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There’s this stigma against procrastination in society. The standard is set that if you procrastinate, then you’re a loser. You can’t manage your time if you’re a procrastinator. You’re an utter failure if you consistently procrastinate. You have to be punctual. Do things pronto. Make it happen NOW. Don’t dilly dally. Don’t wait. Do it. And do it immediately. C’mon! Chop! Chop! Let’s make this prompt! But contrary to popular belief in this fast-paced society in which we live in, procrastination is NOT a bad thing at all. It’s really not. In fact, if anything,[ it’s actually one of the key ingredients towards effective time management.] I mean think about it this way: you have to procrastinate *something* -- no matter what. Even if you decide to do the productive thing. Let’s say you choose to do your homework. Well, you’re procrastinating doing the dishes and taking your dog out for a walk. You’re even procrastinating hanging out with your friends. The very act of choosing to do something means you are procrastinating another. You *must* procrastinate. You must put off one thing in order to do something else. It’s not a matter of if you do or do not procrastinate. It’s a matter of *what* you procrastinate on.  Now of course, it’s possible to procrastinate the *wrong* thing, but even that is subjective at best. What one finds to be important may be seen as a waste of time to another. Of course, I suppose if we want to look at this from an objective point of view, the wrong thing to procrastinate on would be something that allows you to “better”yourself. You should always be leveling up and evolving as a person. You may have a goal in mind like losing weight or starting a business -- that’s the objectively “wrong” type of thing to procrastinate on because it gets you to level up and better yourself -- yet you refuse to even get started on it. You keep putting it off and putting it off, using one excuse after the other -- anything just to avoid doing the thing you said you’d do. But believe it or not, at that point you’re not procrastinating. At that point you’re *hesitating*. And there’s a difference, as we’ll get to. Whether it’s because of a fear of failure, feelings of insecurity or self-doubt, you’re not putting the thing off because you *want* to, you’re putting it off because you feel emotionally compelled to do so. Whether you put off making a move and striking up a conversation with someone you find attractive because you’re afraid of getting rejected or put off getting in shape because you’re afraid of feeling embarrassed as the fat guy at the gym or put off starting your own business because you’re afraid it might fail and you’ll end up bankrupt, you’re quite literally “frozen in fear”. You’re so overwhelmed with negative emotions that you don’t budge. You are *hesitating* moving forward. Now that’s what people criticize when they say “don’t procrastinate”. They’re saying “don’t put off things that would help you better yourself.” But what you’re doing in this type of situation is not procrastinating. No. Procrastination is a calm choice to do something later, not a frantic avoidance of something perpetually. Fact of the matter is, oftentimes procrastination is confused with hesitation. See, there’s a difference between putting something off purposefully and putting something off emotionally. Both are waiting to do something until later, but only one of them has a positive outlook. Anyway, today on the blog we’re gonna take a look at hesitation versus procrastination. And without further ado, let’s dive...right into it!  Hesitation stems from Self Doubt The main difference between hesitation and procrastination is based on the level of confidence you have when choosing to put something off. If you don’t get started on something simply because you doubt yourself and your own ability to do something, then that, my friend, is hesitation. You’re delaying something not because you’re prioritizing something else more important, not because you want to do it later, but because you feel you lack the capability to do so. Procrastination, on the other hand, is believing you do in fact have what it takes to make it happen, you’re just not going to do it right now. Are you putting off that diet because you think you’re a fat piece of shit or because you just don’t want to do it quite yet? Are you holding off asking that girl out because you think she’s way out of your league or because you’re enjoying single life right now? Are you neglecting your homework assignment because you doubt your academic ability or because you’d genuinely rather watch TV right now? When you hesitate, you stop and think to yourself, something along the lines of “Oh wait I can’t because (blank)”. Conversely, when you procrastinate you think to yourself along the lines of “I won’t because (blank).” See the difference? Can’t and won’t. Feeding yourself the idea that you “can’t” do something, that you are unable to, is self doubt through and through. Saying you “won’t” do it though is more stoic.t shows you have control and authority over your own life. Leading us to the next point...  Hesitation is Uncontrollable Inner Turmoil When you hesitate, you get yourself so wrapped up in negative feelings that it “freezes” you in place. You couldn’t move even if you wanted to. You’re trapped in the binding of self doubt, pity, and loathing. You’re a deer in the headlights. You don’t know what the fuck to do, but just stand there and don’t move. You’re not thinking rationally Truth is, you don’t have control over your own inner thoughts and feelings. You let them control you. Now when I say “control” your thoughts and feelings, I don’t mean become this unfeeling uncaring bastard. Nor do I mean to imply that my suggestion to you is to “just stop thinking about it.” Besides, you can never consciously “stop thinking” about something. If I tell you “Stop thinking about walruses”. Well guess what? You just thought about a walrus. Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon, maybe just the word “walrus”. And even if you thought to yourself “I’m not going to think about a walrus”, well bucko, right there! You just mentioned/thought of the word walrus. Point is, thoughts and feelings come, and to “control” them doesn’t mean to put a stop to them (as that would be literally impossible), it simply means not to attach yourself to them. Thoughts are sort of like browsing through the radio, flipping through different channels. While you can’t necessarily choose what’s playing, you can choose to “tune in” to one (attach yourself to it) or keep browsing. By controlling your thoughts and emotions, you deliberately decide not to “tune into” the negative ones, the ones that cause you to hesitate and doubt your ability to move forward. Tune into the positive thoughts, and just like a radio, they may seem a bit staticy or fuzzy at first, but the further you drive, the closer you will get to getting a clear signal. It may take a while until that “good song” is clear sounding. Don’t expect yourself to just start thinking more positively in a heartbeat. But in the end, you can release your inner turmoil by tuning into those positive thoughts and stop hesitating the things you want to do.  Procrastination means you’ll do it eventually Whereas hesitation has you saying “I’m not sure if I could* ever* do that*, procrastination has you saying “I can do that. Just not right now.” You say “I’ll get around to it. Eventually” as a procrastinator. Hesitation has [the permanence of “always” and “never”], but procrastination gives you flexibility and room to grow “one day”. When you hesitate, you’re likely to believe that you’re not ready to do the thing you want to do. The only difference in the mindset of procrastination is that you believe that you're not ready *yet*. Yet is the key difference. Yet opens the doors of opportunity. Yet incites possibility. Yet is a positive outlook towards the future. There’s quite a big difference between “I can’t do it” and “I can’t do it YET.” In one, you’re creating a perpetual state of being, and in the other, you’re creating a state of evolution. Eventually and Evolve are so closely related, not only do the words themselves phonetically begin the same, but both definitions insinuate change over time. When you hesitate on a goal, no matter how big or small, you don’t see the potential change within yourself. You’re saying to yourself “I will always be a loser. I will always be fat. I will always be poor” or what have you. You’re not being open to evolving or making a change. You’re hesitating because you don’t believe that your current set of circumstances or current abilities and knowledge can ever be any different. You stop yourself from entering the race because right now you’re not much of a runner. You refuse to start streaming because right now you know nothing about it. You hold back trying to ask a stranger for their number because right now you are a bit socially awkward. You’re basically *limiting yourself* to what you currently have available and fail to see how you can upgrade, evolve, or change at all in the future. Procrastinating, on the other hand, gives you the reassurance that “tomorrow” (or at least some day in the future) that things can and will change. It may not be done now, but that doesn’t mean it can’t or won’t be... later.  Don’t Hesitate to Procrastinate.
You heard that right. Don’t be afraid to put things off. [Remember, it’s okay to say “No”.] It’s a power word. It gives you freedom to make choices. It gives you control over your life. You don’t have to prioritize helping others or doing what others expect of you. You may feel tired, it’s been a rough week, but you have a friend that needs help moving this weekend. You may hesitate to tell him “No, I really don’t have the energy to do that” and instead tell him “Okay, I’d love to help,” then wind up schlepping furniture for hours on your weekend. It’s okay to tell him “Hey, I don’t really want to spend my weekend carrying heavy shit up and down staircases.” You see, you may have become just so hesitant to the point where you can’t procrastinate. Woah! Mind blown. I know. You see what you’re doing though? You’re putting off things that make YOU better and are prioritizing things that make OTHERS better. Look, you have to be willing to prioritize yourself Think of an investment When you invest money into something, you value it more. Likewise, when you invest emotional and mental energy into something, you value it more. That is to say, if you invest emotional and mental resources into *other people* more than you do for your own damn self, then you’re going to in fact value those people more than yourself. Invest in yourself. Prioritize yourself. Now when I say that, I don’t mean don’t care about others or ignore them or refuse to invest in any sort of relationship with others. No. What I am saying though is that in order to take care of others, you have to first and foremost take care of yourself. Give what you can, not just what others want to take from you. Put off your charitable works and tendency to people please in order to focus on doing things that make you happy. Be a procrastinator and know that not everything that people ask of you must be done right now. You have someone more important to be concerned about (hint: that’s you). Don’t feel guilty or otherwise hesitate about taking care of your own wants and needs first before reaching out to help anyone else. Find happiness within yourself, not the approval of others. You can wait on a lot of things, but your own wellbeing and happiness shouldn't be one of them. Tkae it Easy, N8
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Well, fellow procrastin8r, don’t you just hate time limits? Whether it’s a teacher giving you a limited time to hand in your homework by assigned date or your boss screaming at you to be at a meeting at 8 o clock SHARP tomorrow morning, or societal pressure to get married and have kids by your late 20s, there are these expectations of fulfilling certain tasks or accomplishments within a certain time frame. I’ll tell you what though, I have no problem turning in an assignment late or showing up to a scheduled meeting/appointment fashionably late or even making some big life achievement much at a much older age than expected of me, that is “late” in life. After all, I wouldn’t be living up to the name “procrastin8r” if I tended to do things “on time”.  But ya know what? Truth is, I do do things “on time”. My time. Not someone else’s, not a third party’s. Mine. Time is my own thing and I choose what to do and when to do it. And that’s the beauty of being late -- building your own schedule, building your own *life*, calling your own shots. If you can comfortably do things late, it shows that you effectively do not give a fuck about what anyone else thinks or expects of you. You do your own thing *regardless* of any expectations or consequences that come about for not meeting those expectations. You’re *unfazed* by the terms of others and do things *on your own terms*. That’s an important mindset to strive for. Of course, there’s no denying that there’s a stigma around being late. Being late means ya ain’t got your shit together; it means you’re a complete mess. You lack discipline and diligence if you’re the type of person to be late. But I say, contrary to that popular belief, that being late shows confidence. It shows you don’t dick around with arbitrary schedules and instead make time for what you find to be important. No one can tell you what to find important and when. You don’t follow orders. You follow your own way. You abide by your own Dude. You walk your own pace. You take life slow and don’t make it a rush from one obligation to the next. You’re here to *live* and not exist. By being late, you communicate that you value your own freedom. You prefer doing things “at liberty” rather than “on schedule.” Running late tells people “I got better things to do.” It shows you prioritize your own wants and needs first. It also shows you are taking in life rather than booking in another thing to do.  Now one of the criticisms you may receive in regards to doing things for yourself and choosing to be late is that it’s selfish. You aren’t respecting *other people’s* time by showing up late. Though it may be true that it comes across as disrespectful (and perhaps even lazy), I find making it clear to people not to expect you to ever be punctual goes a long way. Let them know up front that it may not happen “on time” but it will happen “at some point”. Eventually is when it will happen. You’re not trying to disrespect anyone. You’re just trying to be laid back about the very nature of time. You feel no rush to do things immediately and entice people with your slow n’ steady pace. In general, “Either let me do it when I want to, or I won’t do it at all.” is the attitude you want to take. Of course, you don’t necessarily want to explicitly say it that way, but that’s the sort of vibe you want to give off. You tell them, in a bit of a polite way-- “Look, you can choose what’s more important to you: getting it within a certain time frame or getting it period.” Again, don’t use these words verbatim, but make those principles clear in whatever the situation calls for. Be sure to also express your intention to actually follow through (eventually), just not “on time”. You’re aiming to take things slow is all instead of blitz from one event to the next. “I’ll be at the party. I may arrive late, but I promise I’ll be there.” “I’ll get this done. It’s not going to happen by the date you gave me, but it will get done.” “Let’s shoot for 7-ish” “Ish” is a good little idiom to use. It says that’s the time we’re aiming for, but it’s not that deep if it doesn’t happen exactly *that* minute. It could be 7:15. It could be 7:30. Who knows? Shit happens. Shit comes up. Let’s make it happen, but let’s not make a fuss over where the clocks’ hands are pointing when we do it.  Being late shows you have flexibility. You’re not so hard pressed to fulfill a certain obligation within a dead set timeline. You’re relaxed about it, easy about it. You’re laid back about getting things done, just as long as they get done...eventually. Doesn’t matter if it’s today or tomorrow or maybe next week. Doesn’t matter if you’re running “behind schedule” by a few minutes or even a few hours. You’re completely okay with not counting every single second. You live in abundance. Time, while indeed limited, is not something that dictates you. You’d rather actually live, rather than sit there and count numbers until the day you die. You’re adaptable in your approach if you are the type to be “late to the party”. No one’s going to get sweaty when you make plans because they know you’re not gonna lay down a strict deadline to get there. People that insist on meeting deadlines and due dates can’t handle unexpected circumstances. Why? Well because they just can’t do what they were planning to do “on time”. A flat tire that makes them late for work is enough to set them off. Whereas you, a procrastin8r, who has no qualms about being late finds no reason to worry or get frustrated over such trivial matters. You see unexpected circumstances as opportunities, mini adventures. Anyway, punctuality is particularly overrated in society and we’re going to talk about that in today’s blog, which given the point, you may decide to read later. Either way, let’s dive….right into it.  Due Dates are just Suggestions Take it as such. Due Dates aren’t some sort of law you must follow. They’re not a contract you’re bound to (I mean unless you are freelancing or run a business and have some sort of client contact, but even then, you can still choose to be late; it’s just a matter of facing the consequences of doing so). You have free will and the power to choose whether or not to complete something by a specific due date. Don’t feel like your soulbound to that date. It’s just a suggestion. You don’t have to embrace it. When someone tells you to get something done by a certain time, well, that’s just, like, their opinion man. Yeah, even your boss, even your own mother. Don’t let anyone tell you when you have to do something. Certainly, there may be consequences you face for not completing say a PowerPoint presentation for your boss by the set due date, but it’s whatever, man. You don’t let it faze you. Rules are meant to be broken and so are due dates. To clarify here, I’m not suggesting you *literally* write off every assignment and do it later. What I am suggesting is that you acknowledge that due dates are recommendations NOT requirements. There’s nothing you “have to” do at all. You’re free to choose not to. You’re free to choose to do it later. Don’t feel obligated to perform a certain feat by a very specific time. You see, this is more of an attitude thing and less of a practical thing. Free yourself from feeling locked into due dates and see them more as a sort of proposal that you can choose to decline  Better Late than Corrupt or Dead . You shouldn’t get yourself so wrapped up in *when* something must get done that you negate how well, safe, and ethical it is done. I mean think about how many car accidents are caused by someone rushing a red light to get to work on time. Think about how many video games are rushed to the shelves that are bug ridden and unplayable. Think about how many college essays are plagiarized in order to meet a due date instead of writing original content that would take longer. Think about how many people go to school or work sick and spread their germs because they couldn’t face coming in late to rest. All of these scenarios are easily avoidable by accepting tardiness, by embracing the act of being late. Insisting on always being on time leads to reckless decisions. People can get so worried about the numbers on the clock that they ignore everything else, even their own goddamn safety and wellbeing as well as the safety and wellbeing of others. Earlier we mentioned how being late can come across as selfish, but I’d say it’s more selfish to be punctual, like you’re so concerned about your reputation of being punctual that you abolish any other responsibility you would normally hold yourself accountable by, like following traffic laws, for example. Be okay with being late. I mean, we talked about the consequences of being late, but sometimes, ya gotta keep in mind, there are far more severe consequences for being on time than there are for being late.  Walk Your Own Pace You ain’t gotta try and keep up to anyone moving faster than you. Just because your best friend got married last year, doesn’t mean you have to get married to the next person you meet waiting in line at a coffee shop. Just because your younger cousin graduated college, doesn’t mean you gotta rush and get your degree. This isn’t a competition. Take your time, slow n’ steady, to do the things you want to do, when you want to do them. Don’t compare yourself to others. This isn’t a race or you very well shouldn’t make it out to be. Make life a smooth steady ride, not a quick jolt from birth to death. One. Step. At. A. Time. That’s all ya gotta do. Go at your own pace. Move to your own groove. We live in such a fast-paced society. It’s no wonder you feel compelled to want to try and keep up. But man, I tell you, that’s all hogwash. You’ll find life a lot more relaxing, a lot more enjoyable, when you take the time to do things *slowly* than you ever will tryna rush to get it done ASAP. A NAP is a lot better than ASAP!  Tardiness ain’t a Big Deal It really isn’t. I mean we’re lead to believe that being late is one of the most immoral acts imaginable. But it’s really not that deep at all. Somehow, tardiness is up there with cheating, lying, and stealing in the eyes of society. A person who is late is on the same level as a thief, robbing people of their time. C’mon now! First of all, being on time robs you of your sanity, so there’s that. Also, judging a person solely on their ability to get on time or not ignores a lot of other factors concerning their ability to perform. Like a person who is late can actually perform a lot better than someone who is very, very punctual. Personally, I’d rather have a mechanic that takes weeks to fix my car and have it running for years after than a mechanic who takes less than 24 hours to quote on quote “fix” my car, only to have it break down again within a few days, for example. Sure, I need a car, but I can use public transit or Uber in the mean time. Quality over punctuality is the point here. So yeah, I’d reckon tardiness ain’t that big of a deal. You know what’s actually a big deal though? Not getting it done AT ALL. That’s what’s *really* the bottom line here. As long as it gets done, who cares? Who cares if you start a new career in your mid 30s? Or pick up a new hobby in your late 60s? Who cares if you don’t get married until you’re 40 or don’t go to college until you’re 50? As long as it’s something you set out to do, and it gets done *eventually* there’s no rhyme or reason to feel bad about being tardy.  Better to Delay Success than Get Started with Failure People get so concerned with upholding a certain schedule that they wind up making a mess of things in complete disregard to any sort of standard *other than* fulfilling the requirements of said schedule. All other practices and care for quality go completely out the window - just as long as it gets done. ON TIME. I play the game Dead by Daylight and recently they released the Resident Evil Chapter. Upon release, the new map of Raccoon City Police Department was completely unplayable, causing so much lagg and crashes -- to the point where they had to temporarily “turn off” the map as an option. On top of that, console players experienced massive lagg and glitches with specific character abilities that made them impossible to use. It was overall, just a complete fuckery, and quite frankly, just NOT ready for launch. But they went ahead and launched it anyway? Why? To meet a goddamn due date, to follow a freaking schedule. The down side of prioritizing a schedule over prioritizing functionality and quality is that you’re so focused on the due date that you wind up doing a shitty job anyway. Look, I’d rather wait a bit for something of good quality, yet alone actually freaking functional. Put off things. Just do it...later. Now to clarify, you shouldn’t let the fear of failure prevent you from moving forward or trying. See, there’s a difference between hesitation and procrastination. Hesitation is reacting to your own emotions of fear and anxiety, whereas procrastination is deliberately deciding, through thoughtful *reason* to wait ‘til later. But that’s another topic for another day. For now though, the takeaway is that meeting a deadline shouldn’t be a top priority thing and you should know when to delay a launch, to procrastinate that kickoff for another time.  Tomorrow is an Opportunity If it didn’t happen today *on time*, well tomorrow’s another day, another opportunity, another chance to make it happen. Locking yourself into a deadline means you’re saying to yourself “I have to get this done by this time or else I won’t do it at all.” But if you’re not opposed to turning things in late, if you’re not opposed to being a procrastin8r and waiting ‘til tomorrow, well that just opens up the doors of possibilities and seeing it through at some point You essentially dodge that ultimatum of “now or never” and say...  It’ll Happen….Eventually!
You’re not giving up. You’re not dismissing it. You’re not saying it won’t ever happen. You’re just putting it off...til later. It’s better late than never, folks. Forget about the stigma associated with being late and embrace it. Don’t pressure yourself so hard to get something done within a certain time frame. Just take your time and do things nice n’ slow. And remember, life was meant to live, not rush on by. Take it easy, N8 Arguing is stressful. It’s a lot of emotional and mental effort to deal with. It turns an otherwise slight disagreement into a huge dramatic event. It morphs a small irritation into an overwhelming vocal battle. Needless to say, it’s not the lazy way to cause an argument in any sort of way. Arguing accomplishes absolutely nothing and leaves the both of you involved absolutely drained, complete with a headache and pain in your neck. That’s not minimizing effort and maximizing results at all. That’s NOT lazy. That’s giving you shit results for a whole lotta effort, man. You gotta take it easy in life and never argue with anyone. You gotta keep it cool and calm. Be lazy when it comes to disagreements. Of course, conflict is inevitable. I mean, face it, people aren’t always going to agree with you or go along with what you say. Whether it’s a roommate, significant other, family member, friend, or neighbor, there is going to be somebody (or maybe even sombodies) who don’t quite see eye to eye with you over one thing or another. We’re talking about different people here. Different people with different backgrounds and different sets of beliefs. These differences inevitably bring about conflict.  Maybe your roommate likes to blast loud music early in the morning, while you’re not a morning person at all. Maybe your significant other expects you to text back immediately, but you have the mindset that you’ll text back “eventually”. Maybe your friend wants to go out clubbing, but you’d rather just sit inside and play video games. Everybody is just a Dude with an opinion, man. We all have different likes, wants, needs, and thoughts. But just because someone’s worldview is completely different than yours, doesn’t mean you have to escalate it into an argument. I mean, certainly, there is going to be conflict the moment you even think to yourself “I don’t agree with that,” but there’s a fine line between conflict and drama. See, conflict is simply recognizing the fact that a difference of opinion exists; while drama is intensifying that difference to the point where there’s animosity and a hostile environment. Naturally, the lazy man’s life is a drama free zone, because the lazy man lives in an environment of peace and relaxation. After all, there shouldn’t be much, if anything, that can “shake him out of bed”, so to speak or get him “worked up.” Getting worked up is nothing but extra work and work is the very opposite of being lazy. There is a way to address conflict without turning it into drama. There is a way to discuss issues, without it leading to an argument. And these are things you must know how to do if you truly want to embrace your laziness. So today, we’re going to take a look at what exactly an argument is and how to avoid getting into one, so you can continue to [remain cool, calm, and laid back at all times.]. And without further ado, let’s dive….right into it!  Arguments bring tension The first telltale sign that you’re in an argument and not a normal conversation is the feeling of tenseness. No longer is the dialogue geared towards a laid back banter between two people, instead it becomes a shouting battle between two warring generals on opposing armies. And that’s really what it seems like. I mean the person in front of you, in that moment, during an argument, is no longer your significant other, friend, or even slight acquaintance. No. They are no longer someone you associate with in any sort of mutual territory. The person you’re talking to becomes your opponent, and you become theirs. Two opponents with one goal in mind and one goal only -- to defeat the opposition at whatever the cost. See, an argument takes away compassion. It eliminates rapport. It destroys the goal of finding some sort of compatibility or cooperation between the two of you and replaces it with the goal of defeating the other person. So yeah, it gets pretty tense. It turns what could be a serious conversation into an all out brawl to get one person to say “Okay, I admit, I’m wrong.” You can almost begin to hear the boss battle music begin playing in the background  Cool It. Loosen Up. Look man, there’s no need to fight. Despite whatever sort of disagreement is boiling up between you two, simmer it down a tad. It’s important to recognize this “tense” feeling though, so you are aware of that in which you should avoid. Recognize when the conversation sort of shifts gears and becomes tense that way you can slow down or slam the breaks before running into overdrive. Rather than escalating that tension and pulling it tighter though, loosen up a bit. Physically, lean back and relax your muscles. Unclench your jaw (and fists!) You have to remember, that person standing in front of you is NOT your opponent. Exit the mindset of “me versus them” and enter one of “us versus the issue.” Tackle issues *together* in a co-op mission. The minute you make the discussion some sort of competition to “win”, is the minute that discussion evolves into an argument. And the minute it becomes an argument, well that’s the minute you begin to value being right over being together in the relationship And when say relationship, I’m referring to any type of relationship -- romantic, platonic, or otherwise. Fact of the matter is, you can’t build a strong healthy relationship (of any kind) by arguing your way through it. Hey, listen being right isn’t everything. Companionship and rapport are better attributes to seek after than a temporary victory of proving to another person that you’re right *once and for all*.  It Gets Personal Another clear sign that you’ve gotten yourself caught up in an argument is when the initial issue or debate is no longer the focal point of the discussion. Instead, there’s off-topic criticisms or insults that come into play. You forgot to do the dishes and suddenly it’s brought up that you smoke too many cigarettes. And of course you or the person you’re arguing with will attempt to justify how whatever off the wall criticism they bring up is absolutely and completely relevant to the topic at hand. “Well if you didn’t smoke so much, you’d have time to remember to do the dishes.” As if! C’mon now, now they’re just trying to rile you up just to rile you up. They’re looking for some sort of reaction. Because here’s the thing folks, arguments is NOT about a test of wits. No, this isn’t a debate club competition. This is just a war. It’s not moderated. There are no rules. Arguments are about a battle of emotions. It’s stabbing each other in the heart, until one calls it quits. And even then the quote on quote “winner” might continue to harass and bash the “loser”. (This is essentially what those emotional abusive relationships look like, where the one person just won’t “let it go” and will continue to pummel and berate the person about the argument.) Lashing out, trying to hurt each other, saying things you *know* will trigger each other (emotionally), just to get a reaction. Your significant other might throw a rude comment about how you’re probably so forgetful because of when the bully used to shove your head in lockers and it fucked up your brain, knowing damn well that getting bullied is something triggering for you. Then you’ll throw something back about her daddy issues or some shit. Arguments quickly become a fight over “who can push the most buttons”. It’s less of a collaborative design to accomplish a solution to the issue at hand and more of a brutal brawl to get the other person to collapse. The person wants you to “lose it”. They want you to get riled up. And what is this “it” you lose? Your cool. Your calmness. Your Dudeyness if you will. So when someone throws a personal attack at you, take a step back and see what is happening. They’re inviting you into a battle royale of emotions, which, as a lazy person, you ain’t interested in participating in. You can even call them out on it and be like “Do we want to talk about this maturely or just throw insults at each other?” that way you imply that what they’re doing is immature and also you would be willing to discuss it, just not in a schoolyard sort of way.  The Tone Says It All You have to be aware of not just *what* you’re saying, but *how* you say it. The tone, cadence, and enunciation says a lot more about what you mean than the actual words coming out of your mouth. Speaking your opinion without an argumentative tone is something I struggled with, personally, for years, and quite frankly at this point, have still yet to master, so I understand if this is something you don’t get right away. Oftentimes my passion was mistaken as agitation and people would get defensive. Like, I wasn’t *trying* to argue or make a fuss out of things, but people would take it that way. Anyway, what I’m getting at here is that it’s important to be able to learn how to state the way you think or feel about something, without coming across as overly demanding or hostile. You want to aim to be less harsh and more wholesome. State your controversial opinion, idea, or feelings, in a “as a matter of factly” sort of way, as if you’re talking about something simple like the weather, not this really big issue you hold passionate beliefs about. Of course, if you slip up, which, you’re human, it happens, then an easy way to recognize that your tone came off a bit too harsh is if the other person gets defensive, like really fired up and aggravated. If all the sudden they’re heating things up after you stated an opinion of some sort, either you said something “triggering” to them or you said something in a way that came across a bit sharp. Now of course, you shouldn’t take responsibility for someone else’s emotions nor change your opinion or agree with them just to people please and make make them happy, but what you can do is use a little *tact* in your approach.  Tact is Key to Approaching Issues “Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip” as quote by Winston Churchill goes. You can say rude things without being brash. You can be mean without being punishing. You can address a conflict without turning it into an argument. Tact is all you need. This goes hand in hand with using the right tone, because using the right set of words can get your message across without being a complete douche bag just like saying it in the right tone can communicate that you’re being friendly and aren’t looking for a fight. Be firm in what you say, without being overly aggressive. In the same vein, be thoughtful with your words, without being overly polite. I mean, you don’t want to be so nice to them to the point where they can just walk all over you and you take it, but at the same time, you don’t want to just be a flat out dick either. Whenever you disagree or need to address a serious issue, add a little tact. It’s the secret ingredient to a wonderful friendship cake.  Speaking LOUDER doesn’t make your words any more convincing Now speaking of tone and tact in your speech, it’s important to note that the volume of your voice does not equate to the legitimacy of your argument. In other words, just because you’re shouting or otherwise raising your tone, doesn’t mean that what you’re saying is any more right than if you whispered it (or just spoke in a normal conversation volume for that matter). Point is, there are plenty of ways to get your point across without resorting to banshee tactics, like I just did there. I didn’t ALL CAPS SCREAM AT YOU. But you got the point in what I’m trying to say. Likewise, yelling at your partner or friend won’t make the point you’re trying to make any more valid. Raising volume levels. All it does is raise the drama levels. And like we covered earlier, drama is a no go. I mean c’mon the extra strain on your vocal chords, the larger breaths you gotta take to compensate for your louder voice, all more effort than necessary when you can get the same point across with a lot less *tension* in both your vocal system and in the room.  Arguments stem from impatience Ah, impatience, the opposite of what being a procrastin8r is all about. For patience is at the heart of procrastination. Think about it, an argument is two people who are impatiently trying to prove the other person utterly wrong, instead of taking it slow n’ steady to find a negotiation and middle ground somewhere “You’re gonna admit your wrong NOW!” is the premise behind arguments, typically. No waiting to find a solution. No procrastinating. Just prove the other person on *immediately*, right then and there. Every single argument (or very well nearly every single one) is instigated by some form of impatience by one or both parties involved. Rather than taking the slow n’ steady time to find some common ground, people can be so quick to slam each other and dish it out. They’re so addicted to being right that they need their fix ASAP! But getting your fix does not *fix* the situation at hand. Let go of your need to be right. It’s some sort of reliance you have that serves neither of you any good. At that, refusing to be right, doesn’t mean you necessarily have to throw up the white flag and admit you’re wrong either. It simply means you make the goal to collaborate with the other person and build a stronger relationship.friendship, rather than compete over who has a better opinion.  Leave the past behind Unless you’re an archaeologist, then you have absolutely no reason to dig up old shit. More often than not in the state of an argument, one of you (or both of you for that matter) will dust off the old archives of times there was a fuck up. The past should stay in the past. Live in the moment; be present. Move on from what happened and focus on what’s *happening*. Don’t relate the current set of circumstances to what happened before. Don’t give an old throwback to “that time they did something wrong.” There’s no sense in keeping track of past mistakes. Sure, maybe something they did is similar to what they did now, but harping on it and really forcing them to feel guilty about it is just loads of insecure and immature. Most likely, it’s not even *that* similar. It just made you *feel* similar. You’re relating how what they did now made you feel to what they did in the past made you feel and draw the conclusion that there’s some sort of pattern or behavior. And even if there legitimately is, and this supposed pattern goes beyond just your inner fee fees, then you should have made it a deal breaker initially, not the fourth or fifth time after it happened, or at least give them a warning like “one more strike and you’re out.” Make it clear up front the type of things you cannot and will not tolerate and decide whether or not you’re willing to give them leeway to grow or if what they did is a candid deal breaker. If you are willing to give them room to grow, then you can’t bring up how they fucked up in the past ever again, because doing so would communicate that you do NOT in fact want to give them room to grow. Change doesn’t happen immediately and if you’re unwilling or unable to be *patient* and let that change happen *slowly* over time, you need to be honest with yourself and the other person. Honesty can honestly save a lot of hassle in relations with others. It can prevent arguments if you’re just honest about what you want and expect of other people. Learn to forgive the fuck ups. Yours included. What’s done is done and there’s no going back. Holding onto the past like it’s some sort of “trump card” to play whenever they fuck up again is hog wash, man. Just let it go.  Get to the bottom of it Don’t beat around the bush or dance around. Get straight to the point. It’s less work to do so. No sense sporadically throwing criticisms in random directions. Like... Are you really *that* upset that your boyfriend/girlfriend didn’t wear that sweater you gave them to the holiday party? Is it really *that* big of a deal that your roommate didn’t do the dishes? You have to look at: what’s *really* upsetting you. Get down to the fundamental reason you’re in turmoil. Don’t just make a scapegoat out of something trivial or make it out like you’re super mad about this very minor thing. I just mentioned how honesty can prevent arguments because if you’re honest, well then there aren’t any surprises, to say the least. Expectations are made clear. Lying is the one thing you should never procrastinate on. You’re lying to yourself and the other person if you decide to make a huge fuss out of a total non-issue. If the toast is burnt, don’t complain that there’s too much butter. Just say the toast is burnt. Look at the essential reason there appears to be an issue, not any distractions.  Don’t give the silent treatment Don’t you love it? You’re trying to talk to someone about an issue, even calmly at that, and they’re just ignoring you, not speaking to you, no matter what you say. Now, it’s understandable if you don’t want to talk about the issue *right now*. It could be the fact that they’re yelling and screaming and being aggressive and you don’t want drama, or it could be that you just don’t have the emotional energy to deal with it right now. Either way, you wanna *tell them* that you need some space. Tell them you’ll be willing to talk about it *later*. Just say “Let me think about this.” Don’t just walk away and start ignoring them, pouting like a little child. Procrastinate and put off having a serious discussion ‘til later, when you’re both in a calm state of mind, but make it clear you want to do so. Don’t leave ‘em hanging without a single word.  Listen. Listening is one of the laziest, yet most effective communication skills you can have. I mean all you do is lean back and hear what they gotta say. A lot of arguments come from miscommunication and a lot of miscommunication comes from NOT listening. Rather than trying to talk over one another or attempting to prove your point “once and for all”...listen. Just. Listen. Hear them out. Let them tell their side of the story. Allow them to say their piece. Give them a chance to air their own point of view. Don’t be so hard pressed to be understood yourself. Instead take the time to understand them and where they’re coming from.  Relax.
Any type of human interaction is bound to cause *some* sort of conflict at some point, but don’t let it stress you out. Just relax, man. Take it easy. Remember, frustrations don’t need to stir a fight. There’s a way to express those frustrations and concerns without resorting to a loud shouting match or violence. A good way to deflect an argument and keep a relaxed environment is to say something along the lines of: “Look, I’m not trying to argue here. We can discuss this. But we’re not going to argue.” Again, you’re being up front and honest about how you expect issues to be handled. You can further go on to say “I’m willing to get to the bottom of this and figure out a solution here, but we both need to be relaxed and mature about it.” Saying “we” and “both” is important because it takes away the separation of “you” and “me” “I want to discuss this! You’re not going to argue with me!” comes across a lot more aggressive and are fighting words. By using words like “we”, “both”, and “us” you are making the discussion a collaborative event and not some sort of warped competition to best each other. And that’s the ultimate goal here -- collaboration, uniting together. The only way to world peace is to accomplish peace on an individual level, so do your part and stop freaking arguing with people, damnit! If you're relaxed about things, then other people will relax around you. Take it easy, N8 You ever feel like you’re “too busy”? You’ve got chores to do, bills to pay, mouths to feed, work to complete. And with all the things that keep you busy, you feel a bit overwhelmed by the sheer amount of it all. In fact, when you say “I’m just so busy”, the sentiment is probably more accurately stated as “I’m just so overwhelmed right now.” It’s easy to become overwhelmed too when we’re constantly pressured to perform a multitude of different things at once, from doing the dishes to showing up 9 to 5 to cooking meals, the list goes on and on.  Life seems like a constant jump from one obligation to another -- there’s always something to do and once something gets done, another takes its place shortly after. It’s a perpetual loop of doing things, doing more things...without ever feeling like you’ve really accomplished all that much. In this success-driven corporate culture in which we live in, you better damn well make sure you’re busy too. Be busy! Get busy! Have a busy schedule! What’s that? You aren’t busy? Well you better get busy and make yourself busy because you wouldn’t wanna be busy not being busy! There’s this arbitrary expectation in society to be busy all the time. If you’re not busy, then it’s like what are you doing with your life? You lazy son of a bitch. Unless every single minute of your schedule isn’t filled with something ,then it's seen as an absolute waste of time. But you know what? If enjoying life makes me lazy, then fuck it. I’m a lazy son of a bitch. I’ll take that “L”. Whatever, man. See, the alternative to being busy all the time is...actually being happy. Now of course, we’re led to believe that money and fame are what brings happiness. But those are just numbers, arbitrary digits, and no true measure of happiness at all. True happiness comes from within and isn’t found in anything materialistic. No amount of dollars is going to bring you fulfillment. No amount of popularity will bring you satisfaction.  The whole reason we try to make ourselves busy is because we’re sold this idea that our entire worth as a person comes down to our ability to perform. It’s this sort of “go hard or go home” mentality that pushes us to do a lot, rigorously. We strive for greatness because greatness is idolized in society. We hold higher regard to those who “make it a success” than those who make it a happy fulfilling life. Celebrities, entrepreneurs -- they’re people who we worship, in a sense, due to their ability to “get down to it” and perform some sort of busy work that impresses us. The people who hold such prominence in society are not the ones who find a path to happiness, rather a path to riches. And so, it is ingrained in our minds that if we too want to reach such prominence, then we must “get busy”. Of course, we’d all like to hold some sort of high regard or prestigious position. But that which is idolized is not necessarily that which is best. Doing things to be busy to earn money and fame, while tempting to abide by, doesn't grant us happiness. In fact, it doesn’t even really allow us to live. By chasing after materialistic things, and doing busy work to do so, we’re not living, we’re just existing. We’re going through the motions of being busy just for the sake of being busy. And at the end of the day (or end of our life for that matter) ,we’re left feeling utterly unfulfilled.  You may feel judge for sittin’ around doing nothing, but you know what, fellow procrastin8r, forget what anyone else thinks. Just be your own Dude. Come to the shores of Lazy Island, where we have a different measure of success -- your ability to enjoy yourself, not work hard or be busy. You’re either busy or you’re happy. Show me a busy man and I’ll show you someone who’s miserable with himself. Seriously, I have yet to hear someone utte the phrase “I’m just so busy” with excitement in their tone or a smile in their voice. No one actually enjoys being busy. Yet..it’s just something we put ourselves through. Why? Well, we feel like we have to. And again, I say this all the time, but I can’t stress this enough: live a life of desire, not obligation. Being busy is draining. It’s stressful. It’s hell to deal with. And ultimately just leaves you feeling exhausted. I mean why would you want to be busy? Why would you? It doesn’t do anything besides appease to some frivolous standard. Maybe part of you fears saying “I hate being busy” because you’re afraid you’ll be shunned. Look, man, if you don’t want to be busy, then be lazy. Don’t feel guilty about that shit either. Own it. Embrace your laziness. Besides, the busier you are, the more shit you have to potentially worry about. Simplify your life. Focus on just a few things, rather than wearing yourself thin to do a bunch. Don’t make your life busy. Make your life easy. We’re going to deep dive into how to stop being busy in today’s article. And without further ado, let’s dive...right into it.  Limit what you do. There seems to be a never ending cycle of shit to do. Check one thing off your to-do list and three more items appear. You’re constantly pushing yourself to do more, get more be more, accomplish more. But, as we talked about before, you should do LESS with more FOCUS. Of course, we’re given sappy propaganda like “the sky is the limit”, insinuating that we must push beyond our means. But man, I tell you, it’s okay -- it’s absolutely OKAY to do things within your means, to do just enough. You can set limits for yourself, contrary to popular belief. Doing so is healthy, doing so is sane. I mean, we’re only human. We have our limits. It’s okay to know yours and know when to put a stop to it. There’s no sense entering berserk mode to rush in and attempt to do the impossible, Only do things that either make you happy or bring you closer to your goals. That’s it. No need to sporadically fill up your to-do-list and book your schedule with tons of nonsensical things just for the sake of having something to do, just for the sake of “being busy.” Shrink down the amount of tasks you set for yourself. Life is a buffet of possibilities and things you can do. Just don’t put more on your plate than you can eat. I know it’s always encouraged to say “I can do it” and never back down. But, conversely, say “I can’t do it.” Back down occasionally when it’s too much for you to handle. Certainly, you may think that it’s a weak thing to say you can’t do something, but that’s only due to your brainwashed beliefs that you must stretch beyond your means. Look, there are things that, put bluntly, just aren’t freaking possible. You may not have the resources, time, or energy to achieve them. But recognizing that, will allow you to invest the resources, energy, and time you do have to do the things you can do, instead of on something you simply can’t. Knowing your limitations and being able to say “I can’t do it” is mature. It’s practical. It takes more strength to know your weaknesses than it does to pretend you don’t have any. Now indeed, there is a fine line between legitimately knowing your limits and limiting yourself. While the whole point I’ve been making here is that you don’t want to overestimate what you can do, in the same vein, you don’t want to underestimate what you can do either. It’s a bit of a balancing act. Yes, you have a limit. Yes, there are things you can’t do. But no, you shouldn’t let that discourage you from even trying. You have to reach your limit before you know what it is. You have to eat enough to know when you’re full. Don’t starve yourself just because there’s the possibility you may overeat. In other words, don’t let the fact that you have your limits prevent you from making any sort of attempt to make your goal happen. Besides, you can always eat your meal one bite at a time. You can always accomplish your goal one step at a time, leading us to our next point...  Slow it Down Ya know, there’s this idea that you either “make it or break it.” That you gotta go NO HOLDS BARRED when it comes to goal achieving. Do it or get out. You either go ALL THE WAY...or go home. But man I tell you, there are steps in between your destination of “all the way” and home, where you started. There’s space between the start and finish line. Part of the reason we feel “too busy” is because we’re attempting to accomplish BIG things in one shot. You’re overworking your body and overclocking your mind. You’re rushing to get it done NOW and not wait ‘til later when you’re ready. In order to stop being so busy, you have to halt your own tendency to want to get it all done right away. Accept that things take time. Be patient with yourself and your own ability to do things. Take the mindset of a true procrastin8r and say “eventually” rather than NOW. Don’t bite off a bit more than you can chew. You can do everything slowly, one step at a time, even everyday tasks. Take for example, doing the dishes. You don’t have to wash that whole pile in your sink. Just do a plate or two. And as for cleaning your room, break it up into sections. You can apply the same principle to pretty much any goal. You see, you ain’t gotta do shit all in one go. Do it slow n’ steady. It wins the race.  Outsource your workload There’s this idea that you gotta be a Jack of Trades, a self-made man, or otherwise a goddamn hero. But man, it’s okay to delegate, to say to someone “hey, you do this.” Ya ain’t gotta be the sole warrior. Find people to do work for you. That’s laziness in a nutshell. That’s leadership in a nutshell. Leadership is laziness. In fact, guys like Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos, these multi-billionaires aren’t the ones working late night at the factory or warehouse. They aren’t the ones schlepping odd hours and doing the heavy lifting. No. They’re sittin back, in their yachts, pouring a glass of fancy champagne, while their employees do the grunt work for them. Outsource your work, the big “O” in C.O.U.C.H. Don’t make your life a big DIY project. Get other people to give you a helping hand. That’ll most certainly make you a lot less busy. It’s okay to ask for help. We’re led to believe that’s the weak thing to do, that it makes you a wuss if you can’t handle everything yourself and need to rely on someone else. We’re human. We’re social creatures. We do things collaboratively as a tribe. So get your tribe together and get them to help you tackle a tough task. If a rock is too heavy to lift, find someone that’ll help you lift it. That’s a metaphor. In other words, if you’re experiencing a heavy burden, whether it's stress or emotional turmoil or flat out exhaustion, don’t hesitate to reach out to someone and ask if they have your back. Maybe you need someone to watch your dog while you take a much needed vacation. Maybe you need someone to do some yard work because you recently got injured. Point is, there are certain situations where you’re not only going to want help, but you’re going to need it. If they say no, when you explain to them what you’re going through and how much you would appreciate their help, well then I suppose asking can at least get you to identify who truly cares about you and who’s just along for the ride. (To clarify, them saying "no" is acceptable, just as long as it's not consistent, especially if you offer them favors) Now of course, you don’t want to become too reliant on others either. You do need some independence, but there is a fine line between being independent and being alone. You’re not alone, or at least, you don’t have to be. Don’t push others away because you’re too afraid to even ask for help. You don’t have to play single player mode here. It’s a multiplayer co-op mission. It goes hand and hand too that when someone needs help, be willing to offer a hand, within reason of course -- there’s another fine line between being helpful and being a door mat, which leads us to the next point.  Say “No” It’s a word you have to get into the habit of saying. You want to be able to say no to MOST things. You may find yourself saying YES to a lot, and that’s a vital factor in determining just how “busy” you are. The more you say YES, the busier you become, and the more you say NO, well, you’ll just be less busy. You shouldn’t people please. You shouldn’t agree to anything and everything just to make others, especially, ESPECIALLY, if they refuse to reciprocate the same level of helpfulness or agree-ability. The amount of times you say YES to a person should be equal or less than the amount of times they say YES to you, never more. Just because someone asks something of you, doesn’t mean it pouts you under any sort of obligation to say YES. If you don’t have the resources, time, or energy to do it, then say NO. If you simply don’t want to do it, then say NO. If you really would rather not deal with it at all, then say NO. ‘ NO gives you the power to prevent a lot of “busyness” from piling up in your life, so if you want less things to do, say NO more often. At that, you don't need any sort of excuse or explanation. Just say "no".  Fully Embrace Leisure Ah, good ole Leisure, the big “L” in L.A.Z.Y. You know often times, we multi-task during our free time. Rarely do we actually give ourselves real leisure. We’re doing things while we’re supposed to be resting, while we’re supposed to be taking our mind off things, while we’re supposed to be NOT busy. We’ll be answering e-mails and phone calls while on vacation, paying bills online while watching Netflix, and preparing PowerPoint presentations while browsing Reddit. We’re so busy being busy that we don’t take the time to turn off our busyness. You must put aside things you “have to” do in order to do things you “want to” do. Be lazy. Kick up your feet. Totally and completely relax. Really, man. You’re not relaxing enough. You’re stressing yourself out over a million things that must get done and aren’t taking the time to just chill. You don’t have to always be doing something. As a matter of fact, I encourage you to do nothing. Don’t do anything. Become your inner-sloth Genuinely put aside all the things that keep you busy and be in your leisure, be in your lazy. You’ll find life to be, a lot more enjoyable to say the least, and that’s because you’re, well actually living it.  Focus on achieving, not doing Quality over quantity. It’s better to do a few things well than it is to do a shoddy job at a plethora of things. Minimize effort and maximize results -- that’s what laziness is at its core. Assure the efforts you put into something result into something worthwhile. Be LAZY! Don’t exert yourself more than you have to. Again, limit yourself on what you do. Do a little bit. Do just enough. When you do actually get off your lazy ass, make the effort actually worth it. Every single task you undertake should be geared towards some type of achievement, or at the very least some type of (slow n’ steady) step towards an achievement. Never should you exert effort just for the mere dear sake of exerting effort. The effort you invest should bring results (or progress towards results for that matter.) And let me tell you, “being busy” is not an achievement or any sort of result. Getting shit done is. You can wait ‘til last minute, just as long as shit gets done. No sense working tirelessly for hours upon hours to achieve jack diddly squat. Heck, you’re better off doing nothing than spending time doing something that doesn’t lead you anywhere. Make your effort count is what I’m saying. If you’re gonna get out of bed, which you know as a procrastin8r is hard enough to do, then make it actually worth it to do so.  Saying you’re busy is really saying you can’t Procrastinate with Purpose.
Look, if you’re oh so busy all the time, you can’t prioritize. Point blank. Face it, you’re really not THAT busy. I mean you may be kind of busy, but c’mon now, to the point where you’re putting off things you enjoy? To the point where you’re avoiding family and friends because of all this busyness? You know you’re not that busy, you just didn’t get done what needs to get done. I mean you got some things done, but you didn’t get done the essentials, and that’s what’s making you so quote on quote “busy”. Prioritize. Get the essentials done first. Then go after the itty bitty shit, if you even have the energy or the time. Look, Mr. Busy Beaver, you don’t know how to procrastinate properly. Procrastinating is the heart of time management. It’s being able to prioritize and know which things to put off…’til later. By procrastinating one thing, you are in turn, choosing to do something immediately. If you’re too busy, then what you’re really doing is procrastinating the wrong things. You must learn to procrastinate the right things. “A good man will not waste himself upon mean and discreditable work or be busy merely for the sake of being busy.” - Seneca Take it easy, N8 |
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March 2022
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