We all want what we all want.
Wait. What? Yeah.
You want what you want. I want what I want. Donald Trump wants what Donald Trump wants. Jeff Bezos wants want Jeff Bezos wants.
You get the gist. We all have our wants.
How the fuck do some people seem to get away with actually getting what they want though??
You don’t always get what you want. That’s impossible, and you have to learn to accept that, even the most successful people who quote on quote “always” seem to get what they want, do get rejected sometimes, as we covered last week.
But how do you actually increase the odds of your success? How do you get people to agree with you or “buy in” to your pitch (either for a date, an activity to do, or a sale)
And how do you do that when you’re too freaking lazy to actually put in the effort?
Well, today we’re going to cover the DOs of winning things in your favor, the lazy way.
(Next week, we’ll dive into the DONTs)
1. DO Remain results focused.
This is important to understand first and foremost because any amount of effort you do exert should be worth it.
If you’re gonna get out of bed, you want things to happen and not climb out of bed for nothing. Make results happen with each conversation you have, or take your exit.
Either you get it your way or you don’t. You set boundaries and spend “just enough” time, energy, and effort on trying to get what you want. Once you reached your “spending limit” you’re out.
You either win the game or lose the game, but you don’t keep playing when it’s game over.
2. DO Know when to Walk Away
This sort of goes hand in hand with the above point, but it really can’t be stressed enough: there’s no point in hanging on to what’s lost or clinging on to people that are just going to waste your time, money, and/or effort.
You let people know when they crossed a boundary and if they don’t like it, you set up your negotiation terms, and if they don’t like it you’re willing to walk away because you don’t give a fuck.
You’re not forcing to follow your way or control them, you’re letting them know “this is a line and you crossed it”. You give them the OPTION to cross that line but make it clear you will invest no further. They can do whatever they want, man, and it’s no big deal. You’re not upset by their choice.
It’s not manipulative or “emotional blackmail”, it’s saying “Look, it’s your choice, but I’m letting you know where I personally stand. Do what you want and I’ll do what I want.”
Maybe your friend wants to play Call of Duty but you’d rather play something else. You let him know that they’re free to do so and you’re gonna play some other game, if they refuse to give up CoD to play your game.
Like playing poker, ya gotta know when to fold.
3. DO Use open body language.
Lean back, keep your arms behind your head or at your sides, maintain eye contact, but look away (not down but to the side) once in a while to show aloofness.
This communicates that you are comfortable in the current environment. Plus, it’s just natural body language of a procrastin8r to lean back and show s/he’s at ease. Embrace your laziness. Laziness is comfort. Be comfortable in the room, be comfortable in your own skin. The world is your bed, so act comfortable.
Open body language shows you’re not hostile, threatening, or even just plain insecure. It also shows a level of confidence and helps the *other person* also feel comfortable.
4. DO Get them to agree to small things or do small favors, then escalate.
But do escalate. Remember, remain results focused.
Studies have shown that a person is MORE LIKELY to agree to the final sale when he or she is asked more simple questions that he or she can agree to, compared to people that were just asked the final sale question straight up.
This strategy is often referred to as the “Foot in the Door” tactic. As the key to gaining entrance is to well, get your goddamn foot in the door so you can walk right the fuck in.
Lead them in the right direction (with questions). Don’t just slap a sale in their face. Have them reach their own conclusion, which leads us to our next point...
5. DO more listening than talking. Let them sell the thing to themselves.
Rather than designing a whole elaborate sales pitch or over the top pick up line or whatever, just be genuinely curious about who they are. It’s the lazy conversationalist’s secret that asking questions is the key to building strong relationships (romantic, professional, or otherwise)
Not only does this get them to open up and build rapport, but this also allows you to cater what you’re offering toward their own individual wants, needs, and fears. You can guide them into a direction, a series of questions, that gets *them* to decide that what you’re offering is the perfect solution for them, that they want to invest (time, money, effort) into you.
You “plant seeds” into their mind and ask questions that give them “ah ha” moments and make *them* asking you *how do I get started? How much is it? Or can we go out?*
6. DO Assume the sale
Assume you’ve already got what you wanted from them, like they’ve already made the purchase, like they’ve already done you the favor, like they’ve already gone on a date with you.
This relieves any sort of social pressure and anxiety you may be feeling. Any fears of rejection dissipate and become (at least mostly) completely gone.
You’re not worried IF they will say yes. In fact, you’re not even worried at all. You KNOW they already have said YES and are simply giving them a gentle reminder as to why they did.
Instead of having the mindset that you’re trying to “prove” to them your worth or your product’s value, you’re approaching the situation with the mindset of “let me just REMIND them why I’m awesome” or “why this is awesome” and that leads us to roll on into the next point...
7. DO Be the prize. You are the prize.
Most people try to win the sale, pick up a date, or ask for a favor with the belief that their “YES” is the ultimate prize, like the other person’s agreement has some sort of high value.
They’re coming from a position of weakness. They become the bum on the street begging for change and let the other person become the aristocrat who simply walks by and says NO.
Not much a beggar can do at that point. He has no power in that situation. Don’t paint yourself in that portrait.
Put yourself in a strong position; put yourself in a position of power. Go in with the attitude of “well, if they say no, that’s their loss, really.” Go in knowing that if they don’t say yes, someone else will.
No sense wasting your breath begging one person when you could be getting a YES from another.
Don’t put someone else on a pedestal. Ever.
Have some self goddamn respect.
Don’t lie on the floor and give them the couch. That’s your couch, damnit. You belong there!
8. DO Take a “Let’s See What Happens” Approach
Every single time you approach someone with the goal of getting something out of them, don’t sweat it. Instead of pressuring yourself to actually “win”, make it a goal to “see what happens”
Say to yourself: “I suppose I’ll give them an opportunity (to go out on a date, buy this product, etc). Let’s see if they take it.
If they do, great.
If not, great.
You’re fine either way. You couldn’t care any less what *their* decision is. It has no impact on you and your ability to abide and just rid ethe waves of life man. You’re in it to be entertained and just enjoy yourself, not force your desires on others.
You’re focused on simply having a good time, not always getting things your way.
Like playing an open world RPG, you do some terrible things and make the wrong decisions, but it’s still fun because you get to see what happens anyway.
Life is a game. Don’t take it too seriously. No one gets out alive anyway.
9. DO Suggest, don't ask. Make declarative statements, not inquisitive ones.
Of course you want to ask questions to enlighten conversation, but when it comes to *the actual sales pitch itself*, when it comes to the BIG Question -- the whole reason you approached them to begin with, you want to
“If you want…
This gives them the impression that you are *telling* them what choice you’d prefer they make, but allows them to make the decision for themselves, while keeping you in a position of strength. You are leading them in a certain direction, rather than asking permission from their authority (that you give to them if you ask something *from* them.)
As a general rule of thumb...
If it’s a question coming from a place of curiosity (finding out who they are or what they think), you can ASK the question.
If it’s a question where you’re asking for permission or approval, then make a statement instead.
In general, don’t actually ASK for permission. It’s better to do first and apologize later than it is to ask permission and get rejected.
10. DO Know the difference between NO and Real Rejection
Just because someone says NO, doesn’t mean they actually mean it.
Of course, there is a certain NO that always means NO in a certain situation.
And if you’re confused as to what I’m hinting at, then you seriously need to sit there and re-think your entire life.
There is a doubtful “no” which implies “I’m not fully convinced yet”
They’ll laugh or smile or hesitate with their words. Hesitation is key here. They may look away. That moment they hesitate, is the moment you take to continue the “sales progress”. Don’t go straight for the pitch again though, or even worse ask “why not?” That just comes across as needy and *any* chance of that NO converting to a YES disappears the moment that question is asked.
In this case, go back to rapport building, escalate, and try again. If after the second or third time the answer is still know, go back to one of the first points: know when to walk away.
Then there’s the hard firm NO, which is more clear cut. They’ll say it firmly and maintain eye contact. They’ll speak slowly and in a “serious” tone.
In this case, don’t push any further, just accept it, leave and move on. No big deal, dude.
11. DO Know People make decisions based on their EMOTIONS (in general)
Stats, figures, charts, graphs, and facts just don’t appeal to the average person when it comes to investing one of their resources (time, money, effort)
I watched a video recently of a man who runs into a burning building to save his dog. The firemen didn’t want to rescue him because *statistically* the risks were just way too high. In an emotional moment, the man sees an opportunity (when they aren’t looking) to run in himself; he manages to come out with his poor little pup.
Odds were against him, but he made that decision based on emotions. That was someone he cared about and was in danger.
Most lottery winners end up spending ALL their money within a few years and going broke.
Not the logical thing to do -- splurge all your money. The calm, rational approach would be to invest it smartly so you could retire for the rest of your look, instead of spending it on cocaine and hookers.
But emotions get people to choose otherwise.
Nowadays commercials have literally absolutely *nothing* to do with the product. I swear with all the barbecues and road trips and camping outdoors they show in these ads, I never know if they’re trying to sell me a car, a grill, or heck, a bottle of pills or a t-shirt.
Advertisers no longer sell a product.
They sell a lifestyle and emotions attached to that lifestyle.
Point here is that humans are driven by emotions and you must appeal to them to get people “on board” with what you want.
You can rationalize the emotions with logic and reasoning eventually, but you can’t get to the rationalizing phase without breaking through emotional walls first and building a connection or understanding..
12. DO Answer the WIIFM
People care about one thing, and one thing only, deep down inside.The WIIFM.
What’s In It For Me?
I mean, heck, that’s all you care about. That’s why you’re here reading this blog about how to get what you want.
People are generally self-focused and want whatever benefits them personally. It’s the reason the rich want more tax breaks and the poor want more welfare. We all want the policies, the deal, we want whatever benefits us most *personally*.
There’s a phrase used to describe a friendship wher ethe two people give each other sxual favors called “Friends with Benefits”.
Well, every type of friendship has *some* sort of benefits, whether it’s sexual or not. The minute those benefits disappear, the friendship is over, I guarantee.
Richard Dawkins has a whole book on this topic called “The Selfish Gene” and I highly suggest reading it.
After asking questions and finding out *who they are* as a person you can more easily answer this question for them.
It also helps, again, by seeing yourself and what you have to offer as the price.
13. DO Set a deadline (limited time opportunity). Create FOMO
As much as we procrastin8rs hate deadlines and it may be hypocritical for me to even suggest this, deadlines are effective means in getting people to say YES.
I’m only in town for a few days.
I’m leaving soon.
I’m only going to offer it at this price until the end of the week.
You get the gist. The minute people feel a sense of “I better hurry and get this now before it’s too late”, that’s the minute they’ll sign up or be on board for your offer.
Subtly create the fear that they’ll be missing out (FOMO). Use FOMO to your advantage and create scarcity.
If you don’t create a “now or never” type of situation, they’ll probably *never* want to participate.
“Eh, maybe later” they’ll say, and you know where that path leads.
14. DO Create talk triggers (for word of mouth marketing). Have social proof
Give them an experience, product, or at the very least conversation that is memorable.
Why? Because people talk.
When you give someone a lasting impression, they’re going to talk -- they’re gonna tell their friends, their family, their close to, maybe even strangers on the bus, about how *amazing* you are (or your product or service is).
Word of Mouth marketing is the best marketing and it costs very little to do. The marketing does itself if you create a unique enough product/service. No time or financial investment on your part, other than doing what you’d be doing normally to run your business, or live your life, for that matter.
“Talk Triggers” Daniel Lamin & Jay Bear is an awesome book that dives deeper into this topic, if you wanted to learn more.
Word of Mouth Marketing works in your personal life too. My dad always told me the one thing you have in life is your integrity. That’s all you have.
15. DO Be Honest.
Your integrity *is* really all you have. Doesn't matter how much money you make or how many friends you have. Once you lose your integrity, you basically own nothing.
People value honesty and are willing to forgive mistakes as long as you take accountability. They would also rather hear your intentions up front then have you dance around and put on a show first.
For example, if you don’t want a serious relationship and only want some fun, then say it. Be upfront about it. Own it.
Don’t try to be like “yeah I want to find someone” when you really don’t. That’ll just cause more problems in the long run than it’s worth in the short. Sure, you might get turned down right away, but it’ll save you so many headaches in the future.
In general, don’t tell a person “what they want to hear.” Certainly you want to answer the WIIFM, but you don’t want to make up stuff just to fill in the gap.
Never make false promises, whether that’s in your personal life or business. It’ll come to haunt you later down the road.
Besides, lying takes too much energy to remember everything you said.
16. DO Give a reason for your request
If you’re telling someone to do you a favor, give them a simple reason, using the word “because…”
It doesn’t have to be a complex reason
As a matter of fact, studies have shown that long-winded explanations actually are *less effective* at gaining compliance compared to short, brief ones
That’s good, cause like you, I don’t like to talk my mouth off and be told no anyway.
People are more likely to agree if they are given a short but reasonable reason. Just be like “hey, I’m doing this because [blank - short simple reason” or “I need you to do this right away because..”
17. DO Provide the “illusion of choice”
Live your life in such a way that you’re not dependent on the choices that others make. You make decisions and lead the way.
You pick a couple things you want to do, say you want to go see that new Marvel movie or hang out at Barcade and play some old school video games while drinking rum n’ coke. Either way is cool. You say hey “we can go see that new marvel movie or hit up Barcade, if you want”
Again add the line “if you want” because the last option for the other person is always to just not go do what you want.
And if they tell you “No, I’d rather do neither of those things and would rather…” just be cool about it and don’t argue.
Tell them “that’s great, you’re welcome to do that. Have fun, but I’m not gonna come. I really wanted to go see this movie:”
Likewise, when selling a product or service, provide multiple choices to your customers/clients. No more than three though because then they might be overwhelmed (I mean unless you’re like an ice cream shop or something)
McDonald’s really only sells one type of burger. Throw it in a bag with a toy and it’s a Happy Meal. Put some mayonnaise and ketchup on it with a bit of lettuce and a sesame seed bun and it’s a Big Mac. Put two patties on the bun and it’s a McDouble.
There’s really only ONE burger, but you have the Illusion of Choice there.
Plus there are like half a dozen companies that own all the other companies in the world. You think you have choice of different brands? That's an illusion.
Apply the same logic to your own business. How can you sell the same product but in different packages?
18. DO Always counteroffer
If you’re negotiating a deal and the other person accepts, don’t just let it settle like that.
Always try to upsell. You put a price on the product. You set the terms. Not the other way around.
You should always ask for *more* than you actually want at first, then dwindle it down a bit.
But again, set boundaries and don’t go too low.
Don’t pull a Barrack Obama and go to the table *with the negotiation*.
“Obamacare” is really a Republican proposal and more accurately entitled” Mitt Romney care” because he (and his team) were the ones that essentially wrote the principles of the Affordable Heathcare act.
And now the Republicans are pushing for something more right leaning, with less government involvement and more “free market”
But I digress.
Point is, aim high (remain reasonable though) and adjust accordingly.
Get the most out of the deal and don’t just settle for what people give you at first.
19. DO have closure. Get a lead/contact info at least or walk away
At the end of the conversation, you should have a YES or NO answer.
Either get rejected or accepted. No maybes. No “Oh I don’t knows”
If you can’t get a straight answer, or they seem to keep making excuses about evne meeting up with you in the first place, politely but firmly tell them “the ball’s in your court.”
You basically tell them “the opportunity here, either take it or leave it, but I’m not chasing after you.”
That’s too much effort besides.
20. DO Remember, “He who cares least is in control”
Whoever is more emotionally attached to the outcome (of the relationship, of the sale) is NOT in control, they are driven by emotions.
By the very definition of “being emotional”, you are *out* of control.
You must drive your sales and relationships with logic, reasoning, and purpose, instead of emotional attachment.
That doesn’t mean you’re completely robotic and void of any personality. That doesn’t mean you can’t show compassion or affection. It just means you don’t let your emotions cloud your judgement process and make decisions *for* you. It means you want this to work out, but don’t need it. You have desire, not reliance and there’s a hard difference.
You are in control of your actions and decisions, slow and deliberate like the sloth as your spiritual guide.
Remain level headed, cool and calm.
The more you surrender to your emotions, the more you *care*,the more you surrender control to the person who controls their emotions and doesn’t care.
21. DO Take It Easy
Relax, man. You’ll get things you want, even if it’s not right away or form the people you originally intended to get them from.
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