demanding your way no matter what, either. It’s a balancing act. You want to charmingly lead people to follow you, not forcibly push them in the direction you want. A puppy responds better to rewards for positive behavior as opposed to punishment for negative behavior. It’s better to give him treats when he doesn’t pee on the rug than to lock him in the cage when he does. That’s a basic level of psychology every species on earth, including human beings share. I mean not to see you should treat other people like dogs or even think of them as such, but you get the idea. Positivity breeds more positivity. 20. DON’T care. Remember, Honey Badger Don’t care. Don’t become attached to the person’s YES and if and when they say NO, you simply just do not care. You do not give a single fuck. It could go in your favor, or not. Either way, you’re cool. It doesn't effect you. You go in just to see what happens and don’t care what does. 21. DON’T worry Negative feelings of anxiety or even fear when going in to ask for a favor, a date, or sale, when trying to get a YES out of someone, is absolutely natural. But wallowing in it is not. Don’t rationalize the primal instincts. Besides, nothing happened yet. You’re worried about a future that doesn’t even exist. The future is a blank book. It’s yet to be written. Don’t assume the horror story. Just relax man and don’t worry. N8 P.S. New blog every Wednesday! Subscribe to the newsletter so you don’t miss an article. Next week, we’ll cover more about Setting Boundaries and how it’s the lazy way to get people not to fuck with you and often times more than not, give you what you want. |
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March 2022
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