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When it comes to being lazy and getting away with it, emotional control is absolutely key. You must be so lazy that you remain calm, laid-back, and at-ease at all times.
After all, getting “worked up” is well, by the very definition “work”. Not something you want to participate in as a procrastin8r. You must encompass an aura of “Consistent Chill”. No matter what life throws at you, no matter how heavy shit hits the fan, no matter what unexpected circumstance you find yourself in, you simply lean on back and let bygones be bygones. It’s whatever. No big deal. All is good. You go with the flow. You don’t get flabbergasted or unhinged by anything irritating in life. You don’t let people shake you out of your B.E.D. You remain completely unfazed by drama or stressful encounters and engage conflict with a carefree attitude. You don’t give a fuck. Or better stated, you give a fuck more about handling things with poise and grace than you do about preserving your fragile little Ego. You soothe your inner-child who wants to yell, scream, and cry, and instead take smooth, deliberate adult actions. You don’t easily get startled or angered. Nothing really ruffles your feathers. You’re just so…chill, to the point where “relaxed” is no longer a mood but a way of life; it’s part of who you are. Consistently. You have a cool-clear head and though you may not have a real job, you are still reliable, in the sense that people can count on you to always be calm and stoic in your reaction to things. In order to reach this level of Consistent Chill, it pretty much goes without saying that you must fully embrace your laziness. You must adapt the Lazy Mindset. You must dig down to the very core of your being and define yourself as “lazy”. I don’t mean lazy on the surface level of “I don’t feel like doing much ever.” Deeper than that. Bolder than that. Lazier than that. I mean lazy on the level of: “I’m calm af. Period.” So lazy that no one can tell you to “work” or “get up”, not even your own emotions. We’re gonna take a deep dive into mastering your emotions, using the lazy ass Spirit Sloth as our guide, and help you become the PRO-crastin8r you’re meant to be. The first step toward gaining Consistent Chill is to Understand yourself. Understand is the “U” in C.O.U.C.H. which is a lazy man’s module for attaining ambitious goals, and in case you missed it or need a refresher, you can check out the full article on that here. I recommend familiarizing yourself with that content first, before reading this article in order to get the most bang for your buck. This is intended for more advanced procrastin8rs. Understanding others, as noted in that article, along with their emotional wants and needs, is a crucial factor in the step in the slow n’ steady race towards your ambitions. But, you can’t really understand anyone, until you understand yourself. You can’t really be chill with how others think and act unless you’re chill with how you yourself think and act. Today we take a look at Understanding your lazy self and the practical steps you can take to make that happen. Don’t judge your own emotions Make your mind your own “safe space”. You know that best friend you can tell anything to and not feel ridiculed or judged? You can tell him your secrets, your fuck ups, your most corrupt thoughts, your weirdest feelings, and he doesn’t bat an eye. He just listens or knows exactly what to say to get you to laugh or smile and overall feel better about the situation. He’s understanding. He’s being a total bro. On the other hand, if you had a friend that started mocking you after you confessed something, calling you worthless, or saying how much you deserved what happened and should feel guilty, or telling you that your feelings aren’t even valid, that’d be a pretty shitty friend, wouldn’t it? You wouldn’t let anyone treat you with such disrespect and dismiss how you feel like that. You wouldn’t let anyone be so harsh and critical towards you, not without at least trying to defend yourself. So why would you be a shitty friend to yourself and act so judgemental towards yourself? Telling yourself “I shouldn’t feel this way” or “I shouldn’t have done that” is like that douche bag of a friend telling you “You shouldn’t feel that way!” or “You shouldn’t have done that. What were you thinking?” You gotta be the Total Bro best friend for yourself. You gotta offer yourself a “judgement free zone”. If you’re angry, unnerved, or upset, accept it. Be kind towards those feelings of yours. Your feelings are absolutely valid. Don’t convince yourself (or allow anyone else for that matter) otherwise. You just have to look into why you feel that way and let your inner bro understand. There’s this false notion in society that happy is “normal” and any other emotions you feel are abnormal. Weird. Outcast. In other words, you don’t “fit” in society if you’re not happy. What a load of shit, man! The fact is, you’re not always going to be happy. It’s a perfectly normal human thing to feel different emotions besides happiness. What it comes down to is how you react to those emotions. Strike the chord right and sadness or anger will linger within you. Things are gonna hurt. Things are gonna get tough. There’s gonna be struggle. Things are gonna, quite frankly, piss you off….which leads us to the next point. Be comfortable with discomfort “Taking it easy” doesn’t mean avoiding hardships in life or choosing not to deal with them. It means maintaining poise and grace when struggle hits. It means remaining unfazed by troubles. It means not worrying about it. A struggle-free life is impossible. Even billionaires have their own struggles -- between fake friends who only like them for their status and money, as well as poparazzi and maybe even marital problems, being “well off” has its downsides. No matter where you are in life, there is going to be some type of struggle. You have to determine what is worth struggling for and what isn’t. You must Understand why you’re struggling and whether or not it’s actually worth it. If you’re aiming to be a lazy procrastin8r and make money from the couch, you’re gonna struggle with haters telling you to get a “real job”. You’re gonna have to deal with an unpredictable monthly income; some months you’ll be making bank, others you’ll be just scraping by. You’re gonna have to deal with making your own routine and being your own boss, without being told what to do. You’r egoing to have to be responsible for filing your own taxes (or find someone to do it for you). There is no “perfect life”. Even if you got your dream car, your dream job, your dream partner, your dreams are leaving out the downside, the struggle of all of that. I’m not saying to “just suck it up”. I’m saying the thing that you’re struggling for should make you feel relaxed at the end of the day, like it’s all for a purpose, a reason. Despite the struggle, you are satisfied. Satisfaction is stronger than happiness. Happiness comes and goes in spurts; it’s a fleeting feeling in the wind, but satisfaction is the permanent attitude that everything will be just fine and you appreciate what you have. You might get called a “lazy asshole”. You might not know what your next “paycheck” will look like. But as your sippin’ your rum n’ coke while lying in your hammock, jammin’ out to good vibe tunes, you can say “Ahh, this is totally worth it!” You’re always going to find some sort of uncomfortable aspect in your life, no matter how you choose to live it, or what you manage to achieve. Instead of giving into the distraught and thinking “the grass is always greener”, as if living different will always be better,, relax and find comfort in what you have and what you’re doing in the present. Understand that struggle is inevitable and you choose what you are willing to struggle for. Go with the flow. Don’t swim against the current. Since struggle and discomfort is unavoidable, embrace it, don’t fight it. There are things outside of your control. You’re not the universe. You don’t control the fate of nature or the free will of others. You can only control your reaction to things. Improvise a little bit. Be willing to adapt and overcome the struggle. Don’t let it hinder you or take away your self esteem. Just ride the waves, man. You can’t predict exactly what’s coming. You can only keep floating on. The more you stand up and fight the waves of reality, the harder it hits, the stronger it pushes you away from what you want. Accept what is. Stop trying to swim to the shores of could’ves and should’ves. Instead, go with the flow down, the stream of what is. You can’t control exactly where the waves take you. The only thing you can control is maintaining balance to stay afloat. Keep yourself balanced and centered. Float with ease. Know your triggers Some of the biggest waves are going to come across are your emotional triggers. This is when your ability to stay balanced afloat and in Consistent Chill are put to the ultimate test. SJW jokes aside, like it or not, we all get “triggered” by something. We all have buttons that if pressed, cause “detonation”, an explosive emotional outburst. You may, for example, get really upset when someone doesn’t text you back. You begin berating them with angry messages or calling them with a shouting voicemail after they don’t pick up. Not cool dude. You have to dig into what about a certain circumstance puts you on edge. Maybe you feel disrespected, but there’s a way to express that without firing off a cannon. “I feel disrespected when you ignore me and don’t text me back” in a firm calm tone is much more pleasant and effective than “YOU DIDN’T TEXT ME BACK YOU STUPID BITCH!” That’s a decent way to handle it. Decent. But ultimately, you shouldn’t make other people responsible for your own emotions. Be responsible for your own triggers. Once you understand the underlying feeling behind your trigger, you have to ask yourself ”Why do I feel this way?” Often times, the answer lies in some sort of traumatic experience you had when you were young, before you knew how to handle emotions like a proper adult. Maybe the person who felt disrespected when not getting a text back, felt ignored by their parents as a child, and all the untapped pain associated with being neglected comes to surface when someone so much as looks passed them. The person is not angry or upset about that particular text going ignored, but about their entire childhood facing negligent parents. The world is full of adults walking around with unhealed childhood wounds. Understanding what you are triggered about and WHY you are triggered puts you on the path of recovery. It takes a long time and a lot of patience and persistence to fully overcome your triggers. But patience and persistence are the heart of Procrastination. Write it out I know what you’re thinking. “Fuck that, Nate. I’m too lazy for that bullshit.” But hear me out. Journaling helps you put into perspective the bigger picture. You can more easily become aware of how your emotions affect what you do and how you behave. Let me ask you this -- what’s easier: walking around with shit in your ass all day or taking a moment to wipe it up? And if you say you’d rather walk around with shit in your ass, well you’re not being lazy, you’re just being gross. That’s a disgusting habit, not a lazy one. Likewise, it’s a disgusting habit to not clean your mind. Your mind is just like your ass and believe me, is full of shit. So much shit. You need to get that shit out. Text it. Type it in an e-mail in yourself. Put it in a note app. Whatever you gotta do to take thoughts and feelings out of your brain and onto paper (or screen). You want to write what triggered you, how you handled it, and why you chose to handle it that way. This allows you to not only clean the shit out of your head, but also read the story of what you did. You can use it as a personal lesson, as well as a way to track your progress in attaining Consistent Chill. You can look back and reflect on how you could handle it better, how you could be lazier and more laid-back about things. You can begin to see a pattern of the triggers and emotional responses you have, which allows you to understand yourself a lot better. Meditate. Experience emotions Ahh, meditation. You sit there and do nothing. It’s a procrastin8r’s favorite activity. Of course, sometimes you can do nothing...with purpose! You can use a certain meditation technique to raise your own emotional self awareness levels. To do this, pick an emotion. Let’s say anger. Picture a time that really made you feel angry. Imagine the sights, sounds, and smells at that time and place. And most importantly, focus on the feeling. Really narrow into that feeling. You might even feel your blood begin to boil a little bit. That’s okay. That’s the point. You want to notice what it feels like to be angry. Notice how your lips curl or your eyebrows go down. Feel the sensations moving in your body. Become aware of the way your muscles move when you feel a specific emotion. Knowing what each emotion physically feels like will allow you to be aware of what’s going on in your head during moments of pressure. This will allow you stop stop, take a step back, and procrastinate before making an irrational decision based completely on emotions. Meditating on your feelings is sort of like “practice mode” before you go into the big battle royale. The stakes are low and you're free to experiment with your feelings as you please. The purpose is to level up your ability to recognize the physical sensations in your body and match it with a certain emotion. The better you become at emotional awareness in meditation, the better you will become “IRL” so to speak. Recognize your symptoms of stress... and rest As soon as you become aware of the fact that you are feeling a heightened state of negative emotion, cool the breaks and relax for a bit. It may be difficult to recognize when you’re getting stressed out, triggered, or otherwise upset “in the heat of the moment”, which is why meditation can be so useful in helping you uncover these things. It can be challenging and quite frankly, awkward to be like “Okay, my heart is beating faster. I must be stressed” if you’re not used to doing this at all and haven’t practiced emotional awareness in mediation. But the more you take a step back and become aware of yourself and what you’re going through, the easier it will become to actually do it when something triggering occurs. You’ll be able to diagnose yourself with the stressed status and be able to approach the situation in a more calm manner. You soon will be able to rest instead of stress. You’ll catch yourself getting heated up and can cool off before you explode. Don’t let your mood rush you into decisions This theory is obvious when it comes to negative emotions. Yelling in a fit of rage and saying things you don’t mean because you’re in a bad mood causes more consequences than the initial problem did to begin with, for example. But the same can be applied to being in a good mood. You can make foolish decisions if you’re overly excited or happy. This leads back to the point that happiness is not the goal, but satisfaction. You might buy something you don’t need or hook up with someone you’re not that attracted to all just because you’re feeling “happy go lucky”. Don’t allow yourself to jump to conclusions while in good spirits or a negative Nancy mood. Determine the choices you make rationally and carefully and don’t let your mood come into play. The bigger the decision, the louder this rings true. One dumb decision you make because of your mood that day can change the entire course of your life. Remember that. Understand the effect that your moods have on what you choose to do. Know your core values & beliefs Sometimes triggers can be caused because they interfere with your set of moral principles. Understand what you truly value so that you can easily recognize when these values are being infringed upon. You can find out what you value most in life by examining how you feel about a situation. Let’s take this quarantine as an example. You may be either feeling hopeful or angry. There are two camps in this COVID-19 Stay at Home Order. Those who feel hope and support it willingly and those who feel anger and protest it. Those who support it value “care for others”. Assuring other people’s well-being and safety is their core value. Those who protest it value “freedom”. Assuring everyone has their own individuality and free-will is their utmost principle. Feelings give a rough sketch roadmap to where our core values lie. They’re not exactly straightforward in telling us exactly what’s important to us, but they certainly set us on the right path to finding it. Find songs, books, movies, and shows you resonate with. Your own personal experiences can only help you understand yourself so far, as weird as that sounds. Art can help you take a step back and really see things from a different angle or maybe even make the picture of your emotions a bit more clear. Whether it’s a film or TV show or music album you can emotionally relate to, you can begin to understand your feelings from a broader perspective or perhaps even deeper by listening or viewing what these artists create. Their thoughts, motivations, their excitements, their fears. It all...makes sense. I mean how many times have you said something along the lines of... “Yes, this song gets me!” Or.. “Oh my god I’m just like [insert character’s name]” There are so many songs that have gotten me through specific moments in my life that “put in words what I was feeling better than I ever could.” Sometimes the way writers, musicians, and screenplays alike, express things, allow us to put our own feelings into understandable language, rather than a mess of stress in our head. Understanding yourself can begin with understanding art in a way that resonates with you. Seek feedback One great way to become aware of yourself is to use the good old fashioned method of asking others. Find a friend, neighbor, family member, former roommate, significant other, someone who’s going to be honest and ask them what they really think of you. Tell them you’re looking to level up in a bit self improvement and want truthful feedback, no bs. They may just give you insight on something about yourself that you’re missing. Maybe they point out that you tend to talk about yourself a lot and it really seems cocky. Now you may just be trying to “relate” to others by telling a relevant story of your own. That’s okay. Take the feedback with a grain of salt, but now you know what other people think. You become aware of just how you ”come across” to other people and can begin to adapt your approach accordingly. Using the example of coming across as a bit boastful, you could give a little anecdote of yours but then swing back to what the other person was saying by asking them more detail about their own story or somehow tie it together with yours to make it clear that you’re just trying to relate. Knowing what the people you trust think about you can help you see things from a bird’s eye view. We often get so tied to our own thoughts that we fail to see the bigger picture. But relating to the outer world and other people is something we’ll dive into detail next week. Chill your drinks before serving! Ultimately, self awareness is the foundation for unlocking Consistent Chill mode. Understanding your emotions, what causes them, and how they make your body react is key to being able to express yourself honestly and maturely, in a laid-back manner. In being able to express yourself in such a calm and truthful way, you’ll be able to not only feel more confident in yourself and more in control, but eventually be able to have more Understanding for others as well. It is in developing self awareness that you begin to focus on the aspects in your life that you do actually control -- your reactions to your emotions and moods, and thus can live life a lot more stress-free. Instead of letting struggles tear you down, you examine the physical sensations in your body, become aware of exactly how you are feeling, analyze why you are feeling that way, and validate that your own emotions have a point. You can then smoothly approach the “struggle”, understanding why you feel the way you do about it, with poise and grace. You will always struggle, but you do not always have to let it conquer you. As long as you remain aware of yourself and your mission, not setback can stop you, not matter how lazy you are. You gotta chill yourself before you really go out there and start developing deep relationships with others Take it easy, N8
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We’re isolated during this whole virus thing, away from all the people. But what’s worse than being alone during quarantine? Dealing with other people during quarantine.  Here we are in lock down (still!) with no choice buuuut to stay inside all day. (of course that’s no big deal if you’re lazy enough)/ Your place of residence has become your bar, gym, office, and movie theatre. It’s basically the only hub where you do...well, pretty much everything. And that much applies to the person or people you live with, meaning you are going to spend a lot more time together. Thus is the prologue to “The Coronavirus Tales” Being stuck inside a tight space with another person (or multiple people) for an undetermined amount of time wears down on your psyche, and theirs too! Whether it’s someone forgetting to load the dishwasher or leaving the toilet seat up or playing music too loud, if you’re living together with a partner or roommate and forced to spend literally every waking hour with them, you’ll inevitably get on each other’s nerves. Doesn’t matter how well you typically get along, this seemingly never-ending confinement puts your compatibility to the test and will cause some conflict at some point. You’ll no doubt feel frustrated with your roomie eventually over something innocuous, like the way they chew or the temperature they preheat the oven or the time they go to bed. And god forbid if they cough or start breathing heavily, well then that’s just an anxiety alert. Any sort of symptom or illness that could potentially be the coronavirus is gonna bring about some panic, especially for the germ-a-phobes out there.  All this time trapped in confinement with the same damn people all day everyday makes you want to get away and be alone and have room to, I don’t know, breathe for a minute or two. It’s like that feeling of being constantly watched and paid attention to; it’s enough to drive you mad. In fact, loneliness sounds pretty refreshing after putting up with these people you barely even like or maybe you actually love but can’t stand their constant presence for nearly two months in the same building. Last time a man had was stuck indoors with his family, he went on a murder spree. But seriously, domestic violence rates are on the rise as well as divorce rates. That says a lot about how well people are handling this shared isolation with their partner. They’re learning to hate each other’s guts.  Suicide rates are up too, the highest they’ve ever been. Between the lack of employment, inability to pay bills, and a partner screaming -- to say it’s a stressful situation is an underestimate. All the problems in the relationship come to the surface. Fights ensue. Drama happens. While they may be safe from COVID, people living together are getting “sick” of each other and the symptoms of that can be far worse than a little trouble breathing. For couples, this is the time to either make it or break it in their relationship. They either are gonna come together a lot closer because of this or...break up. There’s no in between. As for roommates, they’re gonna notice each other’s bad habits and get into arguments. Ultimately people are going to tear each other apart (or at least be very, very tempted to) during this perpetual isolation. So how do you survive this quarantine without straggling the person(s) you live with? Well, we’re gonna dive into the lazy method of handling all the crazy drama that might arise as you struggle to get along instead of loathing their soul down to the core.  Establish Some Ground Rules. One of the easiest ways to avoid drama in the first place is to set solid expectations. You have to create clear boundaries about how others should treat you and what sort of behaviors you will or won’t tolerate. Now with this COVID craziness, there are definitely some situations that need to be discussed beforehand and have rules about. You know what they say: an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. You’re going to have to practice that ancient lost art of...Ready for this? Communicating. I know, I know crazy right? Actually talking to one another. Sheesh what a concept! Anyway, the world is bizarre right now and being locked in with your roomie or partner for months straight is gonna put both of your communication skills to the test. Fortunately, communicating effectively is rather simple, even though a lot of us don’t do it. That’s only because we try to get our point across and aim to get the other person to agree with rather than going for the lazy, straightforward approach, and just focusing on solving the issue. Solve the issue. This isn't a debate club. You’re not trying to win an argument or conquer your opponent. You’re just trying to get on the same page.  Communicating effectively just a matter of being honest and expressing your feelings in a cool, laid-back sort of way. Of course, communicating is a two-way street and also requires listening, which we’ll get to in a bit. But one of the things you are going to have to communicate right now to the person you are living with is how the fuck to deal with this whole situation we have at hand. Are guests to be allowed? Or will there be a temporary “No Guest Policy” during quarantine. If they are allowed, what rooms are off limits? Inviting guests, outsiders, of course invites Corona to your door. You don’t know where these people have been and anyone outside the household coming in raises the risk of infection. But at the same time, are you going to ward off friends, family, and lovers for months on end? Maybe there’s a limit to how many and how often guests can come, if at all. Similarly, are significant others allowed to come over? Or are they nixed as well and limited to Skype dates until further notice. Do you have to tell each other when you’re leaving the house/apartment and for what reason? Or is it cool just to leave? Obviously, it’s important to know the whereabouts of your living partner in terms of virus prevention. After all, you should know if the person was out to the grocery store so you can take your own precautions when they return.  But at the same time, constantly keeping track of one another’s location invades privacy and individuality. I suppose on a personal level, it’s the large political debate we’re having on a large scale: personal freedom vs. safety. That’s something you and your roommate have to negotiate about. What are the “quiet hours” to be respected? Everyone’s routine is out of whack completely You’ve got to lay down the sort of schedule you both expect to follow, now that the work world is out of commission and the day of the week is something even Sherlock Holmes couldn’t figure out. These are the types of questions you have to ask yourselves. Obviously you want to maximize everyone’s safety as well as sanity in doing so. Let’s break down how to communicate effectively and deal with conflict when and if it arises (which it will).  Call them out on their Bullshit. If they do something shitty you don’t like, don’t be afraid to tell them. Now, you don’t have to be a belligerent d-bag about your rules. You don’t have to beat them to a bloody pulp and pound your chest chanting words of “Holier Than Thou”. You don’t have to entirely degrade them as a person. Be polite, but don’t let them walk over you. Be calm yet firm. Don't get all shaky and worked up. No need to yell, but do talk in a confident tone of voice. Relax and state what you need the other person to do (or not do) and WHY. The why is important. People are more likely to be complacent when given a reason as to why they should comply. There have actually been studies on this. For example, if your roommate is playing loud music say “Turn down your music because I’m trying to take a nap”. The reason doesn’t have to be elaborate or detailed. In fact, the simpler, the better. Be lazy about your explanation. But be sure to include a “because” and be honest.  Be Laid Back about Criticism You Receive When you are on the receiving end of criticism, you have to remain unfazed. It doesn’t disturb you that someone would notice your bad habits. In other words, allow them to call you out on your own bullshit. Calling each other out on bullshit is the key to a happy healthy relationship or at the very least, tolerating each other enough not to kill one another during quarantine. If they call you out on being unreasonable or doing some ridiculously uncalled for or rude behavior, don’t jump up and get all defensive. That’s just weak and insecure, and not lazy at all. Lean back and let them say their piece. They may have a point or two if you actually take the time to listen and don’t jump down their throat right away. Handle criticism with poise and grace. You’re human. They’re human. You both have flaws. Humble yourself a little and allow them to say something, which brings us to the next point.  Listen or Lose That’s right. Listen. Actually fucking listen. You can communicate all you want, talking until you run your mouth off to the floor, but none of that matters if you don’t LISTEN. Listening is so essential in communicating. If I had to choose between speaking and listening skills to master, listening would be the choice. Hands down. You can’t properly get along with anyone if your listening skills are lack. Not to mention, it’s a lot less work to just lean back n’ listen than it is to say as much as you can in five seconds like you’re Ben Shapiro trying to be right about everything. When it comes to living together in harmony, “winning” is not determined by who gets to be right. It’s not a competition. It’s a co-op mission! If there’s only one person who’s “right”, then both of you lose because the goal is to find a mutual accommodation for both parties. The goal is NOT to dominate. Repeat it with me now: The goal of a relationship (or living situation with a roommate) is NOT to dominate the other person. It is to create together peaceful harmony. If you’re creating a warzone, you’ve failed, even if you “win” the battle. Victory is not determined by who gets their way, it’s determined by how well you compromise and put aside your differences. Value Resolution over Being Right.  Take Responsibility. Don’t just criticize them for doing something because you’re feeling frustrated about this whole covid situation. Never make someone else responsible for your own emotions. Have the maturity to own your own emotion, and most importantly, don’t allow your emotions to make decisions for you. Take a step back and observe yourself. Check yo’self befo’ yo wreck yo’self. Find out what you’re really upset about, instead of making the person in your immediate facility the scapegoat for all your stress. Now what they are doing may be bothersome, it may be frustrating, and they may just be the straw that broke the camel’s back. But take a moment. Realize what’s happening. Become aware of the physical sensations in your body when you are stressed, so that you know when you’re not in the right state of mind to make a big decision. Remember, you can’t control what happens or how you feel about it. But you can control how you *react* to it. That’s not only what you want to do, it’s your responsibility.  Own Your Mistakes You fucked up. Big time. Don’t hide it. Don’t deny it. Don’t try to change the story. Own that shit. Own what you did wrong. Don’t explain it away or try and excuse it. Admit it was a terrible choice. No need to justify it or apologize profusely. Recognize why it was so fundamentally a mistake and never do it again. Don’t say sorry (unless you really mean it, but even then, the “S” word should be used as sparingly as possible). Just admit you fucked up and take steps to change it. Be a big boy or girl and step up to the plate. Come to grips with the fact that you’re an imperfect human being, and learn from it. Lead by example and show that it’s okay to mess up sometimes, as long as you level up from it. Mistakes are Meh. They are no big deal. They happen. Who cares? People only care about your mistakes if you try and act like they didn’t happen or fail to evolve after making them. So get your shit together and own your mistakes to the point where you won’t ever make the same one again. People respect those that admit their flaws and shortcomings. It’s strong, it’s stoic, to be able to be vulnerable enough to say “I fucked up” rather than try and cover it up like an insecure teenaged dweeb. And hey, just ‘cause you fucked up does not mean you are a fuck up.  Recognize your triggers OH NO! TRIGGERED! What pushes your buttons? What pisses you off? And why does it light up your fuse so easily? Part of self awareness and being able to communicate your needs to your partner or roommate is knowing what exactly makes you tick. What are your pet peeves? In other words. And the next question you need to ask yourself is: Is it really that big of a deal? Do you really care THAT much about which way the toilet roll faces? Is it worth making a fuss over mundane things? Use your logic voice here and not your screaming toddler emotions. Don’t escalate things more than you need to or should. Now if it is something *actually* important, say, because it interferes with your values, communicate that. Talk it out. So your roommate keeps putting the toilet paper the wrong way. Is it really about the TP or something deeper? Maybe you feel disrespected. But again, take responsibility for your own emotions. Your emotions do tell you something about what’s important to you. They just don’t do a really good job about telling you how to communicate that. Listen to your emotions but don’t let them take control. You take control of your emotions. Paying attention to your triggers allows you to see what you value and where your concerns lie. You shouldn’t act on triggers but instead recognize when they’re fired off and why they’re being fired.  Talk it Out In the age of social media, socializing has turned into a cash grab for “likes” instead of what it is at its roots: human connection. Aim to dig back to the roots man. Keep it classic. Look, if you can take daily bathroom selfies for your Instagram followers, you can take five seconds to tell your roommate/partner “Hey, I don’t like when you do that.” Remember, conflict arises when boundaries are stepped upon, and augments when that boundary isn’t made clear, so nip issues in the bud before they grow into a wild uncontrollable growth. Tell the person what bothers you. Again, smoothly, calmly, and firmly. Don’t use Passive Aggression to communicate either. This isn’t high school. Talk. It. Out. Like an actual person. Don’t leave the other person wondering what you’re actually upset about as they watch you storm off over a little burnt toast. Don’t shut them out because you’re mad. It’s okay to take some alone time to calm down, but explain what you’re doing first before just giving them the “Silent Treatment”. Unexplained silence gets you nowhere in communication And it goes without saying, don’t post your roommate struggles on social. There was recently a viral Tweet about a girl who asked her roommate not to have her boyfriend visit. The Salt Lake Health Department got involved, tweeting “Brett could do his part in flattening the curve by visiting virtually! #StayHomeBrett” The hashtag went on to be trending. Like, really? C’mon now! Keep the issues in the home. Don’t turn it into a public debate. Talk ti out like adults instead of warfarin the Twitter mob against each other.  Read the goddamn room. Seriously. This can’t be stressed enough. If your roommate or partner is stressing out about their Zoom work meeting they just had with their belligerent boss, for example, it may not be a good time to remind them that it’s their turn to take the trash out. While your intentions may be well and good, you know to maintain a sanitary living space, it’s just not a good time to bring up the issue. Survey the other person’s mood before you make your approach, and if it is an absolutely pressing issue that cannot wait, like say, paying the rent, try to address it in a way that complements their mood. You don’t necessarily want to “mirror” how they feel. I mean, if they’re upset and you act upset, that’s just gonna create unnecessary tension. Instead, match your tone and words to suit the situation. If they're upset, be calm. If they’re more energetic, out of excitement or anger, match the energy but remain positive. You can’t get across to someone angry if you’re too mellow and you can’t get across to someone downbeat if you’re overly spirited or aggressive. Like I said, read the room. Analyze the mood and overall tone of the environment before letting any words slip past your lips.  Don’t Do Drama If I wanted drama, I would watch TNT. THEY know drama. Drama is unnecessary work. It’s screaming, shouting, or worse, physical attacks. Man, I’m too lazy for that. It takes a toll on your mental and emotional resources and leaves you feeling drained. On top of that, it usually results in the conflict remaining unresolved, causing more drama in the future on a perpetual loop. But in this case,where you’re trapped together for months like a season of Survivor, the conflict needs to be resolved. And drama is certainly NOT the answer. Now to be clear: there is a fine line between Tension and Drama. Tension is inevitable. As long as you are two different people with different thoughts, backgrounds, worldviews, and emotions, there is going to be tension between the two of you *at some point*. You’re not going to *always* agree on every single little thing. Disagreements will happen, and those disagreements will cause Tension. If you want literally any other human being in your life, tension is unavoidable.  It all comes down to how you handle that Tension. Do you handle it with panic or poise and grace? Drama is escalating that tension into an emotional outburst. Drama is turning that small Tension into a raging fiery beast. It’s “making a mountain out of mole hill” as the saying goes. It’s “taking it too far”, “crossing the line”. There’s a million ways to say it, but at the end of the day, drama is what it is. It’s bringing the conflict to a level of insanity, often beyond repair. Once you initiate drama, there’s no going back. You opened up Pandora’s Box and suddenly all the negative emotions come to surface. Next thing ya know, there’s a smashed dinner plate on the kitchen floor, a broken window, and the end of a relationship. See how bottling up emotions and acting upon Passive Aggressive has some serious bad side effects? You must deflect drama and avoid raising it yourself. Keep conflict resolution productive, not destructive. If the other person tries to escalate an issue into drama, you have the choice to walk away, politely telling them that “I don’t want this to get into drama. Let’s take a few minutes to gather our thoughts before we move forward in a discussion”  It’s NOT about You. Get out of your EGO! Maybe your roommate forgot to replace the milk because he’s worried that his aunt is in the hospital with COVID. Maybe your significant other isn’t being their sweet, caring self because there’s a lot of stress at work right now. Maybe, just maybe, it’s not about you. Don’t take things as a personal insult. Put away your pride for a second. Chances are, the other person didn’t do that thing that upset you purposefully to ruin your day. Chances are they did it because of something completely outside of you and your relationship or living situation. Also, remember that the other person has different needs, expectations, and boundaries than you do. Be respectful and mindful of that. Treat others how they want to be treated, not how you want to be treated, contrary to the popular saying. That of course doesn’t mean waiting hand over foot to meet their needs, but it does mean being considerate enough not to be overbearing and demanding. You can be courteous without being a doormat.  Don’t rely on each other. If you’re in a relationship, it’s okay to expect a little give and take. It’s a balancing act. You give a little, you take a little. Emotional support is an obvious advantage of being in a relationship. You have someone there for you to help meet your emotional needs, but making them the sole source of comfort is taxing on the relationship. No one likes a needy partner. In the same vein, you can’t constantly support the other person without receiving any support in return. It takes two to tango. Don’t be a selfish asshole nor an ass kisser. The same goes for a platonic friend/roommate. Never give too much or take too much. Give just enough and take just enough. Co-dependency is unhealthy. Rely on yourself for self-esteem, not another person. You also shouldn’t solely rely on each other for a social life either. That’s what the Internet is for, in this time of quarantine. You can socialize with your friends while social distancing in various ways, but we won’t go into too much detail about how in this article as we already covered that earlier.  Sleep in their Bed I don’t mean literally. I mean, obviously, if you’re a couple, that’s gonna happen anyway, but you probably don’t want to sleep in your roomie’s bed. Just saying. Well I mean, unless you’re into that sort of thing. Some people have actually admitted to “experimenting” with their roommate, questioning their sexuality, during this lock down. I kid you not! I guess they were bored or maybe being isolated with one other person can be one of the most intimate experiences. Anyhoot, what I mean when I say “Sleep in their Bed” is “take a walk in their shoes”. I’m too lazy to go out for a walk and we’re locked inside anyway, so I like my saying better. Fuck it. Understand their perspective. This goes hand in hand with that listening we talked about earlier. The better you listen, the better you can understand It’s far more effective to state why you believe the other person very well *could be* right before even getting to why you disagree with them or why they should change their mind. Most people, in arguments, feel like they’re not being heard, and rather than attempting to hear the other person, they just reiterate their own points. This just creates an endless loop between two people talking and not listening, saying the same points over and over again, without either one taking the time to “sleep in the other’s bed”. You must understand before trying to be understood. Remember that. Save yourself the hassle of “talking in circles” by taking a look through their eyes and seeing where they’re coming from. That phrase alone: “I see where you’re coming from” or “I understand completely” is very powerful. Be sure to follow it up with an explanation of Never say “I understand BUT…” Don’t “but in” your own point of view UNTIL AFTER the other person feels like you DO actually understand where they’re coming from. You can’t get them to see your point of view unless you see theirs, and that’s absolutely key. The goal is not to change their mind; it’s to understand theirs.  When in doubt, ASK If you’re completely unsure about how the other person is feeling or what they’re trying to communicate, ask and clarify. Don’t just assume you know if you don’t. “If you assume, it just makes an Ass out of U and Me,” as the great saying goes. Don’t be afraid to ask questions in order to fully understand your partner or roommate and the emotions they’re going through. Don’t ask in a condescending way, but one of genuine curiosity. Try to legitimately understand them, not tear them apart.  Stop. Wait. Procrastinate.
The number one advice when it comes to dealing with the people you’re living with. Any time you want to say or do something when an issue arises, stop and think, actually fucking think, before you make a move. Procrastinate with purpose! You can do a hundred things right, but one single emotionally fueled decision can take it all away. Wait it out a bit and make sure you are approaching an issue with a cool, calm head before diving right in. Take the slow, yet more rewarding path. Quickly jolting to satisfy your own Ego will lead to terrible consequences, which in all fairness may render the relationship completely unsalvageable once what is done is done. Trust me, I’ve been there. It’s best to be in control of how you act and what you say than allow your emotions to lead the way, even for a single goddamn second. You must procrastinate and rationalize every single decision you make with your partner or roommate, especially when it comes to dealing with negative emotions and frustrations, especially when there is Tension. Take your time. Relax. There is absolutely no rush to get an answer. Find the right answer before your proceed, then make your move. Stretch out the tension rather than letting it snap. Avoid the snap! Wrapping up... And if you have kids, that’s an entirely new act to juggle, which to be honest I don’t really want to write about. I’m not a parent nor do I plan to be. What a time to be child-free! Let me tell you. That’s all I gotta say. Anyway, relax, stay calm, and don’t kill the people you’re stuck with during this quarantine, mmm k? Next week, we’ll dive even further into Self Awareness, understanding your lazy self, so that you can more easily understand others too. Until then, Take it easy N8 Amidst this COVID-19 crisis, you’ve been embracing your laziness by staying the fuck home in order to uh…”flatten the curve” with self-isolation.
Of course, as a procrastin8r, our lifestyle is quarantine, and all these “Stay at Home” protocols are quite frankly, easy to follow. After all, lounging around the house all day is not something that needs to really be asked of us, yet alone enforced on us. However, cabin fever is a real thing. Being stuck indoors kinda sucks. I mean it’s not so much that we’d like to get up and go out, but we do miss at the very least, having the option to do so. Nonetheless, there are still plenty of options of activities to do while quarantantined and we can even be social while distancing, but most of the time you spend locked down in the comforts of your own home, you’re going to be alone and doing things alone. You truly begin to feel well, for lack of a better term, isolated. I mean unless of course you live with someone, but let’s face it, at this point, you probably are getting on each other’s nerves right now and would prefer to isolate from each other. And minus the occasional Zoom meeting, most of the hours spent during this isolation is going to be alone time. This may make you feel a bit...uneasy. After all, you’re only human and we’re all social creatures. We crave social interaction to some extent. But just because you are all alone does NOT mean you have to be lonely. Relax man and enjoy your own company. Be your own best friend. Being alone is a state of being. Loneliness is a feeling. Sometimes, like when there’s a global pandemic, you just went through a major break up, or both, you're going to have to be alone. It’s just a matter of circumstance. As with all aspects in life, you may not be able to control what happens, but you can control your reaction to it. Make no mistake. There’s also value in choosing to be alone as well. The goal during this quarantine,is to not just tolerate being alone, but to totally kick ass at it, thrive at it, embrace it as well as you do with your laziness. It is only when you master the art of being alone can you master the art of relationships and friendships. In other words self mastery is the pathway to genuine connections. You must love yourself to truly love others. In today’s article, we’re going to explore the intricacies of being alone and how you can use this isolation time away from others to your advantage. Without further ado, let’s dive right into it. Solitude vs. Loneliness Being alone is simply that. It means you are on your own, with no one else. Now the question becomes: How do you handle that? If you handle it with poise and grace, congratulations! That’s solitude baby. And solitude is the heart of confidence. For if you’re comfortable being alone, then you are comfortable around other people. Fact. Solitude is calm and stoic; it is finding comfort in your own bed, so to speak, and not needing a “place to crash” from someone else. You’re self sufficient and independent. Being alone is an opportunity to provide yourself love and make your passions and dreams come true if you just relax and enjoy it, rather than worry about it. Solitude is an abundance mindset and you feel fulfilled. You focus on what you have plenty of, rather than what you lack. Loneliness, on the other hand, while may feel like abandonment from others is actually nothing but self abandonment -- abandoning your own feelings and relying on distractions, addictions, or someone else to take responsibility for them. Loneliness stems from the need for company, attention, and validation. You place your own self worth on the opinions and availability of others and this leaves you feeling empty when others are not there to give you the approval in which you seek. Loneliness is formed from co-dependent behavior. You rely on others to basically say “oh yeah, your existence is real and valuable.” You want to be able to feel like your existence is both real and valuable without bullshit approval from others. Besides, anyone that doesn’t think you’re awesome, flaws n’ all, is wrong -- and that’s the attitude you need to take. Unlike solitude, loneliness is a scarcity mindset and you are only focused on that in which you lack. You feel you don’t have enough love, validation, encouragement “on your own” and need someone else to fill the void. You believe that these resources are very limited and must be collected externally, rather than produced within. Love, validation, encouragement, fulfillment, happiness, and anything you could ever want can be produced within (while alone) as we’ll get into. Loneliness is neediness through and through. If you feel discomfort while you are alone, you have an extreme level of insecurity that you need to take care of, and likely the reason you find yourself lonely (outside of a pandemic) is because of your neediness. Extreme neediness is a turn off for both genders.No one wants a partner, or even a friend for that matter, that needs constant reassurance. So cut that shit out and stop feeling sorry for yourself when no one else is around.Feel relief instead like “Ah, I ain’t gotta deal with other people and their drama right now.” Anyway, those are the main differences between Solitude and Loneliness. It’s a Confident versus Needy mindset, at the end of the day. As you can see, being alone is no big deal, unless you make it out to be. It’s only as stressful as you believe it is. You may not control being isolated, but you do control what a lack of company really means. Is it that? A lack in something? Or is it an opportunity for growth and leisure? That is up to you. This COVID-19 isolation is outside of your direct control, but your attitude towards it is entirely your decision. You decide to embrace solitude or loneliness. You decide to either remain cool, calm, and laid back in solitude. Or get “worked up” and anxious about what other people are thinking or doing and when or if you’ll ever get to see them again in loneliness. One of these paths is lazier than the other. Choose wisely. Be your own best company. Love your lazy self The Advantages of Being Alone So how can one feel comfortable about being alone? All this talk about feeling solitude, okay. But how do you even get over the anxiety that comes about from being alone? How do you avoid feeling lonely while alone and instead feel satisfied in solitude? Well, here are some clear cut benefits to being alone Fewer demands of your time You don’t have to set up dates or meetings with anyone. You meet up on your terms, if you actually feel like it (and want to get out your hazmat suit). You are your own boss and in control of your own schedule. You do things that make you happy, without expecting or needing any sort of company from anyone. You can procrastinate and move slow like a sloth. Take your time, man. No need to rush for anybody. No compromises or asking permission You don’t have to take into account what other people like or dislike. No arguments over whether or not pineapple goes on pizza. That’s for you to decide. You can take up as much room on the bed as you want, sing as out of tune as you want to any type of musical genre you like, all without pissing somebody else off. Do what you want, when you want Sleep ‘til noon. No one’s yelling at you to wake up any earlier. Leave your room a mess. No one’s bitching and moaning about you being a slob. Play video games all day. No one’s nagging about “your stupid hobby”. You have complete authority over what you do during your day, without getting judged by anyone else. There’s no one else to judge you, besides yourself. All your actions and behaviors are done by yourself, for yourself. There’s no one in the room to judge you. If you feel judged or guilty about something you’re doing, then that’s on you! You’re being harsh and critical of yourself for no reason. You don’t have to impress anyone else. Just express yourself. It’s okay if you do something stupid and make a mistake; you can even criticize yourself a little bit, but mistakes are meh. Learn from it and move on. Don’t beat yourself up over it. You don’t have to worry about saying or doing “the right thing” to impress anybody You’re on your own and get to live a life based on expression rather than impression. You’re after whatever makes you happy, rather than what makes others happy. You are no longer tempted to people please, but to please yourself. Indulge a little. The dishes in the sink aren’t somebody’s else's Okay, so obviously the flip side to this is that someone else won’t do *your* dishes, but at least there won’t be any arguments over who’s turn it is to do them or who owns the dragon mug or Barney the Dinosaur spoon. You can just look at it and be like “Yep, that porcelain Jenga over there is my masterpiece.” You don’t have to wait for the bathroom or laundry One of the downsides of having a roommate or living with a partner is that you have to share appliances. That leads to brutal arguments full of spite, especially if you’ve just ordered Taco Bell off Uber Eats and the other is in the shower with the door locked. Not a problem if you are alone. You ain’t gotta wait for your roomie’s underwear to dry or for your girlfriend to finish taking her shit. You can just go when it’s convenient for you, without any delay or potential conflict. No one eats your food If you’ve ever lived with….anyone, you’ve no doubt experienced your food getting stolen. “Who ate my [blank]?” is often a common phrase shouted among roommates, followed by a half-assed reply of “Oh, that was yours? My bad.” or just utter silence as you begin to play a game of “Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?” Or worse, if you live with a partner, they’ll tell you “Babe, we’re building a life together. We ought to share.” We can share a lot of things. But we do NOT share my leftover Pepperoni Jalapeno pizza, damnit! You don’t need anyone else to affirm your own existence or worthiness You feel worthy and are worthy. Yeah, you’re lazy as shit but still worthy. You don’t need someone to recognize you or praise you or tell you that you’re awesome. Bad assery is just something you do and something you are. You don’t need the constant reminder that someone else cares for you in order to feel like a total bad ass. No awkward cuddling or snoring No matter how much you may be in love with someone or how “romantic” it can be to hold each other in your arms, there’s no doubt there’s a significant disadvantage to sleeping with someone else. First of all, cuddling. Sure, it may be cute, but no one talks about the numb static arm you get from someone else’s bodyweight laying on your dangling appendage for horus. Oh, and the amount of people who snore but don’t know they snore or don’t want to admit they snore is insane. Nothing is worse than waking up to someone you’re living with sawing word at 3 o’ clock in the goddamn morning. Plus, you aint’ gotta deal with someone who has a ridiculously different schedule than you do. I once had a roommate who was a morning bird. I’m a night owl. We did not get along. Overall, being alone results in better sleep. Period. No obligations, no expectations Just need to reiterate the point here. You’re not expected to put on a certain behavior, wear a certain mask (*ahem* unless you go outside in public), or word things a certain way so the other person doesn’t find it offensive. Discover your own beliefs, tastes, desires, goals, and dreams Since you’re not trying to impress anyone and can say, do, and behave however you want, you are left to discover the type of person you really are, without the pressure to conform or live up to others’ expectations. You are...you! You get to look at What are you doing with your time? What are you thinking about? What do you want? This epiphany sets you down the path of creating the life you want to live, complete with as much laziness as you want. If you don’t love yourself, you can’t expect anyone else to, nor can you truly love. Until you can truly be alone and be happy, I can guarantee you that no matter how much you think you “love” one of your exes, you don’t. You love the feeling they gave you. You love the idea of being in a relationship. You do not love them as a person. With solitude comes self-understanding and it is only through self-understanding that you can begin to allow self-expression, and truly open up to being vulnerable. Sharing your true self, being vulnerable, is the essence of genuine love. Rejuvenate your mind While being alone, you don’t have any social pressure. You are free to think the way you think, without being tied down to “group think”. You can simply relax and observe your thoughts as they come, removing any emotional attachments to regret or worry. You can be fully in the present with yourself and realize everything you could ever want is already here. Increase productivity You don’t have anyone distracting you or hovering over your shoulder or asking what you want for dinner or how your day was or what you think about this covid situation or a million other questions. This allows you to fully focus on getting what you want done, slow n’ steady, one step at a time. You can level up your hobby, skills, or business without dealing with small talk or listening to someone else vent about their stressful day at work. You can completely engulf yourself in what you’re doing. Stronger relationships None of this fake bullcrap. None of this trying to make a good impression or “win” the person over. No. You’re just being yourself and accept other people in your life that allow you to be yourself. This opens the doors to creating loving, lasting, and fulfilling relationships. Relationships that are tied to one person “acting” a certain way instead of embracing their true self are bound to fail, as well as friendships too. What to Do While Alone Now that you know some of the benefits of embracing solitude in your humble little lazy abode during this quarantine, let’s look at what to actually do while you’re isolated in order to maximize your “xp” and become your “final form”. Express yourself creatively Having a creative outlet is awesome sauce. It allows you to put your true self and deep inner feelings to the outer world. Draw, paint, write, record music, create a podcast, whatever man. Just get that shit out of your head and out into the open. Create art as if you’re never going to share it. This eliminates the need or desire for “perfection”. Part of real art is allowing the flaws to express themselves. Part of real art is being vulnerable enough to creatively articulate complex feelings. Being alone lets you tap into creative energy and transform thoughts into art. Compliment yourself Seeking validation leads to starvation. If you rely on others and their compliments to “feel good”, you’re going to feel empty without them. That’s why you have to be able to give yourself a pat on the back. Not only will complimenting yourself boost your own self esteem, it can also help you learn how to genuinely compliment others. A genuine compliment is one in which you take particular note in someone’s strength, without any attachment to the outcome in how they react. If you are able to compliment yourself, and really mean it, you can easily give genuine compliments to others without expecting anything in return. You don’t get anything in return by complimenting yourself, except feeling good; the same principle applies in complimenting others -- you simply make them feel good. You begin to use compliments as a gift to make others feel good, with no ulterior motive or act of bribery. [A good way to start complimenting yourself is to practice affirmations], by deliberately telling yourself positive things you believe about yourself or notice to be true. You’r e one awesome, sexy, motherfucker. Now say that to yourself. Gain some self awareness (emotionally) Become your own judgement-free “safe space” and allow yourself to freely express your emotions. Feel those emotions, really feel them. Allow yourself to dive deep into whatever sort of anger, sadness, or even joy and excitement you are feeling. Become aware of what the physical sensations of that particular emotions are; observe the reactions of your body. More importantly, examine where these feelings are coming from, in terms of a mental space. Ask yourself why you feel the way you do. What are your feelings trying to tell you? Emotions should never be the final decision-maker, and allowing them to take control of us is dangerous. Nearly every regret you have can likely be traced back to some dumb emoitionally impulsive decision. Nonetheless, emotions can help us understand where our true opinions and values lie. If you feel sad about not being able to go outside, maybe you value the outdoors a lot more than you thought. If you feel angry about a stay at home order, even though you’d probably lie on the couch all day anyway, maybe you don’t like being told what to do. Use your feelings to discover who you truly are and what you cherish most in life. Level up (self-improvement) Whether you decide to read books, listen to podcasts, or watch videos to expand your knowledgebase, take time to meditate and gain inner wisdom, or physically practice your talents, you can always use alone time to level up and become a better person today than you were yesterday. It’s a slow n’ steady grind to max level. Go Iron-Man mode and don’t rely on “trading with other players” to reach success. Be success yourself. Own your fuck ups. Rather than sitting in a pool of self pity, going over the could’ve, should’ve, would’ves in your life, take the time to accept what happened. Tell yourself that you made the best decision you could have at the time, given the knowledge you had and the feelings you felt at the time. Mistakes are Meh. You live n’ learn. Don’t let your mistakes define you. Take them as lessons. You fucked up. That doesn’t make you a fuck up. When you are alone, you can fess up to any mistakes you made without worrying about the judging eyes of others. Learn to forgive yourself. Own what you did and seek forgiveness from yourself, for yourself, rather than the other person you wronged. That person may never forgive you, yet alone see your changes, but you can and you will. Avoid social media and “fomo” One of the worst things you can do during isolation is browse social media. Social media should be used as a tool to communicate with others, not as a replacement. (Of course, given the circumstances it pretty much *had* to become a replacement, at least temporarily). But don’t spend so much time on social media that you begin comparing your life to others. Not only is it a reminder that you are all alone (and raise the anxious feelings associated with that if you haven’t truly mastered the art of being alone yet), but it just makes you feel like you aren’t doing enough in comparison to what *everybody else* is doing. It traps you back in that “approval seeking” mindset, rather than the self-expression one you are trying to achieve. Cut the crap and log off social media. Fully embrace isolation. At least for a while. You’ll feel a lot...healthier. Trust me. -- Wrapping up: In the times of our ancestors, being alone meant certain death. You needed a tribe to protect you. Thus, this feeling of anxiety that comes from being alone, the loneliness, stems from a hardwired instinct to survive. But it’s pretty easy to survive on your own nowadays. We’ve evolved past the need for a tribe to survive, culturally speaking, but mentally, our brains haven’t kept up. There was even a 2014 study from the University of Virginia where many people preferred an electric shock over spending a few minutes in isolation.(I can only imagine if they put them in quarantine like we are now. I can see people begging to be struck by lightning at this point.) Basically, our brains are hardwired to trigger fear when it comes to being alone, to the point where we can prefer real physical pain over the emotional pain of loneliness. Realize this and relax. You’re not going to die from being alone, and even if you did, death is nothing to fear. If anything, it’s an inspiration to live fully in the present, every single moment. We are evolved procrastin8rs. Embrace your laziness in your lonesome. Spend time with yourself and discover how awesome you really are, so that when the world opens back up, you are ready to share your best self. Use this isolation to level up your self-reliance game. Take it easy, N8 -- And in case you are completely alone during quarantine, next week, we'll dive into how to cope with a roommate or partner. Subscribe to the newsletter below so you don't miss it! Socializing While Social Distancing (How to be Social When You're Quarantined or Just Plain Lazy)5/6/2020 It’s been over a month in this quarantine. COVID-19 is still kicking society’s ass and we’re in the midst of a complete lock down. It’ll all blow over though...eventually. Don’t worry, we’ll get out of this, later, man.
Until then, what a time to be alive and embrace your laziness. Staying inside on the couch all day is what we’re required to do, which really isn’t a big deal when you’re an introverted procrastin8r. Social distancing is just a matter of being your lazy self. Sitting in isolation is the daily routine of a lazy man, whether there’s a global pandemic or not. Heck, if you're lazy enough and pay absolutely NO attention to the news, you’d probably have *no idea* there’s a serious viral outbreak going on. Quarantine has no effect on your lifestyle, in other words. But hey, maybe sometimes, bear with me now, you’d actually want to go hang out with friends. I know, I know, the couch and the bed are your two best friends, but even then perhaps you kind of want to see other people and ya know, socialize and shit. You may not be the most extroverted, but you probably do at least miss having some sort of company once in a while. Yet, right now, there are regulations in place preventing you from hanging out with people even if you wanted to. Kinda sucks. Face it, this forced lock down, no matter how lazy you are, gives us all a bit of Cabin Fever. And one of the symptoms of Cabin Fever is of course...loneliness. Unfortunately, you can’t leave your house and you can’t have any public gatherings, not that you’d do it that often anyway, but still, it was nice to have the option. That leaves you either sitting in solitude the whole time (which in all fairness can be quite fulfilling in being at ease with your own company) or finding ways to socialize without leaving the house. Given I’m the type of guy who rarely leaves the house and finds himself binge watching Netflix rather than out partying, I find this “new world order” quite refreshing. It allows me to feel heroic in simply doing what I already do (or don’t do for that matter). There’s no reason to feel distraught about being isolated during this quarantine. You may be alone, but you do not need to feel lonely. The only difference between loneliness and independence is attitude. Besides, just because you can’t be within six feet of your friends doesn’t mean you can’t hang out and have a good time together. Today, we’re gonna dive into how to socialize while social distancing -- that way you can be with your friends without actually being with your friends. You can fill the void of social interaction without risking the spread of a deadly virus. You can, in essence, be lazy and still be social. We’re gonna look at some of the “social activities” you can do while in quarantine. Let’s dive into it! 1. Stream a watch party Watching a TV show or movie together is one of the lamest, yet most effective, excuses to be “social”. I mean, c’mon, sitting there watching movie isn’t really social. Not really. You’re not talking. You’re not interacting. You’re not even looking at each other. Your attention (and theirs) is completely focused on the screen and the sounds (dialogue, music, effects) of the film. Yet, one of the most common activities between friends is to “go to the movies”. And of course there’s the ever notorious “netflix n’ chill” (which is of course blatantly using the watching as an excuse to participate in another activity). Anyway, it can be pretty fun to hear your friend or family belt out a laugh at a solid punch line and seeing their first reaction to a crazy plot twist you knew about is priceless. That said, while you can’t “gather together” and watch things on the same couch, you can be in separate houses and watch the same thing simultaneously using a few apps. Up first, there’s Metastream, which lets you pick a show from one of your favorite streaming platforms -- Netflix, Hulu, YouTube, etc. -- and watch it at the same time, complete with a chat box. Unfortunately, the chat in Metastream is TEXT only, so you won’t get to hear your friends or see the reactions on their faces, which is part of what makes watching together so great, to be honest. Nonetheless, this allows for “live commentary” so you can read all the insightful and witty commentary your friends make. Next up is Scener, which does have video chat, but is limited to Netflix only. Of course, there’s plenty of options to choose from on that platform alone. Another option is to set up a private Discord Channel (speaking of which, come join the ProcrastiN8rs one) Simply create a channel, call it whatever you want (Lazy Ass Friends), open up a Voice Chat and stream your own screen, then invite your friends to join. They can hop in with their microphone and even video camera. This allows the same effect as Scener but you’re no longer limited to just Netflix. Facebook also has a built in "Watch Party" feature. To use it, create or join a group then start watching videos. The only downside is your limited to what's available on FB video. The selection has been growing recently though. 2. Play board games virtually I’m a bit of a nerd and love playing board games. In literally the past decade, board games have really grown as a hobby and there’s a lot more board gamers now than there were when I was in high school and seen as a complete loser nerd. Anyway, board games inspire co-operation, competition, critical-thinking skills, and strategy. It’s a great blend of thinking and communicating. Of course, we can’t risk spreading the rona by passing around cards and dice (yet alone sitting at the same table less than six feet apart). Luckily, there’s an app for that. The game is called Table Top Simulator and is available on Steam (it often goes on sale but is pretty cheap otherwise). The game itself “simulates” playing a board game: shuffling the deck, picking up and flipping cards, rolling die, etc. It even has a VR option if you want to really want to “be there” in the room playing a board game with your friends/family. But a mouse and keyboard works just fine. By default, it has classic games like playing cards, chess, and checkers, but the real meat and potatoes comes from the Steam community. You can download extra content and add-ons to stimulate pretty much any game in existence. From Settlers of Catan to Arkham Horror to Zombicide. Nearly every board game you’d ever want to play is available as a Table Top Simulator add on -- for FREE (no additional charge) There was a night, my sisters and I actually played the thematically relevant game Pandemic, where the goal is to work together to find a cure for viruses and stop a global pandemic. We won and saved the world! (Hopefully a prophecy for real world events) You can even create your own custom board games too. Basically, you’re paying one price for access to an unlimited board game library. Not a bad deal. You get your board game fix, without having to make plans or leave the house. Perfect for quarantine or just being lazy. You can also play Magic the Gathering Online. Magic is the standard for any Trading Card Game (TCG). Unfortunately, this sort of limits the cards you can have as well as the “styles” you can play. And if you have a group that wants something more light-hearted and fun, available for free, you can play Cards Against Humanity Online with an app called All Bad Cards. No need to download anything. You can just play in your browser. If you haven’t played Cards Against Humanity yet, c’mon now, it’s 2020. That’s like saying you’ve never watched an Adam Sandler movie. It’s just become so ingrained in our culture that it’s pretty much a requirement to play in order to be a part of it. But okay, CAH is a card game (obviously) with some rather raunchy words and phrases. It’s pretty easy to play and is basically an R rated Apples to Apples. Anyone can pick it up (and they've probably played it already anyway). It’s a great way to just shoot shit and realize how corrupted the minds of your friends truly are. The other party board game I’d recommend is called Drawception, which is an online version and copycat of the game Telestrations. Telestrations, for those of you that don’t know, is basically Pictionary meets Whisper Down the Lane (or “Telephone”). It creates a hilarious atmosphere as you discover your friends' artistic talent (or lack thereof). it's one of the few games I don't really care about keeping track of score. 3. Start a DnD Campaign Some say DnD counts as a board game. Others say it doesn’t. I think it’s like ice cream. I mean sure, it’s a dessert, but it’s its own thing entirely! Similarly, there are table top/board game elements in DnD but it’s really its own category. It deserves tis own spot on my list, damnit! DnD or “Dungeons & Dragons” is a role-playing fantasy game, where players act like they are part of an adventure. It’s like playing pretend like you did as a kid...only with a 300 page rulebook. If Role Playing Games are ice cream then DnD is Ben & Jerry’s -- the king, the best, the cream of the crop. Well, maybe not the best but definitely, the “standard”. There’s Pathfinder, GURPS, and other role playing “systems”. Even those who play different Role Playing Games probably have, at some point, played DnD as well. Anyway, what happens is each player creates their own character. You have mighty paladins, drunken dwarves, orcs with bad tempers, whimsical wizards, and the like. You create who you want to be in this odd fantasy world. One person takes the role as the “Dungeon Master” (DM) and designs the storyline and events that happen to the other players and their characters. Players then make decisions based on what the DM presents to them. It’s sort of like Round Robin, that game you played around the campfire, adding to a story where another person left off, but with stats, character sheets, and RNG. Not only is it a great way to build friendships but also an opportunity to escape the covid reality for a bit and live in a different realm. You can use Table Top Simulator to roll dice and move miniatures and communicate on a chat app like Discord. 4. Play online games Of course no list of how to socialize while social distancing would be complete without mentioning online gaming. Online gaming is my “go to” procrastin8r activity when it comes to being social without leaving the house. I’ve met plenty of friends online through gaming, who ‘til this day, I still talk to. It’s a great way to bond over an activity while gaining cool achievements together. There are plenty of options that can suit your taste no matter which type of gamer you are. I’ll go over some of my favorite genres as well as a few of my recommendations for each genre. Shooter Nothing like grabbing a few guns and heading off to shoot shit with your buddies. It’s a great way to blow off steam as well as build communication skills. It’s satisfying getting a good kill streak or unlocking a super OP weapon or just causing mass mayhem with grenades and explosions. Here’s a few good shooter games/series I recommend... Destiny This is the ultimate co-op/PVM experience when it comes to wielding guns. Each member of your party has a certain role and it’s fun co-operating to bring down big baddies. As you shoot down hordes of enemies, you gain xp and unlock new shit, which makes replayability top notch. It does get a bit grindy in later levels, but hey, we got plenty of time to kill/grind during quarantine. Borderlands The “Diablo with guns” series. Nothing is quite as satisfying as finding that super rare grenade launcher you’ve been looking for or finding a cool shotgun with an acid mod. There are SO many guns and it’s fun to play around with them. Top it off with skill trees and special abilities and you’ve pretty much got yourself one of the most addicting first person shooter experiences you can find. Hunting down loot with a buddy and fulfilling nearly endless sidequests takes the cake. Overwatch One of, if not THE, best team-based shooter out there. So many characters, each with their own set of unique weapons, abilities, strengths, and weaknesses. From stealthy girl to “Get over here” shot gun bois to Angel healers, there’s definitely ONE that suits your playstyle. Left4 Dead & Warhammer Vermintide I put these two together because they're pretty much the same game with a different skin. Vermintide is often described as “Left 4 Dead” but in a medieval fantasy setting or “Skyrim for Dead”. (Somehow every single game that has a medieval theme is labeled as Skyrim, but I digress). Killing hoardes of enemies? Check. Unlocking new gear? Check. Playing through a storyline campaign together? Checkity check, check. This is pretty much everything you want in a co-op game. NOT Call of Duty Personally, I’m not a big fan of Call of Duty. Don’t get me wrong, CoD is a *solid* shooter. ...but that’s exactly what it is: a *solid* shooter. It doesn’t break the barriers in anyway or do anything unique. It’s good at what it does, but it doesn’t really shake the waters in any way or create a memorable experience. Even though, yes, there is multiplayer mode, CoD doesn’t really require much coordination or communication between teammates. It’s more like a “lone wolf” sort of style and you can pretty much do your own thing, regardless of what the other players on your team are doing. I prefer Battlefront (honorable mention) or Overwatch which requires more strategy and communication rather than run n’ gun. Real time Strategy These games really require a lot of planning and coordination, creating for a fun communication experience. And it’s in “real time”, meaning you’ve got to think quick on your feet. You ain’t got time to lay out full in-depth battle tactics. You can’t think for too long. Overall, mapping out a viable strategy for victory while simultaneously rolling with the punches makes for a challenging and captivating time together. Lately, I’ve been playing a lot of Age of Mythology, a classic RTS from the early 2000s. It basically takes all the cool shit from Age of Empires and adds mythological god powers and creatures. You can go for an all out brawl competitive style or aim to work together in co-op against other random players or AI. Starcraft and Warcraft are of course going to always be on any gamers “must-play” list. MOBA Take real time strategy and add action RPG elements to it and you’ve got yourself a MOBA, on basic terms anyway. It’s addicting. League of Legends This one hits the list because, I mean first of all, it’s free. That’s a pretty fair price point of entry. Second, it’s good at what it does. It’s the Magic the Gathering of the MOBA world and pretty much sets the standard. There are tons of characters and new updates. The first time I played this, I was saying “just one more round” for 14 hours straight. That became quite a routine in the coming months. Vainglory If you have a potato for a computer but a decent phone, this is an awesome option. It’s pretty much the closest thing to “LoA on Mobile” MMORPG Raids - this is where your in-game knowledge and skills are put to the test. Hopefully you don’t have a d-bag LEEEEEEROY JENKINSSSS as a friend. Chilling n’ leveling - like watching a movie, this is pretty much just an “excuse” for an activity especially if you’re training AFK skills that don’t require much clicking or input. My favorite MMORPG is RuneScape. I’ve played it off and on for the past 15 years. I’ve tried WoW. I’ve tried City of Steam, Drakensang, EverQuest, MapleStory, and dozens of others not even worth mentioning. While, they were fun for what they were, it just didn’t scratch the same sort of itch that Runescape does. Albion Online was the only thing that came even “close” to what RS is about. Just for Fun (Casual) Not all of your friends are hardcore gamers and that’s okay. Fortunately, you can get your gaming fix and they can have fun too with the casual party games. Here are some I reccomend: Pummel Party This is basically Mario Party without Nintendo chracters. ‘Nuff said. Fun quick minigames that put you head to head with other players. Insanity ensues. Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes One person is the diffuser, trying to diffuse the bomb and everyone else is an “expert” The catch? The diffuser can’t see the manual and the experts can’t see the bomb itself. Yelling at each other about which wire to cut or which keypad to press is inevitable. Jackbox Party Packs Each “pack” of the Jackbox series comes with an assortment of minigames that are easy to learn and quick to play. Best of all, only one person needs an actual copy of the game and can stream it. Everyone else can play in the browser on their phone or computer. Human Fall Flat Grabbing your buddy and throwing him off a cliff, the way you awkwardly walk around, everything about this game is hilarious. It’s a physics based platformer co-op game -- the physics of which are absolutely comical. Overcooked This is a co-op kitchen nightmare game. You work together to fulfill orders for customers, and by working together I mean trying not to kill each other. Luckily, in being isolated form each other, you won’t be able to strangle each other. Any game that has you screaming to your friends “Chop the onions faster!” in context gets the approval stamp in my book. Warning: This game may actually make you hate your friends more Add me on Playstation: N8zer 5. Have a remote Live Jam or Karaoke session If your friends are more of the musical type, or even if they’re not and are just drunk enough, you can get together on video chat via Discord, Skype, or Zoom and sing some karaoke songs, even if a bit off-key. C’mon and belt out those high notes. Break a glass or two. Plus, if your friends play an instrument, why not jam out some tunes? Put together your creativity and make some music, man. Not to brag, but I’m quite sick at the kazoo! -- As you can see, just because you’re socially distanced doesn’t mean you have to be completely anti-social. You may be isolated, but you are not alone. There are plenty of ways to hang out with friends, family, and even significant others during quarantine. You can always just pick up the phone and call for a chat. Old school. I know. Does anyone actually use a phone as a...phone, any more? But seriously, reach out to the people you care about. They’re probably feeling a little lonely too. It’s amazing what one conversation can do for building connection and rapport. That said, don’t rely too much on other people for your happiness. Ya gotta feel comfortable in your own skin, cozy in your own couch. Ya gotta embrace solitude. But that’s something we’ll cover...later. For now, don’t let the loneliness of cabin fever get to you. We’re all in this together. |
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