My Life is Runed. ProcrastiN-8 IRL Skills I Learned from playing Runescape for over 15 years2/27/2019  This past weekend was Double XP weekend on RuneScape and Now I know that game receives a lot of flack from the gaming community in general, but to this day, it remains one of, if not THE absolute favorite game of mine. I mean I know some of you may be thinking: That game is still around? And yes, yes it is. They actually just released a mobile version of “Old School” Runescape (which is a copy cat of the ‘07 era of RuneScape in its glory days complete with its nostalgic soundtrack and classic java graphics but with new content and a bit of quality of life updates) Oh good god, I would’ve been a high school drop out if a mobile version of RuneScape existed back then. I mean my grades already suffered...and I had to WAIT until I got home to play it. I can’t imagine what would happen if I literally had 24/7 access to the game from my pocket. Kids nowadays take for granted how cool they have. Damn, I said that line. I’m officially old. Anyway, I’ve been playing RuneScape off and on for over the past decade. Since the early 2000s, this game has been a huge part of my life. One could say it “runed” my life. Okay but quirky puns aside, it’s a game I keep coming back to and have put in literally THOUSANDS of hours into. I’ve taken breaks intermittently here and there. But why do I keep coming back? Always. What makes Runescape so goddamn addicting? It’s like being an alcoholic, you never truly quit. Once a Scaper, always a Scaper. Today, we’re going to talk about important lessons I learned from playing Runescape and how I’ve applied them to IRL (and why it keeps me coming back for more):  1. I Learned How to Set Goals and Achieve Them I think the main quality that makes people say “Runescape is addicting” is the false sense of achievement. You gain xp (experience points), you level up. You collect items, you sell for gp (moneys). You unlock better ways of gaining more gp and xp. Then do it all again. It’s the goal achieving. You gain a sense of achievement with hardly even trying. All you’re doing is clicking. Our brains haven’t evolved yet to be able to be able to really differentiate between *actually* achieving goal and this virtual stuff. We get the same “kick” in our brains when we gain xp or loot in RuneScape as we do when we accomplish something in real life. Everything about the game design in Runescape is meant to feed our brains with positive feedback candy. The little xp pop ups as you train your skills, the fireworks that shoot off whenever you level up, the glowing loot beams as that shine whenever you get a rare drop. Yummy! It’s quite a delicious treat for our pleasure seeking brains! It all sends signals to our brain that we’re making *progress* and achieving. Our brain doesn’t separate these pixels from reality. So to put it quite bluntly: We quite literally get high from playing RuneScape. And I LOVE it. It is one of the most addicting games you can play. No, scratch that it’s one of the most addicting things you can do.Period. You get high off 99s (and other achievements within the game) and keep wanting more. See, the more you do, the more you can do. You are constantly unlocking new stuff to do in the game. You are constantly making progress and you feel accomplished in doing so. It's a great feeling. Picture how you felt when you set out to achieve a goal, in your real life, like earning a degree or advancing your career. Think about how good that made you feel. Well this is the feeling RuneScape gives you constantly. You have a goal and you reach it, you feel a sense of pride and accomplishment, then upon reaching that goal creates new opportunity. Grind. Level up. Grind some more.Rinse and repeat. OH SWEET SAATISFACTION! It’s a perpetual loop of easy achievement. Maybe you can smith some new armor or chop down a new tree or slay a monster you weren’t able to before or cook up a new “recipeh”. Maybe you can cast a new spell or catch a new fish. Maybe you even do a quest that unlocks a whole new area to explore with even more things to do -- new training methods, new quests, new creatures to kill. Or even become strong enough to kill other players in the wilderness and take all their stuff. There’s always something to do and the amount of things to do keeps growing the more you play. RuneScape teaches the “skill” of goal-setting and going all out until you get it. You’ll spend hours upon hours running logs to a bank or alching your yew longbows into gold with magic. It’s grindy and boring at times yeah, but the end reward is totally worth it. You learn to set a goal then how to patience and persistence to attain it. You tell yourself “okay, just one more trip” and next thing you know it’s 3 AM, you skipped dinner, and still have to get up for school in the morning. It doesn’t matter though, because your still gaining xps. You can apply this “just one more trip” motivation to IRL  2. I Learned It is Sometimes OKAY to Do Things You Don’t Like While playing Runescape, sometimes you even do things you don’t want to do because content you do want to do is locked behind it. Crazy idea, right? Maybe something only veteran RS players will understand but I'll do my best to explain. For example, you may want to wield a certain weapon, like the deadly dragon scimitar or “scimmy”, but you need to do a series of quests, including one with evil monkeys (don’t ask) in order to wield it. You may hate doing quests, but you’ll play through them because you love combat and want a good weapon for your current level. So you sort of suck it up and deal with it. Not only are you completing the dreaded task of the quest completion itself, but you may have to train up certain skills unrelated to combat in order to complete said quest, like having a Woodcutting level high enough to hack your way through a jungle where you must slay a demon. Now personally, the quests in RuneScape are one of my favorite aspects of the game. They are honestly some of the best in-game quests that any MMO has to offer. Most MMO “quests” are like “Go here, kill this. Go there. Kill that” But RuneScape takes it a step further and puts in the role of the a real adventurer. (They actually do have a quest written in satire that cleverly pokes fun of the boring MMO quest trope called "One Small Favor" which is the longest series of errands, having you run around all across Gelinor.) You actually feel like you are a great epic adventurer with a plethora of skills and knowledge who is here to save the land (of Gelinor), not just some mindless meat bag who runs fetching errands and does mercenary jobs for souless villagers with no character depth. You feel like a real epic adventurer who comes across compelling characters you actually care about (assuming you read the dialogue adn don't just breeze through it by following a guide), and no other MMO (that I’ve found) manages to capture that feeling quite as well in their quest system or otherwise. I’m more of a skiller and not a fan of combat I like to sit back in my lazy self and fish on some docks than hunt down beasts with sword, bow, or spell. But you know what? I did train up my combat to fight some big nasty quest boss monsters and unlock a special elf town that has some of the most afk training methods with the highest xp rates in the game. Sometimes you have to do what you hate in order to maximize the pleasure in doing what you love. Sometimes obstacles are in the way, but that shouldn’t stop you from getting where you want to be or attaining the level of skill(s) you want to have.  3. I Learned I can create MY own way to “Win” There’s no set objective in RuneScape. None and there’s no definite way to “beat” the game. The “end goal” is what you make of it. There’s no obligation to play a certain way or accomplish a certain task or level up to a certain point. Certainly there is the ever glorious “Completionist Cape” that requires max stats, every quest complete, and a list of “tasks” but that’s not something I, you, or anyone has to do in order to be satisfied with their gameplay (and goal achieving within it). You are totally free to explore the world in a way you see fit. You set out what you want to do. You create your own requirements for true victory. Maybe it’s achieving 99 in just one certain skill that’s your favorite or maybe even simpler like wearing your own set of rune armor or maybe just maybe going all out on a gold horde to be able to purchase expensive rare partyhat or other discontinued item worth billions. No matter what that goal is, what your victory conditions are, it is completely determined by your choice and your choice alone. You may reach a point where you’re like: “Okay I did it...now what?” The answer is up to you. You can log out and call it a day and never log back in again, or create a brand spanking new account and go about a completely different build/goal, like a “pure” account, the “glass cannon” with very high offensive stats but lvl 1 defence. Lots of damage output but no backbone. The crazy thing is, from a content standpoint: there is NO end to RuneScape. You’ll practically never run out of content and can keep playing until the point you feel totally accomplished and satisfied with your account. There are constantly new updates with new content to unlock and even if it was never updated, you can get creative with different There are people doing region locked characters that can only level up in a certain area of the game, like Settled's “Morytania Only Ultimate Ironman” or Statistically Chalenged's ever dangerously ambitious “WIlderness Only Ironman" where you could get killed by players and lose everything you're carrying at any time. Chances are you’ll just keep making higher and higher goals (or more and more creative) and good ole Jagex (the creators of RS) understand that. They keep pushing the community with further and further level caps and harder and harder bosses to kill, and are slowly pushing players towards a level 120. They also created new modes like Ironman and entire different spin offs like the nostalgic Old School to give players new ways to experience the game. You can max on one “main” account and create a Ultimate Ironman with the goal to beat Legend’s Quest on another. Ultimate Ironman is crazy by the way, disabling your ability to bank and store your items. You have to carry (Fun fact: I [unintentionally] played Ultimate Iron Man Mode when I first started playing RuneScape back in elementary school because I didn’t know what a bank was, yet alone how to use it) It’s completely optional how far you want to go though, as long as you’re satisfied, and that’s the takeaway here. There’s always more to do and there will always be more, but you never have to do more, you just have to do enough. You don’t have to live up to expectations of an arbitrary storyline or set of goals someone else wrote. Write your own goals and make them happen.  4. I Learned the Ins and Outs of a Real Economy One of the key features of the game (assuming you’re not playing Ironman mode -- a game mode that allows no trading at all), is buying and selling items in a realistic in-game economy The main method of trading takes place in the Grand Exchange, which is basically a giant virtual stock market of sorts. Every in-game item from metal armor pieces and weapons to magical runes and staves to fish and pies is available on the Grand Exchange, with a few untradeable exceptions. And just like the real stock market, the price fluctuates based on supply and demand. You can learn some real trading skills. Events trigger surges in the market, like this past weekend for Double XP Weekend, raw resources to train skills were in very high demand (potion ingredients to train their Herblore skill, metal bars to train their smithing, logs to train fletching, etc.) It was a great opportunity for the merchant-minded to make some serious bank. They also just released a new “Elite Dungeon” this past Monday boss so combat supplies like food to heal and potions to power up will be in demand. It also introduced new weapons into the game, which always have the overpriced "brand spanking new price". Also, recently the whole Mining and Smithing update resulted in chaos on the ores and bars market. What I’m getting at here, is that it’s a real economy in a virtual space. The supply and demand is real, even if the entire world exists virtually. You can trade in real time and make money flipping by buying low and selling high. That’s right: Day trading exists within the RuneScape economy and you can become gp rich if you play it right. While the items are all virtual, the merchant xp you gain is one of the best “Capes of Accomplishments” you can every show off. A lot of the knowledge and experience I have in stock day trading comes from my days of sitting in the Grand Exchange by Varrock for hours. I can probably put "Experienced Stock Broker" on my resume, but I'm too lazy to hold a real job.  5. I Learned to Use My Time Efficiently NO XP WASTE! That’s the mindset of an avid Scaper. Any activity you’re doing that isn’t maximizing the amount of experience gained per hour is “XP” waste. Even little things like..
To more advanced things like..
The seconds you save add up in the long run, especially if you’re going for the 13 million xp required to achieve 99 (and super especially if you’re going for the 100+ million xp required to achieve level 120) (By the way, one million is a very, very large number. Go ahead and try to count from 1 to 1 million. I’ll wait. I’m patient. I’m a procrastin8r. It’ll literally take you about two weeks, assuming it takes you 1 second to count each number.) You also want to use the most efficient methods of training in order to maximize the amount of xp you gain per hour. The point is: Time is your greatest resource in RuneScape and if you aren’t using it efficiently, then it’s “xp waste” and that’s a huge no no Value your time so you can level up as fast as possible, a strong principle that can be applied to your IRL goals too.  6. I Learned to Adapt and Use “Flaws” of a System to My Advantage RS is built on a “tick system” This is one of those things, like a good liquor, you need an acquired taste for, but once you have it, you crave it. A game "tick" is a slight delay between real time and game time. It appears as lagg Hence the nickname "lagg scape". But is actually a purposefully designed system. It's awkward at first, a bit bitter like coffee, but eventually… You learn the rhythm to maximize XP per hour and damage output and it tastes so good! And knowing your ticks could be the difference between opening a boss chest and death, or the difference between pickpocketing a thug or getting punched in the face or between hitting hot n’ heavy on the anvil or slapping stone cold metal. Expert PVPers and PVMers developed tricks to get extra healing and even change speeds of weapons. While skillers maximize the resources and xp gained per hour all through mastering their ticks. It's a unique system that works well, despite it is to handle at first. Just anyone that drives stick shift will tell you it's real driving, ticking is real MMOing. Learn how to work things, get a better grip on it before labeling it as “laggy”, uncomfortable, or otherwise undesirable”. If you don’t understand stick shift, you’ll stall and if you don’t understand ticking, you’ll lagg. You have to adapt and overcome systems that seem to work against you. Learn and thrive.  7. I Learned to Problem-Solve as a Community This can probably be applied to any game really when you cross the line between casual and hardcore. But basically, you communicate with other players and build a knowledgebase of the most effective methods of training, the best DPS, the biggest moneymakers. You chat with other players and share what you know and vice versa. It’s about testing, experimenting, sharing your own knowledge and reading the knowledge shared from others. Back in the day, I mean we had the Internet, but no one really used it to share information... at least a the level its shared now. What I mean is most people playing RuneScape when they first started back in the early 2000s had no idea what to expect or what to do. The game was about exploring and figuring out which training spots to go to and which items to equip. You did things that weren’t necessarily the most gp or xp efficient, but so did everyone else. You came together and eventually got better...together. You would meet people in-game, come across them fishing “lobbies” (the RS slang for lobsters) on the island of Karamja, and share what you knew. It was actually about meeting people and chatting them up, maybe bragging a bit about your latest fishing level. Slowly, over the years, the community brought their knowledge together. Some sites began to feature this information There was Tip.It and RuneHQ and even the official RuneScape forums among others. Nowadays when it comes to games (and not just RuneScape) this is taken for granted and just sort of expected. Kids log on the wiki page and read up on it, whatever game they’re about to play. They know all the stats of items and enemies before even downloading the game. But nonethless, coming together as a community in general is awesome and if anything we've all just gotten more efficient at sharing our collective knowledge online. Back then we were all Interscape noobs. The players have gotten so efficient that the Jagex staff is literally trying to make bosses that can't be beat in a single day. This has yet to happen. When people collectively problem solve, nothing can stop them from achieving their goals.  8. I Learned "Mistakes Are Meh"
We covered this attitude in full detail both in my blog and podcast and I’ll probably keep going back to it, but never let any sort of failure stop you from playing the game. I learned personally that it was okay to make mistakes and totally fail, like the time I went into the wildy with my full mith and rune scimmy (essentially my entire wealth on the account at the time -- as a noob) and getting killed, losing all of my stuff. Ouch that hurt! But I learned. You take no more than 3 items into the wildy and avoid multi-attack areas. There was also the time I fell for a phishing scam like a dumb ass by logging into a fake website. Mistakes are meh and I learned to be more careful and ramp up my security. I managed to recover and build my wealth back up after both of those huge detrimental losses, and trust me, it was definitely not easy, but I took it easy and remained calm -- ya know after throwing my laptop across the room and smashing it with a jackhammer ole NightmareRh style lol. Well that’s it, those are the things I learned from entering the world of Gelinor. If you played Runescape back in the day, I reccomend picking it up again. It’s a great time killer and can really help you become a PRO-crastin8r. And it’s now available on smartphones, which I know I mentioned, but I just think that’s so cool, like you don’t even know! And let’s face it we all did play RuneScape at some point back in the early 2000s. There are 3 types of people in the world: 1. Those who have played #RuneScape 2. Those who are lying 3. Those who still had dial up in the early 2000s Back in the day during its “prime”, everybody played a bit of RS. It was about as big as Tomagachi or Beanie Bag Babies, or even more recently PokemonGo Everyone played it. And while most have left, there’s still a tight nit community. It has its niche. Add me: “Kikinar” I’ll explain that name...eventually! So, is there anything YOU learned from RuneScape or video games in general? Leave a comment below!
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A "real job" is just about one of the most fake things, next to plastic surgery, you can get to convince yourself and others that you're beautiful and your life is beautiful.
Fake smiles. Fake passion. Fake enjoyment. There's nothing actually "real" about a "real job" Perhaps you’re still in a 9-5 yourself and want out. You want to start making money online because you can sit at home and relax. You’re too lazy to be working 40+ years day in and day out at the same boring job., or maybe you've done it, you left the D.E.S.K to lie on down on the C.O.U.CH. Well no matter where you're at on your journey to become a PRO-crastinator, you have to remain lazy no matter what and not let people try to convince you to ever get a "real" job. That's for people that are so brainwashed that they can't even take a deep hard look at the reality of the fact that they are living a life of servitude and entrapment. You have to remain lazy, always, even after you’ve achieved making a profitable online and passive income and every step along the way. If you are at the level of passive income where your day job is no longer necessary to make ends meet, then you absolutely cannot give into “getting back to work.” You're procrastinating for the long run. As you start making money online, especially when I mean you're really making money, enough to quit your day job, people are going to tell you to stop being lazy and to go get a “real job.” (On the flip side, maybe they label you as some sort of “entrepreneur” or business starter or whatever. Sure let them think that. Take it as a compliment.You know you’re being lazy as f*ck. ) Instead of getting defensive and taking that as an insult, you have to take the attitude of: “Ah, that’s such a wonderful suggestion, but I’m not really interested. I'm just trying to keep it real, man.” They will point out your mistakes and your little fuck ups, telling you that you’re just wasting your time, but you don’t care because Mistakes are Meh. You are completely comfortable with yourself and your lifestyle. You're nice and cozy. They aren't; they aren't relaxed at all. Don’t let them pull you back into the plantation. Just shove it off and do your own damn lazy thing. You’re not trying to convince anyone that your lifestyle is awesome. You know it is. You don’t need their approval. You don’t care. You’re Aloof (the “A” in L.A.Z.Y.) Besides... You do have a real job, You’re getting paid to do what you want to, which is is sitting at home and doing nothing, essentially. You are keepin' it real. Keepin' it real means doing what you want. Keepin' it real means doing what you enjoy. You may play video games or watch movies or just jam on guitar all day. But you found a way to make that “waste of time” hobby of yours pay the bills. They’re the ones that need a “real” job. They live day by day, wearing fake smiles to please their bosses (that they hate) and customers (that they find annoying). They’re pretending that they care about people they don’t really care about to do a job that they don’t really like and act like they’re happy the whole time. Yeah, you tell me what’s real about that situation. It’s real. Real boring. These people that will tell you to get a a “real job”, they’re just jealous of your ability to pay the bills and pay for your lifestyle/hobbies without being required to actually go to work or suck up to people they secretly despise and perform tasks they secretly detest. They aggressively covet your lazy lifestyle. They want that for themselves. These are weak, fragile framed, people, and they believe the only way to get success is to take success away from others. Anyone “keepin’ it real” doesn’t go around pointing out how fake other people are. Don’t go down to their level. They’re on the floor, and you’re lying on the couch. Don’t let them pull you down off that couch. That’s YOUR spot, not theirs. If they want a more cozy spot, then they have to find another couch (or come cuddle). You know, as a procrastin8r, that it takes way more much effort to pull a person off a couch than to prop up your own pillows. They live their life in such a way that they HAVE to go to work. They HAVE to kiss their boss’s ass. They HAVE to get along with their coworkers. They HAVE to be there at a certain time and dressed a certain way. They’re not living their own life or their own dreams. They’re living someone else’s. The sad things is, that’s the way they see reality. They see reality as a series of obligations. You’re reality is different than theirs though. You’re here to live, not to exist. You’re here to keep it real, not be real tied to a desk. You, as the lazy person, are sitting at home living your own dreams, the way you want to live life. You wear what you want, where you want, when you want. Look at the Dude. He completely embodies the Lazy Mindset and this idea to just keep it real, despite how much others will judge or criticize him. You don’t HAVE to do anything, and you certainly don’t have to go get a job. You do what you want, and that’s as real as it gets. You do things on your terms and don’t care about arbitrary expectations set by society. Because, and here’s a mind shift incoming: society’s definition of a “real job” is actually slavery. Just keep on procrastinating and live freedom. - N8  Ah, Valentine’s Day, nothing like a good ole corporate sponsored holiday to push sales for chocolate, flowers, and teddy bears. I don’t wanna dress up in a fancy suit n’ tie to eat fish eggs on a small ass plate and pretend like it’s luxury. Luxury to me is sitting on the couch, playing video games and eating as much pizza and drinking as much soda as I want. I’m happy doing that and I’m happy doing that even if I’m alone. I’m rich in the amount of laziness I love to embrace. But maybe you feel like a “loser” for staying inside or even for not having a significant other. Maybe you feel worthless and incapable of finding true love. It can be difficult to feel like anyone of value if you aren’t in a relationship. All the TV shows and movies portray these perfect couples who “found the one” and “live happily ever after. It bombards us so often that we begin to believe that this love fairy tale is real. Then social media amplifies this unrealistic romanticism, with couples posting up photos on wonderous date nights, smiling and laughing together, sharing cute little comments back and forth. This is all an act. There’s actually been a study that shows that couples who do NOT post often (or at all) on social media are happier in their relationship. But just like any post on social media -- it is all about the image of perfection instead of the image of reality.  Look, there is no “one” and there is no “happily ever after”. There’s a 3 out of 4 chance that marriage won’t work out and that’s the reality. As Bill Burr says “If you went skydiving and were told that 3 out of 4 parachutes don’t work, would you jump?” Now it may sound a bit pessimistic to hear that, but that should be a breath of fresh air, a sigh of relief. That should relax you and make you wanna stretch and lean back on the couch. See, now there’s no pressure to court someone or find true love, or live up to the expectations of a romance novel, because it doesn’t necessarily lead to happiness, in fact, statistically speaking, it doesn’t. You don’t have to “work hard” to keep the spark in a relationship burning. You can relax, take it easy, and do your own damn thing. Ironically, by embracing your own laziness and enjoying what you do, spending time exactly how you want, you’ll be more attractive than you ever were while trying hard to allure someone into liking you through gifts and compliments. A person who does their own thing, regardless of what other people want or think, is superbly attractive. Of course, one thing that may bog us down is this “FOMO”, this fear of missing out. Missing out on what though? I mean what are we really missing out on? We already covered how social media is an image of perfection, not reality and romance stories in media are just fantasies, so you’re afraid of missing out on something that’s not even real? Might as well enjoy what is real. Some Cheetos, Mountain Dew, and Overwatch, that’s as real as it gets...or really whatever tickles your own fancy is the point. Enjoy what you already have and what you already do and don’t compare to others (who again are posting the “best version” of themselves rather than their actual selves) As a procrastinator, I’m all about JOMO, the JOY of missing out. I look forward to missing out on the nagging and arguing and other relationship tropes, as well as missing out on the elaborate activities I have absolutely no genuine interest in doing. I enjoy simplicity and I’m not trying to impress anyone -- that’s the Lazy Mindset attitude to adopt.  There was a time in my life where I did feel that way though, where I felt like I was “missing” something if I wasn’t out “doing” something like everybody else, or dating someone for that matter. I felt rejected and it sucked. But one day I was just like... "ya know what? fuck it! I don't care if this is how I'm gonna always feel. I don't care if I'm always rejected or if I always fail, I'm just gonna do my own thing, do what I want. I'm not even gonna hope for the best. I'm just gonna fail and accept it, maybe learn from it. But seriously. What the fuck ever.” I went out with the mindset of aiming for failure, rather than success, and when failure came I was like "welp, that went as expected." In episode 27 of the ProcrastiN8r Podcast, we dive into the “Mistakes are Meh” attitude, which can also be applied to your love life and not just your career. Eventually, failure after failure, rejection after rejection, I hit some sort of success, some sort of achievement, some sort of level of attraction, I could feel proud of. And trust me: a pleasant surprise feels immensely better than hard disappointment. Don't "try" to make it a success. Just go out there and fail. Go out there and get rejected. Go do the biggest failure you can. Go get rejected in the biggest way possible, use the dumbest pickup line. Who cares? That's what's probably gonna happen anyway. The goal is to become numb to failure and accept it as part of the learning and growing PROGRESS Remember: SUCCESS = PROGRESS It does NOT = RESULTS And as far as love goes, the lazy method of finding love is to love yourself and love what you do; focus on the progress of understanding what you enjoy, not the result of having someone by your side.  We all feel like we can't amount to anything unless someone loves us. That’s just propaganda to make us not self reliant, to be dependent on the approval of someone else. The problem is when we say "nobody" loves me, often times that nobody includes ourselves. Accept who you are and your current circumstances. Love yourself, first and foremost. You don't have to like it or agree with it, but do hold compassion for it - the person you are right now and everything you've done so far, leading up to this point. You can love even what you don't like and you live for your own wants & needs, rather than the approval of another. The fact that I can relate to that feeling of rejection and pain of loneliness, should prove that you're not alone. Ever. (I mean even though I'm practically a stranger, it's quite remarkable that those feelings are NOT something you "alone" have, had, or ever will have. Sharing that can take away part of the "lonely" feeling perhaps) Well, I mean maybe you're alone,logically speaking, but that feeling of "loneliness" doesn't have to be there. It's part of the human experience. Welcome to human life. And even if you can't but help feel so down because of loneliness, so what? Just embrace it. Like I said, for me personally, telling myself "I'll always feel this way no matter what" is what worked for me in getting out of a rut. You must embrace the Lazy Mindset. Be Aloof to whether or not you have a partner. You must remain indifferent to your relationship status and others as well. Solitude. Acceptance of being alone and feeling nice and cozy there. That's what you want to aim for, rather than "finding the one".  Meditate and go to your own "Lazy Island" -- alone in your own mind, with your own thoughts. I accepted the fact that "I'm never gonna find ANYONE", not in a depressive sort of way but in a “alright well that’s not something I’m gonna bother with” sort of way. Think about someone you’re NOT romantically attracted to and how easy it is to hit it off with them. That’s the sort of laid back attitude you want to achieve always. See, when there’s no pressure or objective to “try” and do things rights, you’re able to relax, remain poise, and appear more laid back, confident, charming, and ultimately attractive. I have been in a happy loving relationship now for over 2 years (and dated several other times in the past decade). And that all happened because I wasn't looking or trying. I was just loving and accepting who I was. And even if things don’t work out in the end, so what? I’ll still be awesome. Like yeah, of course I’ll be a bit sad that things didn’t last and yeah, I’ll absolutely miss her. She’s a good girl. But it won’t be the end of me and I won’t feel worthless if she’s gone, and I won’t be desperate to to fix it. Point is: It doesn’t really matter if you’re single or in a relationship. If you’re not happy just abiding by your own life, if you’re not happy on your own cozy hammock, then you can’t expect to be happy sharing that with someone else. The best relationships are the ones of mutual cooperation and companionship There’s this false notion that relationships are a lot of work. They really aren’t or very well shouldn’t be. This work hard mantra is seeping into not just corporate culture but our love and relationships as well. Love is love and it does not involve any sort of hard work. The best relationships are easy and require very little work, quite frankly Personally, my best relationships are the ones where I felt like I was hardly even trying. The less effort you put in the relationship, the more attractive you’ll be to your partner and the happier you both will be. Seems counter-intuitive I know, but it works  Your instincts will pull at you to “try harder” -- to call more, to text more, to give more compliments, to buy more gifts. Unless those things are equally reciprocated to the same degree your provide them, these aren’t acts of affection; these are acts of “worship”. You are sacrificing your time, money, and energy (as well as self dignity -- let’s be honest), for their attention, physically or emotionally. This is waaaay too much effort for a procrastinator. By attempting to give more than you take, you are maximizing effort and minimizing results, quite the opposite of what you want to achieve, in all aspects of life, including love. That which you worship is always above you and you are below them.The god or goddess doesn’t respect the dedicated devotee as much as said devotee respects the god/goddess. You want an equal partner to love, not a deity to bow down to. Stop trying to compliment and do good deeds for someone that doesn’t reciprocate fairly. It’s not going to lead anywhere, other than their lack of respect and attraction towards you. This is how you wind up in the so called "friend zone". You're working too hard to gain their approval and that's unattractive. And if they do stick around after your over the top "romantic" shenanigans, it’s because they enjoy having power over someone or just like the attention, not because they actually care about you or appreciate the things you do. They’re just on some power trip to feed their ego and/or desire for attention.  The rule of the procrastinator is to never put in more effort than is required. The best way to gauge whether or not you’re doing too much for a person is to ask yourself this question: Would I do this if I weren’t sexually/romantically attracted to this person? Would I do this for my average buddy?” or “If I do this, will they be likely to return the favor in some way in the near future?” If the answer is no, then you’re doing too much. Ease up your relationship work load and cut it out! Oh and promises of a far out future favor doesn’t count as reciprocation either. An act of genuine reciprocation comes sooner rather than later and is just given, rather than promised. A strong relationship is one where each person does “just enough” for the other. It’s a process of give and take. You have two lazy procrastinators who enjoy comfort in each other and aren’t aiming for power over the other or resources from the other. It’s reciprocation without negotiation. It just happens. Likewise, their interests and goals are in line with each other and by doing what they like to do, they are killing two birds with one stone because it’s something their partner wants to do as well; there’s no extra effort involved to please another person -- it just “fits” into their life. You can play video games together or cosplay at comicons - whatever hobby brings you together and both of you enjoy. This leads to co-operation rather than competition and is the essence of what makes a strong relationship, an easy lazy love relationship.  The best way to find this sort of relationship is to not try and find it in the first place.
Just do your own slothful thing and embrace your own comforts. You’ll attract the right person...eventually. And even if you don’t find anyone, you’ll feel way more fulfilled doing your own thing that you love than trying to gain approval of another by doing things you (secretly) despise. The key then comes in not fearing rejection or any kind of failure, just brushing it off like leaves off a sloth’s back. Go about living your life in a way that satisfies you. For example, if you’re more of a “homebody”, a couch potato, you’re probably not going to want to go out to the bar to find someone. The person you find there is going to love parties and outgoing social events and likely resent playing video games or watching movies. This dynamic would make the relationship “hard” work. One of you would have to sacrifice in favor of the other. May be some fun for a bit, but not good for the long term.Go to the library, book store, or local board game cafe instead - some place chill and low but good vibes to find your darling procrastinator. Laziness leads to Love. You just have to stop trying so hard to get it. With Love, N8 Image Source: Money Heart by Santafe.com Taco Bout Love Sloth from Zazzle Other images created by FreePik.com Part of being lazy is about not giving a single fuck and when it comes to not giving a single fuck, you have to say “Mistakes are Meh”. You remain unfazed if you mess up or things don’t go as planned. You just lay back, relax, and try again...eventually. If you do worry about mistakes, then you’re getting worked up. That’s work. You don’t want to do *any* sort of work; you’re lazy. Simmer it down and be cool. Don’t let a failure or mistake get you down in the dumps or destroy you. The Lazy Mindset is all about one of slow growth over time. There’s no rush to do things perfect right away. Success is the process of learning and developing and includes mistakes as well as failures and is NOT the lack of failure itself; it is not perfection. “I failed my way to success.” — Thomas Edison Mistakes and failure are all part of the human experience, and that’s all it is - an experience. Mistakes do not make up who you are. Failure is not to be intertwined your personal identity. Mistakes are meh. They happen and it’s no big deal, man. Don’t let it consume you. You must look at your failure as expansion, growth, and opportunity, instead of a detrimental stopping point with no chance of recovery.  Have you ever told yourself... - “I’m such a fuck up” - “I’m not dating material” - “I’m just a bad employee” Don’t do that. Don’t. Seriously. That’ll rip apart your confidence and self dignity. Instead you should be thinking… - THAT was not a good decision. - THAT date did not go well - THAT project wasn’t good quality. See, you flip your perspective of the failure being an inner-flaw to an outer dilemma that can be resolved or learned from. The outer failure is malleable and changeable. You can learn from it, adapt, and overcome in the future. The inner failure, on the other hand, one in which you identify with, makes you feel like it’s “set in stone” and not going to change. When you see yourself as the reason for mistakes, internally, you will believe that there is not anything you can do to change or fix it -- it’s natural and the way things are. But when you see the mistake as an external cause, you can do things *differently* next time to change it. You can improve slowly over time and there’s no rhyme or reason to try and get it perfect the first time around, or at the very least pressure yourself to do so then feel worthless if you land anywhere less than perfect. Just because you slip up does not mean you are a slip up. We’re not born with anxiety to fear failure, it’s taught. Somehow, under the pressure of society and work hard mantra driven in our minds nonstop, we lose that laid back attitude we have as a child. If it was natural to see the result of failure as a personal concept, rather than an exterior one, then you’d be walking around with your shoes untied. Think about all the times you failed to tie your shoes properly as a kid. You didn’t think “I’m not a shoe tier”. No, you thought: “I can’t tie my shoes, yet.” Yet. It was something practical to work towards, not a reflection of who you were. “Failure is an event, never a person.” — William D. Brown Similarly, when you learned how to ride a bike. You fell, got hurt, but it wasn’t that “I’m not a bike rider”, it was “I can’t ride a two wheeler yet.” Yet. You knew that you would learn how and be able to do it eventually, at some point. It didn’t matter when. You accepted that you were just learning and that was okay. Mistakes were meh. (They still are; you’ve just shifted your mindset to think otherwise, thanks to your corporate indoctrination at no fault of your own) What happened? You got so caught up in this hardworking society that teaches you Results = Success But that couldn’t be further from the truth. Relax man, results aren’t success. Just because you can’t do it today doesn’t mean you won’t be able to tomorrow. And as ProcrastiN8rs we’re all about doing things tomorrow. That’s our favorite date of the year! The Lazy MasterMinds that own and run this country want you to feel anxiety about failure so that you’re too afraid to do your own thing and settle for a “safe” desk job as a good corporate slave. The real truth of the matter is: Progress = Success Or at the very least, progress leads to success. We see successful people: celebrities and businessmen/business-women living in the glories of success. We only look at the destination and pay no attention to the journey. The journey is a slow, and full of hiccups. Here are some celebrities and succesful people that have failed, made mistakes, or gotten rejected during their career Michael Jordan, one of the greatest basketball players of all time, and Space Jam champion, was actually rejected by his high school team because he didn’t have good enough skills on the court. Warren Buffet, a billionaire investor, was rejected by Harvard. Academy Award winning Director, Steven Spielberg was rejected not just once, but TWICE by the University of Southern California’s School of Cinematic Arts. Walt Disney was told by a news editor that he lacked “imagination. Yeah, that Disney. Jerry Seinfeld has a terrible stage fright and panic attack the first time he tried stand up and was booed off stage. Dr. Seuss had his books turned down not once, not twice, but 27 times. Likewise, Stpehen King had his first novel, Carrie, rejected 30 times Elvis Presley, the King of Rock, was fired after his first performance at the Grand Ole Opry. The list goes on and on. So much success and so much failure. Imagine if these people quit after their failure -- we wouldn't have the awesome music and entertainment we have today. We see someone with rich and fame and say “They’re talented. They’re smart. They’re beautiful. They’re lucky.” We make the fruits of success about some sort of attribute that’s a part of them, rather than the sort of steps they took to actually get there. We even have phrases like “oh s/he has a natural talent for that sort of thing”. Everyone talks about this “naturalness” and “destiny” of success, but no one talks about the amount of failure successful people have gone through to achieve what they have. We tend to believe this false notion that the wealth and popularity that successful people currently possess is just something they got because that’s “who they are”. Break that habit of tying success/failure to identity for yourself as well as others. Start to see celebrities and other successful people as normal people who have failed enough times and found what works; they are procrastin8rs who said “mistakes are meh” anytime they fucked up, not these mythical talented gods and goddesses that were simply “blessed” by some divine force or magical power. Success/failure is not bound by the rules of genetics or the destiny of our stars. It’s not a trait passed on down from generation to generation. It is learned and acquired through the mindset of “mistakes are meh” and not caring about failure or rejection. You are not inherently a failure. You are not inherently a mistake. Though you can train your brain to think that way and convince yourself it’s true, it is absolutely not -- not at all! You’ve made mistakes before. Heck, you’ve pissed and shit your pants before -- ya know, like as a toddler before you were potty trained. We all have. You didn’t try to make “pants pee-er” part of your identity, so why do that now that you’re older? Why convince yourself that you are incompetent (or maybe incontinent) now? You’re already capable of taking mistakes in stride, like water off a turtle’s back. You just have to tap into that mindset again, and it’s not that hard. Failure comes part and parcel with invention. It’s not optional. We understand that and believe in failing early and iterating until we get it right. – Jeff Bezos, Amazon Mistakes are meh. They’re no big deal. They really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. So what if it doesn’t work? So what if you get rejected. It. Doesn’t. Matter. You’re going to fuck up. And that’s okay. One fuck up doesn’t mean you are a fuck up. You lost one battle, not the whole quest. There’s been a recent plethora of these “rougue-lite” games coming out, like Rogue Legacy, Spelunky,Dead Cells, Binding of Issac, Risk of Rainor Cave Blazers, where death is part of the game. You go through a procedurally generated dungeon, fighting enemies and collecting weapons, jumping platforms, and then you die. You die and you die a lot and each time you die, you start all the way over...FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE GAME! ...but you know what? You keep going back and playing more. Why though? I mean if failure is such a bad thing and something so terrible, what would compel anyone to want to play a game where failure is literally a core game mechanic? Yet alone how could such a game gain rave from critics and even awards like Dead Cells’ Game of the Year title? Well...it’s because after each death, you learn from your mistakes and become better at playing (skill wise), and you also unlock new abilities, items, & perks to help you overcome the challenges in the next “run”. This feeling of progress is what makes rogue-lite so fun. You also get to explore new territory and get an adrenaline rush by not knowing what’s gonna come up next. The game constantly changes up on you with its RNG level generation and item spawn systems. Sometimes you have good luck, sometimes you have bad luck, but either way you have progress. When you die/fail, you have to start from scratch, from the beginning, losing all your collected items, stats, and powerups during that "run". It's the most punishing and rewarding experience at the same time. In the same vein, IRL, failure is not game over. It’s part of the process and learning curve of leveling up your own skills, abilities, and knowledge. You are not “defeated” just because you’ve come across a single defeat. Even if you reach rock bottom and have to "start over", you now have new knowledge, skills, and experience that you didn't have before hitting that failure. You can delve deeper in the dungeon, move closer toward your end goal next time. “Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.” — F. Scott Fitzgerald Life is also as unpredictable as a procedurally generated dungeon but with enough failure you’ll have the knowledge and skills capable enough to overcoming any situation, obstacle, or enemy. If there’s anything rogue lites teach us it’s that “mistakes are meh” and failure is part of the fun in achieving your end goal. Yes, luck can play a bit of a role, and things may not always go in your favor, but that doesn't stop you from trying again. It actually becomes quite addicting to fail, learn, adapt and overcome, which is why these rogue-lite games are gaining such traction in the indie gaming realm. If it seems too much of a burden to create failure in real life and train yourself to become numb to it and not care, you can accomplish this virtually. (Seriously, go grab yourself a copy of Dead Cells or Binding of Issac or any of the games I just mentioned. They’re budget cheap, like under 20 bucks and will give you hours upon of entertainment, plus get you to naturally pick up a “mistakes are meh” attitude once you finally beat it. Talk about value! I'm not trying to make that sound too salesy. I'm just telling you from one cheap ass gamer to another.) If you’re not moving towards your goals, it’s likely not because you’re lazy but because you’re afraid. “I think it’s important to have a good hard failure when you’re young… Because it makes you kind of aware of what can happen to you. Because of it I’ve never had any fear in my whole life when we’ve been near collapse and all of that. I’ve never been afraid.” - Walt Disney But we’ll dive into the difference between fear and laziness in a future blog post. Later. For now, though: Go out there and fail! At least you'll get xp anyway. ”The Most Successful People Aren’t Afraid to Fail” - C.J. McCollum Take it real easy, -N8 |
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March 2022
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