 Hey man, life sucks sometimes. Things don’t always go our way. Throughout our time here, we’re faced with a slew of unpredictable negative circumstances. Maybe you lose your wallet. Maybe you get ghosted by a person you were dating. Maybe the weather is rainy on a day you decide to have a picnic. Maybe someone leaves a huge dent in your car in the parking lot in a hit n’ run. Shit happens.It sucks. You could also make a mistake. You overspend your bank account and wind up paying out the wazoo in overdraft fees and can’t cover rent. You say something hurtful to someone you care about, something you didn’t truly mean but let it slip. Again, shit happens. Just flush it down, There are a lot of imperfections in life, whether you’re the cause of them or someone/something else is. That much is unavoidable. But what you can avoid, is completely blowing the issue out of proportion and making it a bigger deal than it really is. (Hint: it’s NOT a big deal at all)  We all tend to worry, to ruminate over and over again about just how bad we have it because of one thing that happened or another. We scrape our knee a bite and cry that it’s broken. We drop our phone and yell it’s busted (when there’s barely a scratch). Shit ain’t broken or busted, man. You just think that way. Really, we’re just exaggerating the issue. We’re “making a mountain out of a mole hill” as they say. We’re screaming we’re infected with blindness when a bit of dust hits our eye. We’re calling an iguana “GODZILLA!” Look, things are only as big of a deal as you make them. If something is completely detrimental to your livelihood, it’s only because you choose to believe it so. It’s not in the lazy man’s desire or interest to make a big deal about…anything really. After all, making it a big deal means making it a lot of effort to deal with. To be lazy, you must minimize effort and maximize results. So relax, and remember it’s no big deal. Today, we’re gonna look at how making shit a big deal really makes life a lot harder than it needs to be. We’re trying to take it easy in life, and part of that is making issues small and solvable, as opposed to big and impossible. And without further ado, let’s dive…right into it!  It’s All in Your Head. The “size of the deal” is completely under your own perspective, the way you view things. You determine how big things really are in your own mind. It’s not the issue itself, but the way you think about it that determines just how much impact a specific event or scenario has on your emotional well-being. If you’ve just gone through a break up, for example, you can make a big deal out of it and say you lost the love of your life and will now live forever alone, or you can see it as an opportunity to learn and grow and perhaps meet someone else even better later down the line. Fact of the matter is, a break up (or whatever sort of “bad thing” you’re going through right now) is just that -- a thing. It’s a thing that happened. Your interpretation of the event can either make that thing detrimental or “meh”. You choose how much of a fuck you are willing to give towards an issue. I mean, you may not choose exactly what happens, but you do choose how much you even care about it. Approach things with “Well that happened. I couldn’t care less.” You couldn’t give any less amount of fucks because you just don’t give any. It ain’t a big deal. Thinking to yourself “this is the worst possible thing that could happen to me” will in fact make it so. You may not be able to decide what happens to you but you do make the decision on how much (or how little) you let it affect you. You must remain unfazed by any sort of dilemma and setback. Think to yourself “ain’t no big deal” no matter what you come across, no matter what you face. Period. Failure to do so will only make the issue that much harder to deal with. You gotta take the easy way out and lean back and let it happen, as opposed to getting ridiculously upset about it and letting it put a damper in your mood. Now that ain’t to say you don’t do anything about the issue. That isn’t to say you don’t attempt to solve or fix it, but I’ll tell you one thing for sure either way….  Making a Big Deal About Shit Doesn’t Solve Anything Face it, no matter how much you bitch, whine, and complain about something, there ain’t nothing that’s doing to actually fix said issue you’re complaining about it. Don’t complain. Seriously. All it does is make you feel worse. All it does is damage your own self esteem. Making it out to be like it’s the end of the world, really doesn’t create a viable solution to the issue in the first place. Nor does it give you any sort of incentive to find one. It just puts you in a perpetual state of being unhappy with how things turned out and refusing to try and make things different. Heck, even if it was the end of the world, it’s not like you’re doing anything productive by pointing that out in a whiny voice. Look, I can’t tell you what a solution is to your problem you’re undergoing right now, but what I can tell you is that sittin’ around moaning about it ain’t it. It’s not going to get you out of your little conundrum. And you may say, but wait! It’s not lazy to actually do something about the issue! But I tell you, it’s a lot more effort to keep on bitching endlessly than it is to go damn solve the thing you’d be bitching about anyway. The mental and emotional energy it takes to beat yourself up over one thing or another is waaaay too much work for a procrastin8r. Just remember, the bigger deal you make something out to be, the bigger issue you’re making it for yourself to handle. The best way to handle an issue is to well, go right on ahead and handle it, rather than sit there and think about how bad it is. Take slow n’ steady steps towards finding a better solution.  Ask yourself: So What? Your computer won’t turn on and you have a zoom meeting coming up. So what? Rent is due and you can’t afford to pay it. So what? You lost your job because of a bunch of layoffs in the company. So what? No matter what shit you’re going through right now, seriously, SO WHAT? Often times, your imagination starts running wild and you literally start picturing worst case scenario, but I assure you: worst case scenario probably won’t happen... and even if it does, so what? So what? So what!? How could I say something like that to an issue so serious!? And that’s the thing cap, you’re taking it too seriously. Look, no one gets out of life alive anyway. Stop taking it so seriously. Stop turning things into a big issue every time something, even minuscule, goes wrong. Stop getting overly upset over little shit. It’s all little shit. All you’re doing is living in fear, fear of consequences. And if there are consequences, so what? It’s not like you couldn’t handle them. Oh what’s that? You say you CAN’T handle the consequences? Well certainly not if you’re gonna mope around and complain about ‘em. And even if you really, legitimately couldn’t no matter what you did or what you tried...so...fucking...WHAT!? So what? It’s really not that big of a deal. You’re working yourself up over nothing. And work is not the lazy way. The next time you’ve got something bothering you, instead of stressing out about it, instead of crying or yelling or screaming, just ask yourself: so what? And at that point, your brain might try to trick you. It might try to give you reasons to justify being explosively upset and stressed beyond belief. But don’t listen to that shit, man. Be in control of your emotions. Don’t let your emotions control you. And remember although you may be feeling stressed inside, that doesn’t mean you need to stress OUT and outwardly express that stress in a negative way (like crying or screaming). Stop thinking about the implications of an issue and instead focus on the solution, focus on coping with it maturely. Otherwise, you’ll drown yourself in fear of moving forward at all, yet alone slow n’ steady. So what if you’re feeling bad? While those feelings are legitimate. They don’t need to define you. A fuck up doesn’t make you a fuck up. It just means you fucked up. You fucked up. So what? Shit’s fucked. So what? Now to clarify by saying "So What?" you're not dismissing it, not entirely. You're just not making it out to be a ridiculously detrimental big deal. Don’t fucking make it any worse by making it a big deal.  Take it Easy.
Easy come. Easy go. Think of your problems as easy and they will easily go away (or be solved for that matter). If you make things out to be hard, or otherwise a “big deal”, you ain’t livin the easy breezy lemon squeezy lazy life you want to be living. You have to adjust your attitude a bit. Think of it like playing on Easy mode. Any sort of challenge or enemy you come across is so easily beatable that it really ain’t worth making a fuss over at all. You’ll get past it no problem, without even thinking twice. Imagine playing a video game you beat on the hardest difficulty and then going back to play on the easiest one. You’d be kicking absolute ass. You wouldn’t sweat anything. Like not only are you familiar with the level layouts and enemy patterns, now they’re significantly less of a threat in easy mode compared to the hardest difficulty, so you’ll pass them with hardly any effort at all. That must be your approach in life. “This is easy mode and I already beat it on the hardest difficulty.” It’s a sort of “Been there, done that” vibe that you must encompass at all times. If you are able to think of your issues as small, you’ll notice you’ll be able to lean back and tackle them nice n’ easy. Don’t sweat the small shit. It’s all small shit. It’s not the lazy way to work yourself out tirelessly and get all sweaty. Be lazy. Do the lazy thing and stop making a big deal out of shit.
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You’re lazy. You like to take it easy. You only like to put in as much effort as necessary to get what you want. Hard work and diligence -- you ain’t about that life. You take pride in your work ethic, or lack thereof. Whatever happens, happens, man. You are ever encompassing a Dude demeanor, or a lazy aura if you will. You’re so relaxed about life that nothing really bothers you, or shakes you out of your bed for that matter. After all, dealing with it is just extra work, man. Fuck that.  It’s not the lazy way to make a fuss over things when they get out of hand. Getting overly upset about shit is quite simply, more effort than a true lazy person would ever want to invest. I mean you spend time ruminating over negative thoughts and feelings, crying, yelling, kicking, and screaming. Man, I’d rather just take a nap and forget about it than go through that whole painstakingly awful ritual. Problems come and go, man. You ain’t gotta worry. Just let bygones be bygones. Flush shit down the toilet. Don’t let it sit in the bowl. It’s gross and unhealthy to worry and let negative thoughts and feelings about a particular event in your life linger on and on perpetually. Today, we’re gonna talk about how to handle your problems the lazy way, and remain cool, calm, and laid back no matter what. And without further ado, let’s dive...right into it!  Worrying is more work than it’s worth. No matter how bad it is, worrying will only make things worse and not to mention, tougher to cope with. You’re only making it harder on yourself when you choose to worry and yes, worrying is something you do in fact choose to do. Now that ain’t to say, you’re gonna avoid any and all negative shenanigans completely, but to pine on it endlessly, to harp on the pain you feel for ages, that’s something you decide to do. You can instead, relax and let it go. You can handle all the shit life throws at you with absolute poise and grace. Look, life ain’t always smooth. Shit happens. You can’t always control every little aspect of your life and undoubtedly, cause stress at some point. But that doesn’t mean you should fail to react in a smooth way when shit hits the fan. Embrace your inner-sloth and be smooth in your reactions to the troubles you face. I mean, living a lazy, stress-free life, doesn’t necessarily mean your life is completely “smooth sailing”, in the sense that things always go right, they always go your way. No. Life is inevitably plagued with constant stressors. That much you can’t prevent or control. Fasten your seatbelt! You’re in for a bumpy ride! Thing is though, you’re in the driver’s seat. You can’t choose what exactly the conditions on the road are, but you can choose how you handle the wheel. In other words, the people you know, the environment, the words and actions of others are all things on the outside (of your car) that you can’t control. They are the road. Sometimes it’s smoothly paved. Other times, there are pot holes. Sometimes it’s a beautiful drive out in the sun. Other times there’s a huge line of traffic during the pouring down rain. There are both good experiences and bad ones in this “road of life”. Sometimes you make great friends, other times they betray you. Sometimes you get praised for your accomplishments, other times your good deeds go completely ignored. You, as the driver, choose how to handle these road hazards and situations accordingly. In the traffic, you can slam on the horn and scream in a fiery road rage. Or remain cool, calm, and laid back about the whole situation, not letting it faze you for a second. You can turn on the radio and jam out to some tunes, instead of emitting a honking noise from your car in an attempt to force the flow of traffic to move faster. (There’s no reason to get mad at traffic anyway. The lazy man is never in a rush. Low and slow is the way to go.) As you drive by the sunset, you can enthusiastically stick your head out the window like a dog with the wind in your face. Or just lean back and enjoy it, without going overboard.  What I’m getting at here, while outside circumstances are beyond your capabilities to change, you have full control over what’s going on on the inside. If you see a deer in the headlights. You choose how to navigate this situation. Do you slam on your brakes? Swerve around? Floor it? The choice is yours. You didn’t choose to place the deer there. You didn’t schedule for it to be right there at that right exact moment as you drove down that specific road. A lot of the shit we come across in life is completely both unplanned and unpredictable. Your refrigerator breaks.. Your significant other decides to leave you. A global virus outbreak strikes. You lose a vital source of income, a good-paying gig. You know, the usual “stresses” that life has to offer. Despite whatever sort of pain or stress you’re experiencing, while it no doubt, put bluntly, absolutely sucks, you have to realize that you choose how to react to it, you choose how to handle it. You’re behind the steering wheel. What happens outside your vehicle is in no way part of your discretion, but the pedals, wheel, turn signal, and horn are all tools you have to make due with whatever you come across. Likewise, you have inner emotional tools that you can use to handle things. The main key to remaining cool, calm, and laid back is knowing this, knowing you have the power to decisively decide on your reaction to any situation that life interrupts you with. A smooth life, in sum, is not about having nothing go wrong. It’s about choosing the right thing when something wrong happens.  Being stressed does NOT mean you need to stress OUT. Whether it's a customer refusing to wear a mask, a dog that literally shits in your yard, or pressure to pay the bills on time during a friggin apocalypse, there are many factors in life that cause stress. Stress is a natural instinct. It’s pre-wired in our brains What isn’t natural though, and within our conscious choice to decide whether or not to do so, is to let the stress get under our skin and react with some sort of outburst. Stress is basically a built-in alert system, dating back to our ancestors, that warns us “Death is coming!” It’s an instinct we picked up for survival. When predators were about, our ancestors would feel stress in order to know to be alert about a formidable foe. When they were low on food supply, our ancestors would feel stress to remind them they needed to go out on a hunt soon or gather more berries. You see, stress is designed to tell us something important and how to deal with the situation. However, allowing stress to get the best of us and using it as a burden rather than as a tool, creates a more stressful situation than the initial stress ever was to begin with. Of course,unlike our ancestors, most situations you find yourself in aren’t gonna be life or death. It’s not that stressful. Also, we have the ability to think a bit more rationally and logically, instead of relying on pure gut instinct. We can make decisions based on the stress we feel. If your job is stressing you out, you can decide to continue schlepping to hell or go ahead and quit you 9 to 5 and make money from the couch instead. Or...I mean, you could stress OUT and yell at your boss or freak out at an innocent customer for no reason.  Stress is inward. It’s the inner-feeling and pain you feel. Stress is inevitable. It’s there for a reason though. Ultimately, it’s the inner-voice just trying to increase your odds of survival. But again, you ain’t gon’ die! So let it have its say, but don’t let it make the commands, ya dig? How you display that stress, how you react to it, outwardly is where remaining cool, calm, and laid back comes in. The things you do, the words you say, on the outside, that is something you must realize you have authority over. You are taking that inner-stress and putting it to the outside world. In other words, keep stress as a passenger and don’t let him grab the wheel. Living “stress-free” doesn’t mean you won’t ever, ever, EVER feel stress, or have to hop on board your vehicle for that matter. It means you won’t let it get to you. You remain unhinged, unfazed. It means you don’t let it drive you (crazy). When you give stress the wheel, you’re gonna crash!  Your inner-turmoil does not need to be outer destruction. Stepping back and realizing that stress isn’t some sort of dictator; it doesn’t make the decisions unless you let it, is what allows you to stay calm. You have to be aware of your stress without making it a priority to put that stress in the outer world. Keep that inside. Think of a calm and stoic Buddhist monk. He’ll purposefully make himself suffer the stress of starving or standing still in the same spot for hours. He does this to train his mind to be aware of how he feels when he’s stressed - the bodily sensations, the thoughts, the emotions, and then practices appearing calm on the outside, despite the inner-turmoil. When you are at peace of mind, there’s no amount of shit that can bother you and you can in turn, create a peaceful, Dude-abiding aura Allow stress to, quite controversially, relax you. Sure, your heart rate may increase, you may even tremble or star sweating, but don’t let that dictate how you behave. Don’t let the way you feel be the sole determining factor on how you speak and how you act. Be in control of your emotions. Don’t let your emotions control you.  Being in control of your emotions does NOT mean you are emotionLESS. Now when I say “control your emotions”, I don’t mean to become this uncaring heartless bastard. No matter how you swing it, you’re going to feel emotions, whether that’s stress or grief or something else equally as negative, you are going to in fact feel that pain inside. Being in control of your emotions doesn’t mean you ignore your feelings either. If anything, it means you have a high level of emotional awareness and listen to them very well. You listen to what your emotions are trying to tell you and make a proper judgement accordingly. You are the parent to the child and don’t allow any sort of outer temper tantrum happen. You remain poise and stern.. Ignoring your feelings would mean you’re simply bottling them up and bottling up emotions just causes them to explode sooner or later. There’s only so much room in the bottle. Controlling your emotions is about pouring that bottle out steady so it doesn’t spill all over the floor. It’s about allowing your emotions to be constructive rather than destructive. It’s listening to what they (your emotions) have to say and setting the best course of action. If you’re feeling angry that your mother refuses to go to the doctor. You may want to argue and yell at her. That anger you feel (your emotion at the time) is a legitimate concern for your mother’s health. It stresses you that she refuses to see a doctor and you feel that stress why? Because of a deeper concern. But again, stressing OUT about that situation and placing the burden you feel on the inside into the outer world is simply no bueno It’s no good. It does nothing to either make you feel better or solve the situation at hand. All it does is create more problems. You must be aware of your emotions without letting them take over.  Relax, it ain’t a big deal. Whatever shit you’re going through right now...It’s not the end of the world. It’s really not. (even with coronapocalypse going on, though ti may seem like it) You know one of the reasons, life seems so difficult or whatever stressful situation you’re facing right now seems so difficult is because we have the habit of making it out to be a really, really HUGE deal. It’s like diving off the high board into a pool. To an Olympic diver, it’s just another day in the life. To you, it might seem like a fearful height to even make an attempt to do such a thing. Thing is, when you make something a big deal, you’re bound to stress about it. I mean heck, even going back to the driving analogy. When you first started driving, all the different functions of the car seemed so...overwhelming. You might’ve gotten a little sweaty learning how to properly merge onto the highway or linear park on a busy street. Now, it’s second-hand nature. It’s just something you do. Now you drive with ease, without even thinking about it. Approach any problem you face like it’s second-hand nature. As if you’ve seen it all, heard it all, done it all before. The bigger deal you make it out to be, the bigger amount of stress you’ll feel inside, and the bigger amount of temptation you’ll hold to let that stress OUT. While you can’t avoid feeling any amount of stress, you can prevent it from accumulating into a larger amount of stress than you can handle. Take it easy. Life is only as hard as you make it out to be. It’s not so much the events taking place that make life hard, it’s your own inner interpretation of said events that does.  Take a deep breath Breathe. Seriously. Just...breathe. And let out a good yawn. You want to talk about being cool, calm, and laid back. Well, yawning literally cools your brain. It reduces stress. It makes you feel...a lot better. Studies have actually shown how yawning can be a small, yet effective positive thing to do. It’s amazing how one little thing like taking a deep breath can benefit you and your ability to stay cool headed (literally). Breathing deeply allows you to calm down and focus. It allows you to work on the problem rather than get worked up. It gives you that extra boost of peace and level-headedness that you need to deal with shit. It allows you to take a (slow n’ steady) step back and look at the situation form a third person perspective, without getting too attached to it all emotionally. Always take a deep breath before making a decision, before choosing a reaction. It’s honestly a low cost and low effort way to relax and embrace inner-sloth.  Float on
Man, I say it all the time, but just go with the flow, dude. You can’t be cool, calm, and level-headed if you’re aggressively trying to swim against the current, if you’re feverishly trying to change things you flat out can’t change even if you wanted to. You’ve got to...let it be. Let things be the way they are. Make peace with your inner feelings about that, but don’t stress yourself out by trying to change everything all at once. Things can and will change. For the better, too. But all that...takes time. We have the vaccine now for coronavirus. It’s the light at the end of the tunnel. Things are looking up. Man, for a while, surely we were living in hell. It seemed that way. Felt that way. But it wasn’t. We all float on. The same principle applies to our personal lives too. It may look like hell with what’s going on, but just go with it. It’s not as cursed as you make it out to be. Again, you’re making it all a bigger deal than it really is. While you might feel stress about it, you ain’t gotta let that stress corrupt you. Stress is just telling you “do something to survive”. You’ll survive though. You’ll get through. Overall, if I had to summarize the mindset you want to achieve in one line or catchphrase it’s this: “It’s all good. I’ve got this.” Tell yourself that. Right now. Say it. “It’s all good. I’ve got this.” That’s the attitude you want right there. Repeat that to yourself until it’s ingrained in your brain. Being able to say that and really believe that is really what allows you to remain cool, calm, and laid-back at all times. As always, embrace your laziness because it’s all good. You’ve got this. Take it easy, N8 Being right feels awesome! We all want to hold the truth , to wield the power to convince anyone that what we’re saying is in fact the only way to see it. Being right gives us a sort of victorious feeling, like we are “holier than thou”, more knowledgeable, more moral, or overall just better than another person. It’s natural to defend ourselves and our points of view when they are challenged, but sometimes ya gotta take the “L” and move on. Just relax and let it go. Let go of the need to be right. Let other people either be wrong or disagree with you. You may think that if you’re right all the time (or at the very least insist on being so) that you’re awesome and people will respect, but quite the contrary, insisting on being right all the time does nothing but make you look like a complete dick. No one likes the dude (or dudette) who makes a really big fuss whenever someone even slightly disagrees with him/her. Chill dude, ain’t everybody gonna see it the way you do. Plus, as much as you’d probably hate to admit it, sometimes you’re actually the one who is wrong.  What I’m getting at here is that being right ain’t as cool as being understanding. Even if you’re right about how dumb that dress looks or about how a 9 to 5 job is bullshit or how pineapple does NOT belong on pizza, whatever it is you believe you’re right about, there’s really no sense in arguing. I mean heck, you could be right. And further heck, the other person could be totally and utterly WRONG. But just because you are right, and the other person’s wrong, doesn’t mean you have to go out of your way (and off the couch) to prove it. I mean proving you’re right, what does that win you anyway? The satisfaction in knowing your right? Maybe some boost to the Ego? Being able to say “I’m right, you’re wrong nah nah nah nah boo boo.” You don’t win a goddamn thing. Not anything worthwhile anyway. Not to mention, you probably damage the relationship between you and the other person. You may hurt them in the process of “winning” the debate. And in this debate, there is no winner, You’re at a bigger loss in proving you’re right than being right even has to offer anyway. And it takes a lot of effort to argue. The frustration. The headaches. The yelling back n’ forth. The struggle to overpower your opponent in a debate Ughh. All that just to be able to pat yourself on the back and say “Good job , me. I knew I was right all along.” Pathetic. Lots of effort. No results. That’s not the lazy way. The lazy man doesn’t always need to be right nor does he try to be. Even if he is right, he doesn’t get off his ass to try and convince someone else he is. Ultimately, the reason why we even want to be right in the first place comes down to our own inner desire to feel accepted. It’s really a fear of rejection. It’s all Ego-driven shit. By attempting to force people to accept you and your opinions, you are in turn acting unaccepting. You are valuing pride over compassion. Now I ain’t sayin’ you should just shut up and never defend yourself and your opinions. No. What I am saying though is that you don’t push your opinion on other people. You must learn to accept disagreement. You’re just a dude with an opinion and couldn’t care less whether or not people disagree with the way in which you see things. Today, we’re gonna get into how to be just a dude with an opinion and not a egotistical bastard that always insists on having it “my way or the highway”. And without further to do, let’s dive...right into it!  Rather than trying to be accepted, aim instead to accept We want to be right because our opinions to be validated - to have someone say “Ya know what, you’re right!” But that’s not always gonna happen. That’s not always the case. People are gonna disagree with you and quite frankly call out your bs. You can’t seek validation of your opinion or otherwise all the time. You have to validate yourself. You can tell yourself “Hey, I’m right and I know it”, without explicitly telling that to the other person. It’s better to be willing to accept what the other person has to say, rather than forcibly make them accept what you have to say. Now to clarify, accepting another person’s point of view doesn’t necessarily mean you agree with them, nor does it mean you’re admitting defeat for that matter. Accepting simply means allowing them to hold a different opinion than you, without trying to force a change upon them. Thing is, they probably won’t change their mind anyway, and even if they do, it’s really not gonna make (either of) you happy to do so. As frustrating as it may be to hear a person call you out on bullshit and all the flaws in your point of view, it’s even more frustrating to let that put a damper in your otherwise great relationship or friendship. Relax and just accept that you don’t exactly see eye to eye on certain things.  Rather than trying to be understood, aim instead to understand. We want to be right because we want to be understood. If someone else understands us (and our point of view) then we know we aren’t alone. All we want is to be heard. To have someone listen to our opinions and nod their head. But man, ya gotta realize, you’re interacting with a whole other human being. They’re a real person with their own sets of beliefs and experiences. Take (slow n’ steady) time to listen to what they have to say. Because just as much as you want to be heard and understood, so do they. Ironically, in attempting to be less alone by seeking to be understood, we in fact make ourselves a lot more lonely. When one of you insists on being right,that is when one of you insists that they must be understood, all it does is separate you two. Not to mention, it’s a helluva lot more work to go through a debate than to just sit there and listen. Building companionship is about being open to how the other person sees things. It’s about allowing each other to have a voice or say in the matter, even if at the end of the day you see it differently. It’s easier and lazier to seek to understand than it is to try and get someone to hop on board withchy’all . Two opposing opinions inevitably leads to an argument, so the best way to avoid said argument is not to see it as opposing views but as different views. Try to understand where the person is coming from, no matter how different it is from your perspective. Seeing each other’s perspective - that’s what brings us together, not proving the other person wrong or trying to get them to “understand” why you see things the way you do. See things the way they see it. I’m not saying agree with them or to just chalk it up as a “admit they’re right” sort of thing, but SEE why they see things the way they do. Take a look through their eyes. Ya know, you can really save yourself a lot of future drama if you do that. The lazy man’s life is a drama free zone. Misunderstanding, or otherwise refusing to listen because you’re too busy talking about being right and how that’s so, is the fundamental cause of drama, but that’s another topic. What I’m saying is, in order to minimize effort and maximize results, in order to achieve true laziness in its purest form, you must aim to understand another person as much as you can.  Admitting you’re wrong doesn’t make you weak Sometimes, your opinion is wrong, dead wrong. And ya know, you’d hate to admit it. You’d hate to say “Gee, I really got that wrong. Ya know what. Shit.” It’s a real blow to the Ego to wind up confessing just how skewed your points of view were. We hate saying “I was wrong” almost as much as we love saying “I was right.” Facts. Mostly because we feel like an idiot when something we strongly believe turns out being the completely wrong way to see things. To that I say: Embrace the idiot. Be stupid. We’re all learning and growing. We’re all an idiot in some fashion. There are things you don’t know. There are things I don’t know. Being able to admit your wrong is part of leveling up. It’s part of maturity. Being able to look back and be like, yeah, that opinion I had was totally fucked up, is a mark of true confidence and inner-strength. Admitting you’re wrong doesn’t make you weak. Actually insisting you’re right, even when you know too damn well you are wrong is the weak move. I mean that just reeks of insecurity. It communicates you don’t have the strength to be vulnerable. Seriously, if you can’t fess on up on being wrong, you might as well wear a diaper, little toddler. Yes, coming in clean with saying how you were wrong does make you vulnerable, but vulnerability is NOT to be confused with weakness. Vulnerability is the ability to come forward with your fuck ups and then withstanding any sort of negative reaction you may face in exposing your flaws, with poise and grace. Hiding flaws (or failing to fess up when you’re wrong) is an evasive, insecure move. It’s subconsciously communicating “I don’t have the balls to be able to say I fucked up.” On the other hand, coming forward with a “I was wrong” is strong as hell. It’s ballsy af. It’s putting yourself out there, ready to be shot at. It’s running into the battlefield naked and unarmed….and not giving a flying fuck. And that’s pretty bad ass. We all had some wrongful opinions here and there. (Jeez, don’t even get me started on how many dumb ass warped opinions I had as a teenager.) Just take it easy, and don’t be ashamed of whatever sort of messed up opinion you had and know the wiser now. Don’t double down on it to be right. You weren’t. Get over it. Say it with with me now: I’m not always right.  You can’t change every opinion you disagree with. Disagreement can be the bane of any relationship, but it doesn’t have to be. You have to take the attitude of: “It’s a shame they don’t see it my way.” or as the Dude puts it “Yeah, well, that’s just like...your opinion, man. Don’t get so caught up with trying to make people hold the same exact opinion as you do. While it may not be something you like, it doesn’t mean you have to fire up drama. You wouldn’t want someone shoving their opinion down your throat. No one likes the Jehovah witness in their life. So don’t try to shove your own opinion down the throats of others. Look, it’s the lazy way to not let some sort of disagreement fire you up. You gotta lean back and take the “whatever” approach. Like, whatever, man. That’s their opinion. Good for them. Sure, maybe you could convince them to change their mind about something, but doing so doesn’t bring the two of you any closer. In fact, it’ll only make them hesitate being true to you and expressing any sort of disagreement in opinion. Hearing the truth from your friends and family, allowing them to feel comfortable expressing their mind, is the foundation for healthy and strong relationships. You don’t want them to feel like they have a choice to either agree with you or get into some sort of fight. Look at it this way, when someone disagrees with you, they are being honest. They are being true to themselves. By insisting that you’re the one who’s right all the time (and even if you are), you are telling them that they can’t really be themselves in front of you. You are telling them “be like me.” And that’s no way to foster any sort of friendship. Humble yourself a bit and be willing to agree to disagree.  You can either be right or be happy.
At the end of the day, struggling to be right is nothing but a burden. It’s extra work to do. It’s extra effort to put into something not very rewarding. Benign right doesn’t make you happy. If anything, it makes you less so. You’ll feel like shit for being such an inflexible asshole to the people in your life that you care about. Besides, it’d be kind of boring if we all thought and acted the same. We’re not some sort of machine or clone. We’re all individuals. Part of what makes life so fascinating is having individuals with their own backgrounds and sets of beliefs, not some sort of collective brain. You may shake your head and disagree with that statement right there, and that, in its very self, is awesome. See, we don’t have to all regurgitate the same ideas and points. We have the ability to think for ourselves. We’re conscious beings. Rather than aiming to be right, aim to see that you’re not the center of the universe. Each person has their own “center”. Your friend or family member ain’t just a side character to YOUR story. They each have their own story. Trying to be right is trying to make yourself the protagonist in a world where there is none. There is no clearly defined protagonist here. You’re not it. I’m not it. The world is full of different people, different stories. You’re no hero. And being right doesn’t make you one either. Let go of the need, that selfish desire, to prove that you’re right consistently. It’s an addiction. You’ll find you’ll be much happier in listening and understanding those in your life than you ever will if you insist on “winning” a debate whenever there’s even a slight difference in opinion. Be willing to accept the different views and opinions in the world. After all, that’s what builds peace and harmony. Arguably, much of the conflict, if not all of it, in today’s modern world (and even throughout history) comes down to people’s inability to allow there to be a disagreement. It comes down to people insisting that the way they see the world is correct and true. So much progress could be made towards world peace, if, on an individual level, we decide to let go of being right in our personal relationships. But, you’re open to disagree with me on that. Take it easy, N8 You went and did it. You went and fucked up, didn’t you? You made a big mistake and you’re trying to figure out what the hell to do about. Maybe you got in a fight with your significant other. Maybe you let down a good friend. Maybe you did something detestable at work that nearly got you fired (the day job you’re looking to quit anyway but not quite yet).  Whatever the case may be, you went and fucked it up pretty damn bad. And lemme guess. You want to fix it, huh? Of course you do! You’re searching the Interwebs for some band-aid solution to fix your job, relationship or what have you. You’re in pain right now and it seems like the best way to heal that pain is to well, fix whatever schitty-a-tion ya got yourself in. Well, I’d hate to break it to you, but there’s really not much you can do about it. Shit’s fucked up and that’s how it is. You’ve just got to accept that. You’ve got to forgive the fact that it happened. Like it or not. Furthermore, while fixing the issue may be the obvious solution, it’s not the ONLY solution. Another solution can be, well, to move on. Now I know, that probably doesn’t seem like something you want to do nor does it make you feel good or remove that sour taste in your mouth, but I ain’t here to blow sunshine up your ass. I ain’t about to give you false hope that whatever sort of shit you got yourself stuck in is easily solvable or even solvable at all. You’ve got to face the mere fact that you somehow fucked up and there’s no going back. And sure, you might be able to fix it. But at this point, you gotta rule out that possibility entirely. You’ve got to be able to go with the flow. Adapt to what happened. Don’t try to change it. It’s better to admit something is broken than to attempt to fix the unfixable. Now I don’t say that to make you feel downhearted and hopeless, quite the opposite in fact. I say that to inspire you to let bygones be bygones -- to let fuck ups be fuck ups. And most importantly, you’ve gotta forgive yourself. But I already went into great detail last week on how to go about forgiveness, and I recommend familiarizing yourself with that material before reading this article. Thing is, there really isn’t a one stop solution to fixing your fuck up. Fortunately though, you can take steps to prevent your fuck up from becoming any worse. Think of it as how to not fuck up a fuck up. That’s what we’re going to cover here today. I mean you already fucked up. At this point, your goal is not necessarily to make it better, contrary to popular belief. But to just not make it any worse than it already is. I know. Sounds a bit counter-intuitive. You’ve probably been led to believe that the best way to handle your problems is to tackle them. Head on. But I’m here to tell you that’s not only inefficient, it’s just simply impractical. Anyway, without further ado, let’s dive….right into it!  You can’t unfuck yourself once you're fucked. The universe is moving perpetually towards more fuckery, “chaos” as the scientists put it. Certainly, you can create a better future and avoid the mistakes, the fuck ups, that got you to where you are in the first place, but you can’t change what actually took place. See, you can’t actually “fix” a fuck up. You can’t go back. What’s done is done. But you can adapt to the fuck up. I’ll talk briefly about what I mean, but again, I want to focus here today on what NOT to do once you fuck up. A tree cut down can’t become a tree again. It’s now a log. Once something is destroyed or otherwise altered at a fundamental level, there’s no going back or reverting it to its prior state. Perhaps it can reach a similar state, but it will never be exactly the same. Think of it like leftovers. You can freeze and reheat them all you want, but it ain’t gonna taste the same as when it was cooked and served fresh. The same principle applies to the mental and emotional space we live in. Shit changes once it’s fucked. You may have just permanently scarred your relationship or opportunity. But don’t let that discourage you. A log can be fucked even more and burn into ashes. Those ashes can be fucked and used to make soap or even make an insect repellent. What I’m getting at here is that just because you fucked up in one way or another doesn’t mean you are fucked completely. The reality in which you lived no longer exists, that’s all. It’s time to adapt to the new reality or set of realities you’re experiencing. This is about not becoming too attached to the past and being open to how fucked the universe becomes, even if you, as a freethinking being, caused that fuckery. The interesting thing about all this, this life, this universe, is that everything in existence, plants and animals, even non-living things, experience this “fuck”. We all experience the ever-changing chaos. A deer, for example, loses his home because someone decided to build a house there. What sets us apart as human beings is that we experience all these rapid changes consciously.  We are aware of the happenings, all the fuckeries, and the implications of them. And not only do we experience them, but we also have the power to create them. A deer is not consciously aware of the bigger picture of how someone decided to start a construction project in his domain. All he knows is there’s some other animal taking over his territory with some sort of destructive process. It’s way above his head how that’s all happening. He doesn’t make a decision here about what to do about it either. He just relies on pure instinct - survival. If we were that deer, or perhaps if the deer had the same level of conscious awareness as we humans are, we’d take the act of someone destroying our home as a personal insult, as some sort of attack or invasion. The deer doesn’t have this concept, nor does any other animal really. One could argue that the deer does in fact feel emotional pain (and of course physical), but the ability to process how or why that pain is there, yet alone make a decision on how to react to it is something beyond its capabilities. It may fuck up and stand in the headlightsto get hit by a speeding pickup truck. If it ever had the chance to learn from this mistake, it would be reliant on instinct alone (bright lights = death!), not some sort of rationale of what a vehicle even is. That’s what sets us apart! The ability to rationalize and think about our experience as it’s happening. In short, as humans, we are consciously aware of times when we fucked up and when we get fucked over. A mouse doesn’t “fuck up” by choosing to settle in your home. He’s just looking for a place with food and that can keep him warm. He ain’t thinking “Oh I’m gonna sneak into these people’s home and steal from their pantry while they're asleep.” He relies on instinct to find food and that just happened to be in your home. Now we might think to ourselves “Oh that little guy fucked up” and react with a strategic plan of setting up traps. But he didn’t fuck up, conciously, anyway. The universe kind of fucked up in that sense. The mouse being part of the universe caused “a fuck.” As beings with consciousness, we like to add personification to things that lack the level of consciousness that we have, like thinking “the little mouse bastard fucked up by coming here,” as if he decisively made a plan of action to infiltrate your home.  We make decisions. We make choices. The pain you feel when you fuck up is really an enlightenment of “Wow, I had the power to change the entire course of the universe through my own words or actions.” You’re a fucking creator. Now sometimes you create good things. Sometimes you create bad. But either way, you totally fucked the universe. You in some fashion created your current reality, as fucked as it is. You’re responsible for that. It’s an extraordinary concept to think about. Woah dude, gettin’ deep n’ shit. But seriously, that means you can choose the way you “fuck” in the future. So now with that deep philosophical discussion out of the way, let’s take a look at how to not fuck up your fuck up (and make it worse….a LOT worse)  DON’T Make Excuses So you fucked up. Now you’re gonna excuse yourself for your actions, words, or behavior telling yourself that it’s just “who you are” as a person. You scoffed down a box of a dozen donuts when you were trying to lose weight because you’re a “fat piece of shit” You just went through a huge break up recently because you’re a “hopeless romantic.” You just screamed at your boss because you have anger issues. Look... I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, louder for the people in the back: Just because you FUCK UP, doesn’t mean you are A FUCK UP. Stop making excuses for yourself. Remember, you are the creator. You have the power to create the identity you see yourself as. Don’t define yourself by your mistakes. Don’t believe you are a fuck up just because you fucked up. It’s not who you are or what you’re about, not fundamentally. It’s a fuck up and it happened. Come to grips with that, but don’t be saying it’s a personality trait or anything. While you can’t change what happened. What’s done is done. What’s fucked is fucked. You can certainly change what you do and how you behave in the future. You’re not relying on pure instinct. You are a thinking, rational being. You decide what you do and how you do it. There’s no arbitrary force compelling you to act a certain way. Not unless you yourself write it to be that way. By telling yourself that you’re a loser or whatever horrible title you denounce yourself as, you will in turn do things that fit the negative role you set yourself up to be. By excusing yourself or writing off your fuck ups as some sort of definition of your character, you are making it impossible to actually learn from them and adjust in the future. You fucked up. Make no excuses for it. It doesn’t matter what you were thinking and feeling at the time. If you do excuse yourself, you’ll only give yourself greater reason to fuck up in the same way if a similiar set of circumstances arises. For example, if you fucked up by yelling at your significant other after “a stressful day at work”, then you’re using the “stressful day at work” as an excuse to act irritable. Not cool, dude. (You shouldn’t be schlepping to work at a 9 to 5 to begin with. But that’s another topic.) You get the point though. You’re responsible for your own emotions and how you react to them. Certain shit is gonna make you feel...well, rather shitty. But that’s NO EXCUSE to act shitty. You can fuck up once in a while. It happens to the best of us. But to consistently fuck for the same reason, under the same set of circumstances, that would go beyond just fucking up. That would make you a fuck up. But even still, you don’t have to define yourself that way, or be that way for that matter, as long as you are willing to cut out the excuse making and take responsibility for your own actions, despite how shitty you may be feeling.  DON’T Make a Scapegoat A scapegoat is an object of blame. That could be a person or a thing, but it’s basically a token that represents the notion that “it’s not my fault, it’s theirs!” While an Excuse is Internal, like the way you are feeling, a Scapegoat is External, like someone close to you. Whenever we make a poor judgement decision, it’s so easy to place the burden of guilt and responsibility on someone or something else. We blame the computer for not working properly the night a paper’s due, when it was us that decided to procrastinate and wait ‘til last minute to even start it. It’s not the computer’s fault the paper didn’t get written in time. We blame our wife, husbands, boyfriend, girlfriend, neighbor’s cat, mother father, that damned mouse -- anybody but our own damn selves. One fo the worst things you can do when you fuck up is to fail to admit that it was in fact your OWN fuck up. It was in fact your fault Sure maybe someone or something else fucked you over, but it was your decision, your choice, to react to it in the way that you did or maybe it was decisions prior to that that inevitably led to certain circumstances (eg. deciding to wait ‘til the last minute) And look, I ain’t sayin don’t procrastinate. Heck, just look at the title of this blog. But don’t blame something external for own damn procrastination. Procrastinate with Purpose. If you make someone or something else the object of blame for your fuck up, you are telling yourself that you lack control. You are telling yourself that you’re not the creator. Creation is control. Every decision you make has consequences. You can’t put the burden of blame on someone or something else just because you don’t let the current set of consequences you’re dealing with. Deal with it.  DON’T Live in Regret
While you must suck up to the fact that you fucked up, without any sort of internal excuse (emotions, etc.) or external scapegoat (friend, significant other, inanimate object, etc.), you can’t be hard hearted about the wrong that you did. I mean, it’s one thing to come to grips with the fact that you did indeed fuck up. It’s another to haunt yourself in eternal guilt, drowning yourself in endless feelings of self pity and despair. Mistakes are Meh. You always gotta keep that in mind. No matter how badly you fuck up, your life isn’t a complete fuck up or failure. Shit happens. You live n’ learn. Be open to the “game over” screen of life. Like playing a video game and leveling up, you’re gonna reach that ole screen of failure, but you learn and adapt, and eventually “beat it”. Failure is just part of the learning and growing process. You may fall down a cliff, but you know how to time it right and jump over it next time...or at least get a little better at nailing it. Shit is only as big of a deal as you make it. A fuck up really isn’t the end of the world. Sure it caused a disruption in the universe, but what you’re experiencing is a microscopic part of the grand picture. The struggles you face are nothing more than a bit of dirt on the road, small disturbance that’s only as distracting as you make it. Humble yourself and realize that you’re not the only person in the entire world that makes mistakes. Nor are you the only person that feels pain because of it. We’re all fucked in some way or the other. Don’t regret what you’ve done. Just make a promise to yourself to do better next time. After all, doing it better later is the way of a true procrastin8r. Take it easy, N8 We all fucked up in one way or another. People in our lives, they too, have fucked up. But just because one “fucks up” doesn’t mean they are “a fuck up”. Realizing this, that’s forgiveness. Forgiveness is one of the most essential attributes of the lazy man. To be able to forgive is to be able to be at peace of mind. Whereas procrastination is the heart of time management, relaxing is the heart of forgiveness. It’s the ability to move on and not give a fuck about the pain someone caused you or pain you may have even caused yourself. Forgiveness is about relaxing, coming to terms with how things are, and not pouring energy into bitching, whining, and moaning about shit. Now, to clarify, that doesn’t mean you just suck up and tolerate said shit. It does mean, you don’t ruminate and obsess over it though.  Forgiveness is acceptance. It’s saying “alright, that’s how it is.” As simple as that. And not seeking some sort of revenge or otherwise holding onto resentment. It’s being open to the reality of the world, without any sort of malicious desire to change it or “make them pay!” Forgiveness is not bargaining for an apology or even expecting one at all for that matter. It’s not an attempt to ease the feelings of another person you may have wronged or that wronged you either. No. Forgiveness is coming to peace with what happened and how things went down. It’s not necessarily excusing someone’s hurtful behavior, nor is it even any sort of “truce” in a fight. As a matter of fact, you don’t need to necessarily forgive someone verbally in order to reach forgiveness. Forgiveness is more of a personal mindset. It’s letting go of any negative emotions associated with someone or something and admitting to yourself “that’s the way it is.” It doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t want to change things. Likewise, it doesn’t mean you’re particularly happy with the person in question, the person who fucked up towards you. But in forgiveness, you accept. You accept the negative emotions. You accept how you feel. You accept what the person did, like it or not. Acceptance is not to be confused with approval, by the way. By accepting what happened, by forgiving, you’re not saying “I like the way you did that and I’d love it if you could do it again for me, please.” No. What you’re saying is “I don’t like or approve of what you did at all, but I understand why you did it. I wouldn’t want you to ever do something like that again, but I get that happened and there’s nothing that can be changed about the past. Moving forward, I’m willing to forgive you, but I can’t and won’t accept that sort of behavior in the future.” By offering forgiveness, you are offering a bit of empathy. You are giving the person a chance to be human and well, fuck up once in a while. Of course, sometimes you have to walk away from a toxic person or situation.  Now, that still doesn’t mean you shouldn’t forgive them. There is also a difference between offering forgiveness and making amends. Sometimes you can make amends through forgiveness, but forgiveness does not always lead to amends being made. In other words, saying “I forgive you” is NOT the equivalent of saying “I want to keep you in my life.” That would be making amends. Through forgiveness, you are simply stating that there is no grudge or hard feelings between the two of you. One may think that it’s “hard to forgive” someone that really, really fucked up. But here’s so much work involved in failing to forgive. So much energy depleting shit. Today we’re going to talk about how taking the easy way out means offering forgiveness. We’re gonna look at what exactly forgiveness is and how to implement it in your lazy little life, so you can relax more and stress less. And without further to do, let’s dive...right into it!  The benefits of forgiveness. The first thing I want to cover in this article is why you should go about practicing forgiveness to begin with. I mean someone is an asshole to us, why bother forgiving them anyway? They’ll probably continue to be an asshole. And see that’s the thing. Accepting the fact that they are an asshole (not that you’d call them that. Don’t resort to name calling. But you accept that they are the way they are.) What this does is allow you to be at peace with it. Again, that doesn’t mean you like it. That doesn’t mean you approve of it. It simply means that you are *okay* with it. It doesn’t rustle your feathers. You remain cool and laid back. You remain lazy. You couldn’t care less about what the person did or what the person does. It doesn’t affect you whatsoever. Not mentally. Not emotionally. You’re completely detached with the event or series of events and it pays no burden to your existence. Studies have shown that forgiveness can lead to lower blood pressure, reduced anxiety, better sleep, and improved self esteem. Ah better sleep and no anxiety? Now if that doesn’t sound like the life of a lazy man I don’t know what does. By forgiving, you are *literally* relaxing. You are relaxing your worries about how this person treated you. You are relaxing about the mistakes they made. You’re not in denial about them. You just don’t let it rile you all up. You don’t let it upset you at all. Basically, through forgiveness you manage to achieve what we procrastin8rs all want to achieve: peace of mind and relaxation.  Remember you DO have a choice. You may think you have no control over what happened or what the other person did or said. You may think you have no control over the other person’s behavior. And you know what? You’re right. You have absolutely no control over any of that shit. It’s not your choice over the words they decided to use. It’s not your choice over the actions they decided to take. Maybe they lied. Maybe they cheated. Maybe they betrayed you in some other way. You can’t control that. And certainly it wasn’t an option you’d pick to have it happen in the first place. The choice you do have though, the choice you *can* make is whether or not to let it actually bother you. Choosing to forgive means choosing to say “I know this happened, but I won’t let it bother me.” By “bother”, I mean it doesn’t overpower you with negative thoughts and feelings on a chronological basis. Instead of ruminating over just how terrible that person is, you can choose to forgive them and let bygones be bygones. While you may not be able to choose who wounds you and how, it is entirely within your power to decide whether or not to pick at the scab. Let yourself heal. Choose to let yourself heal. Choose to forgive. You don’t have to resent a person eternally just because they hurt you in the past. And if you do, it’s a choice you made to do so.  Don’t play the blame game Hanging around and blaming someone for “making you the way you are” does neither of you any good. It doesn’t make you feel any better and it makes the other person take responsibility for your own emotions. And your own emotions, that’s something you have to deal with, dude. You must accept that they hurt you. Forgive them. But it is your responsibility to deal with that pain. It’s your responsibility to either let it corrupt you or let it help you grow. Taking responsibility for our own reaction to the pain is part of true forgiveness. It’s part of letting go and moving on. If you become fearful or anxious because of the way a person in the past has treated you, it’s not *them* that are “making” you feel that way. You are in charge of your own emotions and reactions to things. Again, you can’t control what happens, but you can control how you react to it. That is all your choice. What you do with that pain, the way you let it change you, that is what you are choosing. Maybe there’s an asshole boss who yells at his employees all the time and barely cuts them a break and says he acts that way because he was abused by his father. He blames his father for making him so power hungry and ruthless, the way he was treated. But really, he can’t blame his shitty father figure for his own lack of kindness and empathy. That’s on him. It may have been a painful experience, but failure to forgive his father and let it go has led him to become a short-tempered fiery man as an adult. By blaming our own flaws on the words and actions of others, we can never really change. See, because we can’t change that which is outside ourselves. We can only change from within. Making a scapegoat out of the way a person behaved or treated you is nothing but an excuse to not not deal with your own pain. It’s tempting to point fingers and say “It’s all their fault!” when someone hurts us. But doing so is not the lazy way. It puts us in a mindset of not being able to control or have a say in how *we* behave or how *we* react to things. But again, that is really our only choice. By blaming someone else for what we do, we take no responsibility and without responsibility, there is no choice. And that’s what builds up anxiety. Don’t play the blame game and don’t play the victim card either. We all suffer and are oppressed in some way or another. You have to be able to deal with being offended. You can’t avoid being offended. That's life. And acting like the world owes you a favor by not offending you ever is so entitled. Humble yourself a bit. Realize sometimes, yes, people are going to hate you. But you can’t let haters tear you down. Face it, acting offended just makes the people who offended you even more offensive. Being unfazed, on the other hand, shows that you’ve forgiven what they said and don’t give a fuck.  Find meaning in your suffering Someone close to us hurts us. It sucks. A lack of trust, something mean-spirited. Whatever it is that causes us to be hurt, the feeling of betrayal is so painful. But the point of suffering is not to just feel pain. I mean, there’s no denying that that’s certainly *a part of it* but really just the tip of the iceberg. Relax in your laziness, take a slow n steady step back and look at the bigger picture here. Everything happens for a reason. Perhaps it’s a test of your wits, a test of your patience, a test of your emotional control. In what ways has the wrong helped you grow as a person? Was there a light in the darkness? You must ask yourself “What if this is a gift?” even in the shittiest of times. Because in the end, you can always find something to appreciate. Forgiveness is focusing on what you appreciate over what you detest about a person or situation. It’s not to diminish your pain but to make the best of it  Let go and go with the flow The best way to forgive is to simply let go and go with the flow. Stop trying to change the way things turned out. Stop trying to turn a person into the imaginary version you hoped they would be. Accept that he/she are the way they are. Accept that things happened the way they happened. You can’t swim against the current. You can’t force reality to change. Things are the way they are and it is your choice to either drown or float on. You can’t change the unchangeable. You can’t alter things outside of your power. You can only adapt to the current set of circumstances and...flow with it. Remember, you control only how you react to things. You can’t control the flow. You can only control how you handle it. So go with it. Part of forgiveness is letting go of that in which you cannot control and moving on with the flow.  Be Present Another way to forgive is to be in “the now.” If you are unable to forgive it means you are living in the past. You are holding on to how a specific event from your own personal history made you feel. This leads to an ongoing “haunting” to your emotional psyche. You feel one of the following: Regret (sadness) Resentment (disgust),or Vengeance (anger) And that is what keeps you from forgiving. You lock yourself in your own prison. What do regret, resentment, and vengeance all have in common? They demonstrate the inability to forgive the past and move on. If you are fully and completely present, the past can’t affect you any more. The past is gone. It doesn’t exist. Not in the present. That’s not a denial that it happened. That’s admitting that it is NOT what is happening right this goddamn second. Things can happen so quickly - a fight, a break up, an act of betrayal. But we sometimes let it linger for ages past when they are gone. Live presently and realize there’s no time machine or way of going back to change the story the way you see fit. Seek to forgive for what happened and be right here, right now, not then and there.  Try to be understanding, not right Oftentimes we struggle to forgive because we are so focused on proving a point that we forget to actually listen. We want to win the debate and prove “once and for all” that what we’re saying is important and valid Well here’s a spin: What they’re saying is also important and valid. And you may say “Oh no! They’re wrong!” and go on to list a billion reasons as to why that may be true. But when it comes to forgiveness, it’s not about proving who’s right and who’s wrong. It’s about empathy. It’s about understanding the other person’s view. I can’t tell you how many relationships I damaged because I personally insisted on having the upper-hand at the time. Some of which were damaged beyond repair. You can argue back and forth all you want, but it does neither of you any good. Even if you are right, even if the other person is way in the wrong, what does proving so really accomplish? A feeling of victory and triumph? Look, winning isn’t everything...especially when it comes to relationships and friendships. Even if at the end fo the day, you still disagree, even if you decide not to see each other any more because of it, you’ll feel a stronger connection in taking the time to understand, taking the time to forgive, than you ever will in trying to win some sort of debate. Don’t see it as a debate by the way. See it as an opportunity to learn from another’s point of view. You’ll feel more “together” by understanding one another, even if you decide to go separate ways than you ever will if you try to one up another.  Mistakes are Meh Mistakes really aren’t a big deal. They happen to the best of us. You can’t live a mistake-free life. Realize that the person you are struggling to forgive makes mistakes too. They aren’t perfect, nor should you expect them to be. Give them the benefit of the doubt as well as some leeway to fuck up once in a while. Mistakes don’t make a person “a mistake.” It just makes them human. Forgive a person for the mistakes they made, because it’s really not fundamental to who they are as a person. Again, it’s not that you’re approving or condoning the mistake itself by forgiving them for it. Rather, you’re telling them that you know they can do better and hope they follow through. Allow a person to learn from mistakes rather than insist they always get it right. Even if they don’t get it right immediately, you have to realize that they are different than you. Just because they made a mistake that you clearly would never make in the first place doesn’t mean they aren’t willing or capable of improving. Even if they wind up making a similar mistake, you may be ignoring the progress they had made. Imagine a parent who’s watching their kid learn to ride a bike fall off time and time again. The parent him or herself knows how to ride a bike. It would be wrong of them to yell every time they fell off (made a mistake). Similarly, getting angry or frustrated every time your friend, family member, or significant other makes a mistake is probably not going to help them learn “to ride better”. Nor is it going to build any sort of stronger connection between the two of you. Just like the parent who knows how to ride a bike, but is watching their kid try, realize you too may have skills and knowledge that others don’t, but that doesn’t mean you are necessarily “better”. Just different. You may be making mistakes that the person you’re mad at would never make. We’re all learning and growing. Forgive mistakes rather than harp on them.  Forgive Yourself
This is probably one of the hardest things about forgiveness...forgiving yourself. Look, you can’t ever genuinely forgive another person unless you are willing and able to forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself means releasing the tension and guilt you feel when you think about the past. It means letting go of your own mistakes and saying they are “meh”. It’s giving yourself the benefit of the doubt. It’s understanding yourself, understanding that you made the best decision you could have based on your current knowledge and emotions at the time. Offer yourself the love, care, and forgiveness you deserve, because above all else, you’re pretty damn awesome dude, even if you have your “not-so-awesome” moments. Forgive yourself for those moments and relax man. After all, it’s better to forgive your little fuck ups than to live a life in a constant apology. Take it easy, N8 |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
March 2022
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